Katie's Journey to Love

by Jerry S. Eicher

  Katie heard the rustle of feet signifying Jesse had come to the end of his prayer. She jerked herself out of her thoughts and jumped up. Maybe she could help little Joel get ready for bed. Maybe her willingness to help with tasks that weren’t assigned to her might help Mabel feel more kindly toward her.

  Before Katie could offer, Jesse spoke up. “If you’d stay for a moment, Katie, your mamm and I would like to speak with you.”

  Katie caught Mabel’s look of anger out of the corner of her eye. With her heart pounding, Katie sat down on the couch again. Leroy and Willis gave her brief glances before heading upstairs and taking Joel with them. Carolyn followed closely behind them. Mabel, though, gave Katie another long glare and then disappeared into the kitchen. Apparently she planned to eavesdrop as best she could.

  Jesse smiled in Katie’s direction once everyone had left. He didn’t seem bothered by the knowledge that Mabel was on the other side of the living room wall. But perhaps he didn’t care. They were, after all, family now. They shouldn’t expect to keep that many secrets from each other.

  Katie tried to keep her breathing even as Jesse shifted in his rocker to face her.

  Mamm glanced toward Katie. “I hope this is okay—meeting like this. I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable.”

  Jesse nodded. “Yah, I agree. What I have to say needs saying, but we can do it some other time if you’d feel better.”

  “Nee,” Katie managed. “I’m okay. I just hope I haven’t done anything wrong.”

  Mamm smiled but she looked nervous.

  Jesse cleared his throat. “I have been well pleased with you, Katie. I like how you help with the work around the house. You do this even when you have your job at Byler’s. And even when Mabel is a little disagreeable.”

  Tears stung Katie’s eyes. So Jesse had noticed her efforts. How kind of him to go out of his way to mention them. But then, he’d always been tender with her. Gathering herself together, Katie wiped her eyes.

  “We just wanted to speak with you about some things,” Mamm said, not offering any details and already playing her role well as Jesse’s frau—allowing her husband to lead out in important matters.

  Katie swallowed hard. Somehow Da Hah would help her through whatever decision Jesse had arrived at. He was looking at her as he spoke. “You know, of course, that your mamm and I disapprove of you attending the Mennonite youth gatherings?”

  When Katie nodded, Jesse continued.

  “I hope you will soon see the wisdom of our feelings. I try to raise my children in the fear of Da Hah, and I know your mamm has raised you that way too. I also know that neither of us always do the best job. I hope Da Hah has mercy on our shortcomings.”

  Mamm wiped her eyes and Katie whispered, “I’m sorry for what sorrow I may be causing both of you.”

  Jesse nodded. “It’s your broken attitude about the matter that continues to give me hope, Katie. I know you think you’re doing the right thing—for whatever the reason. I disagree, of course, and so does your mamm. But sometimes we need to find the end of that road ourselves. That’s what our rumspringa time is for. So that our youth can find the truth on their own. We help where we can, but they also need to find where their lives fit into Da Hah’s will.”

  Katie didn’t look up. At least Mamm and Jesse weren’t being unreasonable so far.

  Jesse cleared his throat and glanced over at Mamm before he continued. “This is not intended as a rebuke to your mamm, as she was doing the best she could. But I believe it would have been wise if your mamm had allowed you a time of rumspringa like our youth normally take. Then you might not be wandering around right now trying to find your way through life.”

  Mamm hung her head, and a brief sob escaped her. Jesse leaned over to stroke her arm.

  Katie saw Mamm look up and smile at her husband. How blessed they were, she thought. Mamm had a husband she respects, and she had a daett who was trying to guide the family according to Da Hah’s will. Da Hah would work everything out in the end, even if she had to walk a road Jesse and Mamm didn’t understand right now. She would stay in the faith, Katie told herself. She didn’t plan to leave.

  Jesse began speaking again. “So I will try to bear with you while you search for the truth, Katie. But let’s not talk about the Mennonites and their youth gatherings in front of the other children. They may not understand.”

  Katie nodded. That was the least she could do.

