by Mercy Amare
“I’ll be fine. Besides, you will be with me the whole time.” I clear my throat. “And so will Gabe.”
“Gabe?” Brian raises his eyebrow questioningly.
“Well… Gabe sort of asked if he could help find Ariana. He feels like it’s his fault, and I said he could help.” I bite my lip as I wait for his response. I really, really hope it doesn’t cause problems.
“How is it Gabe’s fault that Ariana is missing?” he asks.
Oh, God. I really hoped he wouldn’t ask that question. I feel my face grown warm. “Well… Gabe is sort of not over me, and he asked Ariana out hoping that it would make me jealous. And the stalker really doesn’t like it when anybody else messes with me. Therefore, he thinks it’s his fault.”
“Gabe’s not over you?”
I shake my head. “But it doesn’t matter. I’m so over him. He wants to help, and he’s been there through all of this… stalker crap. Maybe he can help me figure out who the stalker is once and for all. Besides, you will be there the whole time. And Gabe promised to be nice to you.”
“I don’t feel comfortable not going to the police,” he says. “I will go along with this for now, but if at any point during this I feel like you’re threatened, I will be going to the police… With or without your permission.”
“Deal,” I say, and then decide to change the subject. “So where are you taking me on this date?”
“You will just have to see,” he says. “You’ll need to dress warm. Jeans and a hoodie will be fine.”
“Awesome. And what time are we leaving?” I ask.
“Well, I will pick you up at your house around six o’clock,” he answers.
“So what am I supposed to do until six?”
“I don’t know… What do you normally do?”
I laugh. “Hmm… hang out with you or Olivia.”
“My sister is such a bad influence on you,” he says.
“Whatever. I love Olivia. In fact, I think I will call her now and see if she wants to hang out until my date.”
“Should I be worried that you like my sister better than me?” he jokes.
“Never.” I take a step closer to Brian, and graze my lips against his. “I never want to kiss Olivia.”
He puts his arm around me and kisses me back. And I’m amazed that every kiss with him gets better. Every time he touches me, it just feels right. I have no doubts, no fears, and nothing holding me back. Brian Asher is the person I am going to spend the rest of my life with, and the thought doesn’t even freak me out.
8pm
A lifetime.
Brian takes me out to a nice restaurant, and then we spend about an hour in the car. I have no idea where he’s taking me, all I know is that this night is perfect.
He holds my hand as he drives, and I like that even when we’re in the car, he has to touch me. I like that even though we’ve seen each other every day for the past three months, we’ve never ran out of stuff to say.
I’m also a little scared, because this is too perfect, and when has my life ever been perfect? I feel like maybe my stalker is going to screw up my relationship. Though maybe they’re not… After all, it was Gabe that my stalker had a problem with… But if my stalker doesn’t do something to screw it up, what if I do? I wouldn’t do it purposefully, but what if? I hate the what ifs.
Brian is older than me. He’s twenty-one. I’m turning eighteen in ten days. He’s obviously way more beautiful than I am. He’s driven and works hard. And I know other girls see it too… At the restaurant tonight, the waitress was totally flirting with him. She was gorgeous too. Not that he noticed.
He’s never given me a reason to doubt my feelings. Now that he’s told me he loves me, I shouldn’t get all self conscience. But the girl in me can’t help it.
“What do you see in me?” I ask him.
“I’ve told you hundreds of times,” he says.
“I know. But I just… want to hear it again.”
Brian doesn’t reply. He turns on his blinker and pulls into an empty field. He turns off the Jeep, and then gets out. He opens my door for me. Once I get out, he grabs something out of the back of his jeep. A blanket. And then he spreads the blanket on the ground.
He lies down on the blanket, and then I follow suit.
“So, what is this?” I ask.
He doesn’t say anything, he just points up. So I look and see what we’ve driven all this way for.
As far as I can see, there are a million stars spread across the sky. And I haven’t ever seen so many stars before. I know it’s because of the lights in the city, but I’ve really missed out. This is just… beautiful.
“Wow,” I say, unsure of what else to say. This was definitely worth the drive.
“My dad brought me here once when I was a kid,” he tells me. “It was the first time I had ever seen the stars outside of the city. I like to drive here, because it reminds me of him. I guess I just wanted to share this experience with you.”
“It’s beautiful.” I’ve never seen the stars outside of the city either. My mom wasn’t much for small towns, so when we went on vacations, it was always in a city. I’m sad that I missed out on this.
“Brandon, me, Olivia, Melissa, and Emily always go camping at the beginning of summer. Well, Brandon hasn’t come in a few years, since he had kids… But the rest of us go. You should come with us,” he says.
“I’ve never been camping.”
“Seriously?” he asks. “We have to change this.”
“I know. My mom never liked camping, and I’m guessing that my dad doesn’t either… I mean he has the cabin, but it’s not the same as a tent.”
“We will go right after school lets out,” he says. “And I’m not even giving you the option of saying no. Everybody has to camp at least once in their life.”
“I will come,” I promise him. “If I’m still alive then.”
“Why wouldn’t you still be alive?”
