by Mercy Amare
I shake my head. “No way.”
“I’m serious. There was a huge trial. They had evidence, but the word is that Mike Newman paid the jury off. He got off clean.”
If Mike was the one who killed Ty’s mom, then that means Ty watched his own father kill his mother.
“No. It can’t be true,” I say, but somehow it all seems to make sense. Ty is so screwed up, and he absolutely loathes his dad. I get the feeling that his dad doesn’t really care much for him either. Maybe because he reminds him of the wife he killed.
“It is, Kihanna. It’s so twisted. There is no way I could make this up.”
My heart is literally breaking for Ty. I suddenly feel bad for how I’ve treated him. I definitely could be nicer to him.
“Here is my theory,” she says. “Ty’s mom slept with your dad. Ty’s dad found out and killed her in a jealous rage. Ty has been holding this in since he was ten years old. You move to town, and something inside of him snaps. Why should Mark Evers’s kid be happy when he’s so clearly not?”
“I didn’t even know my dad then. Besides, there is no freaking way that my stalker is Ty. He has helped me. Besides, this started before I dated him.”
“Yeah, but it didn’t get bad until after you dumped him.”
“True,” I say. “But there is no way Ty can be behind this. Besides, he was with me when I got some of the texts from my stalker. There is no way.”
“I’m not saying it’s just him.”
I roll my eyes. “Who else is helping?”
“I don’t know yet. But I will figure it out.”
“Whatever. You’re absolutely wrong. Ty might be a completely terrible boyfriend, but he’s sweet. He doesn’t have it in him to do this.”
I have absolutely no doubts. It’s not him.
“Just keep an open mind,” she says. “Watch him next time he’s around you. The way he looks at you is almost… possessive. It’s like he can’t accept the fact that you’ve moved on.”
“Which is it — he wants revenge, or he is scorned by me?”
“Maybe a little of both.” She looks at Ty. “I will figure it out.”
“And while you do that, I’m going to head back to my room and get ready for my date with Brian.”
“Date? I don’t call hanging out in his apartment, not having sex, a date.”
“Well, it sure beats hanging out at my house,” I say, motioning around.
“Yeah. Living in a mansion with servants must be so difficult.”
“What can I say? It’s the hard knock life,” I joke.
11pm
Sister Kihanna.
I don’t think any more about what Olivia said, because deep down I know that my stalker is not Ty. She may have valid reasons for thinking it is him, but I have one reason that he’s not. That one reason why not, outweighs all the reasons he could be. And that is that I trust him.
Okay… I shouldn’t trust Ty. I mean, he freaking cheated on me. And it’s not like I’d ever date him again, but I do know him well enough that I know he’d never do that to me. He’d never kill somebody… at least not on purpose. Although I am curious who he has killed, and what happened. I can’t believe he hasn’t told me before, though I guess I haven’t made it easy for him to talk to me.
On the way to Brian’s apartment, I think about love. Stupid Olivia for getting the thought in my head. I mean, I knew that I was falling for Brian, but I hadn’t committed myself to loving him, not yet anyway.
I’ve thrown around the word love a lot. First with Ty, and then with Gabe. In both instances, I hurt them by saying it too quickly. I thought I was ready, but I really wasn’t. I don’t want it to be the same with Brian. When I tell him, I want to feel it with every fiber of my being. I want the next guy that I say I love you to, to be the last. Maybe it’s not realistic, but it’s what I want.
That’s the problem.
I am in love with Brian.
You know — can’t eat, can’t sleep, doodle his name on my notebook, I think I want to marry you someday kind of love. That scares me so badly, because this isn’t like anything I’ve ever felt before. Not with Gabe, and definitely not with Ty. This feels so genuine, and so unlike anything I’ve ever felt before.
I’m scared to tell him. I’m scared he won’t feel the same. I’m scared it will change things between us. In fact, I’m scared that admitting it to myself will change things.
I want to tell Brian.
But I don’t want to tell him.
Mostly, I’m just wishing that he would say it first. I’ve never said it first before. And for some reason, when I picture it in my head, I have a vision of him running away screaming. That would devastate me. I’m pretty sure I’d have to change my name and join a convent… Just call me Sister Kihanna… And I’m not even Catholic.
When Brian and I are watching Lost, he comments on how quiet I am. Yeah, okay, maybe I am one of those people that yell at the fictional characters on TV for doing stupid things. Yeah, I know it’s annoying. No, I don’t care.
“I guess I just have a lot on my mind,” I tell him.
I told him about the text message I got earlier. I sent a copy of it to the detective in charge of the case. They are going to be keeping an eye on Ariana, which is such a relief. I know she will be safe.
“Worried about Ariana?” he asks.
“Actually, I’m not. She’s safe. The police are watching her, and I don’t think the stalker is stupid enough to try something when all eyes are on her,” I tell him.
“Then what’s bothering you?”
I decide to avoid. “Just something your sister said to me. No big deal.”
He sits up straight and looks over at me. “What did my sister say?”
