Finding Bliss

by Dina Silver

  I excused myself to the bathroom, reentered the main building, and walked quickly down a long hallway leading to an empty ballroom. I propped myself up against a wall and tilted my head up to the ceiling. I closed my eyes and took a few deep, deliberate breaths. Tyler was standing in front of me when I opened my eyes.

  “Oh my God, what the hell, Tyler?”

  “What are you doing back here?”

  “Trying to get away from you for two minutes,” I snapped.

  He took a step closer, and I turned my gaze toward the corridor to make sure no one was stomping in after him.

  “Listen,” he started, taking hold of my right hand. “I want to talk to you.”

  I yanked my hand away from his. “What is there to talk about? You are insane; it’s that simple. I have a few more days here with your family, and then I get to go home and never have to see or think about you again. So please leave me alone and let me do my job and get through this without you or Tinker Bell getting in my way.”

  He leaned forward until his shirt collar was less than an inch away from my mouth. I swallowed what little saliva I had left in my dehydrated throat. “Please, Tyler,” I whispered, eyes cast downward. “Please just leave me alone.”

  His breath was warm against my ear when he spoke. “I want to talk to you. I realize this is a bad time. I’ll come find you later,” he said and walked away.

  I exhaled and stood there, wishing he would come back and give me all of his attention again.

  Before walking back to the table, I filled two plates with hotdogs and potato chips for the kids. After dinner, Sammy, Sarah, and I grabbed the blanket we’d brought and went to claim our spot on the grass for the fireworks show while the Reeds went to join their friends at the bar. Tyler and Sadie came over to where we were sitting to say good-bye.

  “No!” Sarah scolded him. “You have to stay for the show; that’s why we’re here, Ty.”

  Tyler glanced at Sadie, whose expression indicated she had no intention of spending one more minute with his family.

  “Sorry, squirt, we’re going to meet some friends in town.”

  “You suck,” Sammy said before turning his attention back to his handheld device.

  I tried not to smile.

  Once the sun went down, the kids and I snuggled together and ooh’d and aah’d as a kaleidoscope of lights burst across the night sky. We each picked our favorite fireworks. Mine were the ones that exploded into starry glitter after bursting onto the dark canvas. Sammy liked the ones that started out like a snake, and Sarah preferred the finale to anything else. After the show, I dragged the two exhausted, saccharin-filled kids through the lobby bar like rag dolls in search of their parents. It was time to get them to bed. When I found Dr. Reed, he handed me his keys, said they’d get a ride back with friends, and dismissed me by turning his back on us.

  I almost never had any direct contact with Dr. Reed, so I cleared my throat before speaking. “Excuse me, Mr., I mean, Dr. Reed? Sarah wanted to say good night to her mom, do you know where she is?” I asked him.

  “Outside with the other women,” he said over his shoulder.

  “Okay, thank you.”

  Sarah overheard her father and instantly began whining at the thought of traipsing back outside through the crowd to find her mother. “I don’t want to go out there; you go get her, Chloe,” she said defiantly and refused to move.

  I leaned in close to her since we were standing next to Dr. Reed and three other brooding men holding cigars and brandy snifters. “It’ll just take a sec, okay? We’ll go back outside, say good-bye, and then go home.”

  “No! We were just out there!”

  I knelt before her. “Sarah, you’re too old to be acting like this. Let’s just go quickly, and the sooner we find her, the sooner we can head home,” I said, pleading with my eyes and my best everything-will-be-fine smile.

  “Do. You. Mind?” I heard Dr. Reed say above me.

  I could tell by his eyes that he was pissed. I stood up, embarrassed. “I’m so sorry. They wanted to say good-bye to Mrs. Reed…”

  “I don’t care, just get them out of here.”

  I nodded and grabbed Sarah’s hand. “Yes, of course, I’m so sorry.”

