Reasons to Stay

by Lisa J. Hobman

  ‘But why? I know you feel something for me. It’s there in your eyes. I know it. We’re not your mum and dad, Stevie. We’re different people. And it’s not like it was back then. There are so many ways to keep in touch—’

  ‘You can’t hold someone over the Internet. I can’t sleep in your arms over the phone. I can’t kiss you by text message.’

  His frustration was rising, and he gripped her hand harder. ‘But you’re putting obstacles in our path before you even try. I honestly believe this was meant to happen. We were meant to find each other again.’

  ‘Maybe we were. But maybe not for the reasons you think.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  She sighed. ‘Maybe we were meant to meet so we could figure out how to let each other go. We both had so many unanswered questions. Maybe this was fate’s way of giving us the answers so that we could move on with our lives.’

  His stomach knotted. ‘You believe that?’

  She nodded slowly with sadness in her eyes. ‘I really do.’

  He swallowed the ball of emotion that had lodged itself in his constricted throat once again. ‘So you’re telling me all we have is tonight?’

  Looking straight into his eyes, she nodded. ‘Yes.’

  He closed his eyes and tried to calm his jackhammer of a heart again. ‘Can I ask something of you?’

  ‘What is it?’

  ‘Can I make love to you one last time? I know it sounds corny, but I want to remember this night with a smile and I…’ His voice cracked as he tried to rein in his emotions again. ‘I want to memorise every detail of being with you. Your every curve and sound…every feeling…every touch…everything… I know it’s a lot to ask, and I know it’s maybe not the best—’

  Stevie stopped his words with her mouth as she took his in a passionate kiss. She slipped her tongue in between his parted lips and a groan escaped her. He grasped at her hair, cradling the back of her head to deepen the already fervent exchange. She clambered into his lap, never breaking her lips from his own. Jason was breathless from her onslaught but hardened as she straddled him, her skirt riding up her thighs. He cupped her behind, squeezing and kneading as she rocked back and forth grinding herself into him.

  She pulled the T-shirt she was wearing over her head and threw it to the floor. His breathing was a series of ragged inhales and exhales. ‘Let’s go upstairs, Stevie. I want to do this properly.’

  She climbed off him and without a word pulled him towards the door that led to the stairs. They slowly ascended to her room, and once inside she began to unfasten the buttons of his shirt. She smoothed her hands up over his chest, drawing a hiss through his clenched teeth as she caught one of his nipples and it peaked under her caress.

  Reaching back she unfastened her skirt and allowed it to fall, pooling at her feet, so that she could step out of it and kick it aside. He held her at arms-length and dropped to sit on the bed, so that he could take her image into his mind and fix it there permanently. The ache in his chest was growing as he remembered that this was their last time.

  She wore a pale cream lace bra that pushed her breasts up into the most beautiful soft mounds of flesh. Her matching panties skimmed under her belly button and over her rounded hips. He pulled her to him and rested his head on her tummy. He felt the sting of tears behind his eyes and did his best to fight them away. Placing soft kisses across her stomach and up to the curve of her breasts, he savoured the taste of her skin as she ran her hands roughly through his hair.

  He reached up and unhooked her bra, letting it slip down her arms and to the floor to join the rest of her relinquished clothing. Sliding his hands up her stomach, he eventually took her breasts in his hands and kissed both reverently, taking her nipples into his mouth one after the other and back again as her head rolled back and a moan vibrated up through her chest and out of her parted lips.

  Desperate to savour every second, he looked up to watch her reactions as he touched her. She gazed down into his eyes as hers filled with so many unreadable emotions. Standing once again, he removed his pants and boxers in one sweep of his hands and dropped to his knees before her. As he nuzzled her mound and inhaled her scent deeply, she gripped his shoulders and gasped.

  Eventually, her panties were discarded, and he pulled her back onto the bed with him, covering her mouth with his. Her lips were soft and yielding to the demands of his mouth. He skimmed his hand down to her breast and ran his thumb over her nipple eliciting a whimper from her throat. Sliding his hand down further, he reached the junction of her thighs and caressed her over and over until her breathing rate increased, and with her head thrown back, she cried out his name. Once she had calmed, she urged him on, pulling him atop her where her curves melded to his hard, lean body. Looking deep into her eyes, he sunk himself deep and rested his forehead on hers, never breaking eye contact.

