Alive (Mended Hearts #1)

by Beth Maria

  “If you’re lucky, you may get a peak later.” He winks, holding out his hand.

  “I hope I’m lucky then.” I wink back, placing my hand in his calloused ones. I wonder what he does that makes them like that. Maybe he plays the guitar? Jesse laughing shakes me out of my thoughts. I seem to be day dreaming a lot lately too. Damn him for that also. “Where are we off to?” I ask, changing the subject.

  “I thought we’d take a walk down to the beach and have a picnic there. The weather’s not too bad today, so I thought we’d make the most of it while it lasts. Is that okay?” he asks, looking unsure of himself.

  “It sounds perfect... I’ve never had a picnic on a beach before with anyone except my family and Chloe,” I reply, smiling up at him. He returns the smile, melting my heart. He really does have a beautiful smile. I could stare at it all day if he let me.

  “Well, let’s go then. This way, m’lady,” Jesse unstraps a basket from the back of his bike, spins me around, and then we head in the direction of the beach. The smile that I woke up with is still in place, except now it’s bigger, all thanks to the amazing man next to me.

  ****

  Jesse picks out the spot for us to sit. I don’t mind. He said to me on the way here that this is a date, and he wants it to be perfect. So far, he has been true to his word, and we’ve only been walking.

  He sets out a checkered blanket, which by the looks of it has seen better days. Making myself comfy, I slip off my sandals, close my eyes, and let the sun do its magic. This is heaven. I love the beach, being from San Francisco, but they don’t make guys like Jesse back home. Being with him makes the experience all the more amazing.

  “You look like you’re enjoying yourself,” Jesse says from beside me.

  Opening one of my eyes, I sneak a look at him, seeing an amused expression on his face. “I love the beach. I haven’t had the chance to come here yet, so I’m making the most of it.”

  “I chose well then. I’m glad. I was pretty nervous this morning, thinking that you may not think it’s very adventurous,” he admits honestly. I didn’t think guys like him got nervous. You learn something new every day.

  “This is perfect. Thank you.”

  “Are you hungry?”

  As if on cue, my stomach rumbles, reminding me that I haven’t eaten today. “I’m starving.”

  “Good. I bought a lot of food, since I don’t know what you like. We have ham sandwiches, sausage rolls, strawberries, grapes, potato chips, chocolate, and water,” he says, pulling the items out.

  “You’re in luck. I love all of that.”

  “I thought we could be romantic, feeding each other strawberries like they do in the movies,” Jesse says laughing, a blush creeping up onto his cheeks. I laugh along uneasily. “We don’t have to if you don’t want to. It’s cheesy, I know.” Now I feel bad. I’ve probably made him think that I’m laughing at him.

  “I’d love to. I’ve never had someone feed me strawberries before. Well, if you don’t count my parents when I was a baby, I haven’t, so you’ll be the first.” A smile takes over his face, and it’s contagious.

  “I’m glad that I’ll be your first then.”

  Passing me a sandwich, we eat in silence. It’s not awkward, but more peaceful. It doesn’t feel like we have to say anything to fill the silence, either. We’re content with just looking at the ocean.

  Between the two of us, we ate nearly all of the food. Well, Jesse did, but I’m so full, I feel like my stomach is about to explode. Lying down to get comfy, Jesse leans over me, blocking the sun.

  “Have you got room for strawberries?” Oh God, I forgot about them. If I say no, he’s going to think it’s because I don’t want him to feed them to me. I’m going to have to eat them. Eurgh. But for him, I will.

  “Okay, but only a few, though. I feel like I’m going to explode into a million pieces.”

  “You’ve hardly eaten anything.”

  “I don’t usually eat much,” I say, feeling insecure. Since my break up with Matt, I’ve lost my appetite, causing me to lose a few pounds. I could afford to lose that weight though.

  “I’ll make it my mission to get you to eat properly then.” I put my arms around my stomach, closing in on myself. He must have noticed because he adds, “Not that you need to put any weight on. You’re perfect just the way you are. I just don’t want you to starve yourself.”

  “I’m not,” I reassure him. I need to change the topic and fast.

