The Kobold Wizard's Dildo of Enlightenment +2

by The Kobold Wizard's Dildo of Enlightenment +2 (mobi)

  She takes a moment to think about it.

  “No,” she says. “But what are we going to do? What can we do?”

  People notice we’re not fucking again and so she starts humping my stomach.

  “I don’t know,” I say. “Maybe you can get the king to let us go.”

  “I am a loyal subject of my king,” she says. “I could ask but I don’t know how I could persuade him. Like myself, he was invented by a horny teenager. All he thinks about is sex. It’s not likely that he would give up his sex slaves for anything or anyone.”

  “Well, maybe you can ask to do all four of us at the same time,” I say. “Situate us near the door. Then we can all escape with ease.”

  “My brothers and sisters would never let me hog all of the sex slaves to myself,” she says. “We share everything. In fact, I probably won’t be able to fuck you for much longer before I have to pass you off to the next gnoll.”

  “There’s got to be something you can do,” I say.

  She thinks about it for a minute while humping my stomach. The weight of her crotch on my midsection is beginning to bruise my internal organs.

  “I think I know what to do,” she says. “Come with me.”

  She takes me to the Gnoll King.

  “Ah, Mirrin,” says Gnoryc, stretching his pantyhose up past his bellybutton. “Have you brought me a present?”

  She hesitates to speak, afraid to tell him no.

  He says, “A halfling would look good on the end of my royal cock, wouldn’t you say?”

  “Yes, sire,” she says.

  She pauses.

  Before he can grab me, she says, “But I have an idea for what to do with him.”

  The Gnoll King expresses annoyance at her words.

  “Speak,” he says.

  “What if we were to bring these four slaves to the wizard Olffgel?” she says.

  “Olffgel!” he cries. “I have given that twatty gnome more than enough of my sex slaves. He has no need for these.”

  “N-no,” she says. “I mean . . . What if we had the wizard cast an enchantment on them? One that would cause them to magically grow dicks and vaginas all over their bodies. Then we can gangbang each of them all at the same time.”

  The king taps his finger against the side of his muzzle, thinking about it. I can’t tell, but it seems as if he’s suspicious of the suggestion.

  “Does he have such a magic spell?” he asks.

  “Yes,” she says. “It’s a new one. He discovered it only recently.”

  “Are you sure?” he asks.

  “Positive,” she says.

  The king’s face lights up. “Splendid! Why don’t you and Toryc take these slaves to the wizard. Don’t return them until they are covered with new holes and appendages.”

  “Yes, sire,” she says, turning us away from him.

  “And Mirrin,” he says. She turns back. “If you happen to be wrong about this spell know that we will still be gangbanging somebody all at the same time. But it won’t be one of these slaves, it will be you. And instead of using magic to give you multiple vaginas we’ll do it the old fashion way.” Then his smile turns into a frown. “We’ll cut them into you with our swords. A dozen of them. All over your body.”

  A look of shock crosses Mirrin’s face.

  “Yes, sire,” she says.

  Then she walks me away from him.

  She mumbles loudly at me, “I can’t believe I let you talk me into this. You’re going to get me killed.”

  I give her the thumbs up. Then I look for my friends. Delvok is still hiding under the sleeping gnoll. The two male gnolls toss Loxi aside once they’re done with her. Her entire torso is covered with their sperm, concentrated near her vagina which seems to still be oozing out of her in a thick stream. They must have ejaculated at least two pints of the stuff, each.

  When I help Loxi off the ground, she sighs deeply with exhaustion.

  “Are you okay?” I ask.

  She takes another deep breath as she wipes large handfuls of hyena gunk off of her boobs.

  Then she says, “That was awesome.”

  “What? Are you serious?”

  “Oh man,” she says. “I haven’t been fucked like that in a long time.”

  “I thought you were in pain.”

  “Yeah, it was great.”

  “I thought you weren’t going to be a dirty slut anymore?” I ask.

  “Given the choice,” she says, “I wouldn’t volunteer for anything like that again, but I was created to love that kind of shit. It was nothing short of awesome.”

  I shake my head at her, completely disappointed.

