Katie's Journey to Love

by Jerry S. Eicher

  Katie saw a shadow move toward her, and she held her breath briefly before exhaling and wondering who it was. She still had her half-eaten hot dog in her hand. Ben had been on the other side of the fire a moment ago, but now his place was empty. Was the shadow Ben’s? She forced herself to take a bite of her hot dog before she looked. Her hand trembled in the darkness. She didn’t want to act too eager, but it was so hard to hide her feelings. If Ben came over, she would need to let him know she was interested…but not let him know how much or he might run like a spooked horse.

  “Have you enjoyed the evening?” Ben asked.

  Even though she was expecting it, she jumped when Ben’s voice came from right beside her.

  He laughed softly. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.”

  “That’s okay,” she said. “I loved the evening. Did you?”

  “It was nice.”

  She worked on getting the last of the hot dog down without choking.

  Ben stood beside her without moving. “So, how’s the new…housing situation going?” he finally asked.

  That’s an odd way to put it, Katie thought. And why did he keep mentioning this? “We’re working on it. It’s a big adjustment for everyone.”

  Ben smiled in the darkness. “Yah, I know. I was at the wedding, you know.”

  “Yah, I saw you.”

  “And how about you? It can’t be easy getting thrown in with five children from another man’s marriage.”

  Katie swallowed hard. Ben was being kind and sensitive—just as she’d always imagined he’d be. But she didn’t want to spill out her troubles to him. “I’ll be okay. Mabel’s giving me a hard time. Well, Mamm and me. Mabel got used to running the house on her own when her mamm died, so it’s been difficult. Mamm is working with her to help make the transition smoother.”

  Ben chuckled. “I’m glad to hear they’re working things out.”

  Katie stole another quick glance at his face. The firelight threw soft shadows on his handsome features. She looked away at once. This nearness was almost more than her heart could take. But what did Ben mean by “working things out”? Did he know something about Mamm’s marriage to Jesse that he wasn’t saying? “Yes, they’re ‘working things out.’ Have you been hearing things?”

  Ben didn’t say anything right away.

  Katie rushed on to fill the silence. “Mamm’s very happy with Jesse—happier than I’ve seen her in years.”

  Ben nodded. “Look, Katie, I have no problem with your mamm marrying Jesse Mast. It wasn’t any of my business. It was interesting to watch, though. It’s not often Ruth Troyer gets bested. And after she’d set her kapp for Jesse…Well, congratulations go to your mamm.”

  Katie stole another look at him. Wow, he even knew about the Ruth Troyer business! It must be all over the community. Of course, that shouldn’t be a surprise. The community was small. “Yes, that was an interesting time,” Katie admitted. She stared into the glowing coals. She was talking with Ben Stoll! She still couldn’t believe it. And for such a long period of time. This went to show how different things were with the Mennonite youth. If this were an Amish gathering, she was certain she wouldn’t be saying one word to anyone, much less Ben Stoll.

  “It’s good to see you here tonight again,” Ben said, giving her a sharp glance.

  Katie returned his gaze. “A lot of things have been changing with me, I guess. In ways I wasn’t expecting either.”

  “You’ve been coming for some time now?” Ben asked. When Katie remained silent, he continued, “That’s what one of the girls told me.”

  Katie noticed he was looking at her. She was sure she was turning a brighter red then the burning coals. Well, at least it was dark and he probably couldn’t see her very well.

  “Yah, I have been,” she admitted.

  Ben motioned toward the food table. “Are you still hungry? There are plenty of hot dogs left. I could cook you one.”

  “No thanks,” she said, watching Ben out of the corner of her eye. “I’ve had enough.”

  “I think I’ll get one for myself.” Ben patted his stomach. “All this work has made me a hungry man.”

