Everlasting

by S. E. Lund

  I loved our apartment. Sure, I enjoyed our place in San Francisco, but this was us – this was Drake's and my home. I wanted us to return someday and have a life here.

  "Do you want a glass of wine? There's a bottle chilling in the refrigerator."

  "I don't think so. I think I'd rather have a cup of hot tea."

  "Coming right up," Drake said and went to the kitchen to turn on the kettle. I stood at the window and just watched the pedestrians on the sidewalk across the street. I knew every store and corner by heart and was caught up in the sounds of the traffic filtering in through the open window.

  We had our tea and crashed for the evening on the sectional, putting some favorite old music on the stereo system. I was too tired to go out anywhere and all I really wanted was to have a nice warm bubble bath in our tub and then go to bed in the bedroom in the apartment where Drake and I first fell in love.

  "Our first night back," Drake said and stroked my arm. "Are you tired? Do you want to watch something or do you want to go to sleep early?"

  "I didn't sleep well last night. Maybe we should go to bed early. You have a busy day tomorrow. You've got to go see your lawyer and then visit the foundation and corporation."

  "Do you mind?" Drake asked. "I wanted to get it over with so we could focus on spending time together."

  "Not at all. I'll take Sophie for a walk and visit all my old haunts. It'll be fun."

  After our bubble bath, we crept into our bed and I sighed when Drake wrapped his arm around me from behind, feeling strange to be back again despite the fact I'd spent much of the past two years there. And then, even though I thought I was too tired to make love to my husband, the way he touched me, kissing my shoulder, his hands sliding down my hip and around my buttock, aroused me.

  So I did.

  Chapter 18

  DRAKE

  When I woke in the morning, for a moment I was disoriented and wasn't sure where I was. I slept on the same side as usual, but the window wasn’t in the place I'd grown used to. The room wasn't nearly as bright as it usually was back in San Francisco. The open window brought in sounds of car horns and traffic. Somewhere, a jackhammer banged away on cement.

  I was used to the sound of waves breaking on the beach and the cry of seagulls. I was used to waking up at six in the morning and finding Kate and Sophie beside me, but Kate was already up and I was alone in the king-sized cherry wood four poster bed. I rolled over onto my back and checked the clock on the bedside table. It was eight. I'd slept in despite falling asleep hours earlier than usual.

  I got up and after a quick trip to the bathroom, I went downstairs to find Kate and Sophie already up and sitting at the island in the kitchen, eating breakfast.

  "Good morning, Dr. Morgan," Kate said when she saw me come down the stairs. "Rise and shine, sleepyhead."

  "Good morning, Mrs. Morgan," I said and went to her for a kiss. "How did you sleep? Why didn’t you wake me up?"

  "You were sleeping like a baby. I wanted to let you sleep in as long as you needed. Obviously, you needed it."

  "I did," I said and stretched my hands up over my head. "I feel good, if a little disoriented."

  I went over to Sophie, who was playing with her Cheerios, and gave her a kiss.

  "How's my baby? Did you sleep all night again?"

  "She did," Kate said with a smile. "I was surprised when I woke up at seven that she was asleep. I even went in to check to make sure she was still alive."

  I laughed and went to Kate, who was pouring water for coffee.

  "You're joking, right? You know she's very healthy and there's nothing to worry about."

  "I know," Kate said and poured me a cup of coffee. "I can't help it. I guess it's just lingering anxiety after her spending time in the NICU. I keep worrying that she'll stop breathing."

  "She doesn't have sleep apnea. That was just due to her prematurity. She's totally healthy. You can sleep as well as any other new parent."

  "I'll try," Kate said and she looked at Sophie with doubtful eyes. "I'm not looking forward to all the childhood illnesses she'll get."

  "She won't get many at all because well make sure she gets all her vaccinations. Really, Kate. I'm trained in pediatrics. Sophie is healthy. She was only premature because of the accident not any underlying disorder."

  I took her in my arms and kissed her, wanting to quell her fears. She had no reason to be concerned. I realized that it was her lingering PTSD that made her worry so much about Sophie. I hoped that as time passed, she'd grow less and less worried about Sophie and could enjoy her more without the constant fear of something bad happening.

  We had breakfast together and I had to rush to get ready for my meeting with my lawyer to talk about the case. I had a quick shower and selected a grey suit and white shirt and then gathered my laptop and briefcase before giving Kate and Sophie a kiss goodbye.

  "I'll meet you for lunch," I said when I got to the door. Kate followed me with Sophie in her arms. "We can go to that deli down the street if you want some smoked meat."

  "That sounds good," Kate said and leaned in for a kiss. "I thought pasta for supper?"

  I nodded. "Sounds good. Whatever you feel like."

  I left them and took an Uber to rent a car for our month in Manhattan. After I was finished with the paperwork, I drove to the offices of Gary Wood, my lawyer, who was a partner in a prestigious criminal law firm in the upper east side. Although I had nothing to worry about regarding the trial, he was right that I had to be careful to phrase things so that people didn't get the wrong impression of me or what happened between Lisa and Derek and me. My demeanor had to be impeccable so that I wasn't seen as a crass exploiter of psychologically vulnerable, barely legal women.

