Katie's Journey to Love

by Jerry S. Eicher

  Jesse ignored Mabel and sat down at the table. Carolyn and Joel appeared before prayer time, slipping into their chairs. Leroy and Willis kept silent until after their daett said, “Amen.”

  The two wasted no time after that, slipping out words between bites of food. “Looks like our little lovebird isn’t too chirpy this morning.” Willis glanced slyly at Leroy. “Do her feathers look singed to you?”

  “I hope Daett sent Mr. Lovebird off with a gut kick in his pants,” Leroy offered.

  “How dare you speak of Mose like that!” Mabel exploded.

  “Boys, boys,” Jesse cut in. “Don’t be hard on your sister. She’s had a difficult night.”

  “Sitting on feed bags kissing Mose can’t be that hard,” Willis smirked.

  “You horrid creature!” Mabel wailed. “I wish I’d let you all starve back when I was doing the cooking. Here I worked my fingers to the bone washing your laundry and making your food, and you…you can’t even be grateful. You little brats!”

  “I think she’s upset,” Leroy said, exchanging another glance with Willis. They both grinned.

  “Okay, that’s enough,” Jesse said. “We will speak no more on the matter. Mose isn’t coming around again, and I’m sure Mabel sees the error of her ways. She’ll not be hanging out with that boy anymore. Thankfully we’ve caught this problem in time that something could be done about it.”

  Mabel looked like she was ready to burst into tears, but she kept her mouth shut.

  “Pass me some more of the oatmeal,” Jesse said, apparently trying to move the subject to safer ground.

  This produced another wail from Mabel. “You like her oatmeal, don’t you, Daett? Much better than any I used to make. Why did I even try? I should have left this household a long time ago.”

  “You’re only sixteen, and you are going nowhere,” Jesse said. “And of course I like Emma’s oatmeal. But I also liked yours when you made it. You know I never had any complaints.”

  Mabel looked somewhat mollified, but the battle was likely far from over. Without her weekly excursions to meet Mose in the barn, Mabel would be even more impossible to live with, Katie knew.

  “By the way, Mabel,” Jesse continued, “how is it you got out of the house all this time without us hearing you?”

  Mabel kept her eyes on her bowl of oatmeal and offered no answer.

  “I’ll check the washroom door,” Leroy offered. “And Willis can check the front door.”

  Mabel’s face was blazing red by the time her brothers returned.

  “What did you find?” Jesse asked them.

  “The washroom hinges don’t squeak,” Leroy said. “She’s been keeping them oiled.”

  “Take care of that first thing then,” Jesse told him. “There’s an old pair of hinges in the barn. No more of this sneaking around is going to happen at this house. And if you oil the hinges, Mabel, I won’t go easy on you.”

  Mabel hung her head, her face pale now.

  Reality was sinking in. Mabel wouldn’t be seeing Mose in private for years—if ever again, Katie thought. But that didn’t mean she was changing her opinion about Mamm and her. Likely Mabel would be even angrier than before.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  After the new year started, the weeks passed quickly. Ben felt the increasing weight of his delivery job with renewed regret. Was the money really worth the guilt? And there was his friendship with Katie. They’d continued to attend the Mennonite youth gatherings together and even did other things on occasion. Now it was early April, and spring was in full bloom, the last traces of winter finally gone. Just like his life was about to become, Ben thought. The last of the bitter and bad had to leave.

  Ben knocked on the door of the trailer. When there was no answer, he tried again. Silence. Ben pounded on the door and called out, “I know you’re in there, Rogge. I need to talk to you.”

  Noise soon rustled inside the trailer, and Rogge jerked open the front door, his eyes bloodshot. “What do you want this early in the day? Can’t you figure out that I’m still sleeping?”

  Ben didn’t back up. “It’s five o’clock in the evening. Have you been sleeping all day?”

  “It’s Saturday,” Rogge muttered. “I sleep days and work nights. Remember?”

  “That’s what I’m here for, Rogge. This time it’s for real. I’m not working for you anymore.”

  Rogge glared at Ben. “We’ve been over this before.”

  “I’m not asking this time. I’m sayin’.” Ben turned to go.

  “It’s that young girl you’re seeing. The Raber girl, isn’t it?”

