Captivated by Him

by Terri E. Laine

  Seeing Gavin there and the way he looked at me didn’t feel fake. There had to be something else going on. I wasn’t crazy. Though thinking he would call and grovel was probably not optimistic but foolish.

  With a bowl of popcorn between us, Reagan and I half watched a movie while I explained the events of the previous evening.

  “I’m not going to tell you I told you so.” I glared at her as she spoke. She held up hands like a white flag. “Because if he can’t see how amazing you are, then he doesn’t deserve you.”

  I wrapped her in a hug. “Thank you, I needed that.” I leaned my head against hers. “Am I being stupid for thinking that maybe there’s something between us?”

  She pulled back and stared me in the eye. I remembered how Reagan’s mom warped her about guys and thought that maybe she wasn’t the right person to ask.

  “I trust your judgment. But even if you’re right, I don’t want him to hurt you.”

  I squeezed her more. “You know I love you, right?”

  We grinned at each other. “You too.”

  But it was the following day when Noah stopped me on my way out of the café that things got weird.

  “Are you going to the bonfire next weekend?” Noah asked.

  Gavin materialized out of thin air with narrowed eyes on me when he noticed I was talking to Noah. Then he started in our direction. Noah’s back was to him—poor guy didn’t know what was coming.

  “Megan?” Noah said.

  I changed my focus to the guy in front of me. “Huh?” I closed my eyes tight for a second, trying to remember what he asked. “The bonfire?”

  He nodded as my heart beat to a different drummer boy. By then Gavin had arrived. He didn’t acknowledge Noah, which I should have been grateful for. Instead, he leaned down and whispered in my ear.

  “You can do better than him.”

  I scowled and half turned to ask him if he thought he was the better candidate, but he’d gone and been swallowed up by the late lunch crowd.

  “So…” Noah began, a frown forming on his face.

  The fact that he hadn’t asked if there was a problem was a half strike against him. But maybe he was nonconfrontational.

  “The bonfire, yes, I’ll be there.”

  His winning smile returned. “Great, I’ll see you there.”

  I wasn’t sure what to make of that as he waved and went inside the café. Had he asked me out? Felt more like a friend meet up to me. But maybe my instincts were off.

  Many moments passed as I tried to decide if I would hunt down Gavin. What stopped me was I didn’t want to be that girl. I was stronger than that, or so I thought.

  What I really wanted was a distraction from the upcoming weekend with Mom and finding out who my birth father was.

  “Megan?”

  What was it today? When did I become the most popular girl in school? I glanced up to find my ex. Great.

  “Derrick.”

  He didn’t seem to notice my derision. “You’re looking really great.”

  I glanced down at my yoga pants and hoodie outfit and gave him a you’ve got to be kidding look. My hair was half pulled into a ball at the top of my head with loose strands hanging everywhere.

  “You do look good,” he said again as if doing so would make me believe him.

  “What do you want?”

  It was funny how much a semester apart had done. He wasn’t as cute as I’d thought he was. Then again, maybe it was knowing who he was that changed how I saw him.

  “I just thought…” I could feel my eyebrow lift as I waited for whatever crappy ending was coming to his sentence. “It’s just that I miss you.”

  Really? was on the tip of my tongue, but a cheerleading type—super skinny, more bubbly than me, and wearing her rah-rah expression—came over. “Hi, I’m Amber.”

  Of course you are, I thought, but good thing I muzzled it. It was rude and this girl had done nothing to me. So I extended a hand.

  “I’m Megan.”

  All the air that had lifted her cheekbones in an impressive smile deflated. “You’re Megan?” She glanced between me and Derrick. “This…is…Megan?” she repeated. She hadn’t exactly yelled, but the space in between each word spoke volumes.

  Had he talked about me to her? What had he said? I exhaled and tried to calm myself. What did it matter? It wasn’t like I was ever going back to him in a million years.

  “Hey, babe.”

  I turned to find Gavin. Seriously? Babe? I fish-mouthed, struggling for words because I’d walked into an alternate universe.

  He held a tray. “I got our lunch.”

  What made me not tell Gavin to shove it was Derrick’s expression. It was priceless. He and Amber had twin looks of what the heck?

  Apparently, I wasn’t the only one mesmerized by Gavin’s gorgeousness. Derrick looked like he had a bro crush.

  Gavin tugged on my arm with his free hand.

  “Yeah, okay,” I said to him. “I have to go,” I said to my ex and his…girlfriend? I wasn’t sure what their status was and didn’t much care.

  Derrick looked as though he wanted to say something but caught himself when he remembered Amber.

  Couldn’t blame him as I was in a daze too, led to a table full of guys who stopped talking when I appeared with Gavin.

  “What?” he asked the gawking group.

  Self-doubt had never been my m.o., but I wasn’t sure if it was me or if any girl that Gavin brought to the table would be a showstopper.

  One guy spoke up. “Are you going to introduce her?”

  Gavin had no shame when he answered, “No.”

  Apparently that was enough for them; they went back to eating and talking. I stood there fuming. Is he for real?

