“The pain of rejection, worst pain ever huh?” He says.
I cringe remembering it. “I will never forget that pain. I think it was almost as bad as turning for the first time. I really thought I was going to die.”
“And the worst part is, everything inside of you is telling you to fight the pain, to not give in, but the only way to stop the pain is to accept the rejection. Pretty fucked up I’d say.” He looks down at me giving me a sad smile.
“I really wanted to fight it, show him that I’m not just some weak human, but it just hurt too much. I needed to get away from him before I started grovelling at his feet and embarrassing myself. I came running here thinking I’d be safe since this is my happy place, then I run smack-bang into my second chance mates. Now it’s only a matter of time before they reject me too.” I lean my head back against the trunk of the tree letting out a deep frustrated breath.
“I think Jax is a tool for rejecting you. You’re a good person, Angel. I bet he’s already regretting his decision.” He gives me a friendly smile and then frowns. I can tell he’s going over what I just said in his head.
“Wait! You found your second chance mate already? He’s here? In this pack? Why the hell would he reject you?” He moves away from the tree turning to face me fully, all tense and serious looking.
“They’re here Nixon. They have girlfriends and unlike Drake, they’re trying to make it work with them until they figure out what to do about me being their mate.” Letting out a deep breath I sigh. “I guess if the roles were reversed I would’ve wanted my boyfriend to at least try to stick it out for me; especially after all the shit he put me through. Jesus, I need to stop thinking of the entire Drake situation, I’m lucky I got out of there alive,” I say the last part out loud and as soon as I see Nixon’s confused expression I quickly continue. “I have so much running through my head now that I’m on the receiving end of my mate’s nastiness. I just don’t know what to do about them or how I should feel. Too much shit has happended this past 24 hours.” My shoulders slump.
“How do you feel?” He asks.
“Sad, hurt, angry...broken?” I pull my knees up and wrap my arms around them.
Nixon growls, “Talon and Tyler right?”
I nod my head.
“You have two mates, Angel. Do you realise how rare that is? And those fools are wasting their time when they could be with you? You don’t deserve this; no one does! Maybe you should speak to them and tell them what happened with Jax and Drake. For all you know they may still think you’re with Drake? Maybe they’re under the impression that they’re the first mates that Fate chose for you; that you still have a second chance mate out there?”
“No way, Nixon! Petty as it sounds, I don’t want the reason they accept me to be because they’re my last chance at having a mate that the Fates choose. I don’t want that, Nixon. I want them to choose me because they want to be with me. I don’t need them to choose me out of guilt, realising later that they’ve made a huge mistake accepting me when they were really in love with their current girlfriends.” I let out another deep breath knowing it’s going to hurt to say this out loud, but it’s the truth and it’s exactly how I feel.
“They deserve happiness too. You don’t know how much shit I’ve put them through. I just want them to be happy. I love them enough to give them that. I’ll tell them everything I promise; just not right now… I can’t do it. I need to stay away from them for a little while, clear my head. My brain turns all mushy when I’m near them.”
“It’s hard right? You feel so drawn to them and all they seem to do is push you away,” he says reminiscing.
“I really don’t know how they do it. They can be so mean to me, but I still want to jump them every time I’m near one of them. I don’t know what the hell to do?” I huff.
He chuckles and I frown. “Nixon, this really isn’t a laughing matter!”
He puts his hands up still laughing. I push him playfully, giving out a small laugh which feels kinda good considering the situation. “I’m sorry, Angel, but they obviously haven’t thought this through.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, what’s going to happen when you go on heat?” He asks raising an eyebrow.
“What? What do you mean, heat? No one said anything about being on heat?” I raise my voice in a panic. This makes Nixon fall onto his back on the grassy earth laughing hysterically. Faith starts giggling inside my head too.
“Not funny, Faith,” I say through gritted teeth rolling my eyes.
“Huh?” Nixon asks out of breath but finally looking up at me.
“My wolf thinks this is hilarious…” I roll my eyes and shake my head. “Enough about her though, what does this heat entail exactly?” I sit up on my knees stretching my achy body. I haven’t slept all night and it’s really starting to catch up with me.
“Heat cupcake, it’s exactly how it sounds. Luckily us guys don’t have to go through it but I’ve heard that it’s quite an experience for females. If you meet your mate and you don’t complete the bond by the next full moon you will go into heat every full moon till your bond is finally completed or until you are rejected. They don’t say how long you stay on heat for, but not many last long before giving into the temptation. I think the longest heat period I heard about lasted roughly a week,” he says, now looking back into the distance trying to avoid my eyes.
“Nixon, what do you mean?” I touch his bicep and his concerned face turns to look at me.
“How do you stop it? What is going to happen to me?” I whisper.
He stutters, “W… well… you see…when you go into heat your… uh…sexual drive is uh…magnified.” he scratches his head.
“What?!” I stand up wide eyed and start pacing. “No. No. No! This can’t be happening,” I say shaking my head.
“That’s not all, Angel.” Nixon stands up next to me.