  Katie waited by the fire as Ben walked over to the table to grab some meat and a roasting stick. She watched as another man walked up beside him. They began talking, and soon were laughing together. This was the Ben she knew—so comfortable around people. Katie continued to watch as Ben and his friend walked over to the bonfire. They were still talking and laughing as Ben cooked his hot dog. When he finished, he didn’t return to Katie. Instead he sat down on the grass next to a group of girls sitting on a blanket. They made room for him, and after he scooted closer they were soon chatting away. Katie forced herself to look in another direction. Ben had every right to speak with whomever he wished. And he had spoken with her. She would never forget that, not as long as she lived. It was a moment she would treasure, especially if it never happened again.

  “Here you are!” Margaret announced.

  Katie jumped.

  Margaret laughed. “Did I scare you?”

  “Nee…” Katie chuckled. “Well, just for a second. I was just lost in thought for a minute.”

  “He is dreamy,” Margaret whispered as she looked toward Ben. “He’s Amish, isn’t he?”

  Katie didn’t bother asking who Margaret was referring to. Her gaze made that clear enough. “Yah. His name is Ben Stoll,” Katie whispered back.

  “I saw you talking to him,” Margaret continued. “The two of you must know each other well.”

  “Not really,” Katie admitted, but she didn’t offer more information. There was no way she wanted to explain her relationship with the people in the Amish youth group. And she certainly didn’t want to get into all the feelings that were rushing around inside her heart about Ben.

  “I’m glad he could stop by,” Margaret said. “Are you ready to hear my news?”

  Katie gasped. “Oh, I almost forgot! Yes, I’d like to hear about it. I’m so sorry I didn’t track you down to ask you about it. So many things have been going on all evening.”

  Margaret smiled. “That’s okay. I know it’s been kind of wild. I’m sorry Sharon couldn’t be here tonight so we could tell you together. She so wanted to be, but her mamm had a quilt that had to be finished for a customer.”

  Katie waited expectantly.

  “It’s like this…” Margaret paused. “Katie, did you meet Nancy Keim tonight? The woman who spent a year in Holland?”

  Katie nodded but said, “Not really. Esther said ‘hi’ to her when we came in and told me who she was.”

  “Did you get to speak with her?”

  “Nee. There were too many other things going on. Esther mentioned Nancy had been in Holland. That sounds like such an exciting place to go to.”

  “Yes, it does. And that’s why I’m so excited!” Margaret exclaimed. “My big news is that several of us are going to Europe, and we want to invite you to go with us! Do you think you might be able to?”

  “Europe!” Katie almost shouted, and several heads turned in their direction. Thankfully, a car started up at that moment, and the roar of the motor drew their attention away.

  “Yes, Europe,” Margaret said. “Nancy so enjoyed her time in Holland that she wants to go back. She didn’t have the time to sightsee much, and she didn’t have anyone to tour around with her while she was there, so she’s invited Sharon and me to go back with her. We told her about you, and she suggested we invite you too! We plan to fly into Switzerland and tour sites where the Mennonite and Amish faith began. Then on to Holland from there. But we wanted one more person to go, and we decided you’d be perfect. Katie, please say that you will consider going with us!”

  Katie was so pleased she was being asked that she couldn’t find her voice.

  “It’s going to be awesome, Katie,” Margaret went on. “This is the trip of a lifetime. Just the four of us girls. And Europe is quite safe for travel now, except for pickpockets and the like. But ther
e will be four of us so we can look out for each other.”

  Katie stammered out, “Margaret, I can’t go to Europe.”

  “Why not?” Margaret asked. “Your mother has just remarried, so she’s happy. And surely your new dad isn’t making hard-and-fast rules for you. He’s probably being real easy on you right now. And you are almost twenty.”

  “Jesse has been wunderbah,” Katie said. Her body felt numb right now as she tried to think this through. How could she take off on a trip to Europe? What about her job at Byler’s? What about the expense of such a trip?

  “I know it’s kind of sudden,” Margaret was saying. “It was for us too. But the more we think about it, the more excited we are. You can’t say no, Katie. It would break our hearts.”

  “Oh, my!” Katie rubbed her forehead. “I’m going to have to think about this. Wouldn’t it be really expensive?”

  “It shouldn’t be too expensive. Sharon and I have some money saved up for our share. We’re not going until the first of May, so there’s plenty of time for all of us to save or round up some money.”

