Only A Memory

by J. Lea

  I chuckle to myself. “German,” I correct her. “And no, I didn’t know that.”

  “That’s what I said. Ger-bil.” I don’t bother correcting her again, I just smile at her adorableness. “And Marisol means sunshine. Daddy tells me I’m his sunshine every day.”

  “Marisol?” I raise an eyebrow in question.

  “Yes, my middle name. Ava Marisol. Does your name mean anything?” she asks curiously.

  “I have no idea, but we can look it up on the internet sometime if you want. Wouldn’t that be fun?”

  “We can, but you know I can’t read yet. Do you like animals?” she switches the topic.

  “Yes, I love animals.”

  “Can you buy me a puppy?” She looks at me, her eyes big and pleading.

  “Ava!” Connor scolds her. I whisk around and see him stand in the doorway, shoulder leaning against the frame, watching us. When did he get here? I didn’t hear him approach. My heart starts beating like crazy, my palms sweating. Damn you, treacherous heart.

  “It’s okay, Connor, I’ve got this,” I tell him then turn back to Ava. “I wanted a puppy when I was little, too, you know?”

  “Really? Did you get it?”

  “No, sweetie. You know, having a dog takes a lot of work, especially when it’s a puppy. You need to get up early in the morning to take him out to pee and poop. If you don’t, it can do its business anywhere.”

  “Even in my bed?” Ava asks, grimacing.

  “Even in your bed,” I confirm. “Puppies need a lot of attention.” The corners of her mouth sag, and she looks miserable.

  “But we can put it outside,” she says, too adorable for her own good. When I glance at Connor, I see his full attention is on me.

  “Ava, come here.” He suddenly extends his hand. “Let Everly have some peace and quiet. You can’t hang out in her room all the time. And no, you can’t have a puppy. We’ve already talked about this.”

  “Ugh.” She rolls her eyes dramatically. “You won’t let me have anything.” She disappears around the corner, sulking.

  “So, friend,” Connor says, his hands in his pockets, smugness on his face. “What are your plans for today?”

  I tilt my head and narrow my eyes. He looks like he’s got something up his sleeve. “Why?”

  “Just asking.” He smirks, talking a few steps forward, brushing my arm with his elbow.

  “Carlos and I are going for a walk to the playground in the park later. I thought Ava could join us. If you agree, of course.” He must have just showered, he smells fresh, clean, subtle, yet wild and free.

  “Sounds great. I’ll join you, too.”

  “Join us?” I repeat stupidly, blinking. He definitely has a hidden agenda. He’s too … I don’t even know how to describe it. He looks like a cat that got the cream. Not that there’s anything wrong with it. I love seeing him smile. But yesterday … I could see he wasn’t too happy about that friendship thing. Friendship. What’s wrong with wanting a solid, true friendship based on mutual respect and love? I need good friends in my life, I’ve already lost so much. I need people I can count on. I want to be Connor’s friend. He doesn’t need to know there’s this big part of me that wants to know him more intimately. That wants to kiss him again and again. After a long time, he’s the first man to wake feelings in me I thought were buried deep down years ago. The first man who slipped through my defenses. But reason always wins. It’s better this way. Amber doesn’t understand this. She doesn’t understand why I’m so cold and unapproachable. Her words, not mine. And maybe I am. This is how I punish myself. After all, everything is my fault.

  “Yeah. Why not? It’ll be so much fun!”

  Carlos is in his wheelchair watching Ava play on the slide, looking content. He insisted I take him right to the edge of the playground where he can see her better. Since his heart attack, he barely gets on his feet anymore. It’s hard for me to even convince him taking a few steps on his own to speed up his heart rate.

  “You want anything to drink? I’ll go grab some juice for Ava and water for Carlos.” Connor squeezes my arm to get my attention.

  “Sure. A bottle of water is fine, thank you.”

  There’s a small store right around the corner; I’ve stopped there a few times. My gaze follows Connor’s sexy back and his tight ass as he’s walking away from me. And I’m not the only one whose eyes he caught. Since he nods at some women in greeting and says hi to a few more on his way, I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who knows him personally either. Did he have sex with any of them? Or date them? He’s a handsome man, exuding confidence and dark, raw sex appeal. His facial features are stark, rough, but are softened by his warm coffee brown eyes radiating gentleness and kindness.

