by Mercy Amare
Besides, I can’t wait to see Brian.
I unlock my car and get inside. Sitting in the passenger car of my seat is a piece of paper. My heart accelerates, and I pick it up.
I’m back. Did you miss me?
Oh my God.
Not again.
8pm
Because of me.
The whole drive to Brian’s house, I try to convince myself that it’s not what I think. Maybe it is just somebody playing a joke on me. Or maybe the note was put in the wrong car. But I know better. And the second Brian sees me, he knows something is going on. I show him the note, and then we take it to the police station. They ask me a few questions, and then we go back to Brian’s apartment. I’ve pretty much spend the whole time in his arms, shaking in fear. I’m scared about what will happen next. I already know that this person is capable of murder — they’ve proven that more than once. I can’t help but wonder who is going to end up dead this time. Who else is going to have to die?
Who else is going to have to die because of me?
“Why me?” I ask Brian. “What does this person want with me?”
“I don’t know,” he says, and then sighs sadly. “I don’t know how to keep you safe from them.”
“It’s not your place to. This is my fight,” I tell him. “It’s my place to keep you safe. And I don’t know if I can. I can’t protect anybody. Nobody around me is safe.”
“Kihanna, I don’t need you to keep me safe. What I need is for you to keep yourself safe. I don’t know what I would do if anything happened to you.”
“Eventually this person will get tired of messing with me, and they will kill me. That’s inevitable.” It’s scary how I have come to terms with this fact. “That’s why right now I am going to focus on figuring out who this person is. I got too comfortable when they weren’t sending me notes, and that was my mistake. I should have known they were going to come after me again… Every single person that this person kills is on me. It’s because of me.”
“It’s not your fault,” he says pointedly. “But I do think that you can figure out who is doing it. You think it’s somebody from your school, right?”
I nod.
“Who hates you enough to do this?”
“I’ve been asking myself that same question since Thanksgiving,” I answer. “Nobody hates me. Except maybe Gabe, but he didn’t hate me then. His hate is a more recent occurrence.”
“Whoever it is, is obviously good at hiding. Who is the best liar?”
I laugh, even though it’s not funny. “I know it’s been a few years since you were in high school, but everybody is a great liar. Especially at my school.”
“You can’t think like a normal person. I mean, this person obviously has something very wrong with them. You need to think in terms of a psychotic, crazy person.”
Psychotic, crazy person. Right.
“You keep thinking that this person is somebody who doesn’t like you, but what if it’s not,” he says. “What if the person is the last person you would expect? What if it’s somebody you’re close to?”
“But I just can’t imagine anybody I know doing this…”
“That’s the point. Whoever is doing this… you don’t know them. You just think you do.”
“This sounds really complicated.”
“It’s not. Just… don’t trust anybody. Keep your enemies close, and your friends closer.”
“I thought it was keep your friends close and your enemies closer,” I say.
“Normally. But in your case, you don’t really know who your enemies are.”
“Okay. I can do this.” Even as I say the words, I don’t believe them. I’ve been through so much bad shit already, and I’m not sure how much more I can take. I just want to finish high school, and hang out with my boyfriend and friends. I want to be normal. But that choice was taken away from me by a crazy psycho.
I am Kihanna Evers, and I am a survivor.
I refuse to break.
Friday, April 6
7pm
Ding dong, the bitch is dead.
It has been quiet all week. There have been no new notes, but I know better than to get comfortable this time. I will not let my guard down. Just when I start getting comfortable, I know they will strike again.
Tonight, Brian has to work late, so I’ve decided to hang out with Olivia. She hasn’t got out much since Keith died, so tonight I’ve talked her into going to a party with me. It’s not really a party. It’s more of a small gathering. Since Toby is staying the weekend at my house, he’s decided to invite a few people over for a pool party. He’s assured me that neither Ty nor Gabe will be there, which is just fine with me. I’d rather not see them.
“I can’t believe you talked me into this,” Olivia says as she stands in front of my mirror, pinching at her stomach. “I haven’t had a decent workout in months.”
I roll my eyes. “Are you seriously going to start in on the insecure crap? Because I’ve told you hundreds of times that you’re beautiful. If you don’t believe me, then please feel free to cover yourself up.”
“Shut up,” she says. “So when does my brother get off work?”
“Ten. And you and I are going to stay here until he gets off. Besides, you have to help me see if I can figure out who my stalker is. Surely they will be here tonight.”
She takes a deep breath. “Okay. But I swear, if your brother hits on me, I will punch him.”
“I wish he’d hit on you. I think Toby enjoys making me uncomfortable. He only hits on me in front of other people,” I tell her.
My phone goes off, and I expect to see a text from Brian. But it’s not.
Blocked ID: Ding dong, the bitch is dead.
Another text comes through immediately. It’s a picture of Ariana Morgan. She’s not dead in the picture. In fact, she is sitting next to Gabe with a huge smile on her face. I guess it’s them on their date. I let out a gasp, and Olivia takes my phone from my hand.
“Why would they want to kill Ariana?” I ask her.
