by Sarah Dosher
We continued our walk side by side, neither speaking another word. He continued to hold my hand. I knew I should pull away because I didn’t want his pity for what my father had done to me to further complicate things between us, but his comforting gesture felt nice and I didn’t want him to stop. We reached Violet’s front porch and I stopped at the porch swing to sit and wait for everyone. He paused and stared at me as I huddled into my jacket for warmth. Finally, he shook his head and walked into the house.
The broken look on her face will haunt me for a lifetime. Even though I knew Lily was safe - I could see her laying on the swing outside my window - it took all my strength to fight the urge to gather her in my arms and protect her from anything in this world that would cause her harm.
When I rounded that corner and saw Lily standing there, my heart jumped. I was so happy to see her, especially after the way we’d left things last night, but once I saw her battered face I felt a rush of adrenaline take over. It took all my willpower to stop myself from running to her house and doing even more harm to her father. I didn’t understand why she refused to tell me the truth about what happened - it was obvious that no accident had caused the damage I saw on her face. At that moment I promised myself I’d find a way to protect Lily from him, even if I had to force her to let me protect her.
I smelled the aroma of bacon coming from the tiny kitchen at the back of the house and knew Grandma Violet was cooking breakfast for everyone. She was alone when I peeked around the door, so I took what might have been my only opportunity for a private conversation.
“Grandma Violet, have you seen Lily this morning?”
“Good morning to you too, my loving grandson,” she said sarcastically. I stared at her, refusing to play along. “Yes, dear. I saw her asleep on the swing outside so I covered her with a blanket, but I haven't spoken to her so I wasn't sure why she was out there.”
“Did you see her face?” I didn’t have time to waste on beating around the bush.
“Yes, I did. But let me warn you to approach this topic with care.”
“I can't promise anything and I assume you already know that.”
“Well I figured as much since I know I raised you right and wouldn't expect anything less,” she said proudly.
“How long has this been going on?”
“It's been happening for exactly the amount of time you think it's been happening, Dean. I don't suppose you'd be quite so upset if you thought it was a one-time occurrence.” She placed more bread into the toaster and gathered the butter and jelly from the refrigerator, handing it to me.
“I suppose you’re right.” I turned to help her set the table. “So no one has tried to do anything to stop this for the past four years?” I knew my statement would come across as an accusation, but at this moment that didn’t matter as much as getting answers. I had more important things to worry about.
“Oh lots of people, including me I'd like to add, have tried different approaches. But as you know, she's stubborn and denies everything. She always has some reason or another for the bruises on her body. I even talked to Child Protective Services and the Sheriff, but they both say nothing can be done if she denies the abuse. A few have tried to approach Michael, but after the last fella ended up in a fight with him we all thought there wasn't much that could be done.” She lowered her head and slightly shook it before wiping her hands under her eyes to hide the tears. “I think I'm just glad she is so resilient and I'm doing my best to help her until the day she gets out of that house.”
“Have you tried to get her to come live here?”
“You bet your bottom I've tried. Over and over I might add, but she knows Michael better than any of us and I suppose she has her reason for not wanting to come here. I think she’s probably protecting us from him.” She let out a long, ragged breath and I could tell this was hard for her to discuss.
“Well, I think it might be time for her to come up with a new strategy. I won’t sit here while I know he’s hitting her and doing God-only-knows what else to her. I'm here now and she will not go back to that house, even if I have to lock her in my room until she sees it my way. I'm sure I sound crazy right now - I haven’t been around for years or even spoken to her, but I care about her and I can't just sit by while she’s getting hurt. Surely she’ll understand that and let us help her!”
Grandma Violet shook her head at me. “Why don't you ask her since she’s standing outside the door listening?” Grandma Violet said, pointing toward the kitchen door.
I heard the floor creak as Lily slowly entered the kitchen, stopping to lean against the doorframe. She was looking down, her long blonde hair covering the side of her face. Shifting from one foot to the other, she folded her arms across her chest before letting out a long, uneven breath. She finally raised her head and met my eyes, pushing her hair back over her shoulder. Grandma Violet gasped softly when she saw Lily’s face. Lily immediately lowered her head again.
“Do I really look that bad?” she asked softly.
Grandma Violet moved to stand in front of her and placed her hand under Lily’s chin gently, forcing her to look up. “No, sweetie. I’m sorry, I was just taken aback. It hasn’t been like this for some time, I just wasn’t expecting it that’s all.”
“Yeah, I know,” she whispered, moving to take a seat at the small square table under the only window in the kitchen. She kept her gaze out the window, refusing to look back to us.
I moved to take the seat next to Lily and reached for her hand. “Can you tell us what happened?”
“It was my fault. I know my place and what I’m supposed to do and I…well, I’m not sure why but I didn’t do what I knew he’d want. I think my mind was just on other things,” she calmly stated.
“You didn’t do what? What exactly did he expect you to do?” I questioned.
Lily looked away and didn’t speak. Grandma Violet cleared her throat, effectively drawing my attention and shook her head at me. I knew I’d overstepped that invisible line I wasn’t supposed to cross. I released Lily’s hand and rubbed my face.
