Keeping Up Appearances

by Elizabeth Stevens

  I was breathing unnecessarily hard when my rant was done and I took a deep breath as I flushed hard.

  “Your feelings are important, Holly. My feelings for him aside, the git did poorly.”

  Because of course Xander Bowen had a compassionate mode! What was one more topsy-turvy revelation for the week? And, King Douche in compassionate mode was just what I needed…

  My heart looked up from its foetal position at him, but I told it not to fall for his act.

  “There are no feelings. I don’t have any feelings one way or another.”

  “Says the girl who ran straight into my arms on Monday crying.”

  “I wasn’t crying and I didn’t run into your arms–”

  “Holly, you’re the closest piece of action I’ve had in weeks. Do not take this away from me.”

  “And, it’s all about you again.”

  “Well, you’re not really letting me make it about you. So, it’s gotta be about someone–”

  “And don’t give me that woe is me act. You’re the one who’s chosen to be celibate. You could have any girl in the school if you were really that desperate.”

  “But my goal average, Holly… Blue balls will do wonders for your focus.”

  “I doubt your blue balls would do anything for my focus…”

  He huffed a laugh and I shot him a small smile, which he reciprocated.

  His eyes were warm and I again wondered how in the hell I was so comfortable with the King of the Bows. Xander and I didn’t know anything about each other aside from rumour and…well, what we saw on a daily basis, I guessed. We had nothing in common. We’d barely spoken to each other. And yet, I was sitting next to him like we did it all the time and exchanging un-witty banter with him.

  “So, French, then…” he started as though he’d just realised the same and needed to ease whatever tension this was.

  “French, then,” I answered and we got back to work.

  After Lunch, Greg sat with me in History again. He didn’t seem to feel the need to say anything to me. He just sat by me, flashed me one of those sincere smiles and may have even hummed to himself for a little while.

  After History, I had my free. So, I made for the bus to head home and actually finish my History essay.

  Part way through my study, my phone blooped. When I looked down at it and saw the notification light blinking green. I unlocked it and saw a message from Xander.

  Xander Bowen:

  Voule vou coucher avec moi, ce soir? ;)

  I snorted to myself as I shook my head.

  Holly Aberdeen:

  Pas dans un million d'années!

  I put my phone down and went back to study until it blooped again.

  Xander Bowen:

  Pourqoui pas?

  Xander Bowen:

  (Also, are you very impressed with me?)

  Holly Aberdeen:

  I am very impressed you learnt how to work Google translate, yes.

  Xander Bowen:

  I might have known what it meant!

  Holly Aberdeen:

  Did you?

  Xander Bowen:

  No.

  Holly Aberdeen:

  I didn’t think so.

  Xander Bowen:

  You never answered my question.

  Holly Aberdeen:

  What question?

  Xander Bowen:

  Why not?

  Holly Aberdeen:

  I do *not* have time to list every reason.

  Xander Bowen:

  Okay, one reason.

  Holly Aberdeen:

  Uh, the first thing that springs to mind is I’m not a Bow and you’re gross.

  Xander Bowen:

  Strictly speaking, I think that’s two things.

  Holly Aberdeen:

  Regardless.

  Xander Bowen:

  It would certainly make the git take notice… ;)

  Well, because I needed that as an option running around my head!

  Holly Aberdeen:

  For the last time! I am not hooking up with anyone just because Jason and Nancy are…together. Let alone you.

  Xander Bowen:

  Doing the nasty, you mean.

  Holly Aberdeen:

  There has been no evidence of nasty.

  Holly Aberdeen:

  And, I don’t recall asking your opinion.

  Xander Bowen:

  Friends offer their opinion anyway.

  Holly Aberdeen:

  We’re not friends.

  Xander Bowen:

  We could be if you accepted my request.

  Holly Aberdeen:

  Oh yes!! Because *nothing’s* real if it’s not broadcast all over social media!

  Xander Bowen:

  Fine. But, we could be.

  I paused. Did he mean in real life? Like we could actually be friends? Like the way I’d been friends with… Okay, maybe not Jason because I’d been in love with him for ten years. But, the way I was friends with Nigel?

  I scoffed, not really seeing that ever happening.

  Holly Aberdeen:

  In what world?

  Xander Bowen:

  Where’s the world that doesn’t care? Maybe I could meet you there?

  I paused, ignoring a feeling that my heart very much wanted me to feel.

  Holly Aberdeen:

  That’s actually kind of poetic.

  Xander Bowen:

  It should be. They’re song lyrics.

  I frowned and opened my browser. A couple of clicks later, I had the film clip for Busted’s ‘Meet You There’ playing. It was actually a really lovely song.

  Holly Aberdeen:

  I didn’t imagine you as the mushy song type.

  Xander Bowen:

  There’s a lot you don’t know about me.

  Holly Aberdeen:

  Really? Who’d have thunked Xander Bowen has hidden depths.

  Xander Bowen:

  Ah, now… I never said that. I just said there were things you don’t know about me.

  Holly Aberdeen:

  Okay, like what?

  Xander Bowen:

  It’s hardly fair if I tell you something else without reciprocation, don’t you think?

