A Will To Change (Hope)

by Beth Rinyu

  She shook her head, trying to sustain her laughter. “Oh, Gabby, you have not changed a bit! I would like to see you again next week to see how you’re doing. In the meantime, maybe look into something to take your mind from it. You know, like a hobby or something.”

  “Well, that sounds fabulous, Dr. Leslie, but my work is my hobby. It doesn’t leave time for much else.”

  “Well, make time, Gabby. Your emotional well-being is the most important thing. It’s at the core of everything else.”

  Yeah, I will put that right on top of my “to do” list, Doctor Leslie, right after getting laid. I walked out of her office, not feeling like I had accomplished much at all. I humored her by saying that I had to check my work schedule before making my next appointment, knowing full well that I had no intention of doing so. For right now, my mind would be fully occupied as I headed into work for the 3 to 11 shift and then, foolishly, agreeing to work a double on top of that. Maybe Doctor Leslie was right. I did need a hobby instead of working myself to death, trying to justify my pathetic existence.

  The vodka in my shot glass and Ana, the hot waitress that I had been trying to score with for months, was making a pretty shitty day a little more bearable. I was just coming off a bullshit shift of dealing with my asshole captain for the last twenty-four hours.

  “Hello, Will,” Ana said as she approached me and the guys at the bar.

  My eyes bypassed her long blonde hair and big blue eyes, and instantly focused in on her tits. Not that I could help it. Those things were huge. I was sure that they were still in the process of being paid for, but I didn’t care. I needed to see what they looked like without that skimpy form-fitting shirt that she was wearing.

  “What’s up?” I smiled, raising my eyebrow at her.

  “Not much. What’s up with you?”

  “You want to find out?” I asked.

  Her smile turned into a giggle. “Well, as a matter of fact, I’m done for the night.”

  I stood up quickly. “Cool. Let’s go.”

  “One sec. I have to get my coat.” I nodded and watched her perfect ass go walking off to the back.

  “Oh, no way, douche bag! You’re going home with that fine piece of ass?!” Tim shouted.

  “Hey, don’t be jealous.”

  Peterson lifted his beer to his mouth and took a sip, shaking his head. “Man, what the fuck? You got a golden dick or something? Delia, Janelle, Gabby, and now -.”

  “Hey, don’t put Gabby on that list!” I snapped.

  “What list?” Peterson asked.

  “With the rest of those chicks. I never slept with Gabby, and I don’t intend to. I told you before that Gabby’s not just a piece of ass.”

  Peterson held up his hands in defense. “Chill out, dude. I didn’t mean anything by it. Geez!”

  “Ready?” Ana smiled.

  “Oh, yeah!” I said, checking her out from head to toe.

  “See you jokers later,” I said, turning around to Tim and Peterson, laughing when Tim flipped me the bird.

  “Would you mind going back to your place? My roommate’s mother is in town and she’s staying at our place.”

  I looked down at my watch. It was a little after eleven. Gabby had texted me earlier to tell me she was working a double, which meant she wouldn’t be home until morning. I hadn’t brought a woman back to my place since Gabby had moved in. Even though we were just friends, I still felt uncomfortable banging a girl when she was right in the next room. But tonight I was in the clear. I could do what needed to be done and get this chick out of my place long before Gabby got home.

  “Yeah, but I have to be up early for work tomorrow,” I lied, hoping she got the hint… exit when the party is over.

  “No problem,” she said.

  Damn, this girl was too easy. Hopefully she was the same way in the bedroom. I opened the car door for her and pulled my vibrating phone from my pocket as I got in on my side. I smiled, just seeing a text message alert with the name ‘Gabby’.

  Did I ever tell you how much I love my job? Just got my ass grabbed while being proposed to by a 400 pound old man who is high on pain killers, has boils growing from his face, and breath that smells like he’s been eating from the kitty litter box. Oh, add a migraine to the mix and it’s the perfect night! Hope yours is going better!

