Too Close to Home

by Susan Lewis

  Leaping out, Jenna ran to the back of the car for Waffle. “Go find Paige,” she instructed urgently. “Go find her, there’s a good boy.”

  Obediently Waffle bounded off down the track, sniffing and swerving, kicking up dust as he went and barely pausing to query a scent.

  Jenna, Jack, and Hanna ran after him, but there was no way they could keep up.

  “He knows where she is,” Jenna cried excitedly. “I can tell. He knows where he’s going.”

  She received no contradiction; the others were too full of hope themselves to try to rationalize hers.

  Waffle was at least fifty yards ahead, almost at the end of the track, ready to run up into the dunes. In the distance they could see the beach, swarming with police and tracker dogs. It was a beautiful morning: sunlight was sparkling over the sea, the sky was blue, and the sands were as softly golden as the sun itself. It was like being in a dream. Everything seemed so perfect that nothing could go wrong now.

  She was here. Jenna could feel it. Her baby was close now, and at any minute she’d be holding her in her arms.

  Please God, don’t let me be fooling myself. I have to be right about this.

  All of a sudden Waffle turned off the main track and started along another, where he came to an abrupt halt in front of a five-bar gate. He sniffed around it, frantically trying to find a way past. In the end he squeezed through a tiny gap at the side and charged on.

  “Waffle, wait!” Jenna called. “We’re going to lose you.”

  The dog wasn’t listening. He bounded on, past a small bungalow tucked into the trees, around a bend in the trail, and disappeared into the woods.

  “Waffle!” Jack shouted as they climbed the gate. “Waffle, wait, boy!”

  By the time they reached the bend, breathless, hearts pounding with exertion and hope, there was no longer any sign of the dog, only a fork in the track that left them not knowing which way to go.

  —

  There was a part in the book The Lovely Bones when the girl who was dead realized her dog could see her, which meant he was dead too. It had always made Paige cry. This was what she thought of when Waffle bounded in through the door of her shelter and jumped on her in slobbery glee.

  We’re both dead, she was thinking as she hugged him, and though she was happier than she’d ever been in her life to see him, she was devastated too. Waffle was dead. She didn’t want him to die, ever.

  “Hello,” she whispered, squeezing him with all her might.

  He licked the tears from her cheeks and wagged his tail so hard his back legs lifted.

  Waffle was here for her. He’d come because he didn’t want to let her down the way everyone else had. Especially Julie, who had directed her to this place that was a shack, but like someone’s home with sofas and chairs, a kitchen and fireplace. There were even beds in other rooms and a bathroom.

  But Julie hadn’t come.

  Paige had waited and waited out here in the woods, all alone, terrified, and confused, desperate to find the courage to act alone—until finally she’d walked into the waves, never to come back.

  So now she was dead. She didn’t exist anymore, but like the girl in The Lovely Bones she could see and hear everyone else, even though they couldn’t see or hear her.

  Her mother was shouting for Waffle. “Where are you, boy? Waffle, come back.”

  “Waffle!” Auntie Hanna called. “Here, boy.”

  “They want you,” she told him, “but you’re here now, we’re together, and I won’t let you go.”

  A shadow filled the sunlit doorway.

  Paige kept her face buried in Waffle.

  “Oh my God. Oh my God,” she heard her mother sob. “Paige…”

  “No!” Paige cried, leaping to her feet and backing away. “Don’t touch me! Don’t come near me.”

  Her mother stopped.

  “It’s your fault,” Paige sobbed wildly. “I could have done it if it weren’t for you.”

  Her mother’s arms were outstretched, and so were Paige’s, blocking her from coming any further.

  “I don’t understand,” Jenna whispered. “Please…”

  “They said I’m not supposed to think about anyone else, or care about them, or do anything except think about me, then it would be all right, I’d be ready to do it, but I kept thinking about you! I couldn’t stop thinking about you. You were here in my head all the time, you wouldn’t stop, wouldn’t let me go, and I have to because I can’t take any more.”

