Julie Seedorf - Fuschia Minnesota 01 - Granny Hooks A Crook

by Julie Seedorf

  Mavis lifted her lip-shaped sunglasses and looked at Granny. “Not a soul. I did notice the trees in your backyard grew a lot today. I watched as they slowly peeked above your roof. It’s so nice to see some greenery back there now, Granny. You’ll have to tell me what kind of seeds you used to produce a forest in such a short time.”

  “And you didn’t think it was strange that trees just automatically started peeking over my house and walk over to investigate?”

  “Well, I did wonder about that, but then someone in a car stopped and started taking my picture. I didn’t want to move. I was in my perfect picture pose.”

  Granny shook her head and carefully climbed back down the ladder. As Granny was walking away, she accidently on purpose hooked her umbrella around the ladder’s bottom, pulling it to the ground with her.

  “Whoops,” Granny yelled, “Mavis, your ladder accidently fell and I’m too weak to put it back up. Oh, my, what will we do?” Granny caught Mavis’ attention as she sprinted over to George’s yard.

  “Granny, come back! Granny!” Mavis shouted in exasperation.

  “I’ll send George over,” Granny yelled back.

  Granny pounded on George’s door. It took George a few minutes to make it to the door. Between his age and his round belly and the fact George never got excited about anything, door answering required a great deal of effort on George’s part.

  “Hi, Granny, what are you hollering about?”

  “I don’t know how it happened but Mavis is stuck on her roof. I’m so frail I can’t lift the ladder to rescue her. Can you help George?”

  “I’ll meander over there, Granny.” Granny fell in step beside George as he slowly, with the walk of a turtle, made his way to Mavis’ house.

  “George, did you see anything strange at my house yesterday?”

  “Not that I can recall, except for the new mailman. He stopped in front of your house for a long time. He kept staring at your house. I think he was trying to get his lay of the land so he got his addresses right. The postal service doesn’t take kindly to its mail men delivering mail to the wrong address.”

  “What did he look like?”

  “Can’t describe him exactly. He was a good looking young man. Never saw him before. My daughters would have been swooning over him.”

  Granny thought he sounded like the young man who had been popping up and watching wherever she went. Was he watching her home too?

  Mavis was still yelling like a banshee by the time George and Granny stepped onto her yard. Granny bid George good-bye, glanced up at Mavis, winked, and proceeded to Sally’s place.

  When Granny knocked on Sally’s door, Sally called to her from the back yard. Sally was pulling weeds in the middle of the yard.

  “Sally they have weed killer for that.”

  “I know, Granny, but I don’t want to hurt my grass. Grass is a living thing, you know.”

  “But you’re pulling out the weeds and weeds are a living thing.”

  “But the grass told me it’s having hard time breathing. It says the weeds are choking it.”

  Granny raised her eyes to the heavens as if to ask for help or something to transport her quickly elsewhere. “Sally, grass does not talk.”

  “All living things talk if you listen, Granny,” Sally softly told her with an angelic expression on her face.

  “Sally, did you see anything unusual at my house today.”

  “Only Baskerville; he must have gotten away from Mrs. Shrill. He was trying to fit his big body into your pet door. He couldn’t quite make it. It brought me my laugh for the day. He got stuck. Your little white poodle came behind him and pulled his tail and helped him out. It would have been a perfect America’s Funniest Home Video moment. Where are Mavis’ pretend reality show cameras when you need them?”

  Sally handed Granny a bucketful of grass. “Take this home and plant it in your forest that grew today. Your forest will love you for it.”

  Granny gave up and walked back home with her bucket of grass thinking maybe she was in a bad dream and this would all be gone by tomorrow morning.

  Granny was expecting Furball to jump on her when she walked in the door but the house was suspiciously quiet. There were no furry creatures to greet her. She filled eight bowls with food and water expecting the mad dash for food from Fish at least, but it was unusually quiet.

  The four troublemakers would eventually come home. Granny hoped this time they’d leave the presents elsewhere. She had all the surprises she could handle for the day. Instead of reaching for her ice cream and donuts, Granny hauled out her bottle of wine and poured herself a full glass of wine. She deserved it. Maybe the wine would help her think clearly about the situation.

