Captivated by Him

by Terri E. Laine

  Sights and smells disappeared as a bell went off. I channeled the rage inside me, focusing on the fact that my life wasn’t my own and the unfairness of it all.

  Big man came at me full of power and I danced around, trying to take away some of his steam. A guy as clumsy as he appeared to be only had brute force to use against me.

  The ring was only so big and I had to take him on or be backed into a corner. I came at him with a left that struck his jaw so hard it should have shattered bone. Instead, I felt the skin on every knuckle on my hand split on what felt like steel. Though I hadn’t knocked him out, he was momentarily stunned. With no time to think, I used my right in an uppercut to knock teeth out. He stumbled back a step and I let my guard down a second. He came at me with a cross to my side that felt like a sledgehammer had plowed into me. I shielded by twisting some, leaving my back exposed. He hit me where my left kidney was.

  “Show no fear,” something my dad drilled into me, had me schooling my features and hiding the pain. I danced it off, continuing to move and becoming less of a target.

  Out of the corner of my eye, I swore I saw Bear. The night he changed all of our lives filled my head. That moment when Mom must have realized she’d been shot spurred my next moves despite the pain I was in.

  I leaped forward and rained down punch after punch: cross, body blow, uppercut, and repeat. I’d lost my mind in vengeance I’d longed for on the innocent man in the ring with me.

  When someone pulled me off him, I realized that I’d ridden him to the floor, leaving him a bloody mess. I watched his still form and waited for his chest to rise to prove I hadn’t killed him during my out-of-body experience. Someone lifted my arm as I stared in disbelief at what I’d done.

  The crowd roared words I couldn’t hear. The ringing in my ear drowned out everything except the sound of blood rushing through my veins.

  The ringmaster declared my victory and I took another glance at the man. As they took him out, I still wasn’t sure if he was alive.

  Not too long after, I was led to the back where the quack doctor they kept on hand taped up my hands. The disgraced man had done something unethical that had lost him his license and left him as prey for the family.

  “Is he alive?” I heard myself ask.

  Doc nodded and said something, but I zoned out again.

  How had I found myself back here? I hadn’t fought in years. It was the last thing I wanted to get into again. But Megan was the last straw.

  Why couldn’t she have been like the other girls over the years? Then I could have fucked her and moved on. Only she was a thorn in my side and I liked it. She didn’t take my bullshit. She didn’t laugh or giggle at anything I said or blow up my ego with compliments. No, she did none of that.

  She called me on my shit. More than that, she’d actually been interested in my foolish ideas on how to save the planet. She had a brain to go with that damn sexy ass body of hers.

  I’d ended up in the office I’d been in the other night. And just like then, that rat bastard sat behind the desk.

  “Playing king, Jeffrey?” I said.

  We didn’t have an audience.

  “Don’t call me that, Gav. It’s Jeff!” He puffed out his chest before settling back in the chair. “And someone has be the crowned prince—why not me?”

  “You’re better than this.”

  I don’t know why I thought I could save someone who didn’t want to be.

  “Says the asshole who nearly killed a man tonight. Boss will hear about the show and want you back.”

  That had been my mistake.

  “You make sure he knows it’s a one-time deal,” I warned.

  “And you must know as soon as you graduate, college boy, the boss will want you full time.”

  That was part of the reason I was there in the first place.

  He pushed a wad of cash toward me.

  There had to be over a thousand dollars based on my cursory glance. And wasn’t that fucked up. Years of living in the underbelly of life and I could eyeball a pile of bills and have a damn good idea how much it was without counting it.

  “Your take. Seems the crowd underestimated you.”

  Everyone underestimated me. Bear would too if I had anything to say about it. One day I would end him. Babysitting Tade for his dad had stilled my hand…for now, at least.

  I picked up the money I didn’t need and shoved it in my pocket, saying nothing more. The piece of shit waited. And remembering how Megan had substituted donkey’s butt for asshole had a smirk forming on my face. Jeff sneered, thinking I was laughing at him.

