Thirty-Eight Reasons

by Len Webster

  This time she didn’t hold the tears back. Her tears spilt down and she let out a sob. Letting go of his wrists, she covered her eyes with her hands and cried. Being naked with Noel and having him say those three words and wanting mornings together overwhelmed her. She needed a moment. She closed her eyes tightly and tried to push away the doubts in her head.

  I’ll be worthy of Nolan Parker. I will come out deserving him. For the rest of my life I’ll keep him loving me.

  “I promise,” she said into her hands. Taking a deep breath, she moved her hands away from her face and placed them on his cheeks. His cheeks wet with his own tears. “God, I promise. I’m never leaving you. I’m never running. I love you and I am so sorry. It took hurting you and losing you so many times for me to realise that I can’t live without you. I’m so in love with you.”

  Noel’s sobs mirrored hers. He leant forward and kissed the tears away. Reaching up, she placed her hands on his jaw and held him close to her.

  “I wouldn’t let you run alone. I’d run with you.” He looked down at her and propped himself up on his hands, positioning himself.

  “I love you,” she whispered before she kissed his chin.

  “And I love you, simply forever,” he whispered back before his eyes asked for permission. His words reminded her of the words she wrote in his letter.

  She held her breath and blinked the tears away as he slowly entered her. The slight pain couldn’t take away from the pleasure she felt. This time there was no barrier and he sunk into her, both letting out a moan. Tears welled again as she realised how much she missed him and how much her body and soul belonged to him.

  His chest pressed against hers as he stilled. He breathed heavily near her left ear, hers the same. Neither moved as he stayed inside her, almost memorising the feel of their connection.

  “If I never say it enough then just know how much I love you,” he said softly. His words had her heart slamming against her chest. Making love to Noel only cemented a thought she had denied herself of.

  He’s my home. Noel’s where I belong.

  ⌘

  The next morning she wasn’t surprised to be sitting in Alex’s car as they drove away from Chappaqua. She saw the Scarsdale sign and knew they were going back to her brother’s. Clara didn’t mind. Breakfast as an entire family sounded perfect. Things were finally how they were supposed to be.

  Pulling up onto the driveway, Noel cut the engine and took her hand. Looking at her left hand, she saw the bareness of her ring finger. Sadness crept into her heart but she pushed it away. This was the best for everyone, especially Liam.

  “Do you trust me?” Noel asked.

  Clara’s eyes met his and she nodded.

  “Then close your eyes.”

  Following his instructions, she closed her eyes and felt his hand leave hers. She heard the driver’s side door open and then close. Her curiosity was getting the better of her as the urge to open her eyes intensified. The passenger side door opened and she automatically felt the cold air hit her skin. She was thankful that he told her to dress warm.

  The almost half-hour drive was catch up time. He asked her a series of twenty-one questions and in total he had used seventeen out of twenty-one. His questions were basic: what she had been up to; culinary school; and Annie and Jarred’s wedding. She remembered the day Jarred gave her the letter, the smile on his face as he told her of his intentions on asking Annie to marry him and if he had Clara’s blessing.

  The moment news broke out that the wedding was off, Jarred’s plans changed and he decided to be that spontaneous man. His proposal was instead changed to, ”Will you marry me, today, Annie?” It was a quick scramble to get Annie and Jarred’s family to the church but with the help from Liam and Jo, the wedding was breathtakingly beautiful.

  Noel’s lips touched her cheeks and she smiled. This man was finally hers. His hands touched her arms as he unbuckled the belt and took her hands, helping her out of the car. His hands covered her eyes as he started to lead her away from the car.

  “Where are we going?” She laughed and her brows knitted. “I don’t like surprises.”

  “Well, my love, this one you’re going to have to.”

  She sighed. She remembered his surprise first date and smiled. It was a lie. She loved his surprises.

  “Clara, I can feel your eyelashes as you blink. No peeking! Just trust me,” he groaned. His want for such a surprise had her heart melting.

