Katie's Journey to Love

by Jerry S. Eicher

  Under his gaze, Mabel finally glanced away and offered no further response.

  “Now, what were you saying, Katie?” Jesse turned back to her.

  “I’m very sorry about all this.” Katie got to her feet. “I’d better go see what I can do for Mamm.”

  “Sit down, Katie,” Jesse said. He stood up. “I’ll be right back.”

  He disappeared into the living room.

  Mabel turned to glare at Katie. “I can’t believe you!” Mabel spat out.

  Katie looked away. She wasn’t going to fight about this. Besides, Esther was coming at any moment. In fact, she should be here already. Katie wondered if she should change her mind and give up this idea tonight. It would temporarily solve things for Mamm, but that would only postpone the inevitable. Nee, she was going. A look of determination settled on her face. Da Hah had opened this door, and she was walking through it. Most of the family, including Mamm and Jesse, probably thought she’d pushed the door open on her own, but she hadn’t. Da Hah had done this for her. She was more certain of that each day. How a thing from Da Hah could cause so much trouble was hard to understand, but she wasn’t turning back now.

  Headlights bounced into the driveway, throwing beams of light through the living room windows. They ricocheted off the kitchen wall, stabbing through the bright glow of the lantern. Katie rose and, without looking at any of them, walked out of the kitchen. Mamm was seated on the couch beside Jesse, her head on his shoulder. Her sobs were silent now.

  “I’m so sorry about all this,” Katie said as she paused for a moment.

  “It’s okay.” Mamm looked up, a faint smile on her face.

  Katie hesitated. But what more was there to say? Other than staying home, nothing would fully cheer Mamm. At least there was one thing to be thankful for. Jesse had done wonders for Mamm in the last few minutes. She had never recovered from one of her dark spells so quickly before.

  Grabbing her stuff, Katie headed out the door, closing it behind her. She walked down the steps as Esther’s headlights lit up the front yard. Katie squinted as she ran toward the car and opened the door. She slid in.

  “Howdy there,” Esther greeted her. “How are you doing?”

  “Okay, I guess,” Katie managed to say.

  “Trouble again?”

  Katie waited until Esther was on the main road before answering. “Everybody’s taking my leaving hard, and now there are people around other than Mamm.”

  “I can imagine.” Esther was all sympathy. “I guess you’ll just have to find your way. Carefully, that is. You are of age, aren’t you?”

  “Not in my world. We have to be twenty-one.”

  “Ah, I’d forgotten about that.” Esther slowed to pass a buggy coming toward them on the side road. Her headlights illuminated the young man’s face for a moment.

  “That’s the Yutzy boy, Mose,” Katie said, turning around in the seat to look back.

  “Is he your boyfriend?” Esther asked.

  “Nee, but I think someone else is after him…someone like Mabel.”

  “He looked kind of old. Are they seeing each other?”

  “I don’t think Jesse would permit Mabel to see a boy. She’s only sixteen.” Katie fell silent as a question flashed through her mind. “What is Mose Yutzy doing out here at this time of the night? It could be a perfectly innocent thing, but then…”

  “Will you turn around and go back?” Katie asked.

  “Go back? Have you changed your mind about going out this evening?”

  Katie shook her head. “I’d just like to see if Mose drives on past our place. It won’t take long.”

  Esther had a strange expression on her face, but she slowed down.

  “I could be completely wrong,” Katie told her. “But if I’m not and Mose is secretly seeing Mabel, this might work out to my advantage. I know I shouldn’t think in those terms, but I’m feeling desperate at the moment.”

  Esther laughed and turned the car around in the next driveway.

  “And where do you expect to find this young Mose? Parked along the road waiting for his sweetheart to come out?”

  “Something like that,” Katie admitted. “But probably not quite so obvious.”

  Esther’s headlights cut a path back toward Jesse’s house, and Katie sat forward on her seat. How juicy would this be if Mabel really was sneaking out of the house to meet Mose in secret! She could turn the tables on Mabel, but she probably wouldn’t. It didn’t seem like a nice thing to do. But at least she’d have the option.