  Mirrin retrieves the gnoll Toryc who was ordered to help bring us to the wizard. Toryc, by coincidence, is the same gnoll who was trying to fuck Delvok. He has a confused look on his face when Mirrin wakes him up. He doesn’t realize Delvok cast Sleep on him and figures he just fell asleep on the elf just before sex.

  I scan the room for Itaa. A 3’ goblin girl is hard to find among all the hairy giant gnolls. Then I spot her on the other side of the room. She is naked and squirming at the mercy of a particularly large male gnoll. She hisses, spits, and growls loudly at the hyena man, kicking and punching. This whole time, he has been trying to get his penis inside of her but she squirms too much and her vagina is just way too small for his size. He tries lubing up her vagina with his hyena tongue, but it’s not enough. Whenever he puts his face too close to her she pokes him in the eye with her thin pointy finger.

  As I go through the crowd of humping hyenas to get to her, I see the look of frustration on the gnoll’s face. Since he can’t get his dick inside of her vagina, he tries to put it in her mouth. Not a good idea. Before I can get to Itaa, the gnoll tells Itaa to open her mouth and points his dick at her throat. It’s too late. Itaa opens her mouth alright, but only to bite down as hard she can on the end of his penis.

  The gnolls yelps and screams. He jumps to his feet, but Itaa still has his dick between her sharp needle-like teeth, growling at it. The gnoll thrashes Itaa around, trying to shake her off of his dick, but she won’t let go.

  “Itaa!” I say, as I get to them.

  But she confuses what I mean by the word. Instead of thinking I just called her name, she thinks I said attack! and bites down even harder. The gnoll’s shriek becomes high-pitched.

  “Itaa, let him go,” I say.

  Itaa’s yellow eyes look over at me. Then she opens her mouth and drops to the floor. She runs over to me and hides behind my back, hugging me close to her.

  “Itaa hate licky gnoll,” she says.

  The gnoll is furious at her. He looks at the two of us as if he is going to rip our throats out. The Gnoll King recognizes his subject’s discontent and decides to appease him.

  “Mirrin,” Gnoryc says to the gnoll woman, “make sure Olffgel puts a vagina on this goblin’s forehead, right between her eyes.” He turns to his angry subject. “Then you will have the pleasure of fucking her brains out, quite literally.”

  This calms the gnoll’s aggression. His snarl then turns into a wicked smile. He cackles at the goblin and points at her.

  He says, “By the end of the day I’ll be picking your ugly goblinoid brains out of my foreskin.”

  But Itaa has no idea what he just said.

  Mirrin hands us our belongings and pulls us away from the other gnolls. After we get dressed, Toryc and Mirrin escort us out of the room to go meet the gnome wizard, Olffgel Zookwar.

  21: Wizard’s Chamber

  When we arrive in the great wizard’s chamber, we run into two large dragons, one gold and one blue. Well, they aren’t exactly dragons. They are giant dragonoid creatures, ones that don’t actually exist in any edition of the Monster Manual. The dragonoids have the bodies of voluptuous human females. They have the shapely figures of women, with large breasts and curvy hips, but they have the scales, claws, tails, and heads of dragons. They also have long flowing hair (the blue dragon’s hair is golden, the gold dra
gon’s hair is light blue) that glitters in the torchlight. Their pubic hair is also glittery. The two giant dragonoids are in the middle of having hardcore lesbian sex. They are putting on a show for their master.

  Olffgel Zookwar, the gnome wizard, is lying naked in a cushy chair, masturbating to the lesbian dragon sex. He is a little man, even for a gnome, with a bald head, a small gray child-molester mustache, and perky pink nipples that are a little too long for a male.

  The chair in which he’s sitting is made of asses. It is a collection of over a dozen buttocks from women of many different races, all sewn together to form a comfortable fleshy piece of furniture. There are brown human butts, green orc butts, furry gnoll butts, white hobgoblin butts, little pixie butts, shiny dark elf butts, and a giant ogre butt as the back rest. The asses seem to wiggle and twitch all around Olffgel, as if the flesh is still living. Each pair of butt cheeks seem to have a life of its own.