“Hello, stalker. Kidnapped one of my friends… I keep thinking that I will be next. I just… I have to find her.”
“I still think it’s a mistake not telling the police,” Brian says.
“If I tell the police, Ariana is dead. I have to at least try. You would too, if you were in my situation.”
“You’re right. I know. I’m sorry,” he says. “I just… I don’t like to think about anything happening to you. It’s such a real possibility.”
“I know. But we are never promised tomorrow. I could die in a car accident tonight,” I tell him.
“That’s different. A car accident is that… an accident. But you have somebody threatening your life. Somebody who is good at staying hidden from the police. There is a huge difference.”
“Well, I’ve been dealing with this for a long time. I know the odds. That’s why I don’t bet on tomorrow. But I’d rather not talk about it. I just want to enjoy this time with you.”
Brian sighs, but I know that I’ve won this… for now.
“I love you,” I tell him.
“I love you too.”
“If I die, I can say that I’ve experienced true love. Not many people get that — even those who live a hundred years. The time I’ve spent with you is the best of my life, and no matter what happens, nobody can ever take this away.”
Brian looks at me, and I can tell that he’s feeling conflicted. “I can’t imagine… life… without you. I need more than three months with you, Kihanna. I need a lifetime. I’m not going to let anybody take you away from me.”
A lifetime. I really like the sound of that.
Sunday, April 8
10am
Something. Nothing.
Brian has to work on Sunday morning, so he can’t come to brunch with me. I’m glad that Toby and Veronica will be there today, because for some reason spending time alone with my dad scares me. We haven’t talked in quite a few months.
When I get to the table, Toby and Veronica are already there. Dad comes in a few minutes after me, and j
ust like that… we’re a family again.
Well, sort of.
Veronica isn’t sitting beside my dad.
Toby is sitting closer to me than I’m comfortable with.
Dad looks like he’s in pain.
And Veronica… well… she looks kind of miserable. I feel bad that she’s not due until August.
Yep, just a wonderful family gathering… My family is completely crazy.
“So how are you feeling?” I ask Veronica.
We haven’t talked all week — at all. I know that I can call her anytime, but I mostly want her to call me. I want to feel like she actually wants me in her life. Most of the time, I don’t feel like we were ever close. Maybe it was all just a front? How else could she dismiss me so swiftly?
“Good,” she says. “I’m mostly over the morning sickness, which really is more of all day sickness. But now I am having a lot of back pain, and my feet are swollen.”
“Sounds… fun,” I joke. Pregnancy sounds rather miserable.
“How is therapy going?” Toby asks them.
We both want to know the answer to this question. Are we going to be a family again? That is what I want more than anything in the world.
“It’s… a slow process,” Veronica answers.
My heart sinks at her words. I mean, it’s not that I expected her and Toby to move back in this week, but I did hope they would have some sort of good news.
Toby turns to me, and whispers. “So how was your date last night? I heard you coming in about two this morning.”
“It was good,” I tell him. “Any time I spend with Brian is good.”
Dad interrupts our conversation. “So, I invited the Johnson family this morning,” he says. “They’re actually coming.”
Of. Freaking. Course.
We couldn’t have one family meal that doesn’t involve them.
“Augh, the dreaded ex,” Toby whispers and then laughs.
“Last night he told me that he’ still in love with me, and that he’s not going to give up on us.”
“How sweet.”
I roll my eyes. “How annoying. He needs to move on already. I really thought that Ariana and him were going to hit it off… I was hoping.”
“Speaking of Ariana, did you hear she’s missing?”
“I did hear that.”
“The police have reason to believe that she was kidnapped,” Toby says. “Do you happen to know anything about it?”
“Don’t I always? Pretty much any bad thing that happens in this town is because of me.”
“Pretty much,” he agrees. “So when were you going to tell me?”
“I don’t know. Never, I guess. I just… didn’t want to involve you.”
“I’ve been involved from the beginning. I’m definitely not going to run away scared now,” he says. “Besides, Gabe already told me. He showed me the note, and he said that you weren’t going to the police.”
“Do you think it’s smart? Keeping this from them?” I ask.
“Probably not, but I would do the same thing. And I want to help you. Whenever you get your task, let me come with you.”
“I have Brian,” I tell him. “And apparently I have Gabriel too. I don’t want everybody getting involved. It’s too dangerous.”
“Yeah, well, you’re my little sister. I want to protect you. It’s my job to protect you.”
“Toby, you’re two months older than me. And I’m not really your sister. In fact, I’m sure our parents will be getting divorced sooner or later.”
Toby flashes me his seductive smile. “So if our parents aren’t together anymore, that means that you and I…”
“It means nothing. I will always consider you my brother.”
“Exactly. So I will be coming with you.”
“No.”
“Do you really want to be alone with your ex-boyfriend and your current boyfriend? Because that could be really awkward, and I could break up the tension. Besides, I don’t think Gabe plans on being kind to Brian.”
“Fine,” I say. “But only because Gabe is really persistent, and I don’t want him to screw up my relationship with Brian.”
“What are you two whispering about over there?” Veronica asks us.