  “Do you have any brothers or sisters?” I ask the first thing that pops into my head. Besides, I haven’t heard him mention his family before. I don’t really know that much about him actually...

  “No. It’s just me and my mom,” he says, popping a strawberry into my mouth.

  “Mmm.” Did I just moan out loud?

  “God, that noise... It does things to a man, Maisie. You’re going to have to excuse me.” Oh, how embarrassing. He rearranges himself through his jeans, and I look away, embarrassed. It’s not like I’ve never seen a guy rearrange himself, but with Jesse, I don’t feel like I should be looking right now. I can’t explain it. I turn into a frigid mess around him.

  “I’m sorry.” Playing with my hair, I wait a few more seconds before turning back to face him. All clear. Thank God! “So your dad doesn’t live with you?” I know I shouldn’t have asked it as soon as I see Jesse’s face go void of any emotion. Stupid, stupid, stupid me. I should learn to keep my big mouth shut. “I’m sorry. You don’t have to answer that if you don’t want to.”

  “My father is a pathetic piece of shit. If I never see him again, it will be too soon,” he says, packing the food away. He doesn’t say anything else, and neither do I.

  I think I’ve ruined our date; me and my stupid mouth. The topic of his dad must be a touchy subject. At least I know now, and if he ever wants to talk about it, I will be here to listen. I don’t expect it to be in the near future, though by the way he’s acting.

  I help Jesse pack the food away, not knowing what else to do, and spy the strawberries. Picking one up, I hold it out toward his face, waiting for him to notice.

  “What are you doing?” he asks, still looking distant. I hope this works. Fingers crossed.

  “We never got to finish the rest of the strawberries. I thought I’d feed you and try to be romantic this time. How about it?” Please say yes.

  Laughing, he opens his mouth. I place the strawberry onto his tongue. His lips come down around my fingers before I have a chance to pull them out, and he sucks and licks the juice off of them. I watch my fingers in his mouth, and my breath becomes labored. I can hardly breathe from being so turned on right now. His hot tongue feels so good swirling around my fingers. I can feel my panties getting wetter by the second. I wouldn’t be surprised if I combusted on the spot from the intimacy.

  Jesse pulls my fingers from his mouth, placing them back in my lap. I’m disappointed. I didn’t ever want that to end. I’m caught by surprise when he grabs my face in both of his mammoth sized hands, staring at me, his breathing also labored. I must have affected him as much as he affected me.

  “Your eyes look so beautiful right now, clouded with lust,” he whispers. I’m sure they are. I’m sure if I did drugs, this is what being high would feel like. I’m high on Jesse. He’s my drug, I’m sure of it. He rests his forehead against mine, continuing to stare into my eyes.

  “Are you...”

  “Shhh,” he says, stopping me mid sentence. Inching forward, his lips lock onto mine in a gentle caress. Fireworks go off in my stomach from the contact.

  “You.” Kiss. “Are.” Kiss. “So.” Kiss. “Beautiful.” Kiss. I love it when he calls me beautiful. His tongue asks for entry, pushing against my lips. I let him in. He tastes so good, just like I remember, and a moan of satisfaction leaves my mouth. One of his hands leaves my face, tangling into my hair and pulling a little roughly. It turns me on more. I wrap my arms around his neck, trying to get as close to him as possible. It still isn’t close eno
ugh. I turn so I’m straddling his lap. He leans back, taking me with him, his other hand moving to my hips, running up and down my clothed body. I’ve never hated clothes so much in my life. Before I know it, we’re all lips and clashing teeth, trying to get more of each other. I can feel his cock pressed against my leg, digging in, making itself known. God, I want to become acquainted with it so much. I’m sopping wet. I’m sure he can feel it seeping through his jeans. I’m so turned on. I don’t even care about modesty right now.

  I need to feel his hair running through my fingers. Now. Placing my hands on his head, I run my fingers through his hair, gently tugging at the ends. A moan leaves his mouth, reverberating in mine. Boldness over takes me, and I tug harder, earning another moan from him. He must like it rough. I can do rough. I hope. Jesse moves his hand from my hips, running them down my body and squeezing my bottom. I instinctively grind on him, his hardness rubbing my throbbing clit through our clothes. It’s a welcome pain. I grind again, trying to release some tension, both of us moaning in union from the movement. I can’t stop now. I need to find my sweet release. I won’t take long, either. I’m pretty close already. I carry on, moving faster and trying to hit the spot. Our lips kiss in unison with my grinding.

