Changing Her Heart

by Gail Sattler

  Up until last night, Randy hadn’t considered that with his history, he was capable of being involved in a nurturing relationship; he couldn’t participate because he thought he had nothing to give. But last night in the parking lot, it had hit him that he could be wrong.

  Lacey would have kissed him. She wouldn’t have been open to him if she didn’t see something in him, even if he didn’t know what he possibly had to offer.

  Yet at the same time, Randy tried his best to live his life the way God wanted him to. He treated people the way he would have wanted to be treated if the situation were reversed. He was a good friend to the men in his life, but he hadn’t thought he had it in him to be a good friend to the women, as well. He especially hadn’t thought he was capable of treating Lacey the way she deserved to be treated in God’s sight.

  But there was something happening here, between himself and Lacey, no matter how hard he tried to fight it. And it was breaking him down.

  In the parking lot at the bar, he knew he’d caught her off guard when he leaned over the seat and kissed her. In fact, he’d caught himself off guard, but he did it anyway.

  The kiss had been different…special. He’d always rolled his eyes when Carol talked about her fiancé’s kiss being like fireworks, but he couldn’t think of any better way to describe how it felt when he’d kissed Lacey that night.

  Randy squeezed his eyes shut. The first time he’d kissed Lacey had been in the parking lot at a bar, the second time, when he could have kissed her, was at the doughnut shop. Was he such a loser that he could only kiss a woman in a parking lot? Why was everything he did that was worth anything, ultimately self-destructive?

  “Randy? Are you okay? Do you need to lie down or something?”

  His eyes shot open. For now he was fine, but he didn’t want to stress himself into what he knew could happen. He didn’t ever want Lacey to see him like that. “Don’t worry. I’m fine. I was just thinking about something. Excuse me. It looks like Paul’s ready to start.”

  He quickly set the PowerPoint to the next song, and because it was the first song, he concentrated on getting the sound level settings right as it progressed.

  About halfway through the song, Lacey leaned toward him. “It feels so strange not singing on Sunday morning. Last time we were together in here was different, being the first time, but today it really feels like something’s missing.”

  “I know what you mean. For now I’m making adjustments, but when I’m alone and I’ve got everything right, I sit in here and sing all by myself. So go ahead and sing, too. No one can hear us because there’s a lot more sound out there than in here. I promise. In a way, it’s perfect up here, because only God hears me if I sing off-key. So please, don’t be shy.”

  “It’s okay. I’ll just listen.”

  “Don’t worry. It took me a while to get used to this. It’s almost like singing in the shower, except here, there’s actual music to sing to, the sound system is really good, and there’s no echo.”

  When Lacey turned to stare at him, he felt his face heat up as he thought of what he’d just admitted.

  “Don’t look at me like that. I know I’m not the only human being on this earth who sings in the shower. I just admit it.”

  “That might be a little more information than I need to know.”

  The burn of his blush extended to his ears. “Sorry. I was just making a point, and I think I got carried away. Anyway, it’s okay to sing up here.”

  Sometimes when his friends were doing their pre-service practicing not only did Randy sing all by himself up in the sound room, but sometimes when his friends were going over the same part over and over to get it right, Randy pretended he was singing into a microphone to help the time pass.

  But when the service was in session and everyone sang to worship God, Randy settled down, singing just as if he were sitting in the sanctuary with the rest of the congregation.

  He flicked the PowerPoint to the next screen, turned to Lacey and grasped her hands. “Please don’t be shy. I don’t want to hamper your worship this morning, or any Sunday morning.”

  Paul led the congregation right into singing the next song, so Randy followed along and began to sing, just like everyone else. The only difference between this and any other Sunday was that with Lacey so close to him, he sang much more softly than he usually did.

  After a few lines, Lacey began to sing with him.

  The experience was like nothing he’d ever experienced. Lacey sang exactly on pitch, her voice blending perfectly with his. So perfect, that Randy stopped singing the melody and began to sing in harmony. They were beautiful together.