“So, what do you think is going to happen at the end of Lost? There has been this huge build up. I just hope that it’s not a lame conclusion.” Yep. Totally changing the subject.
“Kihanna, you’re stubborn, but I am not going to let you win this one.”
“Please,” I say in the most sincere voice I can.
“What is so bad about what was said?” he asks.
“I just… Well… To be honest, I’m embarrassed,” I tell him. “And I’m very worried about the possibility of you running away. Or dumping me. And I don’t think my heart could take it if you didn’t…” love me back.
“If I didn’t what?”
Lost is still playing in the background, but I have no idea what they’re saying. We are going to have to re-watch this episode, because I’ve pretty much dazed out through it all.
I don’t answer Brian’s question. Mostly because I am freaking out. The words “Sister Kihanna” once again run through my mind, and that honestly scares me a little bit.
But there is also another possibility.
One where I tell Brian how I feel.
And he says it back.
It would be magical.
We would live happily ever after.
I want to laugh. Since when do I get a happy ending? Never, that’s when.
Brian takes my hand in his. “Just so you know, there is nothing that you could say that would make me dump you. You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me. And to be honest, sometimes I’m scared that you’ll figure out I’m not as great as you think. I’m scared of losing you, Kihanna. Since meeting you, my whole world has been turned upside down. I just can’t even stand the thought of losing you.”
Just do it, I tell myself. Just suck it up and say the words. It’s not hard. Three words. Eight letters.
Three life changing words.
Eight letters that are sharp enough to cut open my heart.
“But what if I tell you, and you don’t feel the same way as I do?” I hold my breath as I wait for his response. At this point, I’m pretty sure he knows exactly what I’m talking about.
“You’re the most important person in the world to me,” he says. “And I guarantee that I feel the same way as you.”
I let out the breath I
was holding, and smile. “You really feel the same?”
“You haven’t told me how you feel yet,” he reminds me.
Right. I was still hoping that he would say it first. “I love you, Brian Asher.”
“I have been in love with you since the very first day I saw you. I didn’t want to scare you by saying it too soon, and I’m so happy you feel the same way. I love you, Kihanna Evers.” He smiles. “Wow, it feels good to say that.”
“Do you really believe in love at first sight?” I ask.
“Not until I met you.”
Awwwww. Yeah, as if I need more of a reason to fall in love with him.
Brian Asher is a forever kind of guy.
I’m a forever kind of girl.
And I’ll be honest, forever sounds kind of awesome with him.
He leans closer, and gently kisses me on the lips.
“I want to kiss you every day for the rest of our lives,” Brian says against my lips.
“I’d definitely be okay with that.”
I am in love. And the best part is — he loves me back!
Saturday, April 7
11am
Hugs and kisses.
On Saturday morning, I wake up with a missed call from Gabe. He hasn’t called me in months, but he didn’t leave a message. I’m about to call him back when somebody knocks on my door. I throw the covers back and walk over. When I open the door, I’m surprised to see Gabe is standing on the other side.
He looks at me funny. Probably because my hair is in a super messy bun from sleeping, and I’m wearing a pair of sweatpants and a tank top.
“Did you just wake up?” he asks.
I nod my head. “Obviously.”
“Well, you might want to sit down.”
I push my door open all the way, and walk over to my couch.
“What do you want, Gabe? You haven’t talked to me since December.”
“Mostly because I’d rather not hear about you and your new boyfriend,” he says. “But this isn’t about that.”
“Well, what is it?” I ask.
“Ariana is missing.”
“Missing? But the cops were supposed to watch her.”
“Wait — so you knew something was going to happen to her?” he asks.
I pull up the text and show him. “I sent the text to the detective on the case, and they were supposed to have a cop trailing her.”
“Well, she’s missing. And I found this note in my car this morning.” He hands me a piece of paper.
Kihanna,
Did you really think having a cop watch her would help? What a laugh. Nobody can save her. Except for you… You were such a good girl, breaking up with Gabe when I told you to. Now let's see how far you’re willing to go. Instructions will be coming soon.
Oh, and Kihanna… If you go to the cops this time, I will kill her.
Hugs and Kisses.
“Why would my stalker give you this note?” I ask him. I’m trying not to think about what the note says, because it scares me. What am I going to have to do? And more importantly, how far am I willing to go to save Ariana?
“Why didn’t you tell me that the stalker made you break up with me?”
“Because it didn’t matter what the reason was.” I don’t say anymore, because I don’t want to hurt his feelings. I don’t want to tell him that I wasn’t in love with him — not the way I am with Brian.
“Of course it matters.”
“Well, it doesn’t change anything.”
Gabe nods, almost sadly. “Because you’re with somebody else.”
“I am. And I’m happy, Gabe.”
He doesn’t say anything back for a few seconds.
“Okay,” he finally says.
“What should I do about this?” I hold up the note. “Should I tell the police?”
“I say no. I don’t want them to kill Ariana,” he says. “She’s nice.”
“You like her a lot?”
He shrugs. “She’s okay. But she’s not you.”
Oh.