  “I don’t see anything of a buggy,” Esther said, slowing down as they approached the driveway of Jesse’s farm.

  “He couldn’t have gotten this far.” Katie peered into the darkness. “Drive around the corner before you turn around. I don’t want anyone to think it’s us coming back to investigate.”

  Esther did as Katie asked, but she was shaking her head and chuckling quietly.

  “I’m not imagining things,” Katie said. “So don’t look at me like I’ve lost my mind. I think he’s parked back in the woods a ways.”

  Esther didn’t say anything, but she slowed down as they approached the area Katie had pointed out.

  “Don’t slow down too much.” Katie motioned her hand. “But look back in there when we go past. Isn’t that a buggy?”

  Esther drove faster but took a quick glance into the wooded area.

  “It’s a buggy, isn’t it?” Katie stared into the woods. “That’s right where that old lane goes back in. I haven’t lived here very long, but I did notice that.”

  “I do think it’s a buggy,” Esther agreed. “But I don’t think this is any of your business even if what you say is true. They’re not doing anything wrong unless her father disapproves. Surely you’re not going to tattle on them?”

  “Nee, I won’t.” Katie leaned back against the seat. “But I’ll keep this in mind in case Mabel gets too rough with Mamm and me at the house.”

  Esther gave her a quick, sideways glance. “Just remember how you feel about attending our youth gatherings. Wouldn’t it be nice if your family didn’t make trouble for you? Maybe Mabel feels the same way about what she’s doing.”

  “You do have a point,” Katie allowed. “I’ll try to behave myself.”

  Esther smiled. She slowed down for the next stop sign. Moments later they were speeding into the night, the car lights cutting a bright path through the darkness.

  Chapter Nine

  Katie hadn’t even thought about Christmas. It still seemed so far away. But when Esther pulled into the yard where the gathering was to be held, she saw Christmas lights strung up in the yard—so many it made it seem like daylight. There was a Christmas tree in the front window of the house, half of it glittering with decorations already.

  As Katie opened the car door, she heard the sounds of hammering in the distance.

  “They’re putting down a new hayloft floor,” Esther offered.

  “That ought to be interesting,” Katie said, following Esther toward the barn. A thought flashed through her mind. She’d not only forgotten about Christmas, but also the secret Margaret and Sharon would be telling her tonight. It couldn’t be much of anything, she figured.

  Ahead of them a girl Katie didn’t know came out of the barn.

  “Howdy there, Nancy,” Esther greeted her. “Where is everybody?”

  Nancy nodded a greeting to the girls and said, “Just follow the racket, and you’ll find them.”

  “I don’t remember seeing her before,” Katie said as they walked further back in.

  “She’s Nancy Keim, just back from Holland,” Esther told her.

  “Holland!” Katie exclaimed. “What was she doing over there?”

  “Working a year for a Mennonite Youth Outreach in the town of Haarlem.”

  “That’s fascinating.” Katie turned around to look back toward the house, but Nancy had disappeared.

  Esther pushed open the barn door and led the way inside. Older teens were scatter
ed all over the place. A knot of them were deep in conversation while others were working on nailing down a hayloft floor above them. Several people were carrying in lumber from neat piles off to the side of the barn. They handed them up to those working on the floor.

  “Well!” Esther came to a sudden stop. “What a racket. I thought this would be a peaceful evening.”

  Katie laughed. “I think it’s my kind of excitement.”

  Esther waved toward someone on the other side of the building. When the girl waved back and motioned for them to come over, Esther led the way again. Margaret came rushing toward them before they’d taken more than a few steps.

  “Hi, Esther and Katie!” she said. She turned to Katie and gave her a hug. “Oh, I’m so glad you could come!”

  “Hi,” Katie returned. “And it’s so gut to see you again.”

  “I’ll see both of you later,” Esther interrupted. “I see someone I need to talk to.”

  “Were you going somewhere with Esther?” Margaret asked.

  “Not really,” Katie said. “Someone waved at Esther, and we were going over to see her. I couldn’t see who she was, so I guess I’ll stay here with you. Is there something I can do to help?”