  She could hear a gate open and they continued to walk a little more.

  “Careful,” Noel warned as he helped her up a few steps. He stopped her and moved his hands from over her eyes, running them along her arms before he held her hands.

  The butterflies in her stomach had her feeling queasy as a million thoughts ran through her head.

  “Okay, open your eyes.”

  Opening her eyes, the first thing she saw were those eyes that left her mesmerised. Looking around, she realised where they were. They stood on her brother’s porch and she saw the sun slowly start to rise.

  “I know, it’s a stupid surprise but let me explain. This is the spot where I promised you that I had no intentions of being platonic with you. This spot is also where I told you that I couldn’t watch you walk away and this is the exact spot that I’m making you the same promises.”

  Smiling at him, she dropped one of his hands and placed her free hand on his cheek. “You want to make me promises in this exact spot?”

  “Yes. This spot means the world to me. It got me closer to you and closer to being with you. The mornings we spent here are some of the best mornings of my life. I promise you, Clara, I never want to be just platonic with you. I want to be your best friend and your soul mate. I want to be the man you spend the rest of your life loving and I want to be the one you smile at everyday. I promise to never watch you walk away again. Because when you walk, I will never let you. I will follow you and beg that crazy mind of yours to stay. I promise to love you and spend every morning watching sunrises with you. I want to grow old with you and I promise to do so.”

  Her heart stopped beating as his words mended every break she had. He wanted the things she wanted for them and she was sure she’d never run. Stepping forward, she removed her hand from his cheek and circled her arms around his neck. Turning to her right she watched the sun beautifully rise.

  Perfect.

  It was a beautiful and simple surprise that had her saying, “Question seven.” He may have asked questions in the car, but she saved her questions.

  He placed his hands on her hips and pulled her close to his body. “Okay.”

  “Ask me to stay,” she said.

  The confusion and surprise filled his eyes.

  “What?”

  “Noel, ask me to stay here in the States.”

  His mouth gapped. “Why?”

  Letting out a short laugh, she replied, “Just ask.”

  He observed her for a moment, trying to read into her soul. “Clara, will you stay here with me in Boston?”

  She didn’t need to think. Saying it was as natural as breathing. “Yes.”

  “Yes?”

  Clara nodded her head with a content smile.

  “B-but the bakery and your home?”

  “I don’t own the bakery. It was under Liam’s name and he’s already hired a new chef to run the business. I interviewed her and she’ll do a fine job. I don’t want to buy the bakery because I want a home and a future with you. And as for Melbourne, it’s going to suck not seeing all my friends, but like I said, the greatest sacrifices occur for the greatest of loves. Melbourne is just a city. But you, Noel, you’re my home. I don’t care what city I’m in, as long as I get to be with you then I’m happy. I have nothing in Melbourne when you and my brother are here. Your career is here and I don’t have much happening for me back home without you once I graduate from culinary school. What do you say?” She was hopeful he’d say yes, but she had to steel herself. She knew it was too soon but they had be
en through so much that she didn’t want to waste any more time apart.

  “So you’ll move to be with me? You’ll live with me in Boston?” The excitement in his eyes had vanquished the queasy feeling she felt moments before.

  “You’re my boyfriend and I love you. I need to wake up in your arms every morning.” Danny being a successful head chef in San Francisco opened doors for her in Boston. A recommendation from him and she could work in any restaurant in Massachusetts.

  “There’s kind of a slight problem,” he stated with a frown.

  She wasn’t overly worried. They have had their share of problems and she was sure they wouldn’t be anywhere as near as her being engaged.

  “What kind of problem?”

  “The ‘I’m kind of homeless’ problem. I sold my apartment and Camaro when I left for Hong Kong, but it’s a good thing.” Noel took her hand and sat them on the step. He wrapped both hands around one of hers and gently stroked her hand.

  “How is it a good thing?” she asked.