  Ben stopped short. “You mind your own business, Rogge, and I’ll mind mine. You and I are through. Got that?”

  “Must be something, that girl.” Rogge smiled, showing all his teeth. “Does she know what you’ve been doing?”

  Ben turned around and stepped closer. “You’d better not tell her, you hear me?”

  “And what would you do if I did?” Rogge was still smiling. “Yell at me? Isn’t that all a good Amish boy can do?”

  Ben turned on his heels, speaking over his shoulder. “Leave Katie alone if you know what’s good for you.”

  “I’ll be seeing you next week at the usual time, Ben,” Rogge hollered after him.

  “No, you won’t.” Ben climbed into his buggy. He slapped the reins against Longstreet’s back, and the horse lunged forward. Rogge was still staring at them as they hurled out the driveway.

  Let him look long and hard, Ben thought. Rogge was getting no more foolishness out of him. Rogge’s threat of telling Katie about his past was just that—a threat. He would do nothing of the sort. He had too much to lose if Ben squealed. Of course he wouldn’t do that, but let Rogge think he would. Right now he had other things to think of, like his planned evening with Katie. There would be just the two of them together, going nowhere in particular. Katie had warmed quickly to the idea when he’d asked. She seemed uncomfortable around the Amish young people, but when he’d mentioned attending a party where the rumspringa young folks were gathering, Katie hadn’t looked happy either. There wasn’t a Mennonite youth gathering this week. The coming of spring’s busy season had slowed everything down, so a planned drive tonight alone was just the ticket. He would have Katie to himself. That should help wash memories of Rogge out of his mind.

  Not that he had quite intended things to fall in that order. He still had flashes of guilt about how the relationship with Katie was going. She had no idea what his past was, and he didn’t have the courage to admit what had been going on. He would lose Katie, he was sure. And she was doing him so much gut and he enjoyed her company far too much to take a chance on losing her.

  Ben slapped the reins again and directed Longstreet toward the Mast place. His horse already seemed to know the way and didn’t fight the pull of the lines when he was turned away from home. Ben sighed. He was doing the right thing by quitting the business with Rogge, but he wasn’t treating Katie like she deserved. He pulled into Jesse’s driveway and parked beside the barn. He waited in the buggy. There was no sign of Katie. Perhaps he should go inside and see what was keeping her. He had his foot on the buggy step when the front door opened. Katie came running across the lawn.

  “Sorry I’m late!” she gasped, stopping in front of the open buggy door. “We went a little long on the Saturday cleaning. I must say, keeping house for a large family takes much more time than it did when it was just Mamm and me.”

  “No problem,” Ben said, smiling down at her. “Perhaps I’m a little early. I had another stop to make, but it didn’t take as long as I thought.”

  “Well, I’m ready now.” She walked around and stepped up into the buggy. “Where are we going?”

  “Maybe it’s a surprise,” Ben teased.

  “Okay, you don’t have to tell me,” Katie said. “Just being with you is enough. Take me anywhere. I want to enjoy this time with you before I leave to fly across the ocean.”

  “I’ll still be here
when you get back,” Ben said.

  “I know.” Katie clung to his arm. “I am a little scared. And it’s not getting any better the closer the time comes to leave.”

  “You’ll be in great company with your three friends.” He looked over at her. “And you’ll see all those sites where our faith was born. Be sure to take notes of everything. I want to know every little detail when you come back.”

  “Ben, you mentioned that once before. I wondered if you were still having doubts about the faith. Are you?” Katie looked at him, as Ben slowed Longstreet to make a turn.

  “Some, I suppose. But maybe having doubts is a good thing. Once I wrestle through those, I think my faith will be stronger. At least I hope so.”

  She snuggled up against him again. “Your family comes from a long line of people who believed in Da Hah, as do mine. That’s our destiny, Ben. But yah, I will take notes to share with you, if you wish.”

  “I’d like that very much.” He pulled back on the reins. “There’s a little clearing in the woods that I know of just up ahead. Do you want to park there for a few moments? It’s a beautiful place. We won’t stay for long.”

  “I would love that,” she said.