  She wasn't barely legal. She was a med student and had to be close to twenty-four at the minimum. I didn't see myself that way and had always demanded that my submissives were at least twenty-one or older. I didn't want someone who was virginal. I wanted a submissive who knew what she wanted but hadn't found someone with whom to explore it yet. So that had been one of my rules.

  It would require a delicate hand dealing with questions about BDSM. Most people probably viewed it as perverted and oppressive to women. While it could be that way, it wasn't always that way and many men were the submissives in the relationship and the power dynamic flowed in the opposite direction to patriarchy. But I found over the years that people saw what they wanted to see. There was only so much you could do barring an epiphany to change their minds, especially on such a contentious issue as sexuality.

  As I drove through the streets of Manhattan, I looked back over my years as a Dominant in the community. The first year I did some SM as part of my training, but it was always with who I assumed were consenting and willing adult women who signed NDA forms and waivers. They knew what they were signing up for because they were usually vetted by members with experience, to exclude those who might be underage or mentally ill. While the NDAs and waivers didn’t have any real weight in court, they demonstrated state of mind of the participants.

  Unfortunately, not everyone who signed those NDAs and waivers were of sound mind, despite being vetted. Sunita was one such case. She was conflicted about her sexuality and desires. She felt torn between her religious upbringing and her need to be dominated to be able to enjoy sex fully. Many women felt that way.

  I wished I could go back in time and not try Sunita out as a partner. I wished I could go back in time and not do several scenes with Lisa but there was no way to undo the past. I had to focus on the future.

  My future was with Kate and Sophia, and hopefully, with Liam. That was what held my attention and towards which I would focus all my energies.

  I parked on the street and made my way into the law offices after signing in at the front desk and getting a visitor pass. There was high security in the building and people couldn't just pop into the offices. These lawyers dealt with high profile clients and needed to maintain security and complete discretion.
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  I checked in with the receptionist at the front desk of the law office and sat in the small lobby to wait for Gary Wood, my lawyer, to come and get me.

  After about five minutes, he popped out of an office and came over to where I sat.

  "Drake," he said and extended his hand. "Glad to finally meet you. Sorry to keep you waiting. I had a Skype meeting and I couldn't get the client to stop talking. Come on in."

  We shook hands and he led me down the hall to his office in the corner of the floor. We were on the 23rd floor and had a great view of the East River and Roosevelt Island.

  "Take a seat."

  I sat on the chair across from his desk and waited while he flipped a file open and scanned the top paper inside briefly.

  "So, I've been going over the police reports on the attack on your wife and the witness statements and those of the accused. Seems like she's maintaining that you encouraged her to kill your wife, so that the two of you could be together."

  "Of course, that's false," I said, my hands folded. I took in a deep breath to calm myself. Whenever I heard that claim, I grew incensed and didn’t want to appear too upset. "I never saw her once between the time we had our last encounter and when she started as a resident at NYU."

  "You two were never at a function together? Any parties that you might have both been at?"

  "No," I said. "At least, at none that I was aware of her presence. I'd gone to a few costumed parties where people wore masks, but if she was in attendance, she never made herself known to me."

  "You did say that Derek Richardson attempted to involve you in an ongoing relationship but that you refused?"

  "Yes, that's the case. He said that Lisa enjoyed our experiences and wanted them to continue. At that point, I decided I wasn’t really interested in being involved in a voyeur scenario where the focus was on pleasing an external viewer who directed our actions. I met a new partner and was happy with her and so I turned him down. Derek and I remained friends because we were both at the head of businesses in the medical industry. We'd occasionally play racquetball or meet for a drink to discuss business. Nothing more happened with Lisa and me after that time. In fact, it was a total shock when she showed up at the NYU residence program for neurosurgery. I knew she was a medical student but had no idea she had chosen neurosurgery as a specialty."

  We went over the steps I had taken to try to avoid her and all the claims Lisa had made about me and the lies she told, insisting that we had been together. I refuted them all.

  "You'll be asked about your time with Lisa. I want to run through some sample questions with you so we can think of how best to phrase your answers."

  For the next hour, we went over questions that he thought I would be asked by the defense, to try to cast doubt on my testimony and to try to paint Lisa in the best possible light so that she could use the defense that she'd been coached to kill Kate. While the police didn't believe that, and I had never been charged, the defense could still try to push that narrative to make Lisa appear more sympathetic to the jury for when the sentencing came around.

  They would play up her vulnerability, her traumatic past as a victim of child abuse, her age, and the fact she was a submissive to an older man, Derek Richardson, who they would likely claim dominated her and abused her. His death was not part of the current trial, and would not be brought up of course, but he would be painted as a controlling man who abused her. I would be painted that way as well and my background in BDSM would ensure that label would stick.

  People would be sympathetic towards Lisa even if they thought she was guilty. They would see her as a victim as well as an accused because of her age and gender and past. Above all, I had to be brief with my responses, and not spend any time arguing the case for BDSM. I would speak about it as a small part of a busy life that I explored for a few years and left behind after my marriage to Kate.