“Your body will also let off pheromones that will smell delicious to unmated male wolves. They will be attracted and drawn to you. The only way for you to stop it before the time period is over will be to have… sex.” He whispers the last word.
“No, I can’t do that. There has to be another way? What if I just fight the heat? I mean…it can’t last forever, right? You said you heard the longest lasted a week? I’m sure I can make it a week without giving in.” I look up to him. “I can definitely do that. I’ll do that fine. No problem.” I shake it off trying to convince myself.
“I’m not sure, Angel, it’s supposed to be pretty intense. Not many people can withstand it for long. The she-wolves usually give in pretty quickly, taking any man close enough to stop it. I’ve also heard that it helps when your mate is near, they’ll be able to help share your pain,” he says shrugging. I let out a deep breath.
A worried look forms on his face. In a serious protective tone he says, “You need to watch your back when you feel the heat coming on. You’ll need to get away and find somewhere safe. Unmated males will be a danger to you. They’ll stop at nothing to take you, Angel.”
A shiver runs down my spine and I swallow the lump in my throat.
CHAPTER 4
Nixon manages to calm me down after my little panic attack. He’s even offered to take me away from the pack house when the time comes for my heat. He told me how much he loved my father’s pack and how the people in this town have been treating him well. Alex organised him a temp job at the High School where she teaches and aside from the senior girls passing him their numbers on the sly, he’s enjoying it. He’s a gorgeous man, but I don’t see him as anything more than a friend and I know the feeling is mutual. My heart has already been given to two men whether they want it or not. But it does feel good to have someone I can rely on, someone I can vent to. After the response I got from him when I told him about the rejection, I’m confident that he will never judge me. I don’t trust easily, but I kinda feel like I can trust Nixon with my secrets.
We spend the rest of the day lounging under t
he tree chatting, before stopping off at a burger place in town for dinner on the way home; where we continue to chat about Point Bright and the people in it. Despite being totally exhausted and stiff due to my first shift, I’ve tried really hard to stay awake throughout the meal.
“I had a great day. I’m so glad to hear you’re happy here, Gre… uh, I mean, Nixon.” I smile and he returns it. “Gotta get used to that.”
I climb off his bike and wait for him to climb off too. He takes the helmet out of my hand and places it onto the seat of the bike before pulling me in for a hug.
“Thank you, Angel. I never would’ve found this happiness if it weren’t for you,” he whispers into my ear. “Don’t let those twins get to you. You’re a strong woman, Angel. You’ll get through this and if you ever need a shoulder, I’ll be right here.”
I squeeze him tightly, relishing in the hug. I haven’t felt comfortable holding someone for so long, it makes me miss my friends in Point Bright; they were always so affectionate.
“Well thank you for making this day more bearable, Nixon.”
I give him a last wave goodbye as I rest my hand on the front door. I watch as he drives down the little road to his cabin, a few houses down. I’m still staring at the spot where his bike stood moments before, thinking about how content he seems these days when suddenly the door is yanked open and I’m shoved against a hard body… yet again.
This time it’s not Tyler’s chest I slam into, it’s Talon’s. The annoyed look on his face as he glares down at the spot in which I bumped into him only pisses me off further. I don’t know why the hell he looks so disgusted in me. Do I have some kind of mate curse that immediately makes my mate act like fucking douches when I’m near?
He lets out a repulsed sound looking down at me with a snarl, face filled with pure loathing.
“Argh… really, Talon? Really? Is this how it’s gonna be from now on?” I don’t expect an answer from him so I shove past him. I’m just as surprised as he is when I actually make his steps falter by the force of my shoulder against his.
My strength as a wolf is starting to pull through. At least something to look forward to.
“I told you, you are going to be a strong wolf,” Faith mutters to me.
I head towards the staircase, but his warm hand wrapped around my elbow stops me, the static electricity running from his strong hand to my arm forcing me to freeze. Tingles run through my body and I shiver.
Fucking mate bond.
“Angel, wait!” His voice is softer, gentler even, as he stands right behind me. I can feel the heat from his body against my back.
“Oh, so now I’m Angel again,” I mutter, still not facing him. I let my head fall back so that it’s leaning against his chest and I let out a deep impatient breath. I use my other hand to wipe the hair out of my face; I’m too tired to deal with whatever shit he has to swing my way this time.
After taking another deep breath to stop myself from either begging him for a chance or saying something mean, I pull away from his warmth and turn my head slightly to the side.
The bond we share is making it really hard for me to not face him and give into my wolf’s need for her mate. I need to put distance between us, I can’t give him the satisfaction of seeing what he’s doing to me.
“What, Talon?” I forcefully spit out.
From the corner of my eye I see him flinch at my tone.
“Babe, we’re waiting for you by the bonfire out back.” Lucy’s whiney voice makes me wince as Talon pulls his hand away from me quickly.
I can’t bear to stand there another moment, watching my mate walk away with another woman. Instead I shake my head and make my way upstairs in a hurry. I close my bedroom door behind me and rest the back of my head against it.