  “Sit.” His tone was commanding.

  “I’m not a dog.”

  His eyes trailed down my body and I felt it like he physically touched me. “No, you most certainly aren’t.”

  I ignored him. “I’m still mad.”

  He put his tray down. “Aren’t I forgiven considering I saved you back there?”

  “Saved me?” I might have said that a little too loud. The guys turned to look at me. I felt a flush creep up my cheeks. I lowered my voice. “I didn’t need your help.”

  “Didn’t look that way to me. And you came with me.”

  It pissed me off more that he was right.

  “Fine. You helped me. But I still want an apology.”

  He cupped my chin and pressed his lips to mine before his tongue snaked across the seam of my mouth. Time stopped until he pulled back. “How’s that?”

  Thank goodness I had enough presence of mind to not open my mouth, because I would have given into the maddening guy.

  “Call me when you’re ready to apologize.”

  With my chin up, I left him there, though I was sure his eyes were on me as I walked away.

  That should have been it if I were a stronger person. But over the next few days when I wasn’t in class or studying I replayed everything that happened between he and I starting with our date until I probably went a little insane. I blamed that for what was to come.

  Clearly I wasn’t in my right mind when I walked into the café for early dinner and found Gavin leaning against a table with a girl who belonged on the cover of magazines standing in front of him, matching his smirk. She was gorgeous in a way that wasn’t natural. How could anyone be that beautiful? Then again, so was he.

  None of that mattered. The point was he’d led me on and the comment that he made that I was just the project spurred on my fury.

  The pounding in my chest was so loud, I was sure everyone heard it because the room seemed to go silent as I approached the pair.

  “Not good enough for me, huh?” I accused.

  The Barbie come to life looked at me like I was crazy, and I probably was.

  “Maybe I’m not good enough for you. That’s why you haven’t called and refuse to apologize,” I blurted.

  “I should
go,” the gorgeous girl said, rolling her eyes when they landed on me before she exited stage left.

  “You’re right,” he said.

  Though I’d said the words, I hadn’t exactly wanted him to agree with me.

  “About what?” I snapped.

  “That I deserve someone like her.” My bubble burst and I deflated. But he wasn’t done. “I could fuck her today and it wouldn’t mean shit to either of us. That’s what I deserve, not someone like you who should have a guy who wouldn’t be afraid to walk down the street and claim you as his.”

  How could it feel like my heart was shattering? I wasn’t in love with him, but rejection never felt good.

  “You are the worst.”

  I’d barely uttered the words.

  He sat there expressionless with his arms folded over his chest. “I am.”

  “I’m not done!” I breathed out and finished it. “The worst human being possible. Stay away from me. I won’t let you steal my joy or rain on my rainbows or make me curse even though you are a supreme butthole.”

  His questioning look got my final response.

  “That’s all I have to say! Other than don’t worry about the photo shoot. I’ll find someone else.”

  When I spun on my heel, I realized I’d garnered an audience. It didn’t matter. Foremost, I had to leave before my tears spilled down my face.

  My phone buzzed as I stepped outside. I yanked it out of my pocket, wondering if maybe he’d realized his mistake. Only it was my mother. It read, Sunday lunch sound good?

  I wasn’t sure I was ready for news of my father. I’d just been insulted by a guy I really liked. Okay, maybe I’d gone a little psycho. Could I blame him for not wanting anything to do with me? And why was I making excuses for him? Reagan was right. If he didn’t see my value, someone else might. It was time I gave someone like Noah a chance.

  19

  past

  When I closed my locker, Ashley was there. She’d grown prettier with each year. Rumor had it that she was going out with someone, but I tried not to think about it.

  My name passed through her lips and her chest rose like a flower I wanted to pluck.

  She stumbled over my name. More than likely my cool stare and no response had thrown her.

  The idea that someone would be or already had been with her made bile rise in the back of my throat.

  “Um.” She focused on her nails as she picked them.

  I kept my hand on the door of my locker, afraid I might reach up, tip up her chin, and kiss her like I’d planned to the night of my birthday.

  “Ryan Chandler asked me to the Spring Fling.”

  The asshole in me sneered. “Why the fuck are you telling me?”

  The force of my words had her head snapping up.

  “Don’t be like this,” she began. “My friends say they see you staring at me all the time. And I’ve heard that you’re connected.”

  She said that last part like she knew it was true. I hated that.

  “If I was, do you think I’d tell you?”

  She chewed on her lip. “It’s just last week, my crappy car ended up in the shop. I was sure it was a goner. Since my father lost his job, I was going to have to go without if the estimate came in higher than my savings from my summer job.”

  “So?” I said, bored, and glanced around.

  The hallway was almost clear because the bell would ring any minute.

  “So.” Her chin lifted and she matched my glare. “I go in and they tell me everything’s been taken care of. When I got home, Dad asked how I could afford new tires. He drove me back there because he thought one of them expected…you know…favors from me. But the guy told him that someone paid the bill; he didn’t know who. Rather, he wouldn’t say who. Dad’s pissed, but the guy said he’d charge him to put my car back in the condition I’d brought it in.”