  Once we were back home, I calmed the kids down with Swedish Fish and two episodes of The Simpsons, and then put them to bed. Mrs. Reed had come home in time to say good night to them and asked me why we’d left without saying good-bye. Once Sammy and Sarah were asleep, I found Mrs. Reed reading out on the patio. I stuck my head out to let her know I was going to bed.

  “Come sit for a moment,” she said.

  I hesitated and then slid into a nearby wicker loveseat adorned with an “I’d Rather Be Golfing” pillow.

  “I just wanted to say what a wonderful help you’ve been this summer, Chloe. We’re sure going to miss you next year,” she said.

  “Thank you. I’m going to miss the kids a ton. You’ll have to promise to e-mail me lots of pictures.”

  “Of course, dear,” she said, then closed her book in her lap and smoothed the shiny jacket with her French-manicured fingers. “I expect Tylah will miss you too.”

  My smile faded. I raised my eyebrows and met her gaze. “Um, yeah, it’s been great to get to know him better. I mean, we really haven’t spent much time together, but you all have been so kind and generous,” I said.

  “He’s a wonderful boy, Tylah. So talented and charming.”

  I nodded in agreement.

  “He’s worked so vereh hard to get where he is. We wouldn’t want anyone or anything to get in his way or hinder his chances in the draft. Would we?”

  I shook my head.

  “He’s always been surrounded by people of superior caliber. I know you wouldn’t want him exposed to any unsavory elements,” she lowered her chin. “I’m sure your mother would agree.”

  I sat as though frozen, recalling the one time that my mother had fallen off the wagon. It had been a Friday night during the summer before my junior year of college, and I’d been at the Reeds’ house watching the twins. I got a call from our neighbor, saying that my mom was sitting in her car in our driveway with her head on the steering wheel. My neighbor had tapped on the window, but Mom only turned her head. Frantic, I called Mrs. Reed’s cell phone, but she never answered, so I had to take Sammy and Sarah with me in their pajamas to unlock the car and drag my poor mother to bed. Apparently, she was about to drive to the 7-Eleven to get a pack of lighters when she passed out. By the time I drove the kids back, the Reeds were home and panicked. I explained the situation to Mrs. Reed and sat through an hour of questions and insults that she cleverly masked behind a false façade of concern.

  “Naturally, we all want what’s best for him. For Tylah to stay focused and free of any unnecessary distractions. But I know you’re far too busy with your duties here to get in his way,” she concluded.

  I refocused my gaze on her. Her eyes had narrowed slightly, but she hadn’t lost her signature, patronizing grin. “I don’t understand,” I spoke with trepidation. “He’s with Sadie,” I said, feeling the need to identify the real meaning behind her lecture.

  She continued, ignoring my segue. “He has a big future ahead of him. There are many people counting on him, and he has many expectations for himself, of course.”

  I nodded again, but she wasn’t done.

  “I know how he is, how easily he can lose sight of things if he doesn’t stay focused. The draft is next year, and there’s a lot riding on his commitment to the team this fall. It’s all so vereh exciting for him,” she went on. “We don’t want to see him get distracted,” she cautioned me, lashes fluttering.

  Maybe she needed to put her glasses back on. Did she think Sadie was seated across from her? No, there was no way to mistake that Lite-Brite head for anyone else. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, causing the wicker to crackle and calling attention to the awkward silence. Best to ride the wave of denial, I thought. “Oh my gosh, no, Mrs. Reed, it’s not
like that between Tyler and me,” I said, waving my hands like I was swatting away fruit flies. And it wasn’t. Maybe if she actually knew how cruel he’d been to me, she’d be acting a little more sympathetic rather than staring at me like I’d taken a blowtorch to her needlepoint bag. “I’m so sorry if you got that impression.”

  “I know we both want what’s best for Tyler,” she said, eyebrows raised.

  I swallowed the lump in my throat. “Indeed,” I answered.

  She smiled. I think.

  After a few seconds, I realized she’d said her piece and was dismissing me. I pressed my palms together. “Thanks again for everything. The kids and I had a lot of fun tonight.”