  They sang all the songs that way. At times, Randy could barely get his voice to work, for the wonder of the experience, but at the same time it felt so right that he couldn’t not sing.

  The last song was about trusting in God, and asking for God’s guidance in times of uncertainty.

  When all voices had quieted, the music continued to play, lower in volume, which Randy knew meant Paul was giving the congregation more time so everyone could continue to soak in the words and the impact of the song. Today, Randy also needed more time to let everything sink in. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been so affected by the music during the service.

  He faded the words on the screen instead of abruptly making them disappear, then turned to Lacey.

  He froze, staring into her deep brown eyes.

  They were beautiful eyes, full of sincerity, reverence of God Almighty and something else he was afraid to define.

  With all voices silent, with God’s music playing softly in the background, something passed between them, but he didn’t know what.

  A peace he’d never known settled over him.

  This moment was another turning point of his life.

  If only he could figure out what it was.

  “I’m so glad you could come.”

  “I’m glad we did. This was really, great, right, Eric?”

  Lacey stepped back and watched as Randy moved closer to Eric, waiting for Eric’s response.

  “Yeah. Your church is really different than ours.”

  Randy smiled politely. “I don’t think that’s necessarily true. I think you were just seeing things differently. Today, maybe for the first time, you were ready to let God touch you.”

  Lacey noticed that Eric didn’t comment. But she had a feeling that Randy’s words were accurate. Only Eric didn’t want to admit it.

  Randy glanced back and forth between Eric and Susan. “How would you all like to go out for lunch—my treat?”

  Susan’s mouth dropped open. “No, I can’t let you do that. That’s too much. Besides, I already have a lunch prepared at home. Why don’t you come to our house? We’d love to have you.” Susan turned to Lacey. “Of course, you’re invited, too, especially since your car is still at our house.”

  “Uh. Sure.” Randy glanced over his shoulder. “Just let me tell the guys. Eric, how would you like to come with me? You were saying you might be interested in playing guitar. I can introduce you to Adrian. He hasn’t been playing all that long, but he’s really quite good. He could probably give you some tips.”

  Eric nodded and began to walk away with Randy. Since they hadn’t picked up the children from their Sunday school classrooms yet, that left Lacey alone with Susan.

  The second the men were out of earshot, Lacey spoke. “What do you think?”

  Susan turned her head as Randy and Eric disappeared around the corner, then reappeared atop the stage platform. “I think he’s perfect. He’s crazy about you.”

  Lacey felt a burn in her cheeks. “I meant, what did you think about Eric during the service?” Lacey pointed up to the sound booth’s window at the rear of the sanctuary. During the service Randy had warned her not to be distracted by watching people, but she couldn’t help it. “I had an unfair advantage. Every once in while, I looked at Eric from up there. It’s really quite a different perspective from so hig
h. I could see what everybody did for the whole length of the service. Eric seemed to be really paying attention.”

  “What were you doing up there?”

  “Last week they had a guest speaker, but this week Randy couldn’t leave the booth because he had to do the PowerPoint for the pastor’s sermon, so I stayed up there with him. I could see everything from up there.”

  Susan shrugged her shoulders. “I thought Eric was paying attention to the pastor, but I don’t know what he was thinking. I’ll have to see later this evening if he wants to talk about it.”

  “So far so good, then.”

  Susan turned again to the stage, where Eric was shaking hands with Adrian. “Last night I didn’t want to ask in case the kids were listening, but today it’s killing me. I have to know. How was your date last night?”

  Lacey gritted her teeth. “It wasn’t a date.”

  “No, you’re right. A date would have been just dinner. You spent all day with Randy, too. What did you do?”

  “We went swimming for the afternoon. Then we went out for dinner.”

  Susan’s eyes widened. “Swimming? And you’re still together? I’m even more impressed. Not only is he smart and funny, that means he’s a gracious loser, too.”

