Reasons to Stay

by Lisa J. Hobman

  Just before midnight, Stevie announced that she was ready to go home. Jason walked her to the door.

  ‘Are we…are we okay, Stevie? I mean after the other night.’

  She frowned. ‘The other night? Course we are. Why wouldn’t we be?’

  ‘Because we weren’t going to do that anymore.’

  She rolled her eyes and smiled. ‘Jason, it was great sex. Stop being such a girl again, will you? Nothing’s changed. I think we needed a distraction from all the shit. It seems to me that we’re good at distracting each other.’

  Jason’s brain raced with so many responses. He wanted to ask how she could use sex with him like that when there were feelings running underneath. How could she treat him like a fuck buddy? What the hell? But after her comment about him being a girl, he instead nodded and inhaled a deep breath.

  ‘Okay then. As long as we’re okay.’

  ‘We’re fine. Good night, Jace.’

  ‘Goodnight.’ He closed the door and ran his hands over his hair. He couldn’t get inside her head, and it drove him mad. She was a walking contradiction. Shaking his head, he walked back through to the lounge.

  The brothers sat drinking the mock beer, and Dillon scrunched his nose up. ‘Argh, this stuff doesn’t give you the same buzz as the real deal.’

  ‘Yep, that’s the point, you muppet. I want to talk to you about something.’

  Dillon cringed. ‘Awww no, that sounds serious. Whenever you want to talk to me, I end up in a mess. I’m not going to like this, am I?’

  ‘I dunno. That’s why I’m going to go ahead and come right out with it.’ He took a deep breath. ‘I want you to come to Scotland and stay with me for a while…maybe permanently if you like it. What do you think?’

  Dillon nodded. ‘Okay.’

  Shocked, Jason clamped his jaw closed for a few moments. Eventually, he recovered the use of his mouth. ‘Maybe you should think about it for a bit, eh?’

  ‘What’s the point? Mum’s dead, Dad’s dead, Sarah dumped me, I was fucking adopted, and I hate my stupid job, so a break from it all will do me good.’

  Jason raised his eyebrows. ‘You hate your job?’

  ‘Yup, always have. It pays well and I get to meet people, but I’m bored rigid being indoors all day long. I wish I could do something else. Something fun that I get a real buzz out of. But other than what I do, I have no skills.’

  ‘All right then. You’ll come and stay with me and think things through, yeah? I mean we’re seeing the solicitor again tomorrow, so we’ll know a bit more about what we’re dealing with. Once it’s all sorted, I really do need to go back up north. I’ve been away so long that there may be a mutiny up there. We can sort the counselling up there if we get a letter of referral. You can follow me up in your car when I go…or you can wait a while and—’

  ‘Sounds like a plan…following you up, I mean. Like I said, no thinking needed.’ Dillon stood and took the plates into the kitchen. ‘Look, bro, I want to thank you. And tell you again how sorry I am for what I did. It was…selfish.’

  ‘Hey, I don’t want to hear another apology, okay? You were desperate and lost and…we’re going to get through it, you know. No matter what’s happened and what happens in the future, you are my brother.’

  ‘Thanks, Jace. I…I’m not good with the sloppy stuff you know, but…I love you.’ His cheeks coloured.

  Jason swallowed the lump in his throat. ‘And I love you too, Dillon. Don’t ever forget that.’

  Chapter Twelve

  Jason and Dillon sat in the waiting area at the solicitors. Mr. Jackson’s secretary eventually told them that he was ready to see them, and so they made their way into the austere office in the Victorian building in central London.

  ‘Ahhh, Misters Reynolds and Reynolds. Good to see you both. Please have a seat.’

  The brothers sat and nervously awaited the news. ‘Now, contrary to what you see in the movies, I’m not at liberty to sit here and read the last will and testament of your father to you. Rather what will happen is that you will sign for it. Mr. Dillon Reynolds, as executor you will be legally obliged to handle the last wishes therein. I trust that you’ll find all that you need. However, if you should require assistance at all, please don’t hesitate to make an appointment, and I’ll be happy to advise you. Obviously, there were certain fees to settle from the estate, and I have already handled these as requested by the deceased Mr. Reynolds. Any monies, property, and personal effects are therefore yours to deal with as per the will.’