“But I give really bad advice. I just wanted to bring this over to you,” he says. “I want to be involved with this. I want to help you find Ariana. I feel like this is somehow my fault… I never should have asked her out on a date.”
“How would it be your fault that Ariana was taken?” I ask.
“Because, I only did it to see if I could make you jealous. Everybody knows that I’m still in love with you.”
Gabe is still in love with me. Ugh. Why did he have to say that? I liked it better when I thought he hated me. Hate is better. Hate doesn’t make me feel guilty. Love does. Because then I have to admit that I broke his heart… Not just broke, I shattered it. Momentarily I try to imagine how I’d feel if Brian broke up with me, and I can’t. Just the thought alone makes it hard to breathe. If Gabe truly is in love with me, then I broke his hear beyond repair. My only hope is someday he can find a love stronger than his for me. He deserves it.
But then again, Gabe is really good at deceiving people. Maybe he’s deceiving me right now, and I’m just falling for it.
“Do you really think you should be around me if you’re still in love with me? Besides, I can handle this.”
“I’ve tried staying away from you,” he says. “Maybe if I can help you find Ariana, I can finally move on.”
“And you’ll be nice to Brian?” I ask.
“Do you really have to tell him?”
“Yes.”
“I can… try to be civil.”
I roll my eyes. “Be nice to him. He’s a good guy.”
“It doesn’t matter how good of a guy he is. He has you, so I’m insanely jealous. I’ll try to be nice, but I swear he better treat you like a princess, because that is what you deserve.”
“Brian treats me very well,” I tell him. “Probably better than I deserve considering I’m the reason his sister’s boyfriend is dead.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
Gabe looks me in the eyes very intensely, like he’s trying to figure out exactly what I’m thinking. “Why did you choose him over me?”
I want to lie. I want to sugar coat the whole thing because I don’t want to hurt Gabe. But he deserves to know the truth.
“I don’t know if I can explain it the way I need to,” I tell him. “What I felt for you was real. And the whole time I was with Ty, I knew that I was supposed to be with you. I felt so drawn to you. But after we started dating I realized that it wasn’t supposed to be like that. I loved you, but not the way a girl should love a guy. You were my best friend, and more than anything I didn’t want to lose you. But when my stalker offered me an out, I took it. Maybe it was cheap of me to do that to you. I know I should have handled it better, and I regret losing our friendship.”
I take a deep breath. “I am in love with Brian. The second we started talking, it was this instant connecting… It was like he was what I had waited for my whole life. And I know I am only seventeen, but I think he’s the one. You know, happily ever after kind of thing. And I just… can’t explain it, but it’s like he’s my soul mate.”
“I’m happy for you,” Gabe says, no longer looking at me. “I still want to be your friend. Even if friendship is all you can offer me. I’ve missed you.”
“I’ve missed you too,” I say honestly. “But I do have a question for you. And I need the truth Gabe. The real truth.”
“Okay.”
“Why didn’t you tell me that Lily was pregnant when she died?” I ask.
He takes a deep breath and slowly lets it out. “Because I didn’t think it mattered.”
“It didn’t matter that you possibly would have had a baby? Of course it matters Gabe!”
“Why?”
“Because that’s not something you keep from the person you’re in love with. Were you just never going to tell me? Or were you going to wait until we were married? What?”
“It obviously doesn’t matter now,” he says. “We’r
e not still together.”
“And this is why we aren’t. You lie and avoid answering my questions.
Gabe stands up. “This conversation is going nowhere fast. I’m going to go. Just, please, tell me when you get the next message. I’d really like to be here for you.”
“I will.”
As soon as Gabe leaves I walk over to my bed and fall backward onto it.
Ariana is missing.
My ex-boyfriend is still in love with me. Maybe. Or he’s lying.
And my stalker is officially playing games with my head again.
What a great way to start off my Saturday.
2pm
I never want to kiss Olivia.
Brian has to work until one o’clock, so after he gets off I go to his apartment. I’m dreading the fact that I have to tell him about the note.
“I feel bad making you come to my apartment all the time. We should hang out at your house some too,” Brian says when I come over.
“I don’t like my house,” I counter. “Besides, Toby is there this weekend, which pretty much means that the whole house is guaranteed to smell like pot.”
“Well, at least let me come pick you up.”
“It’s not a big deal. Really. I like coming over here.”
“That’s not the point. Sometimes I just want to… romance you,” he says.
I smile. “Well, I’m definitely okay with being romanced.”
“Do you want to go out on a date tonight? Like actually outside of my apartment.”
“Yeah. I’d like that.”
I don’t want to ruin the moment, but I need to show Brian the note. I pull it out of my jean pocket and hold it in my hand.
“Gabe came over earlier today, and he brought me this,” I say, hanging him the note. “He found it in his car. Ariana is missing.”
“Oh my God, Kihanna, you have to turn this into the police,” he says once he’s done reading it.
“I can’t,” I tell him, taking the note back. “They said they would kill Ariana if I did. If there is a chance that I can save her, I have to take that chance.”
“But there is also a chance that this is a trap. I don’t want to take the chance that something could happen to you,” he says.