  “That’s beside the point. Things between me and Randy aren’t exactly what you’re thinking. He’s still an alcoholic, and I don’t know what to do with him. We’ve both seen the same thing so many times with both Dad and Eric. Things go well for a while, but then something happens and everything goes right back to the way it was. I can’t live like that.”

  As soon as the words came out of her big mouth, Lacey immediately wished she could take them back. She’d had those same thoughts for years, but never voiced them, especially not to Susan.

  Susan’s smile dropped, and her voice came out in a hoarse whisper. “I know. But this time, things are different. Eric has Randy to help him. You have to understand that Eric doesn’t have any friends who quit drinking, because if they quit, they wouldn’t be friends anymore. I’m sure there are lots of people out there who quit and don’t go back. It’s just that I don’t know any of them. Except for Randy.”

  Lacey wished that Susan would quit holding Randy up as a shining example of perfection at every opportunity. While six years was a long time at the present moment, especially compared to Eric’s longest period of sobriety, which was thirty-nine days, the space of six years was dust in the wind compared to a lifetime.

  “Hi. Did you miss me?”

  Lacey spun around to see Randy, with Eric at his side, stopping to stand behind her.

  Fortunately, Eric picked up Susan’s hand and started to speak before she had to reply to Randy. “Randy’s friend said that he’d show me a few things on the guitar so I could see if it was something I wanted to do. All I have to do is buy a starter guitar.”

  Randy stepped closer. “I suggested that Eric put the money he would have spent at the bar into a special jar, and use that for the guitar. Then if he decides he likes it, he can keep saving in the jar and using that money for lessons. Then it wouldn’t really be an extra expense. That’s what I did when I first quit drinking. It didn’t take too long, and I’d saved up enough money to get my first digital camera.” He broke out into a wide grin, and his eyes sparkled with joy. “I’ve kept putting money in the jar, and I’ve bought some really neat things. My digital camera, of course, and the greatest DVD player. And you should see my new MP3 player. Right now I’m saving for a wide-screen television.” Randy’s smile widened, and he reached to the clip on his belt. “Let me show you the latest thing I got with my jar money. This new cell phone. It does text messaging, documents, e-mail and takes great high-resolution pictures.”

  Eric stared blankly at the phone. If Randy had made a reference to a new fishing rod and reel, then Eric’s interest would have been piqued. Electronic gadgetry didn’t impress Eric, probably because he was usually too drunk to understand how anything high-tech worked, and he refused to read directions when he was sober.

  “Uh, that’s nice,” Eric said, “but what do you do when you just need to make a phone call?”

  Lacey rested her hand on Randy’s forearm. “I think maybe we should start getting ready to go. Do you have to help your friends pack up?”

  Randy clipped the phone back onto his belt. “Not this time. No one is using the building this afternoon, so we can go now.”

  As Lacey turned around, Eric and Susan disappeared to collect their children, telling her without words that they expected her to travel back to their house with Randy, not with them, even though they’d arrived together.

  Once at the house, Lacey automatically joined Susan in the kitchen, where they finished the last details of preparing their lunch.

  When Lacey walked into the living room to call everyone to the table, Eric was sitting on the couch watching television, but Randy was sitting cross-legged in the middle of the living room floor, surrounded by colored plastic bricks.

  Randy held up a black plane, flicked the plastic propeller with his finger, then swooshed the plane through the air, making the sound of a jet engine as the plane zoomed along its path.

  Shawn stood behind Randy holding a second plane very similar to Randy’s. Shawn made a higher-pitched version of the same jet engine noise with his propeller-type plane, circled the room once, then dove headfirst under the end table.

  Lacey crossed her arms. “What are you doing?”

  Randy looked up at her from his place on the floor. “We’re building stuff.”

  Lacey rested her fists on her hips. “Lunch is ready.”

  Randy landed his plane, complete with all the appropriate noises, then taxied the plane to a large multicolored brick structure with a box on top that had squares drawn on it, which was probably supposed to be the airport terminal, then stood. Shawn simply set his plane down on the floor where he was, and ran to Randy.