“I want to know why they sent you a picture of her and Gabe together. It doesn’t make sense,” Olivia says, and then hands me back my phone. “You should call Ariana. Make sure she’s still alive.”
I go to Ariana’s number and call her. It rings twice before she answers.
“Hello.”
I sigh in relief. “Ariana, hey it’s Kihanna.”
“I know. I have your number saved in my phone. What’s up?”
“I was just wondering if you are coming to the party at my house tonight,” I say, thankful that I actually do have an excuse to call her.
“I am actually on a date with Gabriel right now. We were going to come, but Toby made it pretty clear that Gabe isn’t welcome.”
“I want you to come,” I tell her. “Even if you bring Gabe. I would really like it.”
“I’ll talk to Gabe and see what he says.”
“Oh okay, awesome. Well, maybe I will see you then…” I pause. “And Ariana, be careful.”
She hesitates before saying, “I will.”
I push end, and then turn to Olivia. “Change of plans. Gabe might be coming. I need Ariana here, so I can make sure she’s safe.”
“So she’s alive?”
I nod.
“Why did the stalker warn you beforehand? That’s different than they have been in the past,” she says.
“I don’t know, but I plan on stopping them. I can’t let Ariana die. Before all the crap went down over Christmas break, she and I were good friends. She’s one of the few nice people at our school. I can’t let her die for me. I can’t let anybody else die.”
Olivia sighs sadly. “You know, what happened to Keith sucks. He was way too young to die, but I don’t blame you for it. You never asked for this to happen to you. I’m sorry that it has. I just wish I could make things better for you.”
“How can you say that?” I ask her. “Your boyfriend is dead because of me. I just… I don’t understand ho
w you can even stand the sight of me.”
“Because I don’t blame you, Kihanna, that’s why,” she says. “Also, you make my brother insanely happy. That’s got to count for something. And holding grudges is pointless.”
She’s right. But it doesn’t stop the guilt from keeping me awake at night. I don’t know if I’ll ever recover from this. I am completely and utterly broken, and I’m not sure if I will ever completely heal.
“Tonight is going to be fun,” I tell her, changing the subject. “Toby knows how to party.”
“I think I’m ready,” she says. “To move on. I know that Keith wouldn’t want me to mourn him forever… I mean, I’m not ready for a commitment yet, but I think I am ready to start dating again.”
“Do you have a guy in mind?” I ask. “Maybe somebody from school?”
She laughs. “I don’t date boys in high school.”
“They’re really not that bad.”
“Yeah, right. Which one wasn’t that bad? Ty or Gabe? Because I’m pretty sure they both ended up to be narcissistic pigs.”
“Neither of them was bad while I dated them. Ty was a bit… extreme… But Gabe was always really sweet.”
“Until you dumped him.”
“Until I dumped him, and then started dating your brother practically the next day.”
Olivia pushes her bangs away from her eyes and smirks at me. “You little slut.”
“I actually haven’t… done… anything with your brother.” I am not sure if this is something I should talk to Brian’s little sister about, but right now Olivia is my only friend. It’s not like I have anybody else to talk to.
“No way,” she says, with her mouth slightly open. “You’ve been dating my brother for three months, and you still haven’t done the dirty?”
I shake my head. “No. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Do you think he’s not attracted to me like that?”
“He’s definitely attracted to you like that. You should see the way he stares at your butt when you leave the room. It’s definitely not that…” Olivia takes a seat beside me on the couch. “I think he’s just… waiting. There’s more to a relationship than sex.”
“You’re right. He’s just being sweet.”
Olivia snorts. “Please, sex is the best part of a relationship. I’d go nuts if I had to wait that long.”
I shake my head at her. “That’s because you’re a dirty slut,” I joke. “So I get the whole relationship building thing, but I’m so ready to just do it.”
“I don’t know. Our mom is into the whole no sex before marriage crap. Maybe he is too.”
I roll my eyes. “He’s not a virgin.”
“Yeah, but he’s also never had a serious girlfriend before either,” she counters. “Maybe he wants to take things slow with you.”
“Or maybe he’s not in love with me. Or even remotely attracted to me… Maybe he’s with me because he feels sorry for me.”
“Whatever. You’re extremely gorgeous, and if my brother can’t see that then… well, he’d be a freaking idiot. But he does see it. I promise that you have nothing to worry about,” she says. I can tell she means every word she’s saying. “You should really talk to him about this… Do you love him?”
“Absolutely, I do.”
“Then tell him.”
“What if he doesn’t say it back?” I ask.
“He will.”
“And if he doesn’t?”
“I know that he will. But for argument's sake, if he doesn’t say it back — isn’t it better to find out now than in a year from now? And if that happened, I would personally help you bust the windows out of his Jeep.”
I laugh. “I wouldn’t do that. Not even heartbreak would make me that crazy.”
“You can tell him tonight,” Olivia says, pushing herself off the couch. “Now let’s go to this epic party that your pervy stepbrother is throwing.”
As we are heading to the door, my phone goes off.
Ariana Morgan: Gabe and I will be there. Thank you for the invite :)
I throw my phone onto the bed, and follow Olivia into the hallway.