  Feeling a little shell-shocked, Jason placed his hand on Dillon’s shoulder on seeing the same feelings etched in his expression. The two brothers left the office with the large envelope in their possession. They went back to the flat and began the arduous task of reading through the documentation.

  ‘God, Jace, I’m so sorry. This is terrible. I can’t believe that apart from mum’s necklace it’s all been left to me, and the necklace isn’t even for you. It’s just wrong.’

  Jason huffed. ‘It isn’t wrong, mate. He knew I wasn’t his son. And he had no clue where I was. Of course, he would leave it all to you. And I’m glad Stevie gets Mum’s necklace. She’ll be touched. It all stands to reason.’ Jason felt no malice or bitterness to his younger brother. It simply had been the outcome he had expected.

  ‘I want you to have half...half of it all. It’s my decision to do with it what I see fit. Mr. Jackson said so. And that’s what I want.’

  Jason smiled at his brother’s kindness. ‘I don’t need nor want it, bro. I’d like some of the family photos of when we were kids. And I’d maybe like some of Mum’s things, but other than that, I want you to use it to your advantage. Especially the cash. Sell the house…or rent it and make an income. Just make sure something good comes of all this for you. Right?’

  Jason took Dillon’s car and dropped his brother off at the hospital for his initial counselling assessment. He decided to take the time to call around and see Stevie.

  When she opened the door, he was greeted with a frown. ‘Hey, what are you doing here?’ Her reaction to his visit made his heart sink.

  ‘I thought I’d come and chat to you about some…stuff. But if you’re busy, I can come back.’ He pointed over his shoulder.

  ‘No, come in. I’ll put the kettle on.’

  Jason followed her into the house, feeling nervous at the news he had to share. His palms were sweaty, and his heart was doing a great impression of a jackhammer in his chest. Come on man…pull yourself together. He discreetly wiped his palms down his jeans and sat on the sofa.

  She brought the fresh coffee through to the lounge and placed it on the table. She sat on the floor beside the sofa, clearly keeping her distance again. ‘So what stuff did you need to tell me? And where’s Dillon?’ She handed him a cup of the fresh brew.

  ‘Oh, he’s fine. Don’t worry. He’s at the hospital. I just…we got the will. Everything was left to Dillon, which is exactly what I expected. There was something for you though.’

  ‘What? Me? Why?’ Her hand touched her throat. Jason found it quite an ironic gesture.

  ‘He left you Mum’s heart shaped locket. You always loved it when we were younger, and I think it’s actually very sweet that you’ve got something of hers. She adored you. I’m not sure why she didn’t give it to you herself, but…well…here you go.’ He handed the locket to Stevie, and she clutched it as a tear escaped the corner of her eye.

  ‘Thank you,’ she whispered. ‘That’s so lovely.’

  ‘And I need to tell you that I spoke to Dillon at length about things. He’s coming to stay with me for a while. He’s taking a compassionate leave of absence from work, and he’s going to take the time to think about what to do with the inheritance and…the rest of his life.’

  Her eyes dropped to the floor. ‘Oh…I see.’ More tears drifted down her face.

  He leaned forward and caught a tear as it made a glistening, damp trail down her cheek. ‘I know you’re not happy about this, but I
think he needs to take some time away. He’s been through a lot, and I wasn’t there for him. I need to make up for that.’

  ‘Yes, I understand…it’s just…’ She swallowed hard and wouldn’t make eye contact.

  ‘Stevie? Just what?’

  She shrugged and swiped the tears from her cheeks. ‘It sounds ridiculous, but having Dillon nearby when you were gone was kind of comforting. And now that he’s going too, I won’t even have that. I know it’s selfish, but I’ll miss him.’ She glanced up at him through red-rimmed eyes. ‘I’ll miss you too.’

  He dropped to the floor in front of her and took her face in his hands. ‘We’ve been through this before. I don’t want to hurt you. I want you to come too, but I understand your reasons for staying. Your job is important to you.’ He caught more tears as they made their escape. ‘Stevie, please don’t cry.’ He rested his forehead on hers. ‘Have you…changed your mind?’ he asked, feeling a tiny flutter of hope deep inside.