  Holly Aberdeen:

  What is this, Silence of the Lambs?

  Xander Bowen:

  What?

  Holly Aberdeen:

  It’s a movie…

  Quid pro quo, Clarice…?

  Ringing any bells?

  Xander Bowen:

  No, I know that. Great movie. I’m just surprised you know that.

  Holly Aberdeen:

  Why wouldn’t I know that?

  Xander Bowen:

  Don’t tell me little Holly likes horror films?

  Holly Aberdeen:

  Technically Thriller. But, so what if I do?

  Xander Bowen:

  Well, in the spirit of quid pro quo…

  Xander Bowen:

  I actually don’t hate the DUFF.

  I laughed so loudly that Doug whined from where he was lying on the floor.

  “It’s okay, bud. Sorry. Go back to sleep.”

  He padded over to me and I patted him absently while I replied to Xander.

  Holly Aberdeen:

  Seriously?

  Xander Bowen:

  Seriously.

  Xander Bowen:

  Double feature some time? ;)

  I paused for a moment and was surprised by my answer. But, I’d hit send before I’d registered it, so there was no going back.

  Holly Aberdeen:

  Let me know when you find that world that doesn’t care…

  Xander Bowen:

  Deal.

  Chapter Six

  Mark wandered into the kitchen, stretching. “Why aren’t you gone?” he asked as he yawned.

  “Because I have a double free first,” I answ
ered as my phone blooped.

  Xander Bowen:

  Slacker :P

  Oh. My. God. It was like the guy could read my mind half the time.

  Holly Aberdeen:

  Should have taken Math instead of PE :P

  Xander Bowen:

  And deprive the school of me in shorts? Blasphemy!

  I smiled to myself and turned off the screen.

  “Oh! Has Dolly got a boyfriend?” Mark teased.

  I frowned at him and his face fell.

  “Sorry, Doll…”

  I shrugged. “It’s fine. I mean, I feel like my heart’s been shredded. But, it’s fine.”

  He came over and hugged me. “Oh, Doll. I mean, I knew you liked him. But, this…?”

  I shook my head and let him comfort me. “I think it’s Nancy more than him? I don’t know. I just got sideswiped by it. I mean, I was going to tell him. I was finally going to tell him. And, then…”

  “I know. Are you okay? Can I do anything?”

  I shook my head against his t-shirt. “No. Thanks though. I just need some time. I need to pull my head out of my arse and–”

  “No, Dolly,” Mark said forcefully. “No. If you need to step back, then you step back. That bitch should have been straight with you. Instead, she was setting you up to look like a complete tool in front of JT and probably the rest of the school. She’s probably been planning this for years.”

  I pushed him away. “That’s not fair.”

  “And, coaching you to finally tell him how you felt while she was dating him was?” Mark’s voice rose in anger. “I know you guys were close for years, but that is not the way friends behave.”

  “She was probably confused. I mean, she didn’t even like him. It probably just snuck up on her–”

  “Holly, stop.” Mark took my shoulders and stared into my eyes. “Did you ever stop to think that while you were being honest with her maybe she wasn’t being honest with you?”

  I opened and closed my mouth like an idiot fish. “No… She…”

  “Okay. Maybe she was. Maybe she was and it did just sneak up on her. Maybe she knew all this time how you felt about him and denied her own feelings until they slapped her in the face. But maybe, Doll. Just maybe, that conniving bitch lulled you into a false sense of security and has always wanted to take Jason from you. Huh?”

  I blinked. “No. She wouldn’t–” I paused “Why would she…? Jason never liked me. That was the whole problem.”

  “I can’t tell you if he liked you, liked you, Holly. But, he was always closer to you than he was to her. She’s always been jealous–”

  “Mark, no–”

  “Doll, yes. Nancy’s always envied the relationship you and Jason had. Jason needed anything, wanted anything? You were the first person he went to because he knew you’d do it without question, without hesitation. He knew you’d drop everything for him–”

  “Wait a minute. What are you saying?”

  He shrugged. “Nothing. Just giving you something to think about.”

  “And, you thought this was supposed to make me feel better?”

  He gave me that annoying lazy smirk like he thought he was being all older and wiser. “I thought maybe putting it into perspective might make you feel better. Maybe losing something you never really had might not have been such a blow.”

  “How does that…? No. Marco. No. That doesn’t make me feel any better. Now I feel worse that I not only wasted my time on someone who was apparently never my friend but I’ve given her a mountain of leverage.” I headed for the door. “No. Poorly done, Mark. Poorly done.”

  He gave me an apologetic smile. “I was just trying to help, Doll.”

  I frowned at him. “Yeah? Well next time you decide to help, maybe don’t.”

  I snatched up my bag and headed for the bus stop in an even worse mood than I’d been in all week. I loved that Mark had tried to help and I knew – even if I hadn’t liked what he’d said – that he’d meant well. But, he had so not done a very good job of it.

  It was one thing assuming that Nancy had just been caught out. That something had happened at Teagan’s on Saturday night totally out of the blue and she’d thought that’s why I should tell him, and then maybe he’d asked her out after we’d talked… That was one thing. The idea that maybe Nancy had somehow planned all this, or at least planned for me to make a fool out of myself, was another and it kept banging around in the back of my head completely unhelpfully.