  Jesse cleared his throat again. “Your Mamm told me about the invitation you received the other night—the trip to Europe with your Mennonite girlfriends.”

  Jesse paused and Katie held her breath.

  “That trip seems a little impossible to me, as well as impractical. Four girls traveling around the world by themselves? Are you sure someone wasn’t a little overexcited? Maybe they imagined this trip?”

  “Oh no, it’s real,” Katie said at once. “Margaret wouldn’t be making up something like this. Besides, Nancy Keim has already been there doing mission work, so she’s familiar with the area and the people.”

  Jesse shrugged. “It’s just seems a little wild to me, that’s all I can say.”

  “Do you have objections?” Katie asked when silence had settled over the room.

  “I do,” Jesse said. “But you will need to make up your own mind. It will be best that way.”

  “Wouldn’t it be gut to learn about the history of our faith?” Katie asked, using the best argument she could think of at the moment. “I really would like to go.”

  “That is a gut reason,” Jesse agreed. “But have you thought about the money for the trip? Where would that come from?”

  I could work extra hours at Byler’s, Katie wanted to say, but she didn’t. Asking to keep any of her money before she was twenty-one would be the same thing as asking for Jesse’s money.

  “I would take it as a gut sign from Da Hah if He supplies you with the necessary funds,” Jesse said when she remained silent.

  Katie nodded. She understood perfectly. Jesse thought the expense of the trip would kill the idea—as it well might. Then she would simply have to submit to the will of Da Hah. It was a fair enough test.

  “That’s all we have then?” Jesse asked as he glanced toward Mamm.

  Mamm looked up and gave Jesse a warm smile.

  Katie rose. “Thank you, Jesse and Mamm,” Katie said, giving them both a smile. Slipping upstairs, she closed the door of her room. A moment later footsteps came up the steps, followed by a soft knock on the door.

  “Come in,” Katie said.

  Mabel’s face appeared in the doorway, a look of triumph on her face. “What did I say! You’re not going.”

  Katie kept silent. Anything she said would make the matter worse. If Mabel wanted to gloat, she could go ahead.

  “And Daett’s on my side now,” Mabel continued. “Your mamm can’t persuade him to forbid me my rumspringa time. I’m going to tell Mose he can come riding right up to the house from now on.” Mabel closed the door without waiting for an answer. Her footsteps faded down the hall.

  So Mamm hadn’t influenced Jesse about Mabel’s rumspringa time. And for her part, she might still go to Europe by a miracle from Da Hah—a financial miracle.

  At the next Mennonite youth gathering she would tell Margaret and Sharon the news. They would understand if the money didn’t become available. They would mourn her not being able to go, but there were worse things in the world. She had aimed a little high on this one—about as high as wanting Ben Stoll to notice her. She couldn’t expect Da Hah to allow her everything she wanted, right?

  Chapter Fifteen

  The following Wednesday, Katie came out of Byler’s employee doorway and stepped into the brisk December air. Arlene was close beside her. Thankfully, four o’clock had finally rolled around and their day was finished.

  “Hey, look who’s waiting for us by the buggies!” Arlene grabbed Katie’s arm and suppressed a giggle.

  Katie almost stopped walking. Ben Stoll was
leaning against her buggy.

  “Now, don’t pass out,” Arlene whispered. “He’s not going to eat you.”

  Arlene obviously didn’t know the emotions Ben stirred up in Katie or she wouldn’t tease like that. This was serious love she had for Ben, and it clearly wasn’t going away. And he wasn’t helping things by showing up like this. He probably had business with Arlene, Katie decided. But Ben appeared a little sheepish, which was a look he didn’t normally wear around Arlene.

  “I’d almost take my chances at snagging him,” Arlene said out of the corner of her mouth, “if I thought I had the slightest hope in the world. And if I didn’t already have a boyfriend.”

  Katie kept quiet, her mind and body a little dizzy.

  “What do you think he wants?” They were almost within earshot of the buggies and Arlene was still talking.

  Katie kept her eyes aimed at the ground and didn’t reply.

  “Gut evening!” Arlene sang out.

  Ben smiled. “How are you girls?”