  “Paige, listen to me,” Jenna implored. “It’s going to be all right…”

  “No! No! It’s never going to be all right because I love you too much and if I didn’t I could have made everything stop….” Tears were streaming down her cheeks, and her whole body was jerking with violent sobs.

  Jenna tried going forward, but Paige backed further away.

  “Darling, we’re going to work it out,” Jenna told her. “The bullies are already being dealt with, and Dad’s here….We know what they said about you and him, and we know it wasn’t true. Everyone does.”

  “Then why did they say it?”

  “Because they’re mean and spiteful and they don’t have dads who love them anywhere near as much.”

  “So why did he leave?”

  “Paige,” Jack said, stepping into the room, “I swear it had nothing to do with you. I love you more—”

  “No! You’re with her now. You don’t care about us.”

  “That isn’t true. Please try to understand how sorry I am that I’ve done this to you. If I hadn’t, I know you’d have talked to me and Mum about what was happening.”

  Paige’s eyes shot to the door as a police officer appeared.

  “It’s OK,” Jenna told him. “She’s fine, we all are. If you could give us a minute…”

  As he stepped back Jenna moved closer to Paige. “Can we take you home now?” she asked softly.

  Paige started to shake her head, but there was nothing she could do to stop herself falling into Jenna’s arms, whispering, “Mummy, Mummy, Mummy.”

  Paige was taken by ambulance from the ecologist’s bunkhouse at Whiteford Sands to Morriston Hospital in Swansea. Jenna traveled with her, while Jack, Hanna, and Waffle followed in the car and Kay drove across from Port Eynon with Josh and the twins.

  After the doctor finished checking Paige over, the children were allowed to see her. The reunion was boisterous and tearful, and did much to endear them to the staff. However, Paige was apparently still suffering from a mild delirium caused by exposure to the elements, emotional trauma, and a two-day fast, so the young ones weren’t allowed to stay long.

  She fell asleep almost as soon as they’d gone, and slept deeply until late afternoon, at which point the doctor said, “I’d like to keep her for further observation, but under the circumstances, perhaps being back in the bosom of her family is where she really needs to be.”

  “I think so,” Jenna agreed. “And don’t worry, we understand about the psychiatric assessment. We’ll make sure it happens.”

  “I’m sure you realize that working through something like this can be a long process,” he cautioned, “so it’s important that she’s fully recharged physically before she begins. Were you given the number to call?”

  After assuring him she had been, Jenna took Paige the fresh clothes Kay had brought in, and Jack went to fetch the car. It was while they were waiting for him to come back that DS Mariner rang.

  “How is she?” the detective asked.

  “She’s doing well,” Jenna said with a smile, slipping an arm round Paige’s shoulders. “We’re about to go home.”

  “That’s good. I’m glad it turned out this way.”

  “Thank you.”

  “We’ll need to speak to her at some point.”

  “I realize that, but not yet.”

  “No, of course not. I thought you’d want to know that we’ve identified Julie Morris.”

  Yes, Jenna did want to know, but not with Paige sitting r
ight next to her; there would be time later for her daughter to deal with whatever else was to come. So leaving her texting Charlotte, she walked outside. “Who is it?” she asked.

  “Her real name is Olivia Masters. She’s at the same school, a year above Paige.”

  Jenna was frowning as she tried to recall the name. “Does she have a brother called Owen?” she asked.

  “Yes, she does. She was rushed to the emergency room last night after taking an overdose.”

  Stunned, Jenna said, “Is she…did she…?”

  “She was at home when it happened, so I’m guessing Paige knows nothing about it.”

  “Is she going to be all right?”

  “I believe so.”

  Glad of that, though confused about her feelings for the girl herself, Jenna asked, “Do you know why…?” She shook her head. “There are so many whys. Why Paige? Why change her name? Why try to kill herself?”