This time I don’t let the tears fall. I swallow the lump in my throat, my heart hurting. In the back of my mind I can’t help but wonder whether the twins can feel the pain I feel. I open my eyes to my dark room, the doors to my balcony are open and the slight nightly breeze wafts through. I look to my empty bed then to the bathroom door that I share with the twins.
I can’t sleep here, what if they bring their girlfriends to their room? No, I won’t be here when that happens.
I find my phone and send a text.
I pack a bag and read the incoming message, smiling to myself thanking God that Nixon is here. I’m just about to shut my bedroom door when I hear my father calling my name.
“Up here!” I call back and watch as his tall frame comes up from the staircase. He smiles at me, but when he sees my bag he frowns.
“Where you off to?”
“I’m spending the night at Gre- uh Nixon’s, we’re going to watch movies. Is that okay?” I ask unsure. Over the last few years I haven’t exactly had any parental supervision, I always did whatever I wanted to without asking for permission. Now that I have parents again I’m not too sure how exactly this works.
“Staying at a boy’s house? Scratch that, Nixon is a man for Pete’s sake. You most definitely are not sleeping over at his cabin. No. Not happening.” I almost laugh at his strict tone. My heart warms and instead I smile.
“Johnny, sweetie, she’s a big girl now. It’s not as if she’s running away, she will only be a few houses down; you know Nixon will look after her,” Alex says, coming up to me and resting her arm over my shoulder bringing me into her warmth. I can tell she’s surprised when I lean into her touch. Before I would pull away from her or avoid touching her completely; she’s naturally a very touchy person. She pulls me closer into her side, kissing my temple. I’ve missed her hugs so fucking much.
Johnny looks down at us with a smile on his face obviously noticing the change in me. He wipes his hand through his hair before letting out a deep breath.
“We wanted to spend the rest of your birthday with you, but I suppose you’d much rather hang out with a friends than your parents.” He lets out a sigh then looks to Alex. “…and of course he will look after her because if anything happens, he knows what I’ll do to him.” He moves slowly towards me then gently wraps his arms around me and pulls me against his warm chest. It’s as if he’s afraid I might run away.
“Happy Birthday, my girl. Your wolf is absolutely beautiful. I Hope you know how proud I am of you. I Wish I could keep you locked up and away from all the boys forever and make up for all the years we were apart, but your mother is right, you’re a big girl now so you get to make your own decisions.” I hug him tighter, then pull away and kiss his cheek.
“You’re the best, you know that right?” I watch as a grin spreads across his face.
****
“Do you know why Nixon was never called by his first name back in Point Bright?” I look back and forth between them, not sure whether I should be asking them the question or going to Nixon directly.
“Gregory is his middle name, the name his old pack called him by because they felt he didn’t deserve to be called by his first name,” Johnny says as Alex butts in. “It’s a wolf thing, you know… cut down a wolf’s pride, make him feel unworthy and he’ll start to believe it.”
“I don’t believe in that shit. He is part of this pack now and we will call him by his given name,” my father says, sounding proud.
I nod in understanding. “Well, just so you know Daddy, Nixon is only a friend,” I tell him. Placing his hand on his chest he lets out an exaggerated deep breath. “Thank the Fates,” he mumbles.
“That’s right, you already have a boyfriend,” Alex blurts out. Johnny’s panicked face is back as he whips his head in her direction.
I laugh then shake my head. “No Mom, not anymore.”
A frown takes hold of her face and I know she wants to ask questions, but I hug her before she has a chance to. “I’ll tell you everything another time, I promise.”
“Okay sweetie, it seems we have a lot to catch up on, and we still need to give you your birthday present. But we can do that tomorrow after your ceremony, Okay?” She kisses my fore
head and I pull away quickly, making my way past them and down the stairs before they can ask anymore questions.
I throw the duffle bag over my shoulder, nudging open the front door that leads to the porch. I make sure to avoid the backyard where I’m guessing the twins are having a bonfire judging by the noise coming from the back.
As I step out onto the wooden front porch I hear giggling and a familiar scent fills my nostrils. To my left in the darkness is Tyler sitting on the porch swing with his girlfriends legs resting over his, his face in her neck while she holds his head there.
The sharp pain in my chest as well as the pain I feel coming from my wolf witnessing this for the first time forces a whimper out my mouth. They both turn to looks at me, I quickly place my hand over my mouth as my eyes catch Tyler’s. His smile vanishes and creases in his forehead appear as he gives me an ashamed look. I quickly turn my head, forcing myself to pass them before either get to see my hurt.
I walk along the grass, feeling his eyes on me the entire time. I try thinking of every other imaginable thing to take my mind of what just happened. I pass a group of guys standing around their cars, but I don’t bother to look up at any of them. I stare at my feet as each step takes me in the direction of Nixon’s cabin. Damn, I need to get used to calling him by that name.
It’s a dark night, the only light is coming from the lamps on the different porches and the light shining through the different windows of the cabins as I pass. I lift my head when I see Nixon sitting on the steps of his porch with a beer in his hands. He lifts his head to look at me, then frowns, placing his beer on the step beside his feet before standing up and walking to meet me halfway. I hug him tight.
Angel Blackwood Page 4