  ‘Don’t say it’s over, Stevie. Please…don’t say it’s the end of us.’ He could hear the desperation in his own voice.

  Hearing his heart felt words, Stevie reared up to tug on his bottom lip, anything to stop the heartbreak his words were causing. The thought of telling him about her mother's illness crossed her mind. Dana had insisted that Myasthenia wasn't going to rule her life and had made Stevie swear to keep the diagnosis private. Betraying her mother's trust wasn't something she could bring herself to do and she knew that if Dana was aware of the way she felt she would make her go. Stevie couldn't risk leaving her mother all alone and so she shook her head to dislodge the thoughts as she slipped her hands down Jason's smooth back, relishing the feeling of his taut muscles as they moved. Being so connected to him was an amazing feeling, and she was sure he could feel her heart hammering against her ribcage, but she didn’t care. She wanted to memorise every tiny detail of holding him inside her.

  But it was becoming too much.

  He kissed and bit at her neck as his movements became more urgent. He thrust inside her like he couldn’t get close enough, the expression on his face a combination of desire and heart wrenching pain. He moulded her breast and circled her nipple, sending the most delicious sparks of pleasure throughout her body. His mouth replaced his fingers as he pulled each nipple into his heat. She could hardly stand it. His fingers moved down between their slick, writhing bodies, and he found her sensitive nub, circling her as he thrust himself deeper still.

  She was heading towards ecstasy once again, and the emotions within her were raw and raging, searching for release. His damp, hard body slipped and slid over her own. His breath was hot on her skin as he kissed every available inch. He muttered loving words that she couldn’t quite make out as she began to soar. She cried out once more and let her head fall back as he followed her over the edge into sweet oblivion for the last time. She shuddered as the tears fell. He lay still with his face in the crook of her neck. She couldn’t tell whether the moisture on her shoulders was from her own tears or those of her lover, and she didn’t much care.

  He silently moved his body so that he lay beside her and pulled her back into his chest, possessively enfolding her in his strong, muscular embrace. He kissed her hair and caressed her stomach until his breathing evened out and she could tell he was asleep.

  She covered his hand with hers and stroked his knuckles in soft circles as she whispered, ‘Goodbye, Jason. Be happy. Please don’t ever forget me.’

  The next morning, the light streaming through the curtains alerted Stevie to the start of a brand new day. For a split second, she stretched lazily, enjoying the feeling of her tender muscles protesting at the languid movement.

  But all too soon she reached behind her to find that Jason had gone.

  Chapter Fourteen

  The brothers loaded up the car and set off at the break of the dawning day. Dillon followed Jason’s bike as they drove the journey north. After several hours of being on the road, they pulled into the service station at Annandale just as they had arranged. This was only the second stop they had made in the ten-hour journey. It wa
s two o’clock in the afternoon, and he should be hungry, Jason’s stomach disagreed vehemently. The large knot that had formed since he left Stevie’s bed seemed hell bent on staying put, rendering him unable to stand the thought of food.

  Thinking back to the previous night put the lid on his non-existent appetite. She had looked so beautiful laying there, sleeping peacefully. He had slipped his arm from under her carefully, deciding it was better to leave than to suffer the painful goodbye he would have to endure. Goodbye was what she needed, but he was incapable of saying the word. So he sat there watching her sleep for a few moments taking everything in. Her exquisite naked body before him, soft and curvaceous. Her smooth skin bathed in the early morning rays that were just beginning to peep through the curtains. Her long auburn waves fanned across the pillow, framing her gorgeous face as she dreamed. A serene smile playing on her lips. What was she dreaming about? He had no idea, but he did know that he had never seen a more beautiful sight.

  He had dressed as quickly and quietly as he could and took one last look. Bending down, he kissed her forehead gently and inhaled the smell of her hair. His jaw clenched and his heart cracked. This was wrong. He felt the urge to wake her and tell her so, demand that she reconsider. But instead he had left the house, dropping the dead bolt behind him, and walked away without looking back.