  The defense would try to unsettle me and make me stumble or admit something to make Lisa look less culpable. I'd have to keep my cool and not let them do that.

  I didn't relish the thought of having to defend myself but I had to do it.

  When we were finished going over the facts of the case and my involvement with Lisa, Gary stood and extended his hand once more.

  "I'm sorry we have to go over this, but it's necessary if you want her to be convicted and sentenced to a maximum. It's clear to me that she's mentally unstable and calculating. She needs to be put away for a long time. You want to do whatever you can to make sure the prosecution is able to do that. "

  "I'm meeting with the prosecutor tomorrow to go over my testimony. Will you be there?"

  "I will. We should meet again the day before your appearance so we can go over this again."

  "I'll be here."

  I left his office and made my way out to my car, steeling myself for my meeting the following day with the prosecutor who would go over my testimony and ensure we had all the facts straight.

  My next stop was at the foundation to meet with Dave Mills and catch up on the projects completed, ongoing and in the pipeline. It felt strange to walk into the building after several months away. Everything was familiar but at the same time, I felt like everything was new. Janine, one of the receptionists, was seated behind the counter as I got off the elevator and walked past the walls of posters depicting our different projects around Africa and now, in the USA.

  "Hello, Dr. Morgan," she said with a smile. "Welcome back."

  "Thank you. It's great to be back. How are you?"

  "I'm fine. Dave's in the boardroom, waiting for you to arrive. Would you like a coffee or water?"

  "Water would be great," I said. "Thanks."

  I went down the hall to the boardroom, which looked out over the Hudson. Inside, Dave sat at the head of the long oval table, his laptop open and a projector on the tabletop beside him.

  "Drake," he said and stood up, coming to meet me at the door. "Welcome back. It's good to see you. We've missed you around here. Staff have mentioned that they noticed your absence. You used to come by at least once a week."

  "Good to be back," I said and we shook hands. I clapped him on the back and we went to take our seats at the table. "How have you been?"

  Dave spent the next few moments catching me up with his private life. He was seeing a new woman and was selling his apartment and going to buy a house in Brooklyn.

  "That's a change," I said, surprised at this development. "Why Brooklyn?"

  "Time to settle down. I want a garden. I want a home, not a bachelor pad."

  "You're getting old."

  "I am!" he said with a laugh. "I want a life, not just a living."

  "Understood. And this woman you're seeing—."

  "Lila," Dave said, smiling when he said her name. "A beauty. She's a policy wonk for one of the non-profits we fund. We met last year and I've been circling around her for months but she resisted my manly charms until she didn’t."

  I raised my eyebrows. She sounded like just Dave's type. Probably smart and pretty. Someone like Kate.

  "She's the reason you want to settle down and have a life and a garden?" I asked, grinning at him.

  "Something like that."

  We exchanged a knowing smile.

  "How's Kate and Sophie? And you're near Liam. How are things going on that front?"

  We covered all the personal stuff and once we got that out of the way, we went over the projects that had been completed since I left, the ones that were ongoing and those that were just ideas being developed.

  When we were finished, it was lunch time. I wanted to get home so I could spend some time with Kate and Sophie before I had to pop over at the corporate headquarters to get a briefing on the last quarter's performance.

  We shook hands once more.

  "We should go out for a drink some night while you’re in Manhattan and play a game or two of racquetball."

  "Sounds good. I'm busy preparing for the trial in the next few days but after that, I'll have time. Send me
a calendar appointment and I'll let you know."

  "Will do."

  He walked me out to the elevator and waited with me for the elevator to arrive.

  "Maybe we can all go out for dinner some night," he said. "I'd like you to meet Lila. My aunt could probably sit with Sophia for you, if you'd ask her."

  "Absolutely." The elevator door opened and I went inside. "I'll talk to Kate and get back to you with a Friday or Saturday night coming up."

  "Later," Dave said as the elevator door closed.

  As I left the building and walked to my rental car, I realized how much I enjoyed learning about the projects and all the business of the foundation. If I wanted, I could probably keep myself busy just working on the Board – if they would let me, that is. I'd have to keep a low profile until the trial was finished and the news blew over, but once it did, I could find real, rewarding work at the foundation.

  I kept that in mind, in case Kate and I talked more about moving back for part of the year if we could find better situation for Ethan.

  While I loved our place in San Francisco, being back at the 8th Avenue apartment and visiting my old haunts felt surprisingly good. I'd spent most of my adult life in Manhattan and leaving it for good just didn’t seem right.

  Chapter 19

  KATE

  Drake spent the first few days back in Manhattan meeting with his lawyer and catching up on work at the foundation and corporate headquarters. On my part, I spent my time with Sophie, enjoying my beautiful apartment once more, and when I could, I took Sophie out for a walk around the neighborhood. Sophie was fine and adjusted well to being in a totally different location. She fell right back into her usual sleep/wake patterns and beside the constant drooling due to her teething, she was her usual happy self.

  On day three of our return, I got a call from Dawn and while I hesitated to answer it, I finally gave in on the fourth ring.