  “Just fine,” Arlene said.

  Katie hung back but she did look up.

  “What brings you out here?” Arlene asked.

  “I was on my way home and thought I’d stop in and say ‘hi’.” Ben smiled again.

  “Come on, Ben, ’fess up,” Arlene said. “You didn’t stop in at Byler’s to say hi to two lowly girls like us.”

  “Well then, you’re both charming princesses, and I felt I had to stop,” Ben responded with a grin.

  “Stop teasing, Ben.” Arlene was glaring at him now.

  Ben was looking at Arlene every time Katie took a quick glance at his face. She knew she ought to say something, but she wasn’t nearly as bold here as she was at the Mennonite youth gatherings.

  “I’m not teasing,” Ben was saying. “I’m sure your boyfriend, Nelson, would agree with me. Now let me help you with your horse, and then I want to speak with Katie.”

  Katie felt a shock run all the way through her. She stared first at Ben and then at Arlene.

  Arlene was clearly shocked. “Katie? You want to speak with Katie…alone?”

  “It’s a free world, isn’t it?” Ben asked as he headed to the fence where the girls’ horses were tied.

  Arlene turned toward Katie and whispered, “What does he want with you?”

  Katie stopped gazing after the retreating Ben and looked at Arlene. “I have no idea.”

  Arlene obviously didn’t believe her, but she said nothing more, appearing to still be in shock.

  Ben led Arlene’s horse to her buggy, and Arlene picked up the shafts so Ben could back the mare in. Katie helped with the tugs that were on her side while Arlene did the other side. Then Arlene climbed inside the buggy, an astonished look still on her face, and drove off toward home.

  Katie felt herself relax as Ben turned to face her.

  “I suppose this is a little surprising, me stopping in like this.”

  “Yah,” Katie said, “it is. But I don’t mind.”

  Ben’s sheepish look was back again. He was running the toe of his shoe around in a circle on the pavement, his eyes following the movement. Several moments passed before he looked up to meet Katie’s gaze. “I’m sure you’ve heard that there’s another youth gathering this Friday night.”

  “Yah, Esther told me.”

  “Well, if it’s all right with you, I’d like to pick you up this time.”

  “Pick me up?” Katie’s heart pounded furiously. Had Ben really asked what he just did?

  “Pick you up and take you there is what I mean. If you don’t object, of course.”

  The world was spinning in front of her eyes. Katie almost wanted to reach for something to hold onto.

  “So, what do you say?” Ben asked, sounding just a little unsure of himself.

  Katie thought she should answer before he changed his mind and remembered who he was talking to. “Yah, of course. Sure!” Her words fell all over each other.

  Ben visibly relaxed, a pleased look on his face. “That’s great! I’ll be looking forward to it. I’ll need to pick you up earlier than Esther probably does because we’ll be going by buggy.”

  “That’s just fine,” Katie answered.

  “So let me help you get on the road. I’ve held you up long enough,” Ben said.

  She wasn’t in any hurry to leave Ben, Katie thought. But she didn’t say anything. She waited as Ben went over and untied Sparky and then brought him over to the buggy. Katie lifted the shafts as Ben backed Sparky between them and then worked on hitching him to the buggy. She fastened the tug on her side.

  “There you are!” Ben said, coming around and giving her a helping hand up to the buggy seat.

  He’s being so kind…and such a gentleman, Katie thought.

  “Don’t forget Friday night,” Ben said as he backed away from the buggy.

  “I won’t! See you then. And thank you, Ben.” Katie gasped as Sparky suddenly took off. No doubt she was acting like a fool, but then what else could she expect? This was the day she’d dreamed of for so long. The fact that she hadn’t passed out was enough to get down on her knees and give thanks to Da Hah.

  Katie leaned out of the buggy door for a quick glance back. Ben was still standing there waving. She waved back and quickly pulled her body back inside. For a long time she had to struggle to catch her breath.

  From the tension on the buggy lines Sparky seemed to know something was up. He lifted his feet high and almost pranced down the road.

