Only A Memory

by J. Lea

  “Thanks. What does sex mean?” My hopes she’s forgotten about that word die with it.

  “It’s some sort of cheering. You know, like cheerleaders on the TV do it? The girls jumping around with the colorful pom-poms?” Amber starts imitating them by jumping, shaking her hands in the air. I narrow my eyes at her; I don’t like her lying to Ava. And she could’ve come up with a better explanation.

  “Oh, okay,” Ava nods, satisfied with the explanation. “We do a lot of jumps at gymnastics, too.” She turns swiftly around and dashes inside the living room. A moment later, the TV comes to life.

  “Cheerleading? Are you kidding me?” I reprimand her, my voice low.

  “That’s all I could think of. You could’ve said something, too!” she whispers.

  “I would if you’d let me speak!”

  “Ladies,” Connor’s deep voice interrupts us. “What are you whispering about?”

  “Nothing,” we exclaim in unison, straightening up.

  “Is that so?” He smirks, looking amused. “Then why are you blushing?”

  “Am not.” Glancing in the hallway mirror, I check my face, just in case. “Anyway, Connor, let me introduce you to my best friend, Amber. Amber, this is Connor.” I push Amber forward, closer to him.

  “Nice to finally meet the infamous Amber.”

  “Same here,” Amber grins, giving me a wink of approval. “Now I know why you keep talking my ear off about him. He’s smoking hot! I’d definitely do him.”

  Now I really blush, glancing at Connor. Amber and her big mouth.

  “At least someone here thinks so. I like you.” He points his finger at Amber.

  “Hey, when did you hear me say you’re not attractive?” I defend myself.

  “So, you do think I’m attractive?” He smirks, feeling cocky.

  I blush even more when I realize what I just said.

  “Okay, kids.” Amber steps between us. “It’s not that I don’t enjoy your little verbal foreplay, but I really need a shower. I stink.” I wanted to book a room for Amber at the local motel, but Connor and his in-laws insisted she stay at the house.

  I clear my throat and take a step back, so I can help her with her luggage.

  “Daddy!” Ava yells from the living room. “I wanna do sex, too!” She is jumping on the couch, imitating cheerleaders.

  “Oh, my God!” I exclaim in terror while Amber snorts.

  “Did I hear that right?” Connor regards us with a raised brow. “Did my daughter just say she wants to have sex?” Amber and I exchange looks, pressing our lips together in an attempt to stop us from bursting out laughing.

  “Sort of,” Amber says.

  “I thought so.” He grins, and I can’t believe he finds this hilarious.

  “I’m sorry,” I say, barely containing my laughter at this point. “She came outside when we were—”

  “Talking about sex, I presume?” Connor asks, chuckling.

  “It’s a long story.” I sigh. “I’ll tell you about it later.”

  “Can’t wait to hear it.”

  Sneaking away from him, I run after Amber. “Oh. My. God!” She shakes me like I’m some kind of rag doll the minute I step inside my room. “You’re either blind or stupid. I think I’m gonna go with blind because you can’t be that stupid!”

  “What?” My eyebrows soar.

  “That is Connor?”

  “Yes, why?”

  “How could you say no to all that? He’s every woman’s wet dream. Just look at him.” She starts fanning herself. “I feel so bad for your vagina. Why do you keep denying the poor thing all the pleasures a man like Connor can bring her? Please,” she shakes my shoulders, “please, take pity on your poor vagina.”

  “Dork.” I giggle.

  “Does he have a twin brother?” Her eyes are hopeful.

  “Nope.” I plop on my bed.

  “What about brother? Or a sexy friend? Anything?” She throws herself on the bed, staring at the ceiling with a dreamy expression on her face.

  “He does have an attractive friend.” Phoenix is a very good-looking man, not as good looking as Connor, but still.

  “Now we’re talking! Tell me everything about him. How old is he, what does he do for a living, is he a bad boy, does he like when a woman takes charge? Maybe this will be the end to my dry spell.” She stands up on the bed, wiggling her butt.

  One can never be bored with Amber around. I’ve also never met anyone more sex-crazy than my crazy girlfriend; I could swear sex is the only thing on her mind. I doubt she’ll ever settle down. Even though sometimes she looks as if she’s bumped her head a few times too many, she has a heart of gold, and I would love to see her happy.