  Who was this strange young man and why was he watching her? Were the ladies who were missing part of a gang of thieves? Granny hardly could believe Ella would be part of something sinister.

  Should they be looking for dead bodies? If the police thought they were part of the heist, they wouldn’t be looking for dead bodies or hostages.

  How did the thugs get into the store without bothering the alarm or breaking any doors and windows? Granny’s mind kept churning with more questions. She poured herself another glass of wine.

  Who was this Gram Gramstead woman following her around? She looked so familiar. She was becoming annoying and getting in the way of her investigation. What if she told someone about the forest in Granny’s back yard? The last question Granny was in the midst of asking herself was who did all these animals belong to? when the pet door flopped open.

  Fish, followed by the little white poodle, followed by Furball, followed by Tank, hurtled into the room. They ran up to Granny and started doing a dance around her chair. Tank dropped a large belt at her feet. “What have you four been up to now?” Granny sighed as eight loveable eyes stared up at her.

  All of a sudden, someone started banging on Granny’s door. Fish, the little white poodle, Furball and Tank ran and hid under Granny’s bed. Granny thought her kids must be here. Fish only moved that fast when Penelope and StarShine were at the door.

  Granny picked up her wine glass and her bottle of wine and tossed them in the laundry bag. Her daughters wouldn’t wash her clothes at this hour of the night. Granny opened the door.

  A fist in midair, ready to pound on the door again, hit Granny’s hat knocking it to the ground.

  “Franklin?” Granny yelled in her no nonsense voice while trying to catch her hat.

  “Granny?” Franklin proclaimed in surprise.

  “Franklin, what are you doing here?”

  “What are you doing here, Granny?”

  “I live here.”

  “You’re the owner of these thieves?” Franklin half shouted trying to keep his very seldom displayed temper in control.

  “What thieves?”

  Franklin sputtered, “That mangy cat and that half pint of a creature that resembles a miniature mop.”

  “You had the earrings?” Granny asked suspiciously.

  “Earrings, what earrings? I’m talking about Itsy and Bitsy.”

  Granny looked at Franklin as if he’d lost his mind. “Itsy and Bitsy? I have no idea who Itsy and Bitsy are. I am the only one who lives here along with Fish, little white poodle, Furball and Tank. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to retire for the night. Go take your accusatory ranting somewhere else. And to think I winked at you.” Granny used her huffiest voice and started to shut the door.

  Franklin gently stopped her and in his gentlest detective voice, pleaded with Granny to let him in. “Apparently we have some sort of misunderstanding. Perhaps we could talk about this.” And then he winked at Granny.

  Granny blushed, hesitated and opened the door. “I suppose I should give you a chance to explain yourself.”

  Franklin walked in and picked up Furball. “This is Itsy.” He then picked up Tank. “This is Bitsy.”

  Granny gave him an incredulous look and started laughing. “That huge fur ball you call It
sy. And I have news for you; Tank is a boy. Bitsy? You’re kidding me, right?” With that, Granny couldn’t hold it in any longer. She practically rolled on the floor in laughter.

  Franklin started to sputter and then he too started laughing. When they finally could control themselves, Franklin explained, “These were my daughter’s dog and cat. She named them. I inherited them when she grew up and moved away. Your Fish and your little white poodle lured them out of my home. I’d been wondering where they had been going at night. They show up during the day and then disappear. Today, I watched and saw these two little shysters steal my belt, and lure Itsy and Bitsy away, so I followed them. It led me to your doorstep.”

  “And you don’t know anything about any earrings?”

  “I don’t wear earrings. Why would I have earrings at my house?” Franklin asked in bewilderment.

  “Never mind, just a question from a foggy old lady.”

  “Young lady, you’re only as old as you let yourself be.”

  Granny thought to herself, If he only knew.

  “I will take Itsy and Bitsy and head for home. I’ll take my belt too, if you don’t mind.” he said, picking the belt up off of the floor. Franklin paused as he stepped outside the door and turned to Granny. “Um, would you care to have dinner with me some evening?”