  Now he sat opposite Dillon in the service station restaurant, feeling numb whilst his brother was eating anything that stood still long enough. Dillon ate his way through a large plate of steak pie and chips and then sat eyeing Jason’s untouched plate.

  Seeing the hunger in his brother’s eyes, Jason pushed the plate towards him. ‘Here, bro. Just take it. I can’t eat.’ He huffed out a long breath.

  Dillon pulled his lips into a thin line. ‘You should eat you know. You only had coffee this morning. This won’t do you any good. I know you’re hurting but—’

  ‘Just leave it, Dill, eh? I can’t think about food. I honestly thought there was a chance she’d choose me. I guess I was wrong.’ He swallowed past the ever-present chunk of emotion in his throat.

  ‘Look, Jason…and I mean this with love…she never lied to you. She said all along that she wouldn’t be coming with you. Maybe you should’ve let her go when she tried to step back. Last night was unnecessary, man. All you’ve done is create a whole heap of heartache for both of you.’

  Jason’s jaw tensed. ‘Don’t you think I know that? But do you know what? If I had the chance, I’d do things exactly the same. I wouldn’t change a single second of last night…maybe apart from the moment where I pretty much begged her to change her mind…that was pointless.’

  Dillon shook his head. ‘Awww, Jace. I’m so sorry. I really am.’

  Jason pushed up from the table. ‘I’m going to stretch my legs and get some air. Eat up quick, okay? I want to get home now.’

  The men pulled into the campsite at around eight o’clock in the evening. Jason led the way to his cabin. Dorcas had been living on site whilst Jason had been away, and the light was on, meaning she was in. He wouldn’t barge right in just in case Dorcas was in a state of undress or with someone. So feeling it a bit strange, Jason knocked on the door of the building he considered home and waited. Dillon joined him a few seconds later and stood behind him.

  The door opened and there stood Dorcas. Her blonde hair in pigtails, spectacles perched on her nose covering her bright green eyes. ‘Jason! You’re back!’ She launched her petite frame at him and clung on tight. He hugged her back, smiling at her enthusiastic greeting.

  ‘Dorcas, you’re choking me,’ he spluttered in a cross between a laugh and a cough.

  ‘Ooh sorry. Got a bit carried away, I think.’ Her lilting Scottish accent was music to Jason’s ears. He turned to Dillon, who stood there staring at her. He half expected the music to ‘Dream Weaver’ by Gary Wright to begin playing around them. He smirked and shook his head.

  ‘Who’s your friend, Jason?’ Her cheeks blushed crimson.

  ‘This hunk of man is my little brother. Dillon, the woman you are very rudely staring at is Dorcas.’

  Dillon snapped his head to Jason. ‘I’m sorry, what?’

  ‘Dillon, Dorcas…Dorcas, Dillon.’ He tried again, gesturing between them.

  Dillon held out his hand, took hers, and smiled. ‘H-hi…Dorcas…what a nitty prame…shit…pretty name…what a pretty name.’ Dillon’s cheeks coloured to match Dorcas’, and Jason chuckled to himself.

  What a bloody pair.

  ‘I’m off to get a shower. I’ll leave you two to get to know one another better, eh?’ He raised his eyebrows, not that either of them noticed.

  Sidestepping his brother and assistant, he went straight to his bedroom. Dorcas had apparently not been sleeping in his room, as his bed was as tidy as he had left it. There was a pillow and blanket folded neatly on a chair. He collapsed backwards onto his bed and rested his arm over his eyes. He was exhausted and needed sleep desperately. But as he was dozing off, there was a knock at his bedroom door.

  ‘Yes?’ he called, feeling more than a little irritated.

  Dillon poked his head around the door. ‘Sorry to disturb you, but Dorcas is talking about going for pizza and a few beers. Are you up for it?’

  ‘No mate. You go though. Get her to drop you back here, and you can sleep on the couch. It’s comfy enough. Take that blanket and pillow that Dorcas has been using. Then you can smell her perfume and dream of her.’ He grinned.