  Later that night we’re dressed to kill and ready to party. After a few hours of trying on dresses, Amber decided to wear a short, silver, glittery body-hugging dress that features a beaded fabric and mesh detail on a plunging neckline. There’s no room for a bra underneath it. She has her hair in a high ponytail, and she completed her look with black eyeshadow. I, on the other hand, chose a simple little black dress that clings to the right parts of my body; at least Amber said so when I was trying it on. We made loose curls in my boring straight hair to give it some volume. Then we added a little eyeshadow to emphasize my eyes and a red lipstick.

  “Look at you two,” Dolores clasps her hands to her chest with approval and admiration. “You look beautiful.”

  “Thank you, Mrs. Ruiz,” Amber sings, twirling around. “You’re very kind.”

  “I’m only telling the truth. Have a lovely time, okay?”

  “We will, thank you. Is Connor still around?” I didn’t see him since the sex talk.

  “No, he left about an hour ago. He said he needed to take care of some things.” I give her a slight nod, not sure why I’m feeling sad. I’ll see him in a few minutes at the club anyway.

  “Are you really fine with me going? I can stay with Carlos tonight.” Dolores kept insisting we go to this party. I know Connor invited us, and she wants us to have fun, but we could have fun at home, too.

  “Go out and enjoy your evening. Carlos and I will spend a quiet, peaceful evening watching some TV.” Ava is at a sleepover at her friend’s house, so they’ll have the whole house for themselves.

  “Okay then. Let’s go.” Grabbing Amber’s hand, I lead her to front door.

  “Everly,” Dolores calls, stopping me in my tracks. “Could I speak with you for a minute?”

  “I’ll wait for you in the car,” Amber says and walks out.

  “What is it?” I ask as the door closes after Amber leaves.

  “I’d just like to say what a good, amazing woman you are. I’m happy you’re here with us. Don’t overthink things okay? Sometimes you just need to let go a little, go with the flow, enjoy yourself. You know what I mean?”

  Pinching my eyebrows together, I give her a confused nod. “Yes,” I say, not exactly sure what she was trying to tell me. “Thanks.” Dolores, looking quite pleased with herself, nods, and goes to find Carlos.

  When we get to Mi Vida, we’re surprised to find out how full it is already, despite the early hour; it’s only half past nine. Music is blaring from the speakers, some people are dancing, other are talking animatedly. A hostess steps before us with a tray of canapés and drinks. Amber and I each grab a flute. She takes the one with orange juice and I grab the one with champagne in it.

  “This is a nice welcome,” Amber comments. “I could get used to such luxury in no time. What kind of a party is this?” she asks, turning her head to the left and then to the right.

  “I don’t know. Connor only mentioned it’s a party but didn’t share more details.” And I forgot to ask because I was so excited Amber was coming.

  “Good enough for me.” She adjusts the strap of her purse on her shoulder. “Where is this Phoenix guy that you’ve told me about?” She looks around room.

  “Don’t be so impatient,” I tease her. “I’m sure he’s here somewhere.”


  Taking a sip of my cool champagne, I scan the crowd, looking for Phoenix’s handsome face, but as always, my eyes betray me and start looking for Connor instead. Butterflies start swarming in by belly when I realize I’m looking forward to seeing him. My heart skips a beat at the thought. This has been happening a lot lately. My heart nearly explodes whenever Connor’s near. I love being with him. He makes me feel like I matter, like I’m the most important person in the world. And that feels amazing. But I can’t let him inside my walls even though I want to, badly. I crave another kiss, his touches, his heated looks, the promises his eyes make. I yearn for his company and anything that has to do with him. But I push my feelings to the side, like I’ve learned to throughout the years. I don’t deserve him, I don’t deserve his love.