  “Everly,” a very familiar voice greets me. I’ve been so absorbed in my thoughts I didn’t even notice anyone approaching. Even though I’m wearing sunglasses, the light is so bright I have to lift a hand to my eyes, blinking.

  “Hey, Gavin. It’s been a while.” We haven’t spoken since that day in the amusement park, in fact. I grin up at him, glad to see him again.

  He tells Drake to go play with Ava. “True. How’ve you been?”

  “Good. And you? What’s up?” I’ve missed him, missed talking to him.

  “Nothing much. Been busy.”

  “Yeah, I know you work hard.”

  “I’ve called you.” He shoves his hands into his pockets, swaying on his feet like he’s uncomfortable.

  “Oh. You did?” I don’t remember seeing a missed call on my phone.

  “Yeah. Connor answered, actually. He told me you’re really busy helping Carlos getting settled back home, and that you’ll call when you’ll have time.” He scratches his head. “I guess the time hasn’t come yet,” he adds with an awkward smile.

  “What?” I stare up at him, blinking in confusion. Why would Connor answer my phone? And not say anything about it? “I’m sorry. I didn’t know. When did you call?”

  Gavin laughs cynically. “Figures,” he mumbles to himself, shaking his head. “I wanted to see how you were doing and how Carlos was. And maybe ask you out on a date. A real date this time. I know,” he stops me before I could protest by raising a finger. “I know you said you don’t want to date anyone, but I really enjoy your company.”

  “I—”

  “She’s busy.” We turn at the sound. Connor stands next to us, glaring at Gavin, his good mood gone. He passes me a bottle of water.

  “Connor,” Gavin greets him, an edge to his tone.

  “Gavin.” Connor nods his chin, his jaw clenched. “What are you doing here?” His voice is anything but friendly.

  “I could ask you the same thing,” Gavin says through gritted teeth and crosses his arms.

  “I’m here with Everly,” Connor emphasizes his words by putting an arm around my shoulder, taking a step forward, like he was claiming me. What the hell?

  Looking between two men, I feel some serious tension. They’re acting like two peacocks strutting about, displaying their tails. Connor clenches his jaw, a vein popping out in his neck. Gavin narrows his eyes at him, his expression hardened. They look like they’re about to attack each other, bumping their chest. I step between them, making sure that doesn’t happen.

  “Stop it! Both of you! What is all this? Why are you acting like bunch of kids?” Glancing from one man to the other, I scowl, but they ignore me.

  Gavin stabs a finger at Connor’s chest. “I know what you’re up to.”

  “You know shit. Just go.” Connor pushes his chest out, standing tall.

  Tension in Gavin’s body dissipates as soon as I press a palm to his chest. Taking a step back, he doesn’t take his eyes off of Connor. “This isn’t over yet.” He points his finger at Connor. Then his eyes soften as his gaze falls to me. “It was nice seeing you again, I’ll call you.”

  He starts to move. Instinctively I step forward. “No, wait.”

  “I’ll leave you two alone.”

  �
��Gavin!” I call after him but he walks to his son, shaking his head. “What the hell was that, Connor?” I growl with my hands on my hips.

  “What?” He looks at me like nothing happened, making me roll my eyes.

  “That!” I fume, pointing at a departing Gavin. “Why were you so rude to him? He just came over to say hi.”

  “Yeah, right,” he shoots back, rolling his eyes, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

  “What’s that supposed to mean? He was just being nice. Unlike you.” Gavin is always so nice, polite.

  “He wants to get into your pants.” He crosses his arms to his chest to make a point.

  My mouth drops open. “Does not. We’re just friends,” I emphasize the word ‘friends’.

  “Jesus, can’t you see?” Running a hand through his hair, he kicks a pebble, his arms flailing to his side. “He was asking you out. In front of me.”

  “You can be such a jerk sometimes.” An exasperated sigh leaves my mouth, followed by a shake of my head. “Why didn’t you tell me you answered my phone when he called?” I don’t even look at his, let alone answer it.