  “It means we can go house hunting together. We can make it our home and it’ll be our safe haven. I’m done with apartments and the city. I want suburbia and a house with you. I want the life we imagined for each other.”

  She smiled and rested her head against his shoulder. “I want all of that with you,” she said. Clara envisioned what it would be like living with Noel and one day having little footsteps running along their floorboards. A house they could fill with memories for the rest of their lives.

  He’ll make a wonderful father.

  “Question eighteen. What happened to your locket?” he asked, looking down at her.

  Placing her fingers on her bare neck, she looked up and sighed. “The clasp won’t lock and the hinge is a little loose. I was scared it was going to break so I haven’t worn it as much. I couldn’t live with myself if it broke or I lost your note.”

  “I understand,” he said as he let go of her hand wrapped his arm around her, pulling her closer to him.

  “This is our first proper sunrise together,” she noted.

  Squeezing his arm, she looked at the rising sun and then up at his face.

  Noel smiled, placed a kiss on her lips before saying, “We have a lifetime of firsts ahead of us, Clara.”

  Closing her eyes tightly, she let his words consume the rest of her heart. “I believe you,” she whispered, knowing they’d have a happy life together. This was a new chapter in their lives and she would enjoy their first sunrise together.

  THE FINAL DIVE

  Looking around the sunlit room, he sighed. Clara’s bedroom hardly changed. The only thing that changed was them. They had grown. They weren’t the same couple that lay in the exact bed over a year ago. His love for her was stronger. They had done their fighting and now they had the chance to be together. This time nothing was in their way, this time a future was in their reach. Hugging Clara tighter he reassured himself of his choices.

  Clara’s the one.

  Arriving back in Melbourne a few days before her graduation, he never saw Liam. Noel called the number that he had for Liam, but he didn’t get an answer. Not that Noel was expecting one, but he had to personally thank Liam. He was the reason for Clara sleeping in Noel’s arms.

  “What time is it?” Clara asked, her eyes heavy from sleep.

  Ducking his head, Noel kissed her lips and whispered, “Just after nine.”

  She smiled and lay back down, closing her eyes. Clara’s graduation wasn’t until eleven. The afternoon after their sunrise on the steps, he called his family and told them of his intentions of marrying Clara before she moved to Boston with him. That meant he had two weeks to marry her before they left Australia for Christmas in New York. Looking down at her left hand, his heart fluttered. His proposal plans already in motion.

  “Baby, my parents are going to be here soon. I’d love nothing more than to spend today in bed with you, but it’s your big day.”

  Clara turned into his chest and held him tighter. “Argh! I’m sure they can send my certificate in the mail.”

  He laughed at her groan. “You know my gran won’t be happy with that. Let’s not forget, Alex, Keira and my mother. They want to see you graduate,” he reasoned.

  Clara sat herself up and looked down at him.

  “Fine!” She smiled. Everyone besides Julian returned to Melbourne on the same flight. Julian went back to Milan to continue his consulting services to an advertisement company that paid him top dollar.

  Sitting up, Noel brushed the hair out of her face. “That’s my girl.”

  Clara leant forward and kissed him full on the lips. Pulling back, she raised her eyebrow at him. “Yours, huh?”

  Her golden brown eyes looked beautiful in the sunlight. This room was one he’d always love. So many moments happened in this bed: their first time together and the moment he realised he wanted her as his wife.

  “Unlucky for you, this is forever,” he said as he pulled her onto his lap.

  Her hands instantly cupping his face as his hands ran up her thighs. He stopped the moment he hit the hem of her nightdress.

  Clara graced him with a beautiful smile before she whispered, “I love you,” and proceeded to kiss him.

  He’d never tire of her speaking those three words. Wrapping his hands around her waist, he pulled her forward to deepen their kiss. His heart pounded at each slow taste of her lips she allowed. He pulled away and trailed kisses along her jaw and then down her smooth neck, her skin soft against his mouth. Clara softly moaned and sank further into his lap, Noel letting out a groan.