  “Of course!” Margaret pointed toward the scattered groups. “We have tons of floorboards to put down and only so much time.”

  “At least it’s well lit in here,” Katie said. “That’s a little better than the gas lanterns we use.”

  Margaret smiled. “I told Dad we have to stop by nine-thirty. I’m already falling over from exhaustion.”

  Katie looked around at the piles of lumber and the amount of people working.

  “Can you finish all this by nine-thirty?”

  “Probably not,” Margaret said. “But Dad understands that. This will give him a head start on his work tomorrow.”

  “Okay,” Katie said. “I know I can carry lumber, and I’m sure I can nail boards even though I haven’t done much of that before.”

  “Then how about helping with the nailing for awhile?” Margaret pointed out a spot where several girls were gathered. “They’re taking turns over there so no one gets too worn out.”

  “I can do that,” Katie said, moving toward the group.

  Margaret called after her, “Don’t leave before I have a chance to talk with you—someplace away from all this racket. I have something special…”

  “I’ll do that,” Katie hollered back even as Margaret’s words faded away. She wanted to know what Margaret’s news was right now, but she guessed she’d just have to wait.

  Where is Sharon? Katie wondered. She didn’t see a sign of her anywhere. Well, she would find her later too.

  Approaching the group of girls, Katie stopped dead in her tracks. It couldn’t be! But, yah, there on the other side of the room was Ben Stoll standing in plain sight, his back toward her. She must be mistaken! Ben didn’t come to the Mennonite youth gatherings. But it was him. Is this the secret Margaret planned to tell her? Katie stood frozen to the spot, thinking about that question. Margaret couldn’t possibly know that Ben and I, well, that I like him, Katie decided. Ben is probably just passing through for some strange reason—perhaps here only for one evening. He couldn’t be planning to attend often…could he?

  Several of the girls had turned to greet her.

  “Hi, Katie,” one of them said. “Did Margaret assign you to help us?”

  If she didn’t gain control of herself soon, they would notice, Katie thought, forcing herself to walk closer. Ben still hadn’t turned around, but she pulled her gaze away from him. “Yah, she did.” Katie smiled. “What can I do to help?”

  “Take a turn with this hammer,” another girl told her. “The boys are pushing everything along at breakneck speed. One would think the barn was on fire.”

  Katie reached for the hammer. The girl handed it over with a sigh, and Katie lowered her head just as Ben turned around. He probably would be surprised to see her—if he even noticed. Her Amish dress was hard to miss. Likely he’d assume she was some other Amish girl. That might get his curiosity up, but once he figured out who she was, that would be the end of his attention.

  With vigorous blows, Katie pounded away at the nails, not looking up for even a peek. If Ben wanted to ignore her, well, she would ignore him too. What right did he have to come here anyway? Ben had the whole world in which to roam, while she had only this place. Ben could have any Amish girl’s heart he wanted. All he had to do was turn on that smile and speak his charming words. What an embarrassing situation this was. What if the girls around her knew what she was thinking? Her neck was no doubt burning red already, Katie thought, pounding even harder.

  Was this why Ben had been riding around in someone’s pickup truck the other day? He’d always driven his buggy before when she passed him on the road near Byler’s. Was Ben going Mennonite? Surely not! She could never visit again if he was. The shame of being ignored by him in front of Margaret and Sharon would simply be too great. And they would find out soon enough that Ben knew her.

  “I think we’ll keep you here all night,” one of the girls said, interrupting Katie’s thoughts. The girl laughed. “None of us will have to do any work if you keep this pace and pound in all the nails!”

  Katie stopped, suddenly conscious of what she was doing and that she was gasping for breath. She would soon be making a scene that even Ben would notice. Handing over the hammer, she stood up, took a couple of deep breaths, and smiled. Thankfully, from the looks on their faces, the girls thought she’d been trying to get the work done quickly and efficiently.

  Did she dare sneak another look toward Ben? Perhaps he was gone now or, worse, looking in her direction. What would she do then? But, nee, Ben wouldn’t be looking at her.

  A girl standing beside Katie stepped closer, a smile spreading across her face. “I don’t think I know you. Edith is my name.”