  He caresses a quickling butt with his left hand as he jerks himself off with his right. When Mirrin approaches him he gives her the evil eye, not wanting to be interrupted until after he is finished. Mirrin holds us back, completely terrified of the man who is a third her size.

  While the dragonoids finger each other, licking their breasts with long forked tongues, I notice something odd about the creatures. I don’t think they are actually real. I believe they are actually just an illusion created by Olffgel. Perhaps he creates illusions that he can masturbate to like pornography.

  When he finishes, Olffgel squirts his spunk onto a pair of dwarf butt cheeks. Then he stands up, pulls up his tiny silver speedos, and walks over to us. Behind him, a small tongue emerges from between the dwarf butt cheeks and licks the cum off of itself. It makes hungry slurping noises as it swallows. Then it burps.

  “What can I do for Gnoryc this time?” asks the gnome. “As you can see, I have work to do.”

  I can tell Mirrin is afraid to tell him the truth. If Olffgel actually did have the ability to put multiple sex organs on us she probably would have had the wizard do that to us instead, so that she could go back to serving the Gnoll King and continue life accepting the fact that she’s just a pawn of the Dungeon Master.

  “We have something to show you,” Mirrin says.

  We go to a table cluttered with scrolls and potions. She takes my Bag of Holding from me and removes the Dildo of Enlightenment +2. Behind us, the dragonoids are still engaging in fierce tongue-fucking.

  “This dildo possesses powerful magic,” she tells him, and backs away so that he can investigate it for himself.

  His eyes widen at the thought of a magical dildo. He goes to his table, licking his lips excitedly as he examines it.

  “There is definitely magic in this,” he says, smiling. “What does it do? Does it cause the user to have one million orgasms all at the same time? Does it come to life and fuck you all on its own, hands-free? Does its size grow and shift so that it fits perfectly in the user’s vagina?”

  Mirrin shakes her head. “No, it’s a different kind of magic dildo. When it is used, it gives you secret knowledge of the universe.”

  “Secret knowledge?”

  “Yes,” she says. “I have used it. So have these four prisoners.”

  Then he rolls his eyes and steps away from the table.

  “Why would I have a use for such an item?” he says. “A dildo with non-sexual magic is of no value to me. You’re wasting my time.”

  He turns toward the dragon women and watches them lick each other’s pubic regions, huffing and snorting in pleasure.

  “But this is knowledge you really should know,” she says. “It will change the way you view the world.”

  “I like my view of the world just fine,” he says.

  I step forward and say, “We could really use your help. You are a wise and powerful wizard. With you on our side I’m sure we could figure a way out of this.”

  Perhaps he even has a spell that could transport us from this world into the real world, so that we can live the rest of our lives as real beings rather than imaginary ones. Of course, it might be odd for people in the real world to see elves, halflings, gnolls, gnomes, and goblins walking around, but I’d rather be real and out of place than imaginary and at the mercy of a Dungeon Master.

  “I’m not going to use it and that’s final,” he says. “I will never use it. Now, I’m a very busy man and must get back to my business. If you do not leave this instant I will just have to include the lot of you in my work.”

  Damn. I know what’s going on. Aaron Donnelly is in control of Olffgel Zookwar. He isn’t going to let any more NPCs use the dildo, because every time they do he loses control of them and then they join our side. He doesn’t want Olffgel to join us, too. Olffgel is his most powerful NPC.

  “Fine,” Mirrin says, grabbing the dildo.

  “Wait,” he says. “Leave that.” He points at the dildo. “I will find a use for it. Perhaps it would be good for trade at the magic-user’s sex shop.”

  He holds out his hand to take it. Mirrin obeys and hands it over to him. The coward.

  “Wait a fucking minute!” Loxi cries. She isn’t going to let him get away with it. “That’s ours. Give it back.”

  The gnome chuckles. “This was yours? Oh, too bad. It’s mine now.”

  Loxi draws her sword and attacks the gnome. Without wearing any protective armor, the gnome is easy to hit in an attack roll. She stabs him in the shoulder and does four points of damage. Not enough to faze him.

  “That’s it!” Olffgel says. “You have all just volunteered yourselves for my experiments in sexual sorcery!” He looks at the gnoll female. “Including you, Mirrin.”

