by Mercy Amare
The detective looks at me oddly. “Your every move is already being monitored, that much is clear… The only difference is we want to keep you safe… I’m actually surprised at your response. I thought you of all people would be ready to end this.”
“I am,” I say quickly.
“If you want to end this, this is the only way.”
I take a deep breath and accept my fate. The detective is absolutely right.
“Okay. Let’s do this.”
This is coming to an end one way or another. I’m ready to move on with my life. And more than anything, I’m ready to see this person behind bars.
Sunday, April 15
10am
How did my life become this?
Sunday brunch is happening at home today. And a three-hundred pound security guard is watching us the whole time. It’s a bit… intimidating.
Libby, Jack and Gabe are not joining us today. I don’t know exactly what has happened with Gabe since we talked to the detective yesterday, but I’m pretty sure any friendship that remained between the Johnson family and mine is gone. How could anything ever feel normal between us again?
Brian is here today, thankfully. He stayed the night — he slept in the guest bedroom far away from mine. Knowing that he was here meant a lot to me, and I don’t know how I’m going to deal once he goes back to school and work tomorrow. And not just because I will be bored out of my mind, but because I will be worried about him. What if my stalker is mad about the body guards and he decides to take it out on Brian? I just… can’t even handle the thought of anything happening to him.
I keep thinking how crazy fast things can change.
Four months ago, I was with Gabriel. Four months ago, I completely trusted him with my life. And to look back now, I just feel so stupid. All the signs were right in front of my eyes, but I never saw it. I couldn’t see past my feelings. I thought I was in love with him.
Part of me questions my own judgment. Obviously I’m not good at knowing a person’s intentions. I thought for the longest time that Gabe had a sweet heart. When I broke up with him, I hated the fact that I broke his heart… Now I realize, his heart wasn’t broken at all.
He was such a good actor. He played me, and he played me well.
And now I have Brian. I feel that he is one hundred percent sincere, and I want things to go well with him. I don’t want all this to ruin what we have. If I were him, I’d be scared to be with me. I don’t think I’m worth the risk, and I worry that he will start seeing it that way as well… I’m worried that he is going to break my heart. And even worse, I’m worried that he might become the next victim.
I just don’t even know how to process all the things going on in my head right now. Love. Loss. Betrayal. Fear. Determination… How is it possible to feel so many emotions all at the same time?
I try to focus on the food in front of me, but I’m not really hungry.
“Robert contacted me this morning,” Dad says.
I set up in my seat at the mention of the detective’s name. “What did he say?”
“Gabe Johnson is missing,” he answers. “They went to question him, and he was nowhere to be found.”
Veronica sighs sadly. “Libby and Jack must be heartbroken.”
“Jack is very upset. I fear he will never forgive me,” Dad says.
My eyes widen at this. “Why would he need to forgive you? He’s the one with a crazy son.”
“He doesn’t think that Gabe is involved in all this. I can’t blame him for not wanting to believe it. I’ve known Gabe since he was a small child, and I don’t want to believe it either. But he has always been a rebellious kid,” Dad says. “Before you moved here, he was always getting in trouble.”
“Really?” I ask, in shock. “He’s so… nice… to everybody.”
“Gabe was a complete jerk,” Toby says. “Him and Ty are best friends for a reason. They’re both bullies. After Lily died, they really let up.”
“Then why did you let me date both of them?” I ask. “Seriously, Toby. You’re my brother. You have to warn me about this kind of stuff.”
“I thought they had changed.” Toby shrugs his shoulders. “I didn’t know that they had taken their bullying to a whole new level.”
“Even Courtney, Ariana, and Victoria didn’t warn me. I thought they were my friends.”
“They were, Kihanna, but they're girls. Girls like jerks,” he says.
“I don’t.”
“Most girls want what they can’t have,” Toby says. “Whenever I am a jerk to a girl, she suddenly gets more interested. I don’t understand it, but it’s the truth. You’re just… weird.”
I turn to Brian. “Thanks for not being a jerk.”
Brian smiles and squeezes my hand. “I could never be a jerk to you.”
“So what are the police going to do about Gabe?” Toby asks my dad.
“Well… he’s wanted for questioning regarding the murder of Nicholas, Jacqueline, Keith, and Kasbian,” he answers. “Right now he is considered dangerous. I don’t think it will take the cops long to find him, and until they do all we can do it wait.”
Wait.
Under house arrest.
How did my life come to this?
12pm
Perfect.
Brian and I are by the pool.
Well, he’s cleaning it. And I’m mostly bugging him. I sit down on the side and dangle my feet in the warm water.
“You know, this is where we first met,” Brian says.
I smile at the memory. “I just stared at you. I’m pretty sure I was drooling.”
He laughs. “You did kind of stare.”
“It’s your abs,” I tell him.
“You also asked me, ‘Do you come here often?’”
I laugh hard. “Oh my God, I did not.”
“You did,” he says, laughing too. “And then you blushed and played it off like you didn’t want to bug me.”