  Granny, startled by the invitation, thought about it a second, “I’ll check my schedule and get back to you. Perhaps, I’ll fall for you downtown tomorrow morning at Ella’s Enchanted Forest while I’m having my latte. If you happen to be there I’ll give you my answer then.” Granny winked a shy wink and closed the door on him.

  Franklin Jester Gatsby, named Jester by his aunts because as a baby he was unknowingly, like babies are, always entertaining them with his foolish antics, almost lost his grip on Itsy and Bitsy as Granny shut the door in his face. He turned away and walked to his car. Whispering softly to Itsy and Bitsy, he said, “Haven’t met a woman like that since my mama graced this earth. And one mama on this earth was enough for a lifetime of women.” Franklin also wondered why he’d asked Granny to dinner. She was trouble with a capitol T and he knew he should let trouble be. Franklin hesitated as he got into his car, now he was rhyming just like Granny. Quickly he headed for the nearest watering hole aka bar. He needed a stiff drink and time to think.

  Granny leaned against the closed door and with closed eyes and a smile on her face, she briefly pictured herself planting a big kiss on Franklin. She chuckled as she visualized his surprise.

  With a little sigh, Granny turned away from the door and leaned down, patted Fish and little white poodle as they sadly whined at the loss of their friends. Granny looked at the little white poodle. “I guess I should try and find out who you belong too. Perhaps then I won’t have any more surprises at my door in the middle of the night.”

  Granny checked on her neighbors, put her package from Red Hot Mama’s Boutique by her bed, threw herself on her bed and promptly fell asleep in her clothes. She was too pooped to even think about trying out her new nighttime attire.

  Chapter Twelve

  Granny slept soundly. Granny was in the middle of dreaming about painting her house pink and adding a secret room upstairs in her home where she could run her Pinkster Detective Agency, when a door closing woke her up.

  Granny looked down to see if it would be safe to venture out of her room and then she remembered she’d slept in her clothes last night. Her kids would think she was already up and dressed for the day.

  Granny found a note and some weird sweeper, washer object, sitting in her kitchen.

  “Hi, Mom,” It was a note from Starshine.

  “I didn’t want to wake you up. I was driving through Fuchsia and wanted to drop off this floor scrubber to make your life easier. I know the last time we were here you were using bowls because buckets were too hard for you to manage to scrub your floor (this time I see you had eight bowls out). Enjoy.”

  Granny examined the floor scrubber and felt a little sheepish pulling the wool over her children’s eyes. The feeling didn’t last very long. You gotta do what ya gotta do was Granny’s motto.

  Starshine had such a soft heart. She took after her name. Granny didn’t have the heart to tell her that the way she dressed reminded Granny of the hippy era. Granny must have been clairvoyant when she named Starshine after the song in the musical Hair. Starshine always twinkled with her sparkly eyes, eyes that seemed to twinkle all the way deep into her soul. One look at Starshine and everyone fell in love with that twinkle and her soft heart. One time Starshine stopped and waited in the middle of the road for a bird to finish picking up the grain a farmer had dropped from his wagon. Granny urged her to just go and Starshine replied, “He has the right to eat too, Mom. What is my time worth compared to that of a hungry little creature?” Granny learned early on to accept Starshine’s soft ways, even if that did mean pretending to love a floor scrubber.

  Granny had decided on a plan of action before she had crashed into a deep sleep on her bed last night. She was going to examine every store for unknown nooks and crannies that the thieves could have been hiding in. Maybe they left a clue. Maybe she could discover who the good looking young man was. She was going to have to be overly vigilant.

  Granny put her usual umbrella in her closet and pulled out her expensive, long handled, double crooked umbrella with the triple spikes on the ends. She needed to be well armed if she ran into trouble in those nooks and crannies. Then she emptied her pocketbook into the larger, steel handled, tin rimmed, designer pocketbook with the extra weights in the bottom for a backup hit em’ over the header.