  But my heart is speaking louder and louder, muting the objections of my brain. Before I can even find him in the crowd, I feel him somewhere behind me. As soon as I turn around, our eyes lock. It’s like he has been looking for me too. His gaze is so intent that for a second it seems like we’re the only people in the club. A huge smile spreads over his handsome face and the look in his eyes is so intense my stomach does somersaults. My palms start to sweat. He pushes away from a high table he’s been leaning on, dismissing Dana who is trying to engage him in a conversation but failing, judging from the look in her eyes, and strides toward me. He is incredibly sexy in his dark jeans and a tight, short-sleeved, grey tee. It looks put together, but without trying too hard. Everything looks good on him, especially the smile he’s giving me right now. Stubble on his jaw gives him a darker edge, and he oozes confidence. He looks like a rock star, all he’s missing is a guitar, and he’d be ready to blow everyone’s mind.

  “You’re here,” he murmurs as if he wasn’t sure whether I’m going to show up or not. His warm breath caresses my cheek, making my whole body tingle.

  “Hi,” my voice is hoarse, overwhelmed by his presence. And God, how good he smells. I want to drown in his scent.

  “You look beautiful.” He leans in, giving my cheek a soft kiss, intertwining our fingers at the same time. My eyelids flutter at the intimate contact. Even though the kiss is innocent and short, I can still feel the touch of his lips against my skin when he takes a step away. As if it’s forever imprinted in my DNA. My skin erupts in goose bumps, making me shiver. It’s getting harder and harder to resist him.

  “Ahem.” Amber looks between us with a smirk on her face.

  “Oh,” I breathe, totally forgetting about Amber’s standing next to me. “I wanted to introduce Amber to Phoenix.”

  Connor blinks, also realizing just now we have company. “Hey, Amber.” He waves awkwardly. “Phoenix is over by the stage with some of his buddies. I’m glad you’re here.”

  Amber grins. “Wicked club, man,” she nods her head in approval.

  “Thanks,” Connor says. “Can I get you some drinks?” We show him the flutes we’re holding. “Okay, so you’re all settled then. If you need anything just say the word. I need to make my rounds around the room, but I’ll catch up with you later. Have fun!”

  Amber turns to me slowly. “That was … so fucking hot, intense. I’ve never been so turned on by simply watching two people eye fuck each other.”

  “I, um …” I stumble over what I’m trying to say.

  “Don’t even bother. You were more than obvious.” She shakes her hand in dismissal.

  She’s right. She knows I have feelings for Connor, I can’t hide anything from her.

  As we get closer to Phoenix, I see Dana has joined him along with some men I don’t recognize.

  “Phoenix,” I say, placing my hand on his back to get his attention.

  He swings around. “Oh, look who we have here! Everly, how are you?” He hugs me. “And who’s your friend?” His eyes travel up and down Amber’s body approvingly, licking his bottom lip.

  “Her friend,” Amber speaks up, “is Amber.” She steps between us, pushing me aside a little. “Nice to meet you.”

  “Oh, believe me, the pleasure is all mine.”

  Phoenix introduces us to his friends, and we soon discover we have a lot to talk about. Dana, on the other hand, doesn’t look too happy to see me. I don’t care, though. I’m here for Connor.

  Strong hands clasp my hips on either side, jerking me slightly forward. I recognize the smell of Connor’s aftershave. His hand snakes over the small of my back as he steps beside me which doesn’t escape Dana’s attention.

  “Looks like they hit it off.” He jerks his head to Amber and Phoenix, his breath tingling my neck.

  “Yeah, they look cozy.”

  “Are you having fun?” He takes my hair between his fingers, the other hand draws circles on my lower back.

  “Yeah,” I breathe. “You know lots of people. Are all of them your friends?” I shout my words to override loud music. I know it’s his club and everything, but even when you’re the boss you can’t really get to know everyone.

  “Most of them.” Nodding he moves to my ear. “Wanna da—”

  “Come, baby, let’s dance.” Dana suddenly moves between us, yanking Connor’s arm away from me, not letting him finish the question. She drags him onto the dance floor despite the obvious discomfort on his face.

  The hand that was on my back just a few seconds ago, is now resting on Dana’s hip, pressing into her. She rocks her hips, knowing full well I’m watching them. A devilish smile appears on her face as she runs her greedy hands all over Connor. I desperately try to listen to the conversation between Amber and Phoenix to avoid looking toward the dance floor, but it’s not working. It’s like my eyes are glued to them.