  Dillon kicked Jason’s boots as they dangled off the end of the bed. ‘Funny. Seriously though,’ he lowered his voice, ‘why have you never…you know…asked her out yourself?’

  Jason raised his head up to glare at his brother. ‘Because she’s my employee, that’s why…and because she’s not…she’s not my type.’

  ‘You were going to say because she’s not Stevie, weren’t you?’

  Jason rolled his eyes. ‘Maybe I was. Can you sod off now, please? I’m knackered and I need some sleep. Goodness only knows where you put it all. You ate two lots of food at two o’clock.’

  ‘Growing lad.’ Dillon sniggered as he patted his belly and left Jason in peace.

  Jason clambered to his feet and stripped out of his leathers, piling them on the now empty chair. He walked to the bathroom and switched on the shower, letting it run until the steam billowing into the room fogged up the mirror where he was examining the dark circles under his eyes.

  The hot water soothed and relaxed him, making him feel even sleepier. After towel drying his hair, he slipped on a pair of lounge pants and climbed into bed. Checking his phone, he was disappointed at the lack of messages. He toyed with the idea of letting Stevie know that he had arrived back safely but decided against it. It was time to move on. Not by his choice. But the decision had been made.

  Jason awoke at ten the next morning to the smell of something burning. He rubbed his eyes and clambered out of bed in a panic, making his way hurriedly to the kitchen just as the smoke alarm kicked in and blurted out its piercing, high pitched squeal. The kitchen was filled with thick smoke, and Dillon was waving a dishtowel around in the air. All the windows and the door were open.

  ‘What the fuck are you trying to do? Burn my house down?’ Jason shouted over the noise.

  ‘I was trying to make you breakfast actually, but Dorcas and me got chatting and I forgot about the bacon under the grill. Sorry, mate.’

  The brothers managed to stop the smoke alarm from screeching by a series of wafts and waves. Once the kitchen resembled a place to cook in again, Jason and Dillon sat outside drinking coffee and eating toast. The bacon was now feeding the garbage bin.

  ‘So…you two are getting on well?’ Jason asked his brother.

  The smile that spread across Dillon’s face said all he needed to know. ‘Yeah, she’s great. I mean really great. I’m thinking of asking her on an official…you know…date. Is that okay?’

  Jason frowned. ‘Course it’s okay. Go for it. She’s very sweet.’

  ‘
Yeah, she’s great.’

  Jason rolled his eyes and slapped his brother on the shoulder. ‘I think you’ve got it bad, mate. You already said that…twice.’

  Stevie sipped on her coffee as Mollie stared open mouthed. The start of the new term had come around rather too quickly, and Stevie hadn’t done half of the things she had intended to do. Her friend and colleague was still nursing a healing ankle. Although the cast had been removed, she was still having difficulty getting about following her surgery. The two friends hadn’t seen each other until the start of school thanks to the ankle issue, and so Stevie had a whole lot to tell her friend.

  ‘Good grief, Stevie. No wonder I haven’t seen you over the summer. I can’t believe all that has happened.’

  ‘You know me. I attract drama.’

  ‘So how do you feel about Jason now? I can’t believe he was at the camp. Just think, if I’d never broken my ankle, you’d never have seen him.’

  Stevie picked at her lunch. ‘I think that scenario would have been less painful for me.’

  ‘Oh, Stevie. I’m so sad for you. I think you should’ve given the long distance thing a try. From the photo you showed me, he looks absolutely dreamy. I don’t usually go for men with longer hair, but he’s…well, he could be a male model.’

  Stevie smiled, but felt more than a little sad. ‘Yes, he is gorgeous. Inside and out.’ The familiar and unwelcomed stinging feeling at the back of her eyes occurred yet again.

  Mollie reached out. ‘Hey, I’m sorry Stevie. I didn’t mean to pour salt in your wound.’

  Stevie shook her head as if doing so would eradicate the threatening tears. ‘No, it’s fine…really. I’m fine. I think being back at work is probably a good thing.’