“Well, apparently I don’t know how to delicately handle this and keep saying the wrong things. So can someone please tell me what to do?” I leaned back in my chair, waiting for a response.
Lily spoke quickly before anyone else could. “Dean, I know you want to help, but there really isn’t anything that I need your help with. I’ve lived with this for a long time. I knew I didn’t have anyone fooled with my excuses, but honestly I don’t like discussing it and hopefully you can understand why. I usually do a better job at avoiding him and his so-called lessons. However, he isn’t happy about the idea of you and me spending any time together. I assured him our relationship was due to school and he’s okay with that. But please don’t come back to my house...it’d probably be best for you to just avoid my father. I’m sorry-”
I cut her off before she could say anything else. “Me? He hit you because of me?”
I stood quickly, knocking my chair to the floor with a loud bang. “That doesn’t make any sense! What kind of man is he? How can he hit you because of something I did?” I slammed my hand on the table in my frustration, causing Lily to flinch and put her arms up defensively.
“Dean, you need to calm down. You’re not helping anything by scaring her!” Adley yelled, rushing in to the kitchen to stand at Lily’s side.
I bent to pick up the chair and moved it farther away from her. “I’m sorry…I’m sorry, but that really pisses me off. I just can’t believe this is my fault. I caused you to get hurt, when all I ever wanted was to protect you.”
Grandma Violet jumped to my defense. “We know you didn’t mean for this to happen. How could you have known?”
“Dean, it wasn’t your fault. I caused this, not you. There were other reasons, but he did specifically mention you. I only brought it up because I think its best if you avoid him. Now, can we just forget about this? Hopefully this isn’t something we’ll ever have to worry about aga
in.” Lily stood and walked out of the kitchen.
Adley turned to follow her, but paused. “Dean, she’s right. None of this was your fault so don’t blame yourself. Just be there for Lily. Be there for her when she needs you, but don’t push her too hard or you might push her further away.” She nodded her head and gave me a small smile before following Lily.
“I don’t blame myself, I blame him,” I stated to whoever would listen. I gave Grandma Violet a hug and kiss on the check before heading to my car.
Things couldn’t have been any stranger.
Lily was at school, her face battered and bruised, and not one person acted like there was anything abnormal about it. She wasn’t even attempting to hide her face, yet people looked at her and didn’t even bat an eyelash. It was as if her black and blue face had become normal, which I would never understand.
During Mr. Roberts’ class, Lily completely avoided me. She wouldn’t even look at me when I told her I’d give her a ride after school. I was at a complete loss as to how to help her. I refused to let him hurt her again, but her unwillingness to admit she needed help was standing in my way. Even though I didn’t want to - and I’d probably regret it - during lunch I decided to seek assistance on how to approach this situation.
“Knock, knock,” I said as I reluctantly entered Mindi’s office.
“Howdy, stranger. I wondered when you would come by looking for me.” Mindi smiled as she leaned forward over her desk, obviously trying to show off her best assets.
I quickly took a seat in the dingy chair across from her, effectively shielding my eyes. “Yeah, I'm in need of some help and, as school counselor, you’re my first stop.” A wide smile spread across her face.
“Hmm, let me guess. You're here to talk about Liliana Grace?” she asked as she tapped her nails on the desk smugly.
“See, I knew I came to the right place.” A little bit of flattery could get you a whole lot of information...or in deep shit, depending on your point of view.
“That you did, Dean, that you did.”
“Well I'm not sure where to start, or even what I want to know exactly. I can tell this must not be a new thing since everyone seems to be completely immune to her appearance.”
“No, though it's been a while since I've seen any outward signs of trauma on Lily. Honestly, I think this is the first time this entire school year, but her junior year was a different story. I had her in class and it was a pretty regular thing at that time.” She actually looked upset about it, which didn’t make sense to me. She didn’t seem to be trying to stop it from happening.
“So if everyone knows, why isn't anyone doing anything about it?” I questioned harshly.
“I can assure you, Dean, that it just breaks my heart when I see a fellow woman hurt like that. I would do anything in my power to help her, but every avenue has been taken with her. She just refuses to tell the truth about what’s happening and therefore, no one can help her. No matter how much I wish I could, but it’s one of those ‘can’t help someone that won’t help themselves’ kind of things.” She gave me her best southern belle in distress routine.
“So, you've talked to child protective services about her?”
“Not me personally, but the past counselor had a whole file on her and all the attempts made to help were listed in it. I know of numerous times CPS has gone to her house, talked to her father, questioned Lily. Without any witnesses to the abuse, and without a child of Lily’s age confirming how she’s being hurt, their hands are tied. CPS can’t remove her from her home when she continues to blame her bruises on one accident or another and completely denies that her father has laid a hand on her. Not to mention they are severely understaffed and can’t just camp out at her home and beg Lily to let them help her. She turned eighteen at the start of this school year and the signs of any abuse had all but disappeared. So I’ve left it alone since then.”
“Well I’d say those signs have reemerged, wouldn’t you? So are you planning to call CPS now?”