  Katie’s mind was spinning. What an opportunity! But how could she make it happen? For one thing, she’d need Mamm and Jesse’s approval to go. What would they say about her going to Europe with her Mennonite friends? Attending their gatherings was bad enough in their view. And then there was the money required.

  “I really will have to think about this,” Katie finally said. “I need to talk to Mamm and Jesse and consider whether I can afford it.”

  “Okay,” Margaret said, patting Katie on the back. “That’s reasonable. And if you really want to go, I know the Lord will make a way for you somehow.”

  When Margaret put it that way, Katie remembered the power of prayer. Da Hah was already opening so many doors for her. Was this another one? Was He going to provide a miracle to swing this one open? And this was a really big one, at that.

  Chapter Eleven

  Thirty minutes later Esther slowed down as they passed the woods near Jesse’s driveway. The sports car’s headlights cut a swath of light across the fields and into the woods, but this time there was no buggy in sight.

  “You didn’t really think he’d still be there?” Esther asked, laughing. “That is, if he ever was. I’m beginning to think we imagined the whole thing. I mean, what boy nowadays sits around in the woods waiting for his girlfriend to visit him?”

  “Maybe you’re right,” Katie allowed. After all the things that had happened tonight, knowing that Mabel wasn’t sneaking around visiting Mose Yutzy at all hours of the night would be a relief. There was only so much excitement a person could handle.

  “Well, here we are.” Esther pulled into Jesse’s driveway and came to a stop by the barn. “I see someone left a light on for you. That’s nice.”

  “Yah. Esther, thanks again for yet another ride. I really appreciate it.”

  “I don’t mind. Let me know when you want me to pick you up again.”

  Katie opened the door, climbed out, and then closed the car door. She waved and watched as Esther drove away. Then Katie looked toward the house and sighed. Mamm would be inside waiting, worried about her evening spent with people who were not of their faith. She would want to know everything that had happened tonight, and she wouldn’t be able to see things through Katie’s eyes. She wouldn’t think Ben being there and speaking with her or Margaret’s invitation to go to Europe was anything to rejoice over. To Mamm it would be cause for further alarm. She had such a different perspective on things. Most of the Amish believed the Mennonites were—at least to some degree—more dangerous than the Englisha when it came to luring someone away from the Amish faith. And wasn’t Katie proving the point by sliding right into their clutches? Yah, that’s how Mamm would look at this.

  But I’m not sliding anywhere, Katie told herself. She was walking in with her eyes wide open. Margaret and Sharon were her friends. Yah, and yah, they saw things differently than Mamm did. But who was to say their way wasn’t just as right? And such thoughts were exactly what Mamm was afraid of, exactly what Mamm was expecting her to think. And that was also why Mamm would be up waiting for her.

  Katie forced herself to move toward the house. She wouldn’t think the worst until she knew for sure. Mamm loved her, and so did Jesse. She knew that. She would need to keep reminding herself of that, especially when things got rough. And she was choosing a most unusual path that would be difficult for Mamm and Jesse to understand. She had to admit that. Most Amish girls, given a chance at a new start in life with a daett like Jesse, would be thrilled. And Katie was thrilled. She just wasn’t choosing to do the things everyone expected of her, like submissively going to the Amish hymn singings on Sunday nights and attending the instruction classes for baptism. If she attended instruction classes, she’d be expected to accept what the Amish community thought the will of Da Hah was for her—even if that meant being single forever.

  Katie’s heart rebelled. She couldn’t do that. No matter how nice Jesse was to her, she couldn’t settle for a life among the Amish people her age who refused to accept her and let her be herself. Especially before she had a chance to see if anything would become of her relationship with Ben. He had spoken to her at the gathering tonight! His being there was all the sign she needed that Da Hah was leading her. And Ben had seen her in a totally new light because she was among the Mennonites. There she was no longer Emma Raber’s daughter. No, she was a new woman altogether. There was no way that Mamm and Jesse would understand all this, even if she tried to explain it.