  Stevie shook her head. ‘No…sorry. I’m up for promotion at the beginning of the school year…and long distance relationships—’

  He closed his eyes briefly. ‘Don’t work…I know…you’ve said. I still don’t understand. If two people love each other, why can’t it work?’

  She frowned. ‘Love? Who says love is involved?’ She sniffed.

  Jason clenched his jaw. ‘Well…it is for me. It’s always been you. I’ve never even been close to love with anyone else. You’ve always been the one, Stevie. Probably always will be.’ He tilted her head up so that his lips could brush lightly over hers. ‘Having said that, I do understand. But you can’t blame me for wishing things were different. I can’t stay here. I’m needed back at the camp. The business is only going to do well for so long without me. I am the owner after all. And it’s my true home.’

  She chewed on her lip as if fending off more emotions vying for release. ‘When are you going?’

  ‘The day after tomorrow. We need to find Dillon somewhere to be seen for his counselling, and the sooner we do so the better for him. I’m not saying that he’ll move there permanently. He may use it to convalesce, but I’m leaving that up to him.’

  She nodded her understanding slowly. ‘Will you come and say goodbye?’

  ‘If you want, we could come by tomorrow night.’

  ‘Yes…I…I want to say goodbye this time. I need some…I need closure, Jason.’

  He nodded and kissed her forehead. ‘I’d better be going. Dillon should be finished shortly.’

  ‘But you haven’t drunk your coffee.’

  Jason cringed. ‘I know…I’m sorry.’

  ‘No…it’s fine. Give Dillon a hug from me.’ She pulled him into her and squeezed him tight. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow.’

  ‘You will.’ Jason stood and left the house without looking back. He couldn’t bear to see her cry over this. Not when there was a clear solution right under her nose. But he knew that the solution was only of benefit to him. He was being selfish. But love will do that to you.

  Once Jason had gone, Stevie examined the locket more closely. She opened it up and more tears sprang forth as she looked into the smiling dark eyes of the young man who broke her heart ten years ago. It was a beautiful photo of her first love just as she remembered him at the time he left. There was no doubt in her mind that Shirley had meant this for her. She had always known how much Stevie loved her son. She even referred to her as the daughter she never had and was devastated when he broke her heart.

  And the terrible thing was, through no real fault of his own, he was about to do it all over again.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Jason stared at his reflection in the mirror. He wondered what the hell he was going to do when he got home to Scotland and Stevie was hundreds of miles away, over five hundred miles away. He had admittedly managed before she came back into his life. He could pretend that it didn’t affect him. But this time was different. This time was permanent.

  In the back of his mind, there had always been the possibility of seeing her again when he knew nothing of what had become of her, when he had left without a trace ten years ago. He could conjure up a million different scenarios where they ended up together. But now he knew her true feelings, he could no longer do that. He gritted his teeth and closed his eyes, leaning on the sink unit for support.

  When he opened his eyes and turned, Dillon had appeared in the doorway. ‘You okay, Jace?’ he asked with a look of concern.

  The corner of Jason’s mouth quirked in a half-hearted smile. ‘Yeah…I’ll be fine. I’m a bit nervous about tonight. Saying goodbye this time means it’s really over. I knew it was anyway, but this…us leaving…just confirms it, I guess.

  ‘I can’t even begin to imagine how it feels. And I wish it could be different. Maybe things will change, eh? Once you’ve gone, maybe she’ll realise, and she’ll—’

  ‘No, this is it. I need to get used to it.’

  ‘But is tonight a good idea? Really? Don’t you think this will make things worse?’

  Jason dropped his gaze to the sink. ‘Things couldn’t get much worse. I think not going would be harder. I need to say goodbye. I owe her that much. I’ve left her twice without saying it, and I can’t do it again. I was never really meant to see her again when she left Scotland after her trip there with her school, but this visit here has been…so fucking hard. Every time we’ve parted since reconnecting, my heart’s broken a little bit more. It’s funny…I didn’t even realise I could actually feel anymore. Turns out I can…and I do.’

  Dillon gripped his shoulder firmly. ‘Have a good night, okay? Don’t worry about me. It doesn’t matter what time you get back. I’ll be fine. I’m all packed. Just got the car to load up.’

