Katie's Journey to Love

by Jerry S. Eicher

  The flashing lights came closer and closer. Ben held his breath and tried to move the buggy further off the road without coming to a complete stop or getting stuck. Buggies moved slowly enough at their natural speed that they didn’t normally pull off the road and stop like the Englisha vehicles had to when emergency vehicles went by.

  With his buggy wheels bouncing on the lip of a ditch, the police cruiser roared past. Ben’s shoulders relaxed as he took a slow, deep breath. Whew! See, Ben, that’s all there was to it. No one knows anything. You’re okay. No one’s after you. He took another deep breath. Still, it was a close call, and his stomach was tied in knots. He was still going to quit. Rogge would just have to find a way to deal with it. Ben decided to consider this a warning to spur him on in case he wavered in the weeks ahead. Getting caught would do so much damage to his family, to him, and to his future. The risk was too great.

  Ben slapped the reins gently against Longstreet’s back, and they moved quickly through the night. Ben wanted to get this job over with. Soon this life would be behind him.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Katie looked out the kitchen window as she washed the supper dishes. Tomorrow was Sunday already, and neither Mamm nor Jesse had spoken a word to her about last Wednesday evening, Ben Stoll, or going to Europe. Mamm hadn’t even shared Jesse’s reaction to Katie’s news. Both of them must have decided to ignore the problem for the moment. Perhaps their focus was on more immediate troubles. Mabel was still stalking around with looks of either defiance or distress on her face. Katie hadn’t mentioned her suspicions about Mabel and Mose because they were just that…suspicions. She might be wrong about that situation.

  Tonight Mabel had been assigned by Mamm to help Katie with the dishes. The girl had turned up her nose at first, but she hadn’t verbally complained. The rest of the family was in the living room, and from the sounds of the voices rising and falling, they were having a gut time together. Things weren’t going so well between her and Mabel though.

  The tension with Mabel had to be faced, Katie figured, so Mamm was trying to force a peace between them. Jesse had likely put Mamm up to it, as she couldn’t imagine Mamm having the courage to push Mabel this far on her own. Correcting Mabel was one thing, but assigning her the task of drying dishes for Katie was another. From her tense posture, Mabel didn’t like this in the least. Jesse must have given her a stern talking-to since she was doing the job.

  Katie stole a glance at Mabel’s face. Thunder was written on it. Since Katie was the older of the two, she figured it was on her shoulders to make the first friendly move. She smiled and asked, “Did you have a gut day working with Mamm?”

  Mabel stared out the window and didn’t answer.

  Katie tried again. “Supper was quite delicious, and I wouldn’t be surprised if you made it. It didn’t taste like Mamm’s cooking.”

  Mabel glared at Katie. “What were you expecting? That you’d starve when you arrived here? I’ve been running this household since Mamm died.”

  Katie kept a smile on her face. “I would say you did a very gut job.”

  Mabel gave Katie another hard look. “What makes you so sweet all of a sudden? Are you up to something? Or are you just gloating because I have to wipe dishes for you?”

  Katie hesitated. She wasn’t up to anything other than trying to cooperate with Mamm’s peacemaking efforts.

  “So you are up to something.” Mabel stopped wiping the bowl in her hand and looked piercingly into Katie’s face.

  Katie’s mind raced. If she didn’t say something quickly, Mabel would grow more suspicious. Perhaps honesty would be the best option. “I’m just trying to help out Mamm. She wants the two of us to get along.”

  Mabel huffed. “It would have been much easier if Daett had listened to us and married Ruth. Then none of us would be going through this painful time.”

  Katie winced. “I’m sorry, but I disagree with you. I wanted Mamm to marry Jesse.”

  Thunder filled Mabel’s face again. “Of course you would want that. You and your mamm were nobodies in the community until Daett came along to rescue both of you. Now you think that your standing will change because you’re part of our family. Only it won’t because I’ll make sure it doesn’t. No Amish boy will ever ask you home on a Sunday night, Katie. There’s not a chance in the world. I promise you that.”

  Katie stood still, shocked at Mabel’s virulence.