  I didn’t realize that I was laughing out loud until Ana asked me what I was laughing at. “Huh? Oh, nothing. Just a text message.” I started the car and turned up the radio to drown out the silence. “Just give me one second,” I said as I replied.

  Well, I better be invited to the wedding.

  I put the car in drive just as her reply came through.

  But of course. You will be in the wedding. I’m thinking pink, floor-length taffeta will be perfect on you.

  I laughed again and I could tell that Ana was getting a little irritated. “Sorry,” I said, putting my phone back in my pocket.

  “No problem,” she smiled and, for some reason, the want that I was feeling for her just minutes ago had faded away. As much as I told myself it wasn’t because I was thinking about the person that had just sent that text, I knew it was. Gabby had a hold on me like no one else ever had, but since I knew that was never going to happen between us, I had to remove any thoughts of her from my mind for tonight. Instead, I planned on focusing on the hot piece of ass sitting next to me, with whom that was definitely going to happen within about a half-hour, maybe even sooner depending on traffic.

  “Gabby, why don’t you get going if you’re not feeling well?” Rita, the night nurse supervisor, said. “We got everything covered.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes, go! My head is hurting just looking at you.” I didn’t put up a fight. The florescent lights were making me dizzy, and my head was killing me to the point that I felt like I was going to throw up. I knew the only thing that helped these migraines when they came on like this was sleep.

  I went into the locker room to get my things just as Callie was coming from the ladies room. “Hey, Gabs. Are you going home?”

  “Yeah. I gotta get rid of this headache.”

  “Hey, before you go, I wanted to ask you something. My husband works with this newly single, very handsome guy around your age. Interested?”

  I thought of my “to do” list that I had made up after visiting Dr. Leslie today. “Sure, why not. You can give him my number.”

  She smiled widely. “Okay, great! Feel better!”

  “Thanks,” I said, longing for my pillow more and more with each step I took.

  I felt like I was going to throw up in the back of the cab more than once on the way home. I just couldn’t wait to get to bed. Will must have still been out or sleeping as I walked into total darkness. I was just about to flick on the living room lights when I heard loud moans coming from his room. Oh God, please tell me that his bedroom door is closed. I knew that I had to walk past his room to get to mine and I really didn’t care to see what was going on in there. I went into the kitchen to grab a drink of water to wash down my Tylenol. “Oh, Will. Harder, baby, harder.” I shook my head and rolled my eyes at the female voice.

  Taking a deep breath, I walked toward my bedroom, banging my knee on the coffee table along the way. “Ouch, damn it!” I whispered, rubbing it briskly.

  I placed my hand on the side of my face as a “visor” to prevent me from seeing what was going on in his love shack when I noticed that his door was left open a crack. The screams and the bed banging up against the wall already told me more than I wanted to know. As I changed into my pajamas, I was trying my best to ignore the alien-like, high-pitched sounds coming from the girl. I put in my ear buds to my iPod, only to find that I had forgotten to charge the battery and it was completely dead. Nothing could block out her shrieks, which was only intensifying the pounding in my head and the nausea in my stomach. I wrapped my pillow around my head and covered my ears the best I could. I couldn’t help but think that Will must be going deaf by now with
her screaming in his ear like that. I was a whole room over and I know that it felt like I was. For one split second, I wondered just how rude it would be of me if I were to knock on the wall and tell the two of them to quiet down. Geez, Will. Just freakin’ get it over with already! It was as if he had read my mind. The girl let out one last high-pitched cry that could wake the dead and the bed began to bang even harder against the wall just as Will let out a loud groan.

  “Thank you,” I whispered. I don’t know who was feeling happier at the present moment…me or the girl. Definitely the girl in Will’s room. She had just gotten to share something with Will that I would never be able to experience with him. I scolded myself for even thinking such thoughts. Will was my friend. A very good friend, which was very hard to find these days. I didn’t want to do anything to ever jeopardize that. Not to mention that I was so not his type. Why would he want plain old little Gabby when he could have a girl that looked like a Victoria’s Secret model? Still, a very small part of me wondered what it would feel like to be that girl, the one in Will’s bed. Dr. Leslie was right. I needed to get laid!