  The mask I’d created over the years stayed in place. My expression suggested I wanted to be done with the conversation.

  “What does this have to do with me?”

  Finally she’d acknowledged the frostiness I’d spewed out.

  She swallowed. “It was you, wasn’t it?”

  I wanted to say, what did it matter?

  “I don’t know who helped you out. Look, I’ve got to go.”

  Before I could get away, she shouted at my back, “I want to go to the dance with you.”

  The few people left in the hall stopped and paid attention. I walked back over and leaned down some because I’d grown a lot that past summer.

  “I don’t do dances. Go with Ryan, he probably cares.”

  I might as well have slapped her as her eyes got all teary. I couldn’t stay and watch her. I’d give in. So I stalked off wondering if my good deed would be caught. If she told anyone her suspicions and they told someone else, it could be bad news for her. She’d become a pawn in a game I didn’t want to play.

  Though I knew I shouldn’t have, her car was a piece of shit at best and she was a damn saint. She spent time at the food banks giving to the homeless and she didn’t have to. She’d been doing it since middle school. Her required community service hours in order to graduate in our county had been done before freshman year. And I couldn’t have a pretty girl like her have a car break down in some of the more unsavory areas.

  “I still believe in you,” she called out.

  For a second, I let my eyes close. I thought for sure she’d given up on me when I hadn’t showed up that night so long ago.

  I didn’t look back—just kept walking because I no longer believed in myself. I still had two years left in high school and I was already too deep in Dad’s shit. There was no way out for me or anyone I dragged along with me.

  20

  gavin

  Watching Megan storm off was too much déjà vu. But that was my mistake. I shouldn’t have taken her out on that date. She may have been way too jealous. At the same time, it was so fucking cute the way she stood up to me and spoke her mind.

  Cruella, on the other hand—the girl she was so riled up over—wanted my friend by any means necessary. She was willing to go through me for my help to get there. She may have been pretty on the outside, but the girl was empty on the inside. That used to be appealing.

  Now a smoking hot chick with a rack that could stop traffic and a mouth to match was driving me insane.

  “That went well,” one of the wise asses at the table said.

  “Leave it.”

  I sat and looked up a second to get a final view of her from behind before she disappeared.

  “So who is she?”

  Thank fuck Tade wasn’t here.

  “No one to you.”

  The guy lifted his hands. “Hey, she’s in the no-target zone. I get it.”

  It wasn’t a surprise to him when I didn’t respond. I was one to keep my thoughts to myself. Instead, I shoveled tasteless food in my mouth until I left. I ditched my next class and went to the gym. I wanted to pound the bag, but my knuckles were still sore. Because l covered them in gloves, no one had asked me about what happened. Instead, I bench pressed until my arms were putty.

  “That was smart,” my best friend said. I opened my eyes as he stood above me. “What’s going on with you?”

  “I plan to take you on for stroke seat,” I said.

  My babysitting him meant I ended up on the rowing team. My high school football teammates would have gotten a laugh out of that one. Though rowing wasn’t a pussy sport. The stroke seat was the strongest guy on the crew and the one that set the pace. A coveted spot. The other hot seat was the coxswain, the guy that faced the crew and called out the orders. I was too big for that seat. As of now, I was middle crew, one spot behind Tade.

  “In your dreams,” he said.

  “Trust me, you’re not even remotely in my dreams.”

  He laughed and I cracked a smile for the first time that day.

  “Is it that brunette that keeps your right arm in good condition?”

  I fli
pped him off from said arm.

  “No, but I’ve heard you singing love songs in the shower about her friend.”

  It was his turn to give me the bird.

  “Let’s blow this place and go fishing.”

  I nodded. That sounded like a dream. Tade knew how to be quiet and not ask a lot of questions. We could sit on his boat for hours and say nothing but still know if we needed to talk, we could.

  “Sounds like a plan.”

  A few hours later, after a few beers, our tongues had loosened. As we’d walked back to our dorm, we’d been laughing about when I first met him.

  “I remember walking in and seeing you there. You looked ready to fight me over the bed you chose,” he said.

  “Yeah, you were some rich boy who was used to getting his way.”

  His eyes narrowed as we stumbled to our door. “How did you know I was rich?”

  Inwardly, I groaned. I’d said something I shouldn’t. “You looked rich in your preppy clothes.”

  My save worked. He smiled again. “My mother,” he said with a laugh.

  Then my phone buzzed. As he tried to unlock the door, I checked my screen. All it said was tomorrow, which was probably too much if our phones were tapped. Dad was being reckless and he would bring me down with him. I sobered knowing although he said tomorrow, he meant tonight.

  Tade finally got the door opened and I pointed.

  “I’m going to lie down.”

  He bobbed his head. “I think I should, too.”

  I would sleep off the remnants of my buzz and then I would leave late in the night. I’d carry little to nothing with me in case it was the night I ended up in jail for good.

  When my alarm went off, I cursed. I would love nothing more than to roll over and go back to sleep. I forced myself up and out.