  A gleeful smile spread across Mabel’s face.

  Clearly she was taking the silence to mean her arrow had struck home. Katie forced herself to speak. “You don’t know everything there is to know about me, Mabel. There are lots of things about my life you know nothing about.”

  “Like what?” Mabel shot back. “That your Mamm owned five acres before she married my daett, and now she owns more than a hundred? That you were as poor as two church mice, but now you have plans to cut into our inheritance? That you once owned two cows, and now you have a full herd? Are those the parts of you I don’t know anything about?”

  Katie swallowed hard as sudden tears stung her eyes. Mabel was more cruel than she’d thought possible. And it didn’t help that her words were true, though not in the way Mabel meant.

  “I don’t want your daett’s money,” Katie said firmly even as a feeling of sorrow swept over her. She’d just doomed any chance of having the funds to go to Europe. Now she couldn’t accept an offer of help from Jesse—even if he were willing to finance part of the trip—and he probably wouldn’t be.

  “That’s easy enough for you to say,” Mabel snapped. “I guess we’ll just have to wait and see how much of a burden you and your mamm are going to be to us.”

  Katie kept her voice low. “You shouldn’t think so high and mighty of yourself. Mamm apparently is gut enough for your daett. He asked her to be his frau. And you didn’t see anyone in the community stopping your daett.”

  Mabel looked away without saying anything.

  “I’m sorry,” Katie said a few moments later. “I guess your words hurt more than I thought they would so I responded in anger. The truth is that I had hoped your daett would help us out. And he has. He loves Mamm, and everyone can see that Mamm loves him. I think that’s wunderbah.”

  Mabel put the bowl down and picked up a pan to dry.

  Katie continued. “And yes, there is something I was hoping your daett might help me with. It just came up this week. But since you’re worried about your inheritance, I won’t ask for his help. I’ll ask for his permission, but that’s all. Any funds needed I’ll earn and save myself.”

  Anger gathered in Mabel’s face. “I knew you were up to something. Are you going to tell me or not? What is it? A new dress to wear with your Mennonite friends?”

  The pain was stinging deeper, Katie thought. Soon she might burst into tears like a little girl who’d dropped her ice-cream cone. How in the world was she going to live with Mabel in the same house with these kinds of insults and thoughts constantly being hurled her way?

  “Can you even afford the soap to wash your clothes?” Mabel dug deeper. “I always thought I smelled something strange on Sundays when you or your mamm walked past us.”

  Why is this girl so cruel? Katie wondered. Mabel seemed almost driven to be vindictive. Katie gathered her emotions together before meeting Mabel’s mocking eyes. “Mabel, I’ve been invited on a trip to Europe. And you’re right, the invitation did come from my Mennonite friends. We would be gone for three weeks. The plan is to tour sites in Switzerland where the Mennonite and Amish faiths began.”

  Mabel blinked hard as surprise filled her eyes. “I don’t believe a word you’re saying.”

  Katie shrugged. “That’s okay. It’s the truth. I told Mamm about it on Wednesday night, and I’m sure she’s talked to your daett about it by now.”

  “And you expect him to give you the money?” Mabel’s eyes blazed again.

  “No. And especially not now. I wouldn’t want to dip into your inheritance.”

  “I shou
ld say not! What nerve you have!”

  Katie took a deep breath. “I don’t want your daett’s money, Mabel. All I want from him is his permission to go.”

  “Then you’re not going to Europe,” Mabel said. “Daett won’t allow it.”

  Katie shrugged. “I guess we’ll just have to see what he says then.”

  Mabel went back to wiping the dishes, but soon the cutting words began again. “I imagine you have lots of wild dreams floating around your head, Katie. But none of them will ever see the light of day. You probably thought you could fulfill them now that you managed to get my daett to marry your mamm, but it’s not going to happen. Not ever, Katie.” Mabel paused. “Never!”

  Katie scraped a plate clean before she slid it into the water. “Why do you hate us so much, Mabel?”

  “I don’t hate anybody,” Mabel said. “It’s not Christian. I just don’t like my family being disturbed by low-down people who want to better themselves at our expense.”