  Ben slowed Longstreet and turned down a little dirt road. The trees grew tight along the path, but they soon opened up just like he remembered. Everywhere spring was in full force, with flowers blooming among the undergrowth and the rest of the vegetation bursting with life. Ben pulled Longstreet to a stop in front of an open meadow and let the reins hang on the dashboard. “I should have taken you into Dover to the Dairy Queen. At least we’d have ice cream.”

  Katie smiled at him. “This is better than ice cream.”

  Her cheeks glowed in the falling dusk, and he traced them with his fingers.

  She didn’t pull back, but trembled under his touch.

  He took her chin in his hand, and bent his head toward her lips. She came to meet him, the softness of her lips moving under his.

  Moments later he let go and wrapped his arm around her shoulder. Katie melted into his side, tighter than she ever had before.

  “I love you, Katie Raber,” he said, his voice shaking. Never had a girl affected him quite like Katie. How could he risk losing her by revealing his past? He’d broken all ties with Rogge and that awful drug dealing. She need never know.

  Katie looked up at him. “You know I love you, Ben. Too much, I think.”

  They watched the birds and animals move about for a while until the darkness was too much. Finally Ben sighed. “Well, I think I’d better take you home.”

  “Yah, I think you should,” she said.

  They both sat up straighter, and Ben reached out and took up the reins. Katie snuggled under his arm. When they reached the road, Ben let Longstreet meander this time. He was in no hurry to end this night.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Katie stood by the window of her bedroom and gazed out over the open fields. The full moon had risen in the sky some hours ago, and it hung well above the tree line but cast light shadows on the ground. It had been several days now since Ben had dropped her off after their buggy ride to that meadow. Even Mabel’s sour face when Katie had walked into the house that night hadn’t dampened her joy. Ben had kissed her! She kept repeating that to herself. And he had wanted to kiss her just like she had wanted to kiss him. How could that be? A boy like Ben Stoll!

  Katie wrapped her arms around herself, catching sight of the moon around the corner of the house as it crept higher in the sky. She hadn’t told Mamm yet about Ben’s kiss. Maybe a person wasn’t supposed to tell such things to anyone—even her mamm. It didn’t seem right in a way. That moment their lips met seemed almost holy. The meadow had lain open in front of them, bursting with new life. The trees and Da Hah had been their only witnesses. Well, Longstreet had been there, but he hadn’t cared one way or the other. He was just glad for a few minutes of rest.

  How wrong Mamm had been about Ben all those months ago. In those dark days before Jesse came calling, Mamm had said Ben would turn out like her first love had—rejecting her, ignoring her, marrying someone else. But Ben wasn’t like that. Ben might even ask her to be his frau someday. And then she could kiss him every day.

  A shadow running across the lawn caught Katie’s attention, jerking her thoughts away from Ben. Katie’s eyes followed the figure as it neared the barn door and disappeared inside. That had to be Mabel. Was she meeting Mose again? How would Mabel dare to do that? Jesse had strongly warned her about ever sneaking out to be with Mose again.

  Perhaps it wasn’t Mabel? Maybe Carolyn had decided to run outside for a second? But the form Katie saw had been Mabel’s size. Should Katie do something about this? What could she do? Mabel had a mind of her own, and telling someone what she’d just seen might bring about a great kufuffle. Besides, she didn’t really know what Mabel was doing.

  Katie moved away from the window. If Mabel was up to something again, it wouldn’t remain a secret for long. Not with Jesse and Mabel’s brothers being on the lookout for this very thing. Should she try to stop Mabel again? Perhaps reach her before Mose showed up? She decided it didn’t hurt to try again to talk Mabel out of this foolishness. Katie slipped down the stairs. She smiled at Jesse and Mamm, who looked up from where they were sitting in the living room. “I’m going outside,” she said.

  Jesse nodded. “It’s a nice night out. I noticed the full moon was out a few minutes ago.”

  “Yah, it is. A nice night for a short walk.”

  Mabel was acting quite recklessly, Katie thought as she headed through the washroom door. Meeting like this with Mose before anyone had gone to bed was so risky. And with the full moon in the sky to reveal so much. Was Mabel trying to get caught?