“Ariana is coming,” I tell her. “So tonight we need to scope out the guests to see if anybody looks suspicious, and we need to keep Ariana alive.”
Tonight, I have a chance to stop something bad from happening. Maybe if I can stop this one bad thing, it will make up for some of the bad that has happened because of me. Ariana deserves to live. Besides that, I really think she could make Gabe very happy. Gabe deserves happiness after what I did to him.
9pm
Never Have I Ever.
Ty Newman is here.
So is Gabriel Johnson. Of course, he currently has his tongue down Ariana’s throat. Glad to know she’s safe for the time being.
“How you holding up?” Toby asks me, as he comes up and puts his arm around me.
“Oh, you know, both of my ex-boyfriends are partying at my house. No big deal,” I say, waving my hand.
“Same bull, different day.” He hands me a Red Solo Cup full of beer, and then he hands one to Olivia. “We are going to play Never Have I Ever. Since I missed the first time you played this game, I figured it was time.”
Toby walks off to tell more people, and I turn to Olivia.
“High school parties are kind of lame,” I tell her.
“I think this is perfect,” she says. “Get somebody drunk enough, and the truth might just come out.”
We walk up to the circle that is now forming, and take a seat. Gabe, Ariana, and Ty all sit directly across from me. Gabe glares at me from over the fire in the middle, and Ty winks at me. I’m not sure which is more annoying. Toby takes seat beside me.
“Do you want to go first, little sister?” he asks.
“Sure,” I say, looking right at Ty. “Never have I ever cheated on somebody I was in a relationship with.”
I’m surprised at the amount of people that drink to that. I don’t know if it’s the fact that we’re in high school, and teenagers do stupid things, or if it’s the fact that everybody has had everything they want handed to them. Commitment obviously means nothing to them.
Toby doesn’t take a drink, which surprises me. At least it does until he says, “Never have I ever been in a relationship.”
Everybody takes a drink.
The guy next to him goes. He sounds angry as he says, “Never have I ever gone through my girlfriend’s phone.” The girl next to him looks guilty.
I watch as Gabe, Ty, and mostly every girl at the party takes a drink. I don’t. But I do wonder if Gabe or Ty has ever gone through my phone. It wouldn’t surprise me. Gabe did tell me how he used to monitor Lily’s text messages.
Relationships are about trust. If you can’t trust the person you're with, then you probably shouldn’t be with them. It’s inevitably the reason that both of my previous relationships failed.
Finally, it’s Gabriel’s turn. He looks at me as he says, “Never have I ever dated somebody poor enough to clean my pool.”
I hear Olivia snort beside me, and the two of us take a drink. I’m not ashamed for people to know I’m dating Brian. And I’m definitely not ashamed that he’s not rich. I like that about him. He’s not a spoiled brat.
Ty goes next. “Never have I ever had sex with Kihanna Evers… But I wish I had.”
Gabe is the only one who takes a drink. “Trust me, you’re not missing anything,” he says loud enough for everybody to hear. I ignore his comment.
Olivia can’t stay quiet, which makes me love her even more. “Kihanna told me how small your dick was, Gabriel. Heard you couldn’t even get her off.”
Everybody laughs at this… Everybody except Gabe.
“I would definitely get you off,” Ty says, winking at me.
“I heard your dick wasn’t that much bigger,” Olivia says. “Lily was quite turned off by you.”
“Now you’re going to talk about my dead girlfriend?”
“Girlfriend? Please. She was
never with you. Not seriously anyway.”
Ty starts to say something back, but Toby cuts him off. “Let’s just continue the game.”
The next person goes, but the tension is still thick in the air. As more people go, the more drunk people get. I’ve only had a few sips, so I’m not even tipsy. Finally, it is Olivia’s turn. I hear her whisper, “I’m sorry,” before she goes.
“Never have I ever killed somebody,” she says.
Everybody looks completely stunned. But I watch as Ty, Gabriel, and Toby take a drink. I tip my cup up and finish the rest in one big gulp.
“You know, I think that’s enough,” Toby says, breaking the awkward silence. He gets up and goes to turn the music back on. Slowly people get up, but I don’t. I just sit there, watching the flames from the small fire. I watch the ashes fly up, and then fall back down into the fire.
“I’m sorry, Kihanna,” she says. “I just wanted to see who would drink to that question. I wanted to find out who the killer is.”
“And now we are no closer to the answer,” I tell her.
Though I am curious — who has Toby and Ty killed? Gabe killed Lily. But I didn’t know anything about Ty and Toby.
“I think your stalker took a drink when I said that,” she says.
I snap my head towards her. “You’re saying my stalker is either Gabe, Toby, Ty, or me? Yep, that must be it. I have multiple personality disorder, and I’m sending notes to myself. Makes complete sense.”
She rolls her eyes. “Stop being dramatic. I’m saying Gabe. Lily was always scared of him. Or Ty. His dad is a killer too. Maybe he takes after him? Or even Toby. Isn’t it weird that your stepbrother is basically in love with you?”
“What do you mean Ty’s dad was a killer?” I ask her.
“Ty’s dad killed his mom. Didn’t you know?”