  Katie glanced at Mabel. “And how are Mamm and I disturbing your life—other than the obvious, such as moving in, which would have happened when your daett married anyone? Do you really believe Mamm and I are such low creatures who are far beneath your station in life?”

  “You don’t have to use such fancy Englisha language,” Mabel said. “It’s not going to change my opinion of you or your mamm.”

  Katie persisted. “I’m not, Mabel. And I would like to know. Do you really think so highly of yourself and so low of us? And I didn’t have to tell you about the Europe trip. I chose to share that with you.”

  Mabel sniffed. “It’s hard to explain how I feel so you’d understand.”

  “Maybe we should start from here and try to understand each other better,” Katie ventured.

  Mabel let out a bitter laugh. “I don’t want to know either of you better. I already know enough and plenty.”

  Should she attempt an appeal to Mabel’s sensibilities? Katie wondered. Tell her how uncomfortable it was living with someone who held something against her that she didn’t have anything to do with? Before she could try, Mabel spoke up.

  “Neither of you realize how miserable you’re making my life.”

  “Oh?” Katie turned to face Mabel. “How is that? What do you think we’re trying to do to you?”

  “You don’t have to try to do anything. You just do it.” Mabel wiped the dishes furiously.

  The girl’s anger is so deep, Katie thought. What was it based on? What caused it? Maybe she should tell Mabel she knew about Mose? Perhaps then Mabel would know that she’d kept quiet, and that would help the girl trust her. Surely she’d know she hadn’t gone racing to Jesse with the information. But Katie decided that if she said something, it might make the stress with Mabel even worse and really blow any chance of a gut relationship. And there was that little chance that she was wrong about Mose and Mabel. Nee…she would wait.

  Mabel cleared her throat. “Okay, I’ll tell you one of the reasons. But I’m not going to expect any help from you.”

  “Okay, Mabel.” Katie waited.

  “It’s the rumspringa thing,” Mabel said. “Everyone knows how your mamm feels about that subject. She never let you participate, so I’m worried she’s going to persuade Daett to keep me home.”

  And make you different or weird to the other kids like I was, Katie almost said aloud. But Mabel was doing a gut enough job reminding her of the facts, so there was no sense in adding to her efforts. “But your daett isn’t like that. I haven’t heard him say anything about not allowing you to participate.”

  Mabel shrugged. “He allows the boys to participate, but I’m his first girl. And daetts treat girls different. And now he’s married to your weird mamm.”

  “Mabel,” Katie protested, “Mamm wouldn’t try to sway your daett on how to raise you. She’d do nothing of the sort. She might share her personal feelings on the matter, but she wouldn’t push your daett.”

  “She raised you according to her ‘personal feelings.’ And look how you turned out. No one wants to be your friend. No one includes you in things. Of course, maybe those are gut points I could make with Daett. You are not only weird, but now you’re running around with the Mennonites. Maybe I could threaten to do the same if he refused to allow my rumspringa time.”

  Katie decided to ignore the stinging barbs. “Have you spoken with your daett about this?”

  Mabel shook her head. “He doesn’t even know I want to participate in rumspringa. I’m the mature girl who was running his household, remember? Having my own life wasn’t an option. I was needed here. If Daett had married Ruth, I’m sure everything would all have worked itself out. Now it won’t. And your mamm and you are to blame.”

  Neither she nor Mamm planned anything of the sort, Katie thought, and Mabel knew it. She was making an issue out of nothing to justify her own unjustifiable behavior. But accusing Mabel wouldn’t help. “I’ll speak to Mamm about it,” Katie offered. “But I know she doesn’t plan to influence your daett.”

  “She doesn’t have to,” Mabel said. “Daett probably already knows how your mamm feels about rumspringa. Everyone does. He’ll assume she’s opposed, and he wants to make her happy. But I want to experience rumspringa, and I’ll make it happen somehow.”