  He felt her breath hit his right ear. “Either you need to stop this or I’m going to miss my graduation.”

  He smiled against her neck before he pulled away and looked into her eyes. “You better get in the shower before everyone gets here.”

  The only moment he was able to get her alone for them to be intimate was when Alex and Keira went away to Philip Island for the day. He wasn’t going to let Alex hear his and Clara’s lovemaking.

  “Good idea,” Clara said as she quickly kissed him and sashayed to the bathroom, intentionally torturing him with each sway of her hips.

  ⌘

  “Where’s Clara?” Noel’s brother, George, asked.

  Noel handed him the cold can of a soft drink. It was just after ten when his family arrived at the apartment for pre-celebrations.

  Grabbing a can for himself, Noel nodded towards Clara’s bedroom. “Ironing her chef’s jacket. She’ll be out in a minute.”

  “You look happy,” George stated as he opened his can and took a sip.

  “I don’t think happy truly defines how I feel.” A content smile plastered Noel’s face as they walked over to the balcony. “I’m proposing tonight,” Noel softly stated before they reach their parents.

  George placed a hand on Noel’s shoulder and looked at him with a grin. “Got the big brother’s blessing?” George asked.

  Noel nodded his head and remembered pulling Alex aside after dinner the night before. For a second, the emotionless look on Alex’s face had Noel worried, but Alex smiled and gave Noel permission.

  “Yeah, I have Alex’s blessing.” Noel beamed as his eye’s met Clara’s brother.

  The approving nod from Alex settled his nerves. All he had to do was propose and hope to God Clara says yes.

  “Nolan, you come here,” his grandmother called, waving her hand at him.

  Noel walked onto the balcony and gave his gran a hug and a kiss on the cheek before placing his can on the outdoor table.

  “You’ve got that ring ready, son?” his father asked.

  Noel patted his pocket and nodded.

  “You better treat that girl right,” his mother warned.

  Noel chuckled. “Yes, Mum.”

  Before he could say anything else, his father cleared his throat to signal him to hush.

  Turning around he saw Clara in her chef’s jacket, checked pants with a blue scarf around her neck. She bit her bottom
lip and held out her arms.

  Releasing her lip, she asked, “How do I look?”

  She truly looks beautiful in white.

  Her question only directed at him. Walking towards her, he watched the nervousness fade from her face as he reached her and placed his hands on her neck and breathed out, “Utterly beautiful.”

  His lips pressed on hers before he kissed her deeply.

  Clara smiled against his lips. “Your parents and gran are looking.”

  “We don’t care. If you kids need a minute…”

  Opening his eyes, he watched Clara’s cheeks turn that beautiful red colour.

  “Gran!” he whined, staring at his fiancée-to-be, hopefully. “Ready to be a graduate of the culinary arts?”

  The excitement reached Clara’s eyes. “Yes. It means I’m one step closer to living in Boston with you.”

  “We can honestly live here. I don’t want you to give up those restaurant offers.”

  Clara poked at his chest and shook her head.

  “Stop trying to change my mind. I want to live in Boston with you. Why wouldn’t I turn down those offers when I get to live with the love of my life and be a three hour drive away from my brother?” She raised her eyebrow at him.

  He knew she was sacrificing a lot for them but she was sure of her choice and he wasn’t going to change her mind again. He had a stable and secure job and could offer her a happy life in Boston.

  Turning around, he walked Clara to the balcony. This was their family. The smiles on their faces were ones he enjoyed. Looking at Clara, he could see the realisation that for all her life she had her own family. The proud smile on his father and mother’s face told him they were happy to call her their daughter too, if she gave him the change at marriage.

  ⌘

  Noel and Clara rode in Alex’s Mustang to Le Cordon Bleu Culinary School. The moment Alex parked onto the school grounds, Clara gave Noel a kiss and went off to join the other graduates-to-be.

  “I’ve missed driving this baby,” Alex awed once he locked the car.

  Leaning on the Mustang, Noel looked over at Keira.