“Nothing,” we both say at the same time.
About that time, Libby, Jack, and Gabe walk into view… And just like that, the family brunch feels like old times. Except this time there a lot more tension. Gabe is smiling at me like we never broke up, Jack and Dad are talking like old times, and Libby and Veronica are whispering to each other… Probably catching each other up on the latest gossip.
Gabe scoots his chair close to me, and I am now sitting way to close to both him and Toby.
Right. Because this day couldn’t get any more awkward.
“I missed you,” Gabe tells me.
He missed me? Really? Ugh, somebody shoot me now.
“You’re being extremely awkward, and you’re making me uncomfortable,” I tell him.
Gabe ignores my comment. “So, what have you been up to?”
“You mean since you saw me yesterday?” I ask sarcastically. He nods, so I tell him. “Well, I went out with my boyfriend last night. It was… perfect.”
“How long are you going to pretend you’re not in love with me?”
“You’re starting to sound like Ty.” I scoot my chair closer to Toby, and Gabe scoots too. Now I am literally bumping shoulders with both of them.
“Does Ty still bother you?” Toby asks me.
“Yeah,” I answer. “But it’s nothing I can’t handle. Ty is intense, but it’s only a matter of time before somebody else captures his attention and he moves on.” And I hope that time comes soon.
“What do you see in him?” Gabe suddenly asks me.
“In Ty?” I ask, confused.
“No. Not Ty. Your pool boy. What is it that he has that I don’t?”
Gabe’s question catches me off guard, and I’m not really sure how to respond right away. I take a few seconds to gather my thoughts.
“When you and I were together, it was different. It was almost like you were my best friend. We were so hot and cold all the time — we broke up practically every other day. I had to continually be reassured about our relationship and my feelings for you. But when I’m with Brian, I don’t need that reassurance. I am so certain of my feelings, and I’m certain of his feelings. When we touch, I can feel the fire. When we kiss, there is this chemistry that I can’t even explain. But it’s not just physical. Brian gets me on such an intense level. He knows what I’m thinking without me having to tell him, and because of him I want to be a better person. It’s not just him either, I love his family. I don’t have to try with him. We just fit together perfectly. And I don’t know why… it’s just perfect.”
Toby clears his throat. “You know, I’ve seen him with his shirt off… Gabe, you really have nothing on him.”
I feel my face grow warm. Toby is absolutely right, but with Brian it’s so much more than a physical attraction.
“I could give you so much more,” he says. “I can promise you a life without hardships. Money will never be a problem for us. I can give you anything you want.”
“It’s not about things, Gabe. It’s about love, commitment, faithfulness, and trust. Brian has helped me grow so much since we’ve been together. It’s like he’s awakened a part of me that I didn’t know existed, and I just can’t even imagine a world that he isn’t in. I have no doubts at all that he is the one… But even if he weren’t in the picture, it would never be you,” I tell Gabe, even though I know the words are harsh.
I watch as Gabriel’s face drops. He takes a shallow breath, and slowly lets it out. “That was seriously hurtful.”
I know that. And as much as I hate hurting him, the words are the truth. He deserves my honesty above all else. I can’t sit here and give him false hope of a future that will never come for us, because if one this is certain, it’s that Gabriel is my past. He doesn’t bel
ong in my future as anything more than a friend, and even that I’m slowly working on developing again. We were best friends when we dated. When we broke up, I went from talking to him daily to not talking to him at all. That part sucked. Just because I didn’t have romantic feelings for him doesn’t mean I don’t have any feelings for him. Now, to get back to the point of friendship is going to be hard. Not just for me, but for him too. And I’m not sure if things will ever be completely comfortable for us, but it’s worth trying, because I want him in my life.
“I’m sorry,” I finally respond. “You need to understand that I am with Brian now. I’d like to be your friend, but that is all I can offer you. Friendship. I also don’t want to keep having the same conversation over and over again. I am drawing a line. If we can’t be friends, I understand.”
Gabe lets out a sigh. “Fine. I’ll take friendship, because something is better than nothing.”
He’s right.
I just hope that he doesn’t change his mind.
Monday, April 9
4pm
Everything.
When I get home from school on Monday, my dad is actually home. It’s weird, because he usually doesn’t come home, and if he does it’s in the early hours of the morning when he gets here. My first thought is that maybe there is bad news. But really, what else could life possibly throw my way? What else could go wrong? As I head inside, my mind plays out all of these horrific scenarios. But when I get inside, my dad is smiling. Like a huge smile. It’s then I know that nothing is wrong.
He’s hold a large manila envelope in his hands.
“You have mail,” he says, and then holds it out to me.
I take it and see that it’s from Stanford University. Suddenly, I feel like puking.
“Oh my God.” I hang the envelope back to him. “You open it.”
“No. You need to do this,” he says.
“Fine.” I take a deep breath, and rip it open. I read the first few lines of the letter, and then jump up and down. And then I hug my dad. Because I got in to Stanford. It’s the perfect college. Close to home. Close to Brian. Not to mention, it’s one of the top schools in the country.