  “Good night, dear,” she said in a cryptically cheerful tone as I stood up and walked away.

  CHAPTER SIX

  I was shaking when I got to my room. I shut the door and slid to the floor with my back against it. Only a few days left. I clasped my hands behind my head and massaged the back of my neck while I replayed the events of the evening in my mind. Mrs. Reed had just chastised me for distracting her son, when all the while Tyler was the one ambushing me and derailing my focus. I wished I wasn’t so desperate to know what he wanted to say to me, but I was. His eyes were all over me at dinner, and based on my little chat with Mrs. Reed just then, I wasn’t the only one who’d noticed. Every time I looked up from my plate, I could feel his eyes on me. However, I’d only dared to meet his gaze twice.

  I shook off my conversation with his mother and tried to regain my composure. It was not my responsibility to defend myself to her. I’d done nothing but take exceptional care of her children that summer while she played golf and took mint-julep-induced naps every afternoon. I put my pajamas on and got into bed. As soon as I leaned back, I heard the sound of paper crinkling beneath my pillow. I sat up, lifted the pillow, and found a piece of notebook paper folded in half.

  Meet me at the lake at midnight.

  A shiver shot through me and landed in my stomach. I ran my finger over the words he’d scribbled in blue ballpoint pen and then looked at the clock. A quarter to eleven.

  I smiled and studied the note for a few seconds longer; then I folded it back up and placed it at the bottom of my duffel bag near the closet.

  I rolled my eyes and sighed. I’d already let Tyler inside my head farther than he deserved. Was I willing to do it again? I was trying to be content with the memories of the couple nights we’d shared together. A simple summer fling that flared up and then died out just as quickly. Big deal, so I didn’t get the guy. I had more important things to think about, including managing my own expectations. He wasn’t the only one who didn’t need any distractions.

  I got back into bed and wrapped myself beneath the white sheets. Everything in the room was white down to the digital clock, which played mind games with me every time the illuminated numbers changed.

  Eleven o’clock. Goddamn it. Would he be waiting down there for me? I hated to be rude and ignore him. Not that I owed him any sort of courtesy given his behavior.

  Eleven fifteen. I should be the bigger person and just go down there and tell him to “focus” his attention elsewhere. Yawn.

  Eleven thirty. I hated to leave him wondering if I was going to show up or not. Double yawn.

  At 12:20 a.m. I woke up and leaped out of bed like a jack-in-the-box. My body shook from suddenly disrupting its brief slumber. I grabbed a cardigan, slipped on my flip-flops, and walked gingerly through the kitchen and outside. He was there. That massive shadowy figure sitting down at the end of the dock could only belong to one person. I closed the screen door behind me slowly so as not to rouse the rusty hinges. If I’d had any intention of blowing him off, ignoring his handwritten distraction, and moving on with my life, there was no trace of that reasoning as I skipped down the hill and padded toward him with anticipation. Once again the moon was full. He stood when he heard my flip-flops slap against the wood surface of the dock.

  “I thought maybe you were playing hard to get,” he said.

  “I fell asleep.”

  He smiled and took my hands in his. “Are you nervous?” he asked.

  “No,” I lied.

  He ran his thumb over my knuckles. “I know you asked me to leave you alone, but I felt that I owed you an explanation and an apology,” he said. “I was planning to bring Sadie up all along. What I hadn’t planned on was you.”

  I looked up at him, and our eyes clicked like magnets in the dim light of the midnight sky. I’m the crazy one, I thought to myself. I was falling in love with this boy I barely knew…and boy, was I in trouble. All I could concentrate on was the pattern of his thumb stroking the back of my hand like a pendulum sending shock waves from my wrist to my heart.

  “When I heard you were going to be here with the kids this summer, I changed my initial plans and decided to come a week earlier, alone.”

  The cheetah.