  Moments later, a dark cloud crossed Katie’s mind. She wondered what Arlene would say tomorrow. She’d been quite summarily dismissed tonight by Ben. No doubt she wouldn’t be happy. Katie wondered what she was supposed to do. But she was too excited about Ben’s offer to worry about Arlene’s feelings for very long. A date with Ben Stoll! Would Arlene expect her to crawl back into her shy and retiring cave and hide in sackcloth and ashes? Nee, nee, nee! That was not going to happen!

  Katie couldn’t stop thinking about Ben all the way home. He’d been such a gentleman—so kind and even a bit hesitant. Her heart raced at the memory of him looking at her and his smile. Mamm couldn’t have been more wrong about Ben’s character. She couldn’t really blame Mamm for her doubts. She’d never really met Ben, but now she would. Not on the first date, of course. Things weren’t done that way.

  Ben was taking her to the next Mennonite youth gathering! Yes, the feelings from the rest of the family about Ben might be suspicious at best. But someday—after everyone saw they didn’t intend to leave the faith—they would love Ben like she did. Slow down! Katie reminded herself. This was just one date. But one date might lead to another, and another, and…Katie hugged herself at the thought, leaving the lines slack for a moment. Sparky took the moment to dash even faster down the road until she reined him in. She settled back into the buggy seat and listened to the steady beat of Sparky’s hooves on the pavement. Another dark thought flitted in her mind. What would Mamm say about Ben picking her up? This would no doubt be worse news than ever for Mamm. Mamm didn’t want her to have anything to do with boys, much less with Ben. The combination of Ben and the Mennonite youth gatherings would surely put Mamm in an even greater tizzy.

  But miracles were happening. She would remind Mamm that her wedding to Jesse had been a miracle. Wouldn’t Mamm see that the same thing might be happening now for her daughter? Because this was a miracle. Even one date with Ben Stoll—if another one never happened—was so wunderbah she would treasure it for the rest of her life.

  Mamm would just have to accept this. There was no turning back now. Ben’s buggy would be coming down the driveway on Friday night. There would be no hiding that from anyone. Katie tried to keep breathing normally as she kept her eyes on the road ahead. The Christmas lights in the windows of an Englisha house twinkled off and on and drew her attention for a moment. There were many of these homes on the way home, and usually she would be enjoying the sight of the pretty lights. But tonight she had only one thing on her mind: Ben S
toll.

  Chapter Sixteen

  That evening the chatter at the supper table filled Katie’s ears. Mamm had been all smiles since Katie had arrived home, apparently so caught up in her new duties that she hadn’t noticed the dreamy look on Katie’s face. And Katie had kept the news to herself, afraid that Mamm might say words in front of the others she would later regret. Later they’d have a private conversation about Ben and her upcoming date with him.

  Mabel was the only one who wasn’t joining in the hearty dinner table conversation. Katie noticed that a dark cloud seemed to come and go on her face. Before long Mamm would notice, and the questions would start. And then there would be trouble, if Katie didn’t miss her guess. In the meantime, she kept watching Mamm as she passed the food around the table and made sure everyone was getting enough. She was the perfect hostess.

  Mamm had never been this way before she married Jesse. They’d never gone hungry at their old place, but food preparation had never been high on Mamm’s priority list. Now she seemed obsessed with the subject, glowing with happiness whenever one of the children took extra helpings.

  “Awful nice eating we have here,” Jesse said, dishing another large portion of mashed potatoes on his plate. “A man could grow fat on this.”

  Mamm’s cheeks glowed, and she lowered her head.

  Almost like a teenager, Katie thought. Perhaps someday she would prepare food for Ben like Mamm was preparing food for Jesse. That thought made her ears and cheeks burn. Thankfully no one knew what she was thinking. And it was way too early for such thoughts anyway. Ben was only taking her to one youth gathering. Still, knowing that Ben was coming on Friday night made her toes tingle.

  Mabel’s glowering face came into focus again, interrupting Katie’s thoughts. It looked like Mabel was really upset. But over what?

  Clearing her throat, Mabel’s voice rose above the family chatter as she blurted out the words. “So all those months I made our suppers, there was something wrong with my cooking? Is that what you’re saying, Daett?”