  Katie pulled open the barn door. Like the washroom door, it gave off a loud squawk. There was no chance of approaching Mabel and Mose’s hiding place without them knowing she was coming. That was just as well. She didn’t wish to surprise the couple. This way Mose might have time to safely flee before she arrived.

  A dim shaft of light stole out from under the door ahead of Katie. Why had Mabel been so careless and allowed the light to show? Arriving at the feed door, she knocked. There was silence at first, and then she heard a muffled sob. Katie, not sure of what to do, pushed open the door.

  In front of her a crying Mabel sat on a feed bag, a kerosene lamp burning beside her. “What do you want? Can’t you see I want to be left alone?” she demanded through her tears.

  “Is Mose gone already?” Katie looked around.

  “He was never here, stupid. Do you think he’d come back after getting caught once? Mose is not an idiot. I’ve lost him forever.” Mabel burst into tears again.

  Katie sat down on the feed bag beside Mabel. When Mabel didn’t object, Katie was surprised. She’d never seen Mabel quite like this. The poor girl was brokenhearted underneath all that anger and hostility.

  “I’m so sorry,” Katie said. “I really am. I wish you could continue seeing Mose, although I don’t know what kind of boy he really is.”

  “Well, he’s not high and mighty like that Ben of yours. But then the two of you fit each other perfectly.”

  “You know that’s not true,” Katie said before she thought to keep silent. “I’m not near gut enough for Ben.”

  Mabel smirked through her tears. “You seem to think you’re gut enough to mess up my life. That takes somebody pretty full of herself.”

  Katie remained silent.

  Mabel continued. “And you’re going to Europe. What kind of Amish girl takes off and does that? Not any that I know. We all stay home and prepare for our future lives with husbands and children. We don’t go cavorting around in the Old Land.”

  Katie wanted to say something, but what could she offer? A sarcastic retort? Hardly. The poor girl was obviously crushed already. Katie thought for a moment that maybe Mabel was right, perhaps she was full of herself. Even thinking she could help Mabel might be evidence of that.


  “You see my point, don’t you?” Mabel was glaring now. “You’re quite full of yourself. You think badly about Mose and me for kissing, but in the meantime Ben and you are smooching all over each other. I’m right, aren’t I? You and Ben do kiss just like Mose and I do.”

  Each word was cutting like a knife, and Katie’s roiling emotions wanted to lash back at Mabel, but at the same time she wanted to put an arm around her shoulders and comfort her.

  “I wish you and your mamm would go away,” Mabel continued, waving her hand through the air. “Just disappear and leave us alone.”

  “Maybe I should go back in the house.” Katie stood up. “I’m sorry I’ve created trouble in your life, Mabel. But I don’t know what else I can do. I have to be me, and the fact is Ben and I love each other. And, yah, we did kiss the other night—for the first time. And it was wunderbah. If that’s what you experienced with Mose, then I hope your relationship can continue someday.”

  Mabel was about to speak when the door burst open and Jesse appeared.

  “Was Mose out here?” he demanded.

  The accusation sent Mabel into fresh sobs.

  “Nee,” Katie offered. “I saw Mabel leave the house and followed her. It’s just the two of us.”

  Jesse looked relieved. “If Mose isn’t here, why are you out here, Mabel?”

  “I needed a place by myself so I could sob my heart out,” Mabel wailed.

  A troubled look crossed Jesse’s face, and he sat down on the feed bag next to his daughter. “I love you, Mabel,” he said. “I just want what’s best for you.”

  Mabel looked at him with tear-stained face. “Then why can’t I see Mose?”

  “Because he’s not the right man for you. He’s not gut enough.” Jesse gathered Mabel in his arms, and she sobbed against his chest. Katie left them, closing the door and feeling her way across the dark barn. It was gut that Jesse was spending time with Mabel. Perhaps they could find healing for their ruffled relationship. As she stepped outside the barn, the moonlight guided Katie across the lawn and up the porch. The swing squeaked in the slight breeze, and Katie glanced toward it before entering the house. Someday she would have enough nerve to ask Ben to sit on the swing with her. Sometime after Mabel had gotten over her pain and perhaps was dating another boy. Every girl ought to sit on a front porch swing with the man she loved, Katie thought. Just like Mamm had with Jesse.