  Mabel’s self-pity was too much to handle. Katie tried to hold back the angry words, but they burst out anyway. “Yah, Mabel, you’ll make it happen by sneaking out after dark to meet Mose. Is that what you call ‘making it happen’? I call it stupid. When your daett catches you, he’s going to keep you at home for sure. Right now, by the look on your face, I’m sure you’re wondering if I’ve told on you. Nee, I have not said a word to your daett or to Mamm. And I’m not planning on it. I’m just going to stand back and let you make a mess out of your life.”

  Mabel was staring at Katie, her face a mask. “You know about Mose and me?”

  “Yes. And you just confirmed my suspicions. Now, maybe you should adjust some of your opinions about Mamm and me or grow up a bit.”

  Mabel was still staring.

  Perhaps she’s in shock, Katie thought. She knew she should feel bad for her outburst, but Mabel had pushed her over the edge. Katie didn’t feel like apologizing right now, but she knew she would eventually. Since she’d finished washing the dishes, she turned to go upstairs to the peace and quiet of her room. But just then Jesse’s deep voice boomed from the living room.

  “Devotion time, everyone!”

  Mamm’s face appeared a few seconds later in the kitchen doorway. “Are you girls done in here?”

  “We’re coming.” Katie put on her best smile, but she figured Mamm wasn’t fooled.

  “Yes,” Mabel said, her face still pale.

  Chapter Fourteen

  An hour later, Katie was sitting on the couch listening to Jesse read that evening’s scripture. All around the room the other children were listening—Leroy and Willis, Carolyn and Joel. Mabel sat in a corner by herself, her face still looking pale. Katie ignored Mabel, concentrating on the gut feeling of having so many people present for evening devotions and prayer. Before the wedding it had been only Mamm and her kneeling in silent prayer together. Scripture reading and prayers spoken out loud were done only when a man was present to do it—at least that’s what Mamm had always claimed. Katie closed her eyes and drank in the moment. After the harsh words Mabel had spoken to her in the kitchen, she welcomed this feeling of peace. She didn’t wish to think on or repeat any of the biting conversation Mabel had spewed out, but the thoughts wouldn’t stop coming.

  How could Mabel believe those horrible imaginings about why Mamm had agreed to marry Jesse? And that accusation of Mamm wanting to keep Mabel from participating in her rumspringa? Perhaps it was a logical fear to enter a sixteen-year-old’s mind. Yah, Mamm had kept her from participating, but that was before she’d married Jesse. So much had changed since then.

  Katie’s words to Mabel hadn’t been edifying in the least. And Mabel now knew about her Europe t
rip, and she might very well turn her daett against the idea. If Jesse forbade her the trip, there would be no going. Even if she could, by a miracle from Da Hah, get the money. Mamm had already told Jesse her side of the story, she was sure, so that might have finished off any chance of her going long before Mabel said anything. But Katie decided to cling to hope anyway. The extent of Da Hah’s grace was always amazing and sometimes even surprising. And she would certainly need as much of it as possible.

  Katie pulled her thoughts back to the present. Jesse’s voice rose and fell as he continued to read from the book of Hebrews. “And what shall I more say? for the time would fail me to tell of Gedeon, and of Barak, and of Samson, and of Jephthae; of David also, and Samuel, and of the prophets: Who through faith subdued kingdoms…”

  Those were beautiful words, Katie thought. And they seemed to mean so much more when a man read them. That was a silly idea, she was sure, because the Scriptures were the Scriptures, regardless of who read them. Still, she was thankful for the work Da Hah had done in bringing Mamm and her to this house. If only Mabel felt the same way.

  Seated in his rocker, Jesse closed the Bible. He leaned over to lay it on the desk. “Let’s come to the Lord in prayer,” he rumbled.

  Katie knelt with the rest, sending up her own prayer as Jesse’s deep voice filled the room.

  Help Mamm and me fit in here, Katie prayed silently, not daring to whisper the words. Thank You so much, dear Hah, that You had mercy on us so far and brought us here. We don’t deserve everything You’ve done for us. Help me understand what Mabel is going through and how she’s feeling. Her words caused a lot of pain in my heart. But please forgive Mabel in the same way You forgive Mamm and me when we make mistakes. Just help us all, please.