  “Oh, Will…harder, baby!” Gabby teased as I walked out into the kitchen.

  Oh shit! She heard. “I thought you were working a double last night?”

  “I was supposed to, but I had a killer migraine,” she said, taking a sip of her coffee.

  I made myself a cup and sat down across from her at the table. She looked absolutely adorable first thing in the morning, wearing just her sweats and a t-shirt her hair pulled back in a ponytail. She was just so naturally pretty, she didn’t need make-up. She just glowed.

  “So where’s Screamin’ Mi Mi? Is she still sleeping after your wild night?” She smiled.

  She was such a wise ass and I loved it. “No clue.” She creased her forehead in confusion. “She didn’t sleep here. I try to avoid sleepovers if I can,” I smirked.

  “Oh, you are such a man-whore!” she said as she got up to take the toast from the toaster. For some reason, hearing her say that bothered me. Not that it wasn’t the truth, but knowing Gabby felt that way just didn’t feel right.

  “Hey, I make sure I practice safe sex every time,” I said as she placed the toast in front of me. “What’s this for?”

  “Well, it’s nine a.m. and you just woke up. I’d say it’s breakfast.”

  “Wow. This is all I get?” I teased.

  “Well, what else would you like, Will baby?” she smirked.

  I shook my head and laughed. “I don’t know. Surprise me. I worked hard last night. I’m hungry.”

  She rolled her eyes and walked over to the fridge. I turned around and just happened to notice her cute little ass as she stuck her head in the fridge. She turned around and I quickly removed my eyes from where they shouldn’t have been looking, hoping that she didn’t notice.

  “Omelet?” she asked, holding the carton of eggs and a pack of bacon.

  “Sounds good to me.” I answered as she placed them on the counter.

  She bent over to get the frying pan from the lower cabinet and her t-shirt rose up, revealing that sweet little spot on her lower back just above her ass crack. I could feel the blood rushing to my dick as it began to rise. What the fuck was happening? This was fuckin’ Gabby! I couldn’t be getting a hard-on! I quickly got up in an effort to calm my best friend down. “Umm, do I have time to take a shower?”

  “Yeah. It should be ready in ten minutes,” she said, standing up with the frying pan in her hand and adjusting her t-shirt.

  I quickly walked out of the kitchen, hoping that she didn’t see the slight rise in my pants. I went into the bathroom and stripped down, shivering as I stepped into the freezing cold shower. I had no choice. I had to make the problem go away and I didn’t have time for the alternative. Once I felt my excitement finally waning away, I switched on the hot water and showered quickly. I ran my fingers through my soapy hair and tried telling myself that what just happened was all part of being a guy. It was morning wood. It happened to me a lot and was not a result of Gabby bending over and showing me that cute little ass of hers. I stepped out of the shower and dried off, wrapping the towel around me before going into my room and quickly throwing on my clothes.

  “Perfect timing!” Gabby smiled, placing a perfect omelet down on the table. “You see, Will, this is why you shouldn’t send them home until after they cook you breakfast.”

  “Nah, that’s what I’ve got you for,” I teased.

  She raised her eyebrow and smiled, smacking me lightly on the back of my head. She grabbed the plate containing her omelet and took the seat across from me.

  “So what are your plans today?” I asked.

  “I’ve got to do some Christmas shopping.”

  “Okay. I’ll go with you,” I answered, taking a sip of my orange juice.

  “You? Shopping?”

  “Yeah. I gotta get some presents for my favorite girls.”

  She nearly spit out her coffee, trying to hold back her laughter. “That could take a whole week!”

  I shook my head and laughed. “I only have four of them…my mother, my sister-in-law, and my niece.”

  “That’s three, genius!”