  Adoration glowed in Shawn’s eyes as he looked up. “Are we going to make more after lunch?”

  Randy mussed Shawn’s hair. “I don’t know. Us grown-ups have some stuff to talk about. If we don’t build the hangar today, we’ll do it next time I come over. Let’s eat first, then we’ll see.”

  “Yay! Lunch! I bet it’s pancakes!” Shawn squealed as he ran into the kitchen, with his sister hot on his heels. Eric leaned to the side, groping for the remote to turn off the television.

  Lacey lowered her voice so only Randy could hear her. “What in the world are you doing playing with Shawn? Aren’t you supposed to be talking with Eric?”

  Randy lowered his voice and bent down toward her. “I couldn’t with the kids in the room. Besides, did you see that bin of bricks? I kept mine from when I was a kid, but it’s nothing like this.”

  “Aren’t you a little old for that?”

  Randy’s eyebrows arched, as if he couldn’t understand why she was asking.

  Lacey rolled her eyes. “Come on.”

  She knew Eric and Susan didn’t stop to say grace before every meal, but since it was Sunday, and since she was there, she knew they would today. The children politely bowed their heads and folded their hands on top of the table and waited.

  Eric folded his hands, but instead of bowing his head, he turned toward his son. “Why don’t you say the prayer today, Shawn?”

  Shawn nodded. His words came out slowly and respectfully, and very solemn, as they did every Sunday when Lacey joined them for lunch. “Thanks, God, for this good lunch and for my family and for this beautiful day.” He paused, then sucked in a deep breath. “And-thanks-for-my-new-airport-terminal-and-don’t-let-my-sister-break-it-amen,” he spewed out in rapid-fire succession.

  Susan’s head bobbed up. “Shawn!” she hissed.

  Shawn didn’t raise his head. “But I don’t want Kaitlyn to wreck the new terminal I made with Randy.”

  Susan turned to Randy. “I’m so sorry. He’s not usually like this.”

  Randy shrugged his shoulders. “It’s okay.
I’m actually kind of flattered that he thinks so much of our creation.” He turned to Shawn. “But really, Shawn, it doesn’t matter if anyone breaks it, including your sister. If someone breaks it, then you get to build it again, and building it is most of the fun. In fact, if it does get broken, then the next time you build it, it gets better.”

  “Really?”

  Randy nodded. “Really. When I was your age, me and my friend Bob used to build stuff all the time, but sometimes his brothers Gene or Tony would need a special piece. Their mother made us share, so we had to take it apart. But it wasn’t so bad. Lots of times the new one was better than the first time.”

  Lacey rested her hand on Randy’s arm. “I saw Tony at the restaurant yesterday. It’s good that you still remained friends with him, even though he destroyed your pet projects.”

  Randy grinned. “You bet. It didn’t do any good to get mad at him, although sometimes we still did.”

  “You must have known your friend Bob for a long time, if you made childhood projects together.”

  “Yup.”

  Shawn tugged at Randy’s shirt. “Do you still build airports with Bob?”

  “No. We build grown-up things, now.” Randy smiled. “I learned how to build computers, and Bob learned how to build cars. Or rather, he rebuilds them.”

  “Wow…” Shawn’s voice trailed off.

  Lacey studied Randy’s face while Randy stared off into space, grinning at a memory he wasn’t sharing.

  Every time she’d seen Randy with Bob, as well as his friends Paul and Adrian, it was obvious that they’d had many happy childhood memories together. Lacey didn’t ever see any of her old childhood friends, because she hadn’t had many. They’d had to move at a critical time because her mother couldn’t make the house payments, and after that their family tended to stick together because they’d had to move into a much rougher neighborhood than they had been used to. It had been at that time in their lives when Susan had met Eric. Because Eric had been the best pick of available men, Lacey had chosen to simply spend her time alone.