  Katie crept up the porch steps. She gently nudged open the front door, but the hinges seemed to shriek in the night air. Obviously Mabel isn’t sneaking in and out this door, Katie thought. She would have to remember to see if the other door leading outside didn’t squeak. From now on she’d use the washroom door when she came in at night. Mabel probably kept those hinges well oiled. Katie silently chuckled at the thought.

  The door latched behind her with a soft clink, and Katie tiptoed to the kitchen doorway. She peeked around the corner and saw the flickering light of the kerosene lamp playing over Mamm’s bowed head. Mamm wasn’t praying or she would have looked up by now. Perhaps she’d fallen asleep while crying out to Da Hah.

  “Mamm?” Katie whispered as she entered the kitchen.

  Mamm’s head flew up as she turned toward the doorway. “Katie! You’re back.”

  “Of course I am,” Katie said with a smile. She put her arm around Mamm’s shoulder and gave her a quick hug.

  “Please sit down.” Mamm motioned toward the kitchen chair. “Tell me all about your evening.”

  “But it’s late,” Katie said after glancing at the clock. “Mamm, you didn’t need to wait up for me.”

  “I love you, Katie. Waiting up isn’t a problem. And Jesse understands. He cares about you as much as I do.”

  Katie rubbed her face. Should she share everything with Mamm? She sat down. Should she tell Mamm tonight about Ben being at the meeting and the proposed trip oversees? Now that Mamm was sitting right in front of her, the idea of taking a trip to Europe sounded crazy. How could she, a young, unmarried Amish girl, make a trip to the Old Country?

  “What are you thinking about?” Mamm asked. She reached over and touched Katie’s hands.

  Katie and her mamm had always shared everything, and Mamm obviously didn’t want that to change. Neither did Katie. No matter how awkward it would be or how much it might hurt both of them, she decided she wanted to share what was going on.

  Katie looked up and met Mamm’s gaze. “What a night, Mamm. We worked on building a hayloft at Margaret’s place. And you’ll never guess who was there!

  “Who, Katie?”

  “Ben Stoll!”

  Mamm’s eyes widened. “At the Mennonite youth gathering?”

  Katie nodded.

  “I didn’t know he ran with the Mennonites.”

  “I didn’t either.”

  Mamm didn’t look convinced. “Really, Katie
? Or is this why you’ve been going to the Mennonite gatherings all along?”

  “Mamm!” Katie protested. “How could you believe I’d lie to you?”

  Doubt flashed across Mamm’s face, but she soon nodded. “I believe you, Katie. But this is another gut reason to stop attending the Mennonite youth gatherings. Didn’t you tell me you thought going there might be Da Hah’s way of getting you away from Ben? So you must have been wrong, Katie. With Ben there, you’re not getting over anything. And you know in your heart that nothing good will come out of your infatuation with Ben.”

  Katie hung her head. She had been mistaken about going to the gatherings to forget about Ben, no doubt about that. But not how Mamm thought. Da Hah had been leading her straight toward Ben all along. The memories of Mamm’s words of warning raced though her head. They’d been sitting in the living room of the old house not too long after Jesse had started to woo Mamm’s heart. Mamm had shared the story of her own terrible mistakes when she was young and in love for the first time. She told how she’d loved a boy who hadn’t loved her back. How she’d hung on to the hope he would someday marry her—right up to his wedding day when he’d said the vows with another girl. And then, in her distress, she’d made a spectacle of herself in front of the Amish community—and garnered a negative reputation as a result. Mamm said she never wanted Katie to go through anything like that.

  But Katie was determined not to. Her situation was different! Ben had spoken with her tonight. Until they met at the Mennonite gathering, Katie had just been Emma Raber’s odd daughter. That had changed now. Ben had seen her in a different light.

  “Do you remember what I told you about such boys?” Mamm touched Katie’s arm. “You have to listen to me, Katie. You can’t go running after dreams like this. They will break your heart.”

  Katie took a deep breath. “But Ben spoke with me tonight, Mamm. And I think he really saw me for the first time.”