  Granny pulled down her long socks, plopped on her hat, pulled out the strands of hair, disheveled her clothes and walked out to her garage hoping her car was there.

  Granny opened the door to her garage an inch at a time and then stuck her head through the crack in the door, in case she was disappointed and her car had disappeared again. It would be easier to fall in shock on the soft grass rather than the concrete floor. Her eyes zeroed in on her car, sitting shining in the sun, as the sun glinted through the garage window. With a whoop, Granny opened the door all the way, hit the button on the garage door opener, hopped in her car, revved the engine and squealed out of her garage almost knocking over her mailbox at the end of her driveway as she made too tight a turn trying to avoid over shooting the street and backing straight into Mavis’ house.

  As Granny drove to town, she passed Mrs. Shrill’s house. Baskerville was not out. Too bad, she thought she might lure Baskerville to her car and give him some of the treats she’d stashed under her car seat. It would wake her up a little more to hear a good, loud, “tut, tut, tut,” from Mrs. Shrill.

  Granny parked in front of AbStract. She grabbed her umbrella and her pocketbook. She no more than walked in the door of AbStract when she felt a tap on her shoulder. It was Gram Gramstead.

  “I’ve been patiently waiting for you. I thought we should shop together today.”

  Granny had to think quickly. “That sounds lovely but I don’t have a lot of time today. Maybe you could help me find what I’m looking for and save me time.”

  “Of course, Granny; what can I do?”

  “I was going to drive over to Allure to see if the Big Box electronic store over there had any 60” televisions since the ones in Fuchsia got stolen. My eyes are so bad I just can’t watch my itty bitty screen anymore. If you could go over there and price them for me, I could get my errands done. We could meet at Rack’s tonight for dinner, my treat.”

  Granny really didn’t want to do the dinner thing with Gram because she knew she’d be worn out from all her sleuthing and she was very suspicious of Gram, but she couldn’t sleuth if Gram was following her. And she couldn’t have a latte with Franklin if Gram was following her. She didn’t want Gram to start winking at Franklin.

  “I could do that. I’ve wanted to head to Allure to see if I could find a purse to match my hair. They don’t seem to have any this color in Fuchsia. I�
�ll meet you at Rack’s at 5:00 p.m.” With that, Gram sped out the door.

  Granny gave a sigh of relief. She headed to the jewelry counter. Justine was polishing the jewelry.

  “Hi, Justine, any word about Estelle?”

  “No, Granny, the police think she was in on the heist. But, Granny, I’m worried. I don’t think Estelle would do anything like that but I can’t get them to believe me. Estelle wouldn’t just disappear like that.”

  “I agree, Justine. Did they recover some of the jewelry? The case is full again.”

  “No, insurance picked up the tab. Business has been brisk since the heist. Everyone comes in because they are curious about the robbery and Justine’s disappearance. They always buy something. Who could resist these gorgeous gems?”

  “Me,” Granny laughed, “they’re out of my price range.” Granny took her time and limped down the aisles. Granny walked to the corner where she’d seen the good looking young man. Checking to see that no one was watching her, she started tapping on the walls and floor with her umbrella. As she was making her way around the little corner she saw a movement out of the corner of her eye. When she glanced up she saw the good looking young man watching her from across the room. Granny was quick; she raised her umbrella, started spinning herself around, gave the umbrella a good swing, pushed her remote button and tossed the umbrella across the room of the store.

  When her body quit spinning from whirling the umbrella around, there was no young man in her line of vision, there was only a swath of toppled shelves and purses. Her umbrella had come to land on the jewelry case after hitting a chandelier and three arrangements of purses that stood on the shelves in the middle of the room. Justine, who was standing by the jewelry counter, was staring at her with an open mouth.

  The Big Guy came running, looking around to arrest the thief that Granny had caught. When he didn’t see anyone to cuff, he turned to Granny with a, what’s up with this? look.

  Granny hung her head and loudly proclaimed, “I got dizzy, the room started spinning. As it started spinning, I started spinning and my umbrella got away from me. My weak arms couldn’t hold it and it flew across the room.” Granny winked at Big Guy.