  I can feel the storm building up in my stomach, getting stronger and stronger with every stroke. “Oh God, Jesse!” I moan, my orgasm hitting me full force. I scream from the intensity of it. Jesse muffles my screams with his mouth, which I’m thankful for. I carry on riding out the last of my orgasm, my body shaking.

  “Maisie,” Jesse grunts out, digging his fingers into my jeans. I rest my head on his shoulder, both of us panting and trying to catch our breath.

  Coming back down from my high, embarrassment starts to settle in. Oh God, what have I just done? I can’t even look at him right now. I’m so embarrassed! “I’m sorry,” I mumble into his shoulder.

  “Hey, what are you apologizing for?” he asks, playing with my hair.

  “For what just happened. It shouldn’t have happened.” Regret swallows me whole. He’s going to think I’m a slut now. We’ve only been a couple for a few hours, and I’ve already gotten off.

  “Maisie, look at me.” Lifting my head, I look into his contented eyes. I wish mine still looked like that. I’m sure mine have guilt written all over them now. “You have nothing to be sorry for. Don’t be embarrassed, okay? That was the hottest thing I have ever seen. I want to see it again sometime, but only when you’re ready. I’ll wait however long it takes, because I know that when the time comes, it will be mind blowing. But don’t you dare apologize. I should have stopped you, but I was too far gone as well. I should be the one apologizing.” What do I say back to that? Had we not have been in public, I probably would have just had sex with him. I’m not ready for that, though, so I thank the heavens that we were out in public. Wait... We’re out in public! What was I thinking? I look around frantically, checking to see if anyone saw. The coast is clear now, but that doesn’t mean somebody didn’t see! “Don’t worry. I was keeping an eye out. I don’t think anybody saw.” I hope he’s right.

  Ringing distracts me from my thoughts. Jesse pulls out his cell, looks at the screen, and sighs. “Hello,” he answers, still playing with my hair. “Okay, I’ll see you in twenty.” He sighs. “I’ll try and be as quick as I can.” He hangs up the call, putting his phone back in his pocket.

  “What’s wrong?” I ask, looking up at him from where I’m resting my hand on his chest.

  “I have to go. I have to go sort something out for my mom.” That vacant look has returned to his eyes. I hate seeing them so emotionless. Whatever his mom is wanting isn’t good.

  “Do you want me to come with you?” I ask, trying to be supportive. If it’s bad, I don’t want him to have to go through this alone. He has me now, and I plan to be there for him.

  “No, I need to do this alone. I’ll walk you home, and then I have to go. I’m sorry I have to cut our date short,” Jesse says, disappointment flashing in his eyes.

  “It’s okay. Come on. Let’s get the rest of the stuff packed up then.” I get up and straighten my clothes out. We don’t talk while we pack up. Whatever is going on with Jesse is distracting him. I wish I could help. It breaks my heart seeing him like this.

  When we’re done, we walk back to the dorms, holding hands in silence. Today replays through my mind.

  ****

  “I’ll call you tonight,” Jesse says when we make it back to the dorms.

  “Okay.” I don’t want him to leave, but he has to.

  “We’ll do something else another day. Again, I’m sorry for cutting it short,” he says, strapping the basket to his motorcycle.

  “That sounds great. I’ll see you soon then.” I stand awkwardly, waiting for him to finish what he’s doing.

  He turns around, pulling me flush against him, and gives me a chaste goodbye kiss. Even from the minimal contact, fireworks go off in my stomach. Will he always have this affect on me? I hope so.

  “Go on in. I’ll wait.” He smiles his dimpled smile at me, causing my heart to melt to a puddle in the parking lot. Damn dimples; they get me every time. Smiling at him, I leave the confines of his body and walk to the door. I look back one last time because I can’t get enough of my beautiful boyfriend, wave, and then walk up the stairs.