  Then I remembered how Megan had tonight called me an asshole repeatedly. That word choice hadn’t left her lips easily. I’d really fucked up. I curled my lips dangerously when I really wanted to grimace. I wouldn’t let Jeff assume he’d intimidated me.

  “That all?” I gritted out through my clenched teeth.

  He waved his hand like I was dismissed. I had to fist my own to hold myself back from knocking him into the next room. Pain exploded from my ruined knuckles.

  I left feeling unsatisfied but not really wanting to go in the ring again. I knew the only guy I wanted to face was Bear and maybe the turncoat who held court in the boss’s office. I had no idea what was going on with that, and in that moment didn’t care. If I could walk away, I would. But even my dad knew that was impossible.

  The ride back to campus was as long as I could make it by driving the speed limit. I’d put on fingerless gloves to cover the tape on my hands. I didn’t want to answer any questions from Tade. He’d been getting too suspicious lately. Until he graduated, I couldn’t tell him crap about what I’d been doing. The less questions he asked, the better friend I could be by not lying.

  When I pushed through the door, I didn’t expect to see Tade sitting on the couch with a girl I’d banged once.

  “Celeste?”

  Tade had his head so far up Reagan’s ass I couldn’t imagine him going there. Her red-rimmed eyes puzzled me more as I waited for either of them to speak.

  My best friend stood and came over to knock fists with mine. I hid a wince.

  “I’ll leave you guys,” he said and headed upstairs to his room.

  Her hands fumbled in her lap. She was nervous about something. I hadn’t talked to her much since that night we spent together. She’d seemed fine with it. So why was she here?

  Watery eyes met mine. “I’m pregnant.”

  A thousands phrases almost popped out of my mouth; good thing the fight had cleared my mind some. I folded my arms over my chest. It wasn’t that I wasn’t sympathetic with what she was going through, but there were a few things I was sure of in this world. This was one.

  “You and I both know that I had a jimmy on that night.” My swimmers had all been in there when I’d taken it off.

  When she started to cry in earnest, I almost felt like a dick. But truth was truth. I moved to the couch and pulled her to her feet.

  At her surprise, I said, “How do you know you are?”

  She wiped at her tears and I helped her. I wasn’t a total asshole, but I wouldn’t be accused of something I knew couldn’t be.

  “I’m late.” I stared at her, silently urging her on. She added, “I’m a few days late. So I took a test.”

  Most guys who’d had sex had been accused at least once or twice about this. So I understood enough that I was confident I wasn’t the father.

  Absolution came in the form of math. She and I had hooked up before Thanksgiving break. That was two months ago. She was a few days late, not weeks. That meant it wasn’t me.

  “Why don’t you tell me about the guy who’s responsible?”

  I didn’t think she was the type of girl who didn’t have a clue who it was.

  She dissolved into tears and I wrapped my arms around her. I sighed when she cried harder.

  “He said it wasn’t him.” She sobbed. “He had me so convinced that he couldn’t be and you’re the only other guy I’ve ever b
een with.”

  Well hell, she hadn’t been a virgin. I was certain of that, so I’d been the rebound guy. It all made sense. She’d come onto me strong. Her flirtatious behavior and the descriptive things she wanted to do to me had been bravado to cover a broken heart. I didn’t have to be a psych major to figure out the script. I’d done enough people watching to put the pieces together. Apparently they’d gotten back together after our one-nighter.

  I cupped her chin and forced her to look at me. “Do you want me to put the fear of God in him?”

  That created a small smile on her face. “He called me a slut. Said I cheated on him, when he’d been the one to break up with me. That’s when we…”

  Yeah, I’d lived the rest of that story. I reached in my pocket and pulled out the money I won. I opened her hand and put the cash in it.

  Her surprise shaped her expression. “What’s this? You think I should get an abortion?”

  I held up my hands and shook my head. “That’s not my decision at all.”

  “But why?”