  Mirrin kneels at the wizard, totally submitting to his command. Loxi sneers at her for being so compliant. She would never give in so easily.

  Loxi slashes at Olffgel again, this time grazing the side of his head for 7 points of damage. He roars with anger at the woman.

  “You will pay for that!” says the wizard.

  Then the giant dragonoids turn to us. The gold one grabs Loxi and picks her up off the ground in its massive claws. Loxi struggles to free herself as the dragonoid shoves her between its massive 10’ wide breasts. (DM NOTE: Each breast takes up a square on the dungeon map). She slashes at the dragon, but its scales are too tough for her blade.

  “Now you will feed the sexual hunger of my dragon girls,” he yells.

  The blue dragon woman scoops Delvok and Mirrin from the floor and licks them with its long tongue. Its mouth is so large that it could swallow them both whole in a single gulp. When Toryc sees this, he believes the dragonoid is actually eating them, rather than attempting to give them oral pleasure. Not wanting to be next on the menu, he panics and runs for the door.

  “No one escapes!” the wizard yells.

  Then the gold dragon girl holding Loxi in her breasts stomps her foot down on the gnoll man. He collapses to the floor, losing 10 hit points. In the next round, the dragon’s scaly foot presses harder on the gnoll’s body until he’s crushed to death. The dragon foot grinds his corpse into the floor like a furry cockroach.

  Itaa hides behind my back, wrapping her arms around me frantically, as if nothing bad could happen to her if she just squeezes me tighter.

  The gold dragon girl bends down for us, and picks us off the ground. Itaa screams in panic, clawing at my neck and shoulders, taking a hit point from me and leaving large red gashes, without knowing what she’s doing. But the dragon isn’t actually the thing holding me off the ground, it is Itaa. The dragonoid can’t actually do anything to me. It can’t pick me up. It can’t put me in its breasts. It can’t squash me with its foot. This is because the dragonoids are just an illusion, as I figured out upon our arrival in the Wizard’s Chamber.

  When I slip out of Itaa’s grasp, I drop to the ground, losing another hit point in the fall. The dragonoid tries to pick me up again, but her scaly hand just passes through me.

  The gnome wizard comes to my side. At first, I thi
nk he’s going to cast an attack spell on me for being impervious to his illusion. But he just stands next to me, casually. He picks up a gnome-sized bong from the floor and smokes a bowl.

  “So it doesn’t work on you, huh?” he says, as he holds in the smoke. “That’s too bad.”

  He exhales and passes me the bong. I take it, so as not to be rude. I couldn’t take on a 7th level wizard single-handedly, even if he’s naked and unarmed, so I’ll try to stay on his good side.

  “They are the lucky ones,” he says. “Since they think it’s all real they actually can have sex with anything I create for them. But for you and I, we know they are illusions so they won’t work on us. You have to believe for them to be real.”

  The dragon girls lie down and make out with each other. They put all four humanoids between their four breasts like they’re in some kind of boob-cage and then squeeze each other’s breasts against their squirming bodies. As the dragons kiss, the blue one licks Itaa up into its mouth and then sucks on her like a piece of hard candy. They pass her little hissing green body back and forth between their mouths as they french kiss.

  Then the gold dragon takes Delvok and puts him halfway inside the blue dragon’s vagina. Then she takes Mirrin and shoves her inside of the blue dragon’s asshole. The elf and gnoll scream as they see the gold dragon’s blue pubic hair coming toward them. The top halves of Delvok and Mirrin disappear into the vagina and anus of the other dragon. Then the dragons fuck each other, using the elf and the gnoll as living double-dildos. I can hear their muffled screams.

  “Nice,” Olffgel says as he sees Mirrin going in and out of his dragon girls’ assholes.

  Because he thinks this is all real, Delvok begins to asphyxiate within the dragon’s golden vagina. He also loses a hit point every round due to the pressure of the tightening vaginal muscles. If he doesn’t get out of there soon he is going to die.

  I hand the bong back to the wizard. As he goes to take a hit, I yell up at Delvok.

  “It’s just an illusion!” I yell at him. “If you don’t believe in it nothing will happen to you!”