  Thanks, Mark!

  As I sat on the bus, my phone went off.

  Xander Bowen:

  You here for Recess?

  Holly Aberdeen:

  Does it matter?

  Xander Bowen:

  You okay?

  Holly Aberdeen:

  Why do you care?

  Xander Bowen:

  Wow. Hostile, much?

  Holly Aberdeen:

  Shouldn’t you be in class?

  Xander Bowen:

  You’re concern for my whereabouts seems to be becoming a thing.

  Holly Aberdeen:

  *your

  Holly Aberdeen:

  And, on the contrary. I’m wondering what’s currently supposed to be keeping you from annoying me.

  Xander Bowen:

  Woah. Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed today! What is up your ass?

  Holly Aberdeen:

  None of your damned business.

  Xander Bowen:

  Holly, talk to me.

  Holly Aberdeen:

  Go for a jog or whatever it is you sport freaks do.

  Xander Bowen:

  Fucking Jesus, woman! What crawled up your ass and died to put you in this mood?

  Holly Aberdeen:

  ONLY THE LONGEST FRIENDSHIPS I’VE EVER HAD.

  Holly Aberdeen:

  You know, nothing important.

  Xander Bowen:

  Fuck.

  You need caffeine when you get here?

  Holly Aberdeen:

  I don’t need anything from you, King Douche.

  Xander Bowen:

  I’ll meet you at your HG with caffeine.

  Holly Aberdeen:

  No. Thank you.

  Xander Bowen:

  Yes.

  Holly Aberdeen:

  Why?

  Xander Bowen:

  You sound like you need it.

  Holly Aberdeen:

  I don’t want anything from you.

  Xander Bowen:

  Greg can be waiting if you have an aversion to me.

  Holly Aberdeen:

  I always have an aversion to you.

  Xander Bowen:

  Okay, okay, woman! Greg will be waiting.

  Holly Aberdeen:

  Leave me alone!

  Xander Bowen:

  If that’s what you want.

  Xander Bowen:

  I’ll be here if you

  Xander Bowen:

  I’m here, Holly.

  My fingers hovered over the keyboard and I realised my eyes were hot with unshed tears. I tried to swallow away the lump that had formed in my throat. Mark’s words about Nancy were swimming around my head and my conversation with Xander had taken my mind off it. But, only because I’d been projecting my anger at Nancy on him.

  Weirdly, I didn’t want Xander to leave me alone. It was completely stupid and unnecessary and I had no idea why my instinct was to send Xander what I did next.

  Holly Aberdeen:

  Caffeine would be great.

  Thanks.

  His reply was seconds later, but I didn’t feel the need to reprimand him for wasting his time in what was supposed to be his favourite class.

  Xander Bowen:

  :D I’ll see you at your HG.

  Holly Aberdeen:

  Where’s your class now?

  Xander Bowen:

  Why?

  Holly Aberdeen:<
br />
  No reason.

  Xander Bowen:

  Second oval.

  Why?

  I hopped off the bus and headed for the second oval.

  Xander Bowen:

  Holly?

  Xander Bowen:

  Your little face bubble is at the bottom of the chat.

  Xander Bowen:

  I know you’re reading these…

  As I stopped at the edge of the oval, I saw him in the middle of his class, looking at his phone. He was wearing one of those hideous PE bibs over his uniform shirt and Greg yelled at him. I watched as Xander frowned and slipped his phone back into his pocket and went back to play. I wrapped my arms around myself and watched their lesson.

  A few minutes later, Greg looked up and gave me a smile and a wave. I waved back. My eyes slid to Xander and I saw him follow Greg’s gaze. As he saw me, that cocky smirk lit his face and he gave me a single nod in greeting. My return smile was completely unbidden and I looked down while I got control over it.

  At the end of their lesson, Greg jogged over to me. When it looked like he wasn’t going to stop until he hugged me, I laughed and took a step back.

  “Oh, no! Sweaty boys are not my thing,” I said as I shook my head and held up my hands against him.

  “I’m not that bad!” Greg chuckled.

  Xander arrived beside him and gave me another one of those smirks. I furiously told my heart it was nothing and it should calm the hell down.

  “Hi.” Xander nodded again, doing a far better job of holding the lines against his full-blown smile.

  Oh. My. God. Why was I suddenly flustered? “Hi.”

  “I didn’t have time to go to the machine,” Xander said, throwing a look to Greg like somehow he wouldn’t be able to hear our conversation.

  “Is this a continuation of why he was not paying attention all lesson?” Greg asked, obviously interested.

  I nodded noncommittally. “I might have yelled at him.”

  Greg snorted. “What’s new?”

  I smiled at him. “Well, we do hate each other.”

  “You do. King of the Bows and JT’s best girl are definitely enemies.”

  Xander elbowed Greg in the side as I looked at the exchange in surprise.

  “Best girl? I think he’s dating his best girl,” I answered, pretending it didn’t shred my poor heart all over again to be reminded of that and the fact the whole school knew it.