  Connor shrugs, looking completely at ease. “It must have slipped my mind. Marshmallow?” he offers me a bag of candy, casually, looking content with a sly smile on his face.

  “Ugh!” I stomp my feet, throw my hands up in frustration and storm away while hearing him chuckle behind my back.

  “A re you still mad at me?” Poking my head in Everly’s room, I wave a white shirt to call a truce. Everly’s sitting on the floor in one of her yoga positions. When she sees the white shirt, she tries to hide her smile, shaking her head. “Can I come in?” I ask.

  I tilt my head to examine the interesting position she’s currently in. Her left leg is bent at the knee, sole of her foot touching her inner thigh. Her other leg is bent too, and she’s holding the foot, pushing the leg upward while her back is arched and her head tilted back. Her eyes are closed now, completely focused on breathing. She’s wearing long white leggings with a red pattern. Her shirt, knotted at her waist, rode up so I can admire her toned stomach. She has her hair down, falling down her back like a waterfall. God, she’s so incredibly sexy. I could stand here and watch her all day.

  She finally opens one eye and beckons me with a tilt of her head to enter. I drop down beside her and attempt to copy her position, failing miserably. How can she bend her legs like this? I feel like I’m going to fall any second now and I haven’t even try to raise a leg yet.

  Everly switches the position, front leg stays the same while she places her hands on either side of her, breathing slowly. Then, suddenly, she extends the other leg, and, holy cow, she can do a split. Blinking a few times, I want to make sure I’m not dreaming things. I had no idea she’s so flexible. And so gracious at the same time. Her movements are fluid and trained. My dirty mind can’t help but wonder how her flexibility would spice things up in the bedroom. Fuck, now I’m hard. She lets her torso down to hug her front leg, and I keep trying to do the same. When I start falling to the side trying to catch my balance, her lips twitch but she manages to hide a smile before it goes to a full grin. Good. That means she’s not that furious with me anymore.

  After a few tries, I know I suck at this. Yoga is so much harder than it looks. Sweat is running down my face and down my back as I try to keep up with her moves. I think she’s torturing me on purpose so she can watch me sweat – figuratively and literally. But I’m stubborn, and I’m not giving up. I came here to prove myself to her.

  She’s on all fours now, her ass in the air. She arches her back, exhaling, then brings her chin to her chest, straightening and arching her back again, inhaling. Seems easy enough. It’s something I can do. Or could do, if my eyes wouldn’t drift to her firm, round ass, perched in the air. Yoga is already hard enough as it is, but doing it with a hard on is ten times worse.

  She reaches her hands forward, palms down, and sinks her chest to the ground, her ass in the air. Slowly, she slides her hips forward to the mat. Her hands outstretched and eyes closed, she stretches her spine. Only one thought goes through my mind right now – I wish I was the mat and she was pressing her hips into me like that. That her body would slide against mine. Swallowing hard, I glue my eyes to the masterpiece that is her body.

  She opens her eyes, her head turns slightly in my direction, curious to see what I’m doing. When our eyes meet, she looks away, a small smile dancing on her lips.

  “I suck, I know,” I say lightly.

  “It’s the effort that counts.”

  I didn’t expect her to talk to me at all. “Can you repeat what you just did? What is that pose called?” I definitely need to see it again.

  “Which one? There were more than just one. You want to try it?”

  Hell no. “Yes. The one where you were on all fours, and then dropped your hips to the floor extending your arms.

  “I started in cat pose. The pose you’re referring to, is a variation of inch worm, and I continued with cobra pose,” she shows me. “Like that, yes,” she nods, encouraging me as I repeat after her. I feel like an idiot but it’s worth seeing her tight ass in the air again.

  “Are you still mad at me?” I repeat the question from earlier, sitting down on the mat, giving up on poses. I don’t see the point in doing it since I’m failing miserably.

  Taking a deep breath, she stops her workout, lying on her stomach. “Gavin is your friend, and you’ve acted like a jerk. I don’t know what all that was about, but you need to apologize to him.”

  “I ain’t apologizing for shit.” Hell to the no. He wants something I want and there’s a fat chance I’m going to let him win.