  Did people assume the worst in me? She stared at me like I’d morphed from the devil into a saint.

  “Use it on a doctor or a crib or to see your folks or whatever you need.”

  The dirty money had burned in my pocket. If anything could clean it, it was giving it to someone who truly needed it.

  “My parents are going to kill me,” she wailed.

  “Shh,” I said, bringing her in for another hug and patting her back. “It will work out. Now tell me where the fucker lives.”

  We ended up in front of the boy’s freshman dorm. I beat on the door until someone opened it and let me in. It was late and the RA on duty wouldn’t let her enter; freshmen had rules. I remembered breaking every single one of them my first year.

  I forced the RA to keep an eye out for her while I headed to the second floor where she’d told me his room was. Only she didn’t remember exactly which one. She’d only been inside a handful of times and most of those she’d been drinking.

  I walked down the hall and knocked on all the doors as I went, waking up half the building.

  “Wakey, wakey, assholes,” I called out.

  Slowly, sleepy guys opened doors half-dressed and confused. It was rather late and most of these goodie goodies hadn’t yet broken the hold their parents had on them. It was a school night, after all.

  “What’s going on?” someone asked.

  “Tell me where Joey Donner’s room is.”

  Another guy pointed. It was my next stop.

  I beat the side of my fist on the door, saving my bruised knuckles.

  A blond guy who fit the description Celeste had given me stepped out with sleepy eyes. He was a few inches shorter than me, but stockier. I grabbed him by the throat, yanked him forward, and slammed him into the wall.

  “Joey Donner?”

  He tried to nod and I remembered my chokehold. I loosened it some.

  “That’s me,” he croaked. “What’s this about?”

  “Celeste.”

  I didn’t give him time to answer. I let him go but shoved him toward the stairs as the peanut gallery watched in fascination.

  “Damn man, I didn’t know she was yours. You can have her.”

  I didn’t dignify that with an answer. I pushed him hard and he stumbled down the stairs. At the bottom, I clamped a hand on his shoulder and steered him outside where Celeste stood where I told her to wait. She clutched her phone as I’d told her too ready to hit the emergency call button if anyone bothered her while I was gone. The RA whom I put on guard duty stared with wide eyes. He probably was trying to decide what to do.

  Time for the show to begin. I forced Joey to his knees before the girl he’d knocked up.

  “Did you have sex with her?”

  Joey was slow to answer. I cupped the back of his neck and applied pressure.

  “Did you have unprotected sex with her?” I said slowly.

  He nodded.

  “Then how can you deny that maybe that kid is yours?” I went on.

  “I’m sorry. I was scared, okay?”

  He shook in my hold, scared shitless. I let go.

  “You need to apologize to her.”

  The guy didn’t waste time. “I’m sorry, Celeste.”

  She cried, but her quick glance at me said she was grateful for everything.

  “You don’t have to be with her, but you do have to respect her and be there for her while she makes up her mind on what to do. And if she gives birth to your kid, own up to your responsibility.”

  He nodded.

  I added, “Don’t keep him out here too long. You don’t want the father of your kid to get frostbite.” Her smile was a little sad. “Do you need me to walk you back to your dorm?”

  “I’ll do it,” Joey said.

  “Are you okay with that?” I asked her.

  She agreed and I grinned. He was shirtless, shoeless, and only wore boxers. But he seemed more like a pussy than a douchebag.

  “Everyone back inside,” I said to all who’d followed us out and those who were watching from open windows.

  “You,” I said to the guy I’d put on guard duty. “Let him back in when they’re done and make sure he walks her home.” Poor Joey didn’t look like he had a keycard on him.

  I walked away smugly, feeling like I’d done a good deed. I decided to cut through the football practice field to my place. It was the quickest route, and not because I could pass by Megan’s dorm on the way. Imagine my surprise when I saw her sitting in the stands alone.

  18

  megan

  Why was he here?

  “Are you following me?” I accused.

  He glared at me and I almost shrunk back.