“You were so smooth!”
“I was so nervous,” he says. “I had never been so nervous in my life.”
“Why would you be nervous?”
“Because I thought you were the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. I thought I was going to say something stupid and ruin it. I nearly fell in the pool when I saw you walking out here in your cute bikini.”
I can’t help but grin at his words. “Never in a million years did I think you would give me the time of day. I figured you thought I was a silly, spoiled rich girl, and even if you didn’t, why would you be interested in somebody who is still in high school?”
“I’ve never dated a younger girl before,” he admits. “All the girls have been my age or older. But there is something different about you… You don’t act like you’re still in high school.”
“Is it weird that I’m best friends with your little sister?” I ask.
“No. I actually love that she’s your best friend. My family is really important to me. If my family didn’t like you, then this wouldn’t have worked out.”
“I’m glad I didn’t know that the day I met your family,” I say. “I would have been so much more nervous.”
“Thankfully my family loves you… In fact, I think they like you more than they like me. My mom and sister-in-law both have been texting me today asking how you’re doing. They’re sad we aren’t coming over there to hang out,” he says.
“I’m sad too. I hate that I’m stuck here.” I frown, thinking about all that I’m missing by being confined to this house. “But you should go. I don’t like that I am keeping you away from your family.”
“No. I’m staying here as long as I can,” he says. “As long as I’m not at school or at work, I will be right here.”
“Thank you.”
I mean the words. Being stuck here isn’t so bad as long as Brian is here. He’s such a supportive boyfriend. I know that I could never find anybody who would stick with me through all this… crap.
“What was the first thing you noticed ab
out me?” I ask Brian.
He laughs. “I’m not sure if I can answer that.”
“Come on!” I fake pout.
“Fine,” he says. “Your body… When we first met, I noticed how nice of a body you have. You’re very well… proportioned. And you have a really nice butt.”
I cover my mouth with my hand to keep from laughing.
“I also really like your boobs.”
“They’re small,” I say, wanting to cover my chest.
“They’re perfect,” he says back. “You’re perfect.”
Once again, I am grinning from ear to ear… How is it possible to smile this much? Every single day my feelings for Brian grow in ways that I never thought possible. The more I’m with him, the more certain I am of my feelings.
I keep falling more and more in love with him.
“I love your smile,” Brian says, sitting down beside me.
“And I love that you make me smile.”
“I do too,” he agrees. “I hope I can always make you happy.”
“I have a feeling that you will.”
“Sometimes I have to step back and remind myself that you’re only seventeen. The feelings I have for you are so deep, and it’s scary to be so serious with you. When I was seventeen, I don’t think I could have taken any relationship this serious.”
“I’ll be eighteen in two days,” I remind him. “And I’ll be honest, I didn’t expect to ever be serious with a guy in high school. The only reason I dated Ty Newman was because I wanted somebody to have fun with, and go to prom with… But things have changed for me. I have been forced to grow up in a very short period of time. And I know that sometimes I still act immature, but I am ready for this relationship. You couldn’t have come at a better time.”
“I don’t think you understand,” Brian says. He’s looking at his hands as he talks.
“Then explain it to me.”
He looks me in the eyes. My heart skips a beat and then melts inside of my chest.
“I am in love with you,” he says. “You have my whole heart, and I don’t just want to be your boyfriend. I want to be your husband.”
“You will be.”
“I mean now. I want to marry you now.”
I try to take a deep breath, but I can’t. He is not joking right now… he’s completely serious. “What?”
“If it were up to me, we would get married before you start college this fall,” he says. “I’m ready to make that step.”
I sit there in stunned silence. I’m not sure what I am supposed to say right now. I didn’t expect him to say that.
Marriage is not on my mind… I mean, it is, but for the future. I didn’t think I’d get married until after I graduate college.
“You are the man I want to marry,” I finally say.
But eighteen is too young is what I don’t say.
I am pretty sure Brian can tell what I’m thinking by looking in my eyes. Without a word, he gets up and does a cannonball into the pool. I am drenched with water, so I laugh and jump in with him. The conversation is over for now, but I know the topic is going to come back up. The thought scares me, because I know he is ready for such a big commitment.
My whole life I have been taught to wait for love. Wait until I graduate college. Don’t make the same mistakes my mom did… But would it really bad so bad to be married at such a young age?
My heart and my head give me two different answers.
I really have a lot to think about.
7pm
Stronger.
I can’t stop thinking about what Brian said, so while he is taking a shower I go talk to Toby. Toby always has the right answers, and he gives great advice. He will know what to say to me that will make me feel better.
I knock on his door, and a few seconds later he opens it to let me inside. I take a seat on his bed.
“What’s up?” he asks, sitting down at his computer. He’s playing some kind of game.
“I just wanted to talk to you about something Brian said.”
He leans back in his chair and puts his feet up. “Uh-oh, trouble in paradise?”
“Not exactly,” I say. “It’s just… I never really thought much about our age difference before, because I didn’t think it would be a problem.”