  “Why didn’t you tell me he called? Now it seems like I was avoiding him. I hate that.”

  “You like him? Is that what this is?”

  She sighs. “I like him as a friend, okay? I like hanging out with him. Besides, I don’t have any friends nearby but you. Amber lives too far away for us to meet up regularly. I’ve only just started building a friendship with Gavin, but now I’m not even sure he’ll want to talk to me again.” She raises herself into a sitting position, offering me a perfect view of her lean stomach.

  “Well, I’m not your friend,” I emphasize. “I don’t want to be your friend.”

  She furrows her brows, pain slashing through her eyes. “You d-don’t?” she stutters. “But you said—”

  “I know what I said,” I cut in, moving closer to stroke her cheek. Her breath hitches, but before I manage to touch her she jerks her head to the side, my hand touching nothing but air between us. That doesn’t stop me from saying, “I want more than just friendship with you. I want you. I want to own your heart. Don’t you understand?”

  “Friendship’s the only thing I can offer you,” Everly says, her voice low. She shakes her head, frowning slightly as if trying to convince herself she really means what she’s saying.

  “So you’re not attracted to me? Tell me you only see me as a friend, and I’ll stop. I promise. Just tell me.” It’ll be damn hard, but I’ll do it.

  “It’s not that,” she hesitates, clasping her wrist with her other hand.

  “Tell me,” I demand. I need answers, but she keeps evading me. I just need to hear that she doesn’t feel about me the way I feel about her, and I’ll stop pursuing her.

  “I can’t,” she looks away, pain etched on her face.

  She can’t. That was all I needed. “I’m going to win your heart. Mark my words. I’m not giving up until every single piece of your heart belongs to me. Every. Single. Piece.”

  “You’re really stubborn, aren’t you?”

  “You have no idea.” I plaster on a smile, my eyes sparkling.

  Over the following days, I initiate the next phase of my plan. My plan is to get Everly’s attention every time I walk past her in the hallway, when I’m shirtless or wrapped just in a towel, right after shower. I noticed that gets her attention most. I make sure our hands brush or I touch her face, tucking a
lock of her hair behind her ear, my hand lingering a few seconds longer than it’s supposed to. Every morning when we’re in the kitchen together, I make her breakfast and coffee while I lean over her to grab this or that from the cupboard, bringing our bodies flush with each other. I whisper naughty things to her, making her cheeks blush, and write her cheeky texts at night. And my favorite – I try to make her laugh a lot. I love seeing her smile, laughing out loud, especially when I’m the one she laughs with. Judging by how our every encounter leaves her with flushed skin and shallow breaths, I’d say my plan is working.

  “I can’t believe you’re finally here!” I jump Amber as soon as I open the front door, wrapping her in a tight hug. It seems as if it’s been forever since we’ve last seen each other, but in reality, it’s only been a few months. I’m so happy to see my best friend I forget my manners. “How are you?”

  “Horny as hell. I haven’t had sex in a week, can you imagine? A week,” she emphasizes the last part. “My vagina is so depressed. If I had a dick, it would have probably fallen off by now.” She pushes her sunglasses up, crossing the threshold. The barely-there top she’s wearing says “Lick Me” across the front, showing off her tight stomach.

  “Evi, who is this? What does sex mean?” Ava appears out of nowhere, watching us curiously. Heat rises to my cheeks, making me throw Amber a nasty look.

  “You couldn’t say that quieter?” I whisper-hiss.

  “What?” Amber throws her hands up in frustration. “How am I supposed to know dwarfs are eavesdropping?” She kneels down in front of Ava, offering her hand in greeting. “He-llo,” she says slowly. “My name is Am-ber. I’m Everly’s fri-end.”

  Ava turns to me, pulling her face. “Why is she speaking so strange?”

  I chuckle. “Amber, she’s a child, you don’t have to talk to her like she’s an alien.”

  “How am I supposed to know that? How many kids have you seen me speaking to, huh?” Amber shrugs, and shoves her hand in her purse, rummaging through the contents. “Here, a lollipop.” She offers the candy to Ava who grins, grabs the lollipop, and unwraps it like a pro. She shoves it in her mouth.