  “What the fuck are you doing out here alone?”

  I leaped to my feet and marched over to where he stood. He wasn’t the boss of me.

  “You aren’t my father. I don’t answer to you.”

  His hand snagged mine. The glove he wore felt strange, like it was made of knitted stiff paper or duct tape. “You do when you’re being reckless. I won’t always be here to save you.”

  I snatched my hand away. “I don’t need your protection.”

  The move I’d learned in karate class didn’t come as easily as it had in seventh grade. Still, I chopped the air with straight hands and made the noise as if I were an anime character in battle.

  His perfect lips twitched.

  “What? You fear my moves?” I said, while I was miming dicing vegetables with my hands.

  He chuckled. “Uh…no. I do worry you’re going to hurt yourself.”

  I narrowed my eyes and flailed my arms around in a windmill motion. “I’ll have you know I’m certified.”

  “Certifiable?”

  My brows knitted as I nearly closed my eyes. “Very funny. No. Certified.”

  “In what?” he asked as he tried to cover his laughter with one hand.

  Undeterred, I moved around, coming close but not hitting him with my moves.

  “In karate,” I said.

  “Yeah? What level are you?”

  “I’m a white belt. I only had one class.”

  He lost the battle with holding back his guffaws.

  I straightened. “See, I can take care of myself.”

  His laughter was so intense, tears leaked from his eyes. “How?” he choked out.

  “I incapacitated you with laughter. This is the point where I would scream and run.”

  Was that respect on his face or amusement? I couldn’t tell. I was blinded by his beauty, darn him. He infuriated me at the same time he turned me on.

  “You’re a donkey jack, you know that.”

  He laughed some more. “Don’t you mean jackass?”

  “Just because I choose not to curse doesn’t mean you can judge me.”

  “Wouldn’t dream of it,” he said.

  His goofy smile was infectious and stupidly endearing. I couldn’t have that.

  “Yea
h whatever. Just go away.”

  I spun around, needing distance between us. Only, he turned me back to face him. His mouth was on mine faster than I could protest. I lost the battle fast, melting into him.

  His kiss was intoxicating as his arms snaked around me. Unable to get close enough to him, as he began to hoist me up I helped him by pushing off my toes and winding my legs around him.

  Meteors could have rained down around us and I wouldn’t have stopped. Lights danced behind my lids as balls of fire filled my vision. Was that what some called seeing stars? I hated him and was falling for him more at the same time.

  I sucked in air when he pulled back and stared at me like I was the eighth wonder of the world. I let my legs fall and slid down his body. The evidence of my impact on him was hard and thick between us.

  Before I followed him to his room and did something incredibly stupid, I said, “I’m still mad at you.”

  He licked his lips as if tasting me there. Holy moly, that was hot.

  “That was you being mad?” he asked smugly.

  The fire that had been going south headed back north between my ears as my annoyance came back. “Don’t you dare. You still owe me an apology.”

  “I do?” he asked innocently.

  I ignored that. “And until you do, I won’t kiss you again.”

  His confidence irked me. “Are you sure about that?”

  “Yes. And you will take pictures for my senior project no matter what.”

  He laughed as I spun away. I walked like there were zombies chasing me, fast but not running. It wasn’t like they could catch me unless I tripped and fell.

  “Don’t follow me,” I said over my shoulder.

  He said nothing and I felt him behind me the entire time until I got back to my dorm. I stood with the door at my back like a shield. He hadn’t followed me inside, but my heart continued to beat like drums in my chest.

  I had to chant in my head: I think I can, I think I can. Can what? Ignore him. I wasn’t sure that was possible.

  Optimistic had been my middle name all my life. But after my date with him, I couldn’t sit inside my room. I’d never been the type to be depressed over my breakups. Sure, I’d been sad, but life moved on. My family always made me feel like I was worth so much more than the guys that dumped me. But hearing that I was a project felt horrible and made my room feel claustrophobic. I’d gone outside to try and shake off the idea of being used.