  ‘Okay, I have no idea how it’ll go, and so I’ll see you when I see you.’

  Jason climbed out of the cab and paid the driver. He’d decided to leave the bike at Dillon’s for this evening in favour of having a glass of the wine he had picked up to take with him. He needed a drink. Stevie had texted to say that she was cooking and that he and Dillon should arrive by seven. He didn’t bother to text back to say that Dillon would be staying home.

  After walking nervously up the path, he knocked on the door, and she opened it with a wide smile. She looked over his shoulder. ‘Where’s Dillon?’

  ‘He…he…decided to stay home tonight. I hope that’s okay. He thought maybe we needed to be…he thought we might...’ He shook his head. ‘He decided to stay home.’ He was aware that he was rambling.

  Colour blossomed from Stevie’s chest up her slender neck to her cheeks. ‘Oh, right. You’d better come in. I’ve made a beef casserole. We can eat whenever you’re ready.’

  Even though the food smelled wonderful, he didn’t want to admit he had lost his appetite on the way over, and so he simply nodded as he entered the house. He handed her the bottle of wine and she smiled.

  ‘Gosh, that’s spooky. I have the exact same wine open ready in the kitchen. I got some fruit juice too for Dillon, but…would you like a glass?’

  He scrunched his face. ‘Of fruit juice? I’ll pass and go straight to the hard stuff please.’

  She cocked her head to one side and rolled her eyes at him. ‘I meant wine, silly.’

  ‘The food smells great.’ He smiled.

  As if reading his mind, she narrowed her eyes. ‘You’re not hungry, are you?’

  He dropped his gaze to the floor and cringed. ‘I’m so sorry. My stomach has been in knots all day. Can we skip dinner and talk? Maybe warm it up later if we feel like it? Unless you’re particularly hungry, in which case—’

  She gave a small laugh and suddenly looked relieved. ‘No, to be honest I’m feeling the same.’ She made her way through to the kitchen. ‘I’ll turn the oven off. It’ll reheat.’

  Jason slumped onto the couch, and Stevie brought two full wine glasses back through. She looked stunning. Her long auburn hair fell around her shoulders in soft waves begging for his touch. Her eye
s were surrounded by smoky shadow, and her lips glistened invitingly. She wore a knee length, pale blue summer skirt and a fitted white, V-neck T-shirt that clung to the curve of her full, rounded breasts. He shook his head to remove the wayward thoughts that had invaded his mind and took a glass, taking a large gulp.

  ‘Whoa, steady on cowboy, or I’ll be scraping you off the floor.’ She giggled, sat down beside him, and turned to look at his face. ‘Just let me know when you’re ready to eat, and I’ll go and heat the food up.’

  He stared into her vivid blue eyes and said nothing for a few minutes. His mind raced through so many things he could say to her but none of them seemed just right. Eventually, he placed his glass down and took hers, putting it next to his.

  He took her hand. ‘Stevie, this can’t be it. It can’t be over,’ he said, fighting down the emotion that was desperately trying to break free. She had such an effect on him, turning him from a tough, arrogant arse to a pile of lovesick mush.

  She sighed. ‘Maybe we should make the most of tonight, and then move on as best we can, eh?’ She seemed resigned to their fate, but he still refused to let go.

  He couldn’t.

  Not just yet.

  He pulled himself towards her on the couch. ‘When two people have this kind of connection, it can’t be easily broken, Stevie. We’re a part of each other. Always have been, and I’m sure we always will be. I can’t see either of us moving on. Can you? Honestly?’

  Her expression was pained as she spoke. ‘We don’t have any choice. I want you to be happy, and that means you going back to Scotland. And I need to be happy, which means me staying here. I would hope you wanted my happiness too.’

  ‘Of course I do. But we could visit each other and try to make things work. Won’t you reconsider? Won’t you even try it?’

  She cupped his cheek. ‘No. I can’t. I won’t. I know how it’ll end if I do. I’ve seen for myself how these long distance relationships go, and it’s never good. There’s no reason that we would be the exception to the rule. I’ve lost you before, and I can’t keep going through that.’