  “Keep it up, wise ass, and it will only be three,” I teased. “You’re the fourth.”

  She raised her head, looking like she was in shock. The smile that stretched across her face did something to my heart that I had never experienced before. “Why do you look so shocked? You’re like my little sister. You’re my Gabby girl.” She didn’t need to know that she was like a little sister that caused my dick to get hard.

  The smile that was just plastered on her face quickly disappeared, and I wasn’t quite sure why. She cleared her throat and, for the first time since I met her, she was speechless. She smiled again, but it wasn’t that same beautiful smile that she had given just moments ago. I could tell that it was forced. “Well, thanks, Will. That’s a tough list to make and I’m honored,” she said, getting up from the table and clearing her plate.

  “I’ll be ready in a half-hour,” she said as her eyes glassed over.

  “Okay. I’ll be ready and waiting.”

  She gave me a slight smile and headed into the bathroom to shower. What the fuck just happened? One minute she was smiling and joking, and the next minute, she looked like she was going to burst into tears. And that right there was why I never would understand women and how the hell they thought. To me, they were all a little crazy and even though I thought of Gabby so much differently than any other woman, she was still one of them and there was no escaping that.

  Little sister. Who would have thought that those two words could sting so much? I leaned my head against the shower wall and looked down at my naked body, paying particular attention to my chest area. All of the adolescent insecurities that I worked so hard at conquering were coming back. Well, of course he thinks of you as a little sister. You’re lucky he didn’t say little brother. Both of my boobs put together wouldn’t fill up even a quarter of a bra cup of the girls bra’s that he was used to being with. My mind began to wander to what the girl behind the screams in his room looked like. A super model, no doubt. This is just stupid, Gabby! Snap out of it! This is Will - your friend! The one and only person that has been there for you these past few months.

  I put all thoughts of it to rest and finished rinsing off. With any luck, I would be getting lucky very soon with this guy that Callie was introducing me to. I only hoped that he wasn’t into the super model type. I let myself relish in the warm, soothing water enveloping my skin for one more minute before finally deciding that it was time to get out and suck it up. Put your best smile on, go shopping with your friend, and come to terms that you’ve graduated from “Sister Gabby” to his “sister, Gabby”.

  After getting dressed, I walked out of my room. “I’m ready,” I said, pulling my hair back into a ponytail.

  “Why don’t you ever wear your hair down?” Will asked.

  “I do. It just get
s all in my face and drives me crazy sometimes and I can’t have that, especially when I’m shopping. What’s it to you, anyway?”

  “Nothing, you just look really…” He stopped himself and I waited anxiously for what he was going to say. “You just look really pretty with it down. Not that you don’t look nice with it pulled back, too.”

  “Now, Will, you really shouldn’t be telling your little sister she looks pretty. People may get the wrong idea.” I just couldn’t help myself.

  He rolled his eyes at me and grabbed his keys. “Let’s go, fool!”

  “Hey, you better stop calling me names or I’m gonna tell Mom. Oh, that reminds me. Can your mom be our mom instead of the Wicked Witch of the West?”

  He busted out with laughter as he closed the door behind us. “Gabby, you fuckin’ kill me!”

  Will gave me free reign with his credit card and I was having so much fun picking out presents from him for his mom and Hope, but I had to admit that I had the most fun in the toy store shopping for Grace. I handed him the last bag. “You’re all done shopping. Oh, and you’re welcome!” I grinned.

  “Geez, Gabby. Three hours?!”

  “Just be quiet, you. You’re mom and Hope are going to be impressed with what great taste you have.” I couldn’t help but laugh at him. He looked exhausted. He had a long day of following me around like a little puppy dog and letting out loud, annoying breaths every time we would go into another store. I never understood how anyone could not like shopping.

  “Well, what about you?”

  I turned around, creasing my forehead in confusion. “What about me?”

  “What do you want from Santa?”

  “Oh, I stopped believing in Santa a long time ago.” I giggled.