“What's the problem?”
“Brian said something tonight that kind of… scared me, I guess,” I tell him. “He said that he wants to marry me.”
“Duh. You want to marry him too,” he says. “I told you, you’re the girl who will marry your high school sweetheart.”
“It’s not the mention of marriage that bothers me. It’s the fact that he wants to marry me before I start college this fall.”
“Wow,” Toby says. “So soon.”
I nod, unsure of what to say.
“And it’s hard for you to imagine getting married to him right now.”
“Kind of, yeah.”
“When did you imagine you’d get married?” he asks.
“After college,” I answer.
“And you know that Brian is the guy you will marry then?”
“Well, you can never know for sure, but yes… When I picture the future, I see myself marrying him. He’s the guy that I want to spend the rest of my life with,” I answer. “I couldn’t imagine anybody more perfect for me.”
“So why not get married now? Before college.”
“Because that’s crazy. Nobody get married at eighteen,” I say. “Dad probably wouldn’t even let me. Besides, I have this whole stalker thing… I can’t get married when somebody is threatening my life.”
“The cops are going to find your stalker,” Toby says. “I have no doubts about that. It will happen soon… But as far as getting married at eighteen, why not? You are caring too much what people think… what society thinks. You have to stop thinking with your head, and start feeling with your heart. Sure, eighteen is young, but you’re old enough to know what you want.”
“What if getting married so young dooms our relationship? What if we don’t last because we are both so young?”
Toby shrugs. “What if it doesn’t? What if waiting to get married dooms your relationship?”
I put my head in my hands. “Oh my God, Toby. This is crazy.”
“I know,” he agrees.
“Am I ready to be a wife?”
“Only you can answer that question,” he says. “But when the time is right, you will know. He will ask you, and you won’t have a problem saying yes. And if in your heart, you can’t tell him yes, then maybe it just wasn’t meant to be.”
His words both comfort and scare me.
“Thanks.”
Toby wipes a fake tear from his eye. “My little sister is growing up so fast.”
“I’ll be eighteen on Tuesday,” I remind him.
“What are we going to do for your birthday?” he asks.
I get excited for a second, then frown. “Nothing. I’m stuck here, remember? I’m pretty sure I can’t leave the house, even for birthdays.”
“That sucks, but I’m sure we will figure out something,” he says. “At least you aren’t stuck here alone with those creepy bodyguards.”
“Well, we wouldn’t be alone,” I say in a serious voice. “Reynaldo would be here.”
Toby busts out laughing, and I join in. Reynaldo is way creepier than the bodyguards.
“I’m glad my mom decided moving back in was for the best,” he tells me.
“Why did she?”
“Robert told her it was dangerous for us all, and he said it would be best if we all stayed together as a family through all this,” he says. “Plus, she’s going to be having a baby in a few more months. I think it’s hard on her to be separated from her husband and away from you.”
“Me? When you guys moved out, I hardly ever saw you.”
“But you never came over,” he says. “Relationships work both ways. You both have to give. And my mom thought you might not want to see her. She didn’t want to force
her way into your life.”
“I didn’t think she wanted to see me. She never even hinted at it,” I tell him. “And that night that I went to the police, Veronica never showed up. My dad came alone. I thought that she didn’t see me as her kid.”
“I don’t know why she didn’t come, Kihanna, but I do know she loves you a lot. The past few months away from you has been hard on her. I think that you two should sit down and talk about it,” he says.
“I will.”
I hate having a family that is divided, so I’m glad that we are once again uniting. I want us to all be close… I’m tired of feeling guilty for tearing apart our family, because no matter how I look at it — it is my fault. I chose to talk to my dad. And I kind of wish I hadn’t.
“I’m going to head back to my room now,” I tell Toby. “I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Night,” he says.
On my way back to my room, my phone goes off with a text.
Olivia: How is prison?
Me: Just a warning, everything you say can and will be monitored or recorded… And it SUCKS. Just glad your brother is here to keep me company.
Olivia: I’m coming over after school tomorrow. Don’t worry, I’ll keep you up to date on all the school drama.
Me: Joy.
Olivia: Saw Gabe on the news… He’s a “person of interest”.
Me: Yeah. I guess he ran, which makes him look REALLY GUILTY. I feel bad for his parents. :(
Olivia: Me too. I can’t believe I ever thought Gabe was cute.
Me: At least you never had sex with him.
Olivia: Ha. Yeah. Poor you.
I put my phone in the pocket of my shorts and fall back onto my bed.
When I first moved here, I am not exactly sure what I expected… Maybe something from 90210 or The OC, which seems kind of dumb once I realize how different Mountain View is from Los Angeles… I didn’t think I would find a family. And after meeting Toby for the first time, I really didn’t think we would ever become friends… I really never expected to find love… And despite all the bad stuff that has happened, I can’t regret being here. Sure, there has been a lot of bad since moving here, but there has also been a lot of good. Once I make it through the bad, I’m going to be a much stronger person.