  “Hi,” Katie replied, returning the smile. “I’m Katie, and…” the words died in her mouth as a voice came from behind them. “Edith, I do declare! You have a nice floor-nailing party going on here. Looks like you might even get done tonight.”

  Edith was distracted and turned toward the voice. Her smile grew even wider. “Hi, Ben. Good to see you. And, yes, with everyone working so hard anything is possible. Now, if all of us worked like Katie just did, I’m sure we would be done before the hour is out.”

  Ben laughed softly.

  Katie finally turned to face Ben.

  “Hi, Katie,” Ben greeted as he smiled. “I heard you came to these gatherings.”

  How did you know that? she wanted to ask. You don’t even know I exist. She finally managed to say out loud, “I haven’t been coming long.”

  He raised his eyebrows, a question obvious on his face.

  She searched for the best thing to say. “It’s that…well…I’ve become gut friends with Margaret and Sharon. And I work with Esther, so she picks me up so I can come.”

  “And we love having her. All of us do,” another girl spoke up. “Are you staying for the whole evening, Ben? I heard there will be ice cream and hot dogs served afterward.”

  “I think I will.” Ben eyes lingered on Katie’s face for a moment. Then he broke into a smile—aimed solely at her.

  Katie could almost feel her knees buckle. She’d lived under his nose for most of her life, and in the past minute, he’d paid more attention to her than in all those years combined. Ben had noticed her!

  “Well, I guess I’ll see you later then,” Ben said as he moved on.

  “Oh, isn’t he just the charm?” Edith said, staring after Ben.

  “That he is,” Katie agreed. Edith didn’t seem to hear the emotion in Katie’s voice. And underneath her words, Katie’s heart was pounding like a drum. Ben Stoll had spoken to her! Was this encounter perhaps part of Da Hah’s leading? Here she thought she was running away from a problem—Mabel, the Amish youth, and Ben—and had she really run smack into Ben? Even if it was only for one evening, this
was a place where Ben could see her in a totally different light. That was something that would never happen at an Amish youth group gathering. There her reputation and past were too well known. Being Emma Raber’s daughter was simply too large an impediment to get over. But she’d gotten around it by coming here. In one flying leap she’d accomplished that just by walking through the doors Da Hah had opened for her.

  Katie forced herself to breathe and then offered to take another turn at nailing the floorboards. She whacked the nails so hard that she moved rapidly down the space placing one nail after another in quick succession. After fifteen minutes, she was breathless again and handed the hammer to the next girl in the rotation.

  Standing up, Katie dared take a peek across the barn floor. She caught sight of Ben talking with one of the boys, laughing as they both carried boards into the barn. Could this really be happening? Was Ben really here? Or was she imagining things? She wasn’t. The look on Ben’s face had been plain enough to see. He’d been surprised and maybe even impressed at seeing her here. Ben had never been one to hide his feelings. She’d always noticed that about him. Every emotion he had seemed to flash across his face. Unlike her, Ben had probably never had the need to hide what he felt.

  Oh, she must give time spent with Ben every opportunity to grow. From now on she’d come to every Mennonite youth gathering there was. Just on the hope he might stop by. Not a chance must be missed. In the rush of her optimistic thoughts, dark ones soon crept in. Is this what Mamm used to feel for Daniel Kauffman? Is this what Mamm was trying to warn her about? It couldn’t be! This was too wunderbah a feeling for that. It couldn’t be the same. Still, Katie was sure Mamm would say it was just that—if Katie ever shared this news with her. But she wouldn’t. This would be her secret to hold and cherish in her heart. Someday it would grow into something wunderbah—so wunderbah she wouldn’t believe it herself. Mamm had only wished for Daniel Kauffman’s love. For Katie, love between Ben and her might happen.

  Chapter Ten

  An hour later, under the bright yard lights, the bonfire had burned low and the coals glowed. Several youth held wooden prongs over the low fire, roasting one last batch of hot dogs. Others sat on benches or on blankets spread on the ground. Several of the boys were standing around, talking and munching hot dogs.