  He continued. “I know a lot about you, Chloe. My mother talks about you all the time. How sweet you are, how smart you are, how strong and determined you are. I had to find out for myself.”

  The gazelle.

  “And?” I said.

  “And she was right for once. But she hadn’t mentioned how pretty you are,” he said. “I enjoy watching you play in the lake with the kids. You always take a few extra seconds to let your hair down and adjust your suit before diving in the water.”

  “So you’ve been staring at me?” I smiled.

  “And those legs of yours.” He paused and looked down. “Maybe I’m selfish, but Mom—and you—had me intrigued,” he said, taking a step closer. He wrapped his arms around me and rested them on my behind. His shoulders were back, and his head was tilted forward gazing down at me. All I had to do was lift my chin and we would kiss. I had his undivided attention, and his lips could be mine again for a moment. It was my move, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

  I averted my eyes. “I may be all of those things, but I’m also afraid,” I said. “I’m a little out of my comfort zone with you.”

  “What are you afraid of?”

  “Of being naïve, of looking stupid, of getting hurt.”

  He bent down to my ear and whispered. “I don’t want to hurt you. I want to kiss you.”

  My best friend, Grace, used to tell me I had no filter when it came to expressing something I felt passionately about. That I never possessed the ability to repress my thoughts or emotions, and I could tell that lack of restraint was about to become an embarrassing problem.

  “I want to kiss you, too, Tyler. I’ve wanted to kiss you since before I met you.” I paused. “But I know how this is going to end. I’ll be left wanting more—more than you can give, most likely—and you’ll be with Sadie by the time the sun comes up.”

  He shook his head. “Sadie and I are just friends.”

  “Just friends? It seems like more than that to me. Does Sadie know how you feel?”

  “Yes.”

  “Does your mother?” I asked.

  “Sadie and I hang out, that’s all.”

  “Well, you should probably continue ‘hanging out’ with her since she’s your guest and your mother has your china pattern picked out already.”

  “Then why did you come down here?”

  I snorted with laughter. “Because I wanted to, because…” Don’t say it! “Because I can’t resist you, and you know it.” Blabbering fool.

  Tyler’s hands released their grip on me and found their way behind my neck. He cradled my head and pulled my mouth onto his tongue in one seamless motion. His fingertips pressed into my skin and then moved to my loose hair where he grabbed the roots and pulled back, forcing my tongue farther down his throat. He had just started to guide my body to the ground when we heard the screen door slam above us.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  Dixie Reed stood just outside the porch with her arms crossed. The silhouette of her robe like a long black cape wafting behind her.

  “Fuck,” Tyler whispered when h
e saw her.

  “Oh my God,” I said softly. “Is there any possible way she doesn’t see me?”

  “Nope.”

  “I’m so screwed,” I said with my hand over my mouth in dismay.

  Tyler laughed and held my other hand. “Relax, I’ll handle it.”

  “No, you won’t. She literally just warned me about you.”

  He blinked. “She what?” Tyler turned his face away from the house and back to me.

  “She…nothing,” I said. “Let’s just get out of here.” I began to walk up the dock toward the grass when Mrs. Reed turned and went inside. There was nothing she needed to say. She was clearly aware that her presence was enough of a shakedown. I breathed a microscopic sigh of relief, but it didn’t last long.

  Tyler latched onto my bicep with his right hand. “What do you mean she warned you about me?”

  I threw my hands up and then waved at the air between us. “This, Tyler, she cautioned me about this. About becoming a distraction for you…as if I’d been doing anything to get in your way. Maybe she was trying to do a good thing by telling me to leave you alone, you know?” I thought for a second. “Maybe she’s attempting to protect both of us,” I said, though I doubted she had my best interests in mind when she’d told me to stay away from him.

  He moved his face closer to mine. His eyes looked liked his father’s had in the bar only a few hours earlier. He was pissed. “I don’t need any protecting and neither do you. Especially from her. You’re a big girl, aren’t you?” He asked as he latched his arm around my waist.