“No, Dean, I wasn’t. I’m not sure they’d do anything about it even if I did. For starters, they’d probably ignore me since they’ve already tried so many times with her and it was always a waste of their time since she didn’t want their help. And secondly, she’s eighteen now. If things are bad she can leave,” she stated as if it was so simple.
“Actually, offering to help someone is never a waste of time, Mindi. Showing a battered person that there are people who care about them should always be a priority.” I couldn’t believe I needed to tell the school counselor that.
“Well of course, Dean, I do understand that. But you have to understand the amount of time and effort we’ve all put in, trying to help her with absolutely no cooperation. It’s quite frustrating actually.” She giggled slightly and I thought I felt steam start to rise out of my shirt collar.
“Thank you the information, but I guess I’ll put some time and effort into helping her and see if I can get anywhere.” I stood to leave, but Mindi jumped from her seat and moved to block my exit.
“Exactly why are you so interested in Liliana?” she asked suspiciously. For a second, I wasn’t exactly sure how to answer her question. I couldn’t tell her my true feelings, but she obviously suspected something.
“You do remember that I was Easton’s best friend? Lily is practically my sister. I’d do anything for her,” I quickly responded, trying to display as much belief in my own statement as possible.
“Yeah, I remember, Dean. But you also weren’t aware of these issues until now so I’d say you haven’t been in contact with her in a long time. I’m just curious about your motives.”
“My motives are to help a friend that needs it. Especially when everyone else seems to have given up on her,” I snapped, wishing I’d never asked for her help to begin with.
She slowly raised her hands in the air, declaring her defeat. “Don’t misunderstand me, Dean, I want to help her too and I’m more than willing to help you in whatever way I can. I just want to make sure there isn’t something more to it that I should know. I also remember years ago on that beach and how she acted about us being together, so I’m sure you see why I’m asking. Plus, a girl likes to know who her competition is.”
I shook my head and released a slow breath. “Mindi, I do love Lily. I won’t deny it. We have a strong family history together and everyone knows that. We were bound by tragedy a long time ago and you know all those dirty little details, so I don’t think I should have to stand here and defend my interest in helping a student that is being physically abused. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a class to get back to.” I pushed past her to make my dramatic exit.
I was furious, but to be honest, I wasn’t sure if I was furious with Mindi, myself, or maybe a little bit of both. I should never have asked Mindi for help, especially when it was about Lily. I knew better than that. My judgment was completely off this time. Mindi was only interested in helping those that could further her own agenda and I’d be sure to remember that down the road.
I turned the corner that lead back to my classroom and heard Mindi shout my name as she chased after me.
“Dean, wait.”
I stopped and turned toward her but my anger kept me from looking at her. “What now, Mindi?”
“I’m sorry, Dean. I obviously crossed a line that I shouldn’t have. I really didn’t mean to insinuate anything. I think my curiosity got the best of me.” She shifted nervously. “We don’t need to pretend. We both know I have my own motivations where you’re concerned and you’ve known that for a long time.” She ducked her head and shrugged her shoulders.
“Right now I need a friend and colleague, nothing more. I’m sorry that the timing is always off for the two of us, but I hope you can appreciate that.”
“Well that’s my problem, Dean, I’m not really sure if it’s timing or if it’s someone else. You’re always so focused on Lily, even when you’d like to pretend you aren’t.” She spit her words at me with a glare plas
tered on her face.
“Honestly, I’m not sure the reason matters because the outcome’s still the same.” I tried to remain calm, but I could feel the heat coloring my cheeks as my frustration reached its peak.
The glare on her face softened and her lips curved into a small smile as she focused her attention behind me. The corners of her mouth turned up and she snapped her attention back to me. “I guess you’re right, Dean, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it.” She took several steps forward, wrapped her arms around me and kissed me on the cheek. I allowed her to embrace me in the hopes that this would be the end. I was the one that finally pulled away from her.
“I’m sorry and I hope things can stay friendly between us.” I turned and saw Lily standing at the end of the hall, watching us with a panicked look on her face. When we made eye contact, she shook her head and turned to exit the building. I gave Mindi one last look. She was wearing a huge smile, proving instantly her actions were on purpose, but I didn’t have time to worry about her. I rushed to follow Lily out the double doors. I was prepared to put up a fight and convince her where my heart truly belonged. I pushed open the double doors with every ounce of strength I had. I ran through them and right into Lily, almost knocking her to the ground.
“Whoa,” I said as I grabbed her for balance. “We have to stop meeting like this.”
“Sorry, I shouldn’t have stopped right in front of the doors like that. What are you doing out here? You followed me...you followed me. What…why did you follow me?”
“Of course I followed you. I’m not sure what you saw, but I think Mindi did that on purpose. I don’t have a clue what that hug was for and I can-”
She interrupted my horrible attempt at groveling. “It’s fine, Dean. I’m not going to lie, I didn’t like seeing that after everything you told me last night and that’s why I started to run away, but I’m not going to do that. I won’t be pushed out of my own life again, by anyone.” She had a look of determination on her face that I couldn’t help but admire. This was the Lily I knew and the Lily I fell in love with so many years ago.