  Amber leans into Phoenix, probably whispering something dirty in his ear, making him chuckle. Okay, my cue to give them some space and for me to … mingle or something, so I don’t torture myself anymore.

  “Can I get a glass of wine?” After a quick trip to the ladies’ room I stop at the bar. Dana has her arms wrapped around Connor’s nape, pressing her boobs into his chest. The way she’s dancing would suggest she’s mistaking the dance floor for a bedroom. It’s sensual and flirtatious. Ugh. My lips form a tight line.

  “He’s a good dancer, isn’t he?” The bartender from the first time I was here, Zoe if I’m not mistaken, jerks her head to the dance floor. Obviously, she noticed me staring at them. Great.

  “Yes,” I agree. “I had no idea he could dance like this.” He moves like he knows what he’s doing. He probably does that a lot, practice makes perfect and all that crap.

  “You should hear him sing. He has a spectacular voice.”

  “He does?” Connor can sing?

  “Yep, and play the guitar. Maybe he’ll play for us today. You know, the special occasion and all.”

  “What kind of special occasion?” I frown. I thought it was just some party at the club.

  “Didn’t he tell you? It’s the boss’ birthday today.” She starts putting away the glasses while I almost choke on the sip of wine.

  “Phoenix?” I ask between coughs.

  “No, Connor.” Zoe leaves at this point, other guests demanding her attention.

  It’s Connor’s birthday. Today. Why hadn’t he said anything? He made me believe it’s just some random party. But it’s so much more.

  “How come you’re here all alone?” As if he knew I wanted to talk to him Connor appears beside me, waving to the bartender who places a bottle of beer in front of him.

  “I was thirsty.” And I couldn’t stand the torture of watching you dance with Dana. “You’re a good dancer. Where did you learn to dance like that?”

  “Here and there. As a matter of fact, I’m good at many things but you never seem to let me show them to you.” He wiggles his eyebrows playfully. Turning around, he leans his elbows on the bar so he has a better view of the room.

  “Why didn’t you tell me it’s your birthday?” I narrow my eyes at him, ignoring his comment.

  His smile fades. “Would it change things if I did?” Tilting th
e bottle back, he takes a swig of the cold beer, and I find myself mesmerized by his bobbing Adam’s apple.

  “Yes.”

  “How?” there’s challenge in his eyes.

  I shift my weight from one leg to the other, fidgeting with my bracelets. “I didn’t get you a present.”

  Connor leans dangerously close to my face; I can feel his breath on my cheek, smell his shampoo and the beer he just drank.

  “Can the present be you agreeing to a date with me then?” he murmurs, eyes burning with passion and desire.

  “Connor,” I say his name as a warning. My throat catches.

  “That’s what I thought,” he says flatly. “I don’t need anything from you, just a ‘yes’. It’s that simple.” When I think he’s going to take off, he taps his fingers on the bar, sighing. “What are you so afraid of, huh? Getting hurt? I won’t let that happen. Never. I think I’ve proven myself by now.” A nervous knot settles in my stomach. I wish it was that easy. When I don’t respond, he shakes his head in disbelief, pushes away from the bar and leaves me. Seeing him go makes my heart ache.

  Unable to move, I swallow a lump that has formed in my throat. What am I afraid of? I know what I’m afraid of. Too well. I’m afraid of myself. Because of the guilt I’m carrying, I can’t get too close to anyone. Getting closer means opening up, and opening up means heartache. I don’t think I’m capable of this. Not anymore.

  Standing at the bar for a few more minutes, I nurse my drink, thinking of Connor and Dana, who is all over him again. Ugh. I could stop this from happening, I know. It could be me in her spot if I’d just say yes. One tiny, simple word, but so hard to say out loud.

  While I comb through the crowd, trying to get to the other side of the club, looking for Amber, I hear shuffling sounds on the stage. The band that played the majority of the night has finished their set and gone to take a break. Then why is the crowd clapping and whistling like crazy? Turning around, I see Connor on the stage, his voice coming from the speakers.

  “I hope you’re having a great time,” he waves at the people gathered around the stage. “I’d like to thank everyone who came to the party tonight. With everybody here, my birthday doesn’t suck that much!”