  I hear his motorcycle ride off into the distance, and I suddenly feel incomplete. It’s like he’s taken a piece of me with him, most probably my heart. I know I’ll only ever feel whole while I’m with him, and that’s a scary thought. I don’t want to dwell on it right now, though. I’m too happy, and it’s all because of the guy who’s just rode off on his motorcycle; the same guy who was romantic, taking me on a picnic and feeding me strawberries today. Do they really make guys like him, or is he too good to be true?

  With a cheek aching smile on my face, I open my door, expecting Chloe to badger me for details. I don’t see her anywhere. Maybe she’s in the bathroom. “Chloe?” I shout. Nothing but silence greets me. Hmm.

  Something white catches my eye on my bed. Picking it up, I see it’s a note from Chloe.

  Gone out with Evan. I’ll be back after dinner for the deets!

  Luff ya xxx

  Well, that explains where she is. I kick my shoes off, lie on my bed as I put in my headphones, and replay today’s events for the hundredth time in the last hour. If this is how Jesse makes me feel after a day, I don’t ever want to be without him. I feel alive because of him. He’s my savior.

  Chapter 9

  Jesse

  I was having the perfect day with Maisie. She was letting her guard down, allowing me in. She even allowed me to see a side of her I didn’t expect to see yet. It was the most beautiful thing I have ever witnessed; Maisie, coming undone on top of me, just from grinding against my clothed body. I’ve never experienced something so sexy in my life. I know that image will be going into the wank bank for a rainy day.

  When she mentioned my dad, the anger I feel when I think about him resurfaced. I know I shouldn’t have taken it out on her, and I feel shitty because of it, but that’s how I cope with the topic. I close myself off and don’t allow any space for more questions. It’s the best way. Maisie doesn’t need to know about what makes me damaged. She’ll go running for the hills if she finds out, I don’t want her to know yet that I might not be able to give her the future she deserves, the comfort and safety most relationships have, all because of my tainted past. But I vow to try to be the best boyfriend I can to her. I just hope my past doesn’t come crashing down around my happy charade.

  It seems that my good friend fate is out to get me, though. I know I’ll never be allowed to be happy for long. Fate doesn’t allow me to. She likes to come and kick me in the ass as soon as something good comes into my life. It’s the way it’s always been, and I’m sure it always will be. My mom called me just after my intimate moment with Maisie. I knew as soon as I saw that my mom was calling, that something was wrong. She hardly calls me when I
’m out, as I’m usually busy, which means she only calls in an emergency.

  When I answered the phone, she sounded so distressed. Since my dad fucked us over, my mom hasn’t been the same. She’s always jumpy and hardly ever leaves the house except to go to work. I’ve tried to help, tried to make her into the woman she used to be before my dad got bad, but there’s only so much I can do. She refuses to get counseling, which I think would really help her to move on with her life. So many times I’ve had to go to her in the middle of the night because she’s screaming and shaking from her nightmares, and it breaks my heart every single time. She’s just a shadow of the woman I once knew. I won’t allow her to be like this forever, half a person, just because of my pathetic, piece of shit father.

  Apparently, my dad’s been phoning the house all morning. My mom hasn’t answered, as I’ve told her not to. I’ll deal with him. I have been for the last five years. She doesn’t have any idea, and I’m not about to tell her. If I give my dad money, I can get him to leave us alone. It’s never for long, but it keeps my mom safe. I work hard to pay for his habit, and I’m ashamed to admit that, but I have to keep my mom safe. It’s the least I owe her.

  That’s where I’m headed to now, to sort out my dad. I’ll pay him off, and then go and sort my mom out. I have to calm her down and reassure her that we’re safe.

  Pulling up outside my dad’s trailer, disgust washes over me. This place is a dump. His trailer is all rusty, the door hanging on its hinges. He should spend some of the money I give him on tidying this place up, but I know that would be pointless. This place is too far gone to repair. I’m surprised it’s still standing.

  Opening the screen door, not bothering to knock as he won’t answer, I walk into what he calls the living room. Eurgh, it smells like mold in here. My nostrils should be immune to the smell, but it gets me. Every. Fucking. Time.

  “Drew?” I shout, calling him by his first name. He doesn’t deserve the title father.