  “All questions we need answers to, and hopefully we’ll get them when she’s ready to talk. Meantime, if anything should come to light that you think might be helpful, you have my number; please be in touch.”

  Paige was at home now in her own bed, surrounded by her siblings, who couldn’t do enough for her, and her dog, the hero of the hour. Jenna thought she still looked tired and anxious, but at least she was managing to put on a show for the children. Her old self was still in there somewhere; it was just going to need some time to find its confidence again.

  “She’s always had a strong personality,” Hanna declared when they were in the sitting room later, with everyone asleep upstairs. “It’s what’ll get her through this—and her mother, of course.”

  Jenna looked at Jack. He seemed so lost, so beaten, even, that she could only wonder what was going through his mind. “How long are you staying?” she asked him.

  “You mean tonight?” he replied.

  “Yes, and after that. Will you be booking a flight back to the States once we’ve seen the psychiatrist? Or perhaps you’d rather not stay around for that.”

  His eyes went down. “I’m getting the impression she’d rather I wasn’t here,” he said. “She’s barely spoken to me since we found her.”

  Irritated by the self-pity, Jenna said, “You know she’s not in a good place, and frankly I don’t think disappearing again is going to help things between you. This is presuming, of course, that you want there to be a relationship between you.”

  His eyes showed his pain. “I’m surprised you can even ask it.”

  Before Jenna could respond, Hanna said, “I’m guessing she won’t be going back to school for the rest of this term.”

  Jenna shook her head. “They break for Easter on Thursday, so I don’t think anyone will be expecting her to. I’ll call Mr. Charles in the morning.”

  “Did you see that he rang while you were at the hospital?” Hanna asked. “He wanted to say how relieved everyone was that Paige had been found, and he wants you to call to discuss what’s happened when you’re ready.”

  “Did he mention anything about Kelly Durham and what’s going to happen to her?”

  “No, but I don’t suppose he would to me. It was about Paige today. As far as I’m concerned, it’s always about Paige.”

  “Have you told her about this Olivia girl yet?” Jack wanted to know.

  Jenna shook her head. “She’s had enough for one day.”

  “Do you know the parents?” Hanna asked.

  “I’ve seen them, but I’ve never met them. They always seem…how shall I put it…a bit reclusive, stand-offish even, but like I say, I don’t actually know them. She’s a gifted musician, Olivia. Paige has often talked about her. Apparently she plays in assembly sometimes.”

  “So why did she need an alias to make friends? And what on earth drove her to forge a friendship with Paige that ended in a suicide pact?”

  “I’ve no idea yet. Just thank God she stood Paige up and acted alone—although, of course, it’s tragic that she did. It seems she’s going to pull through.” She looked around. “Where’s Mum? I don’t think I’ve seen her since the children went to bed.”

  “She was going to do some ironing,” Hanna answered, peering through to the kitchen. “Doesn’t look like she’s there, though.”

  Going to check, Jenna found her mother in the dining room, standing in the darkness staring out at the starry night sky. “Are you OK?” she asked softly. “I wondered where you’d got to.”

  When Kay didn’t answer, Jenna went to stand in front of her. “Mum?”

  Kay still said nothing, but as she turned her head Jenna caught the glint of tears on her cheeks.

  “Oh, Mum, what is it?” she urged. She couldn’t remember ever seeing her mother cry before, not even when her father died.

  “It’s my fault,” Kay stated. “I should have taken it more seriously. She told me—she said people were being mean to her. And because I did nothing we nearly lost her.”

  “You can’t blame yourself, Mum,” Jenna protested. “She told me too.”

  “But I’ve been through it. I know what it’s like to be bullied.”

  “Which doesn’t mean you would automatically understand what was happening, or that you could have stopped it. You were there for her when she needed you, that’s what counts.”

  Kay’s face remained strained with grief. “I’ve never been a good enough parent, or grandma,” she said bluntly. “I keep trying, but I know you need more….”

  “How can you say that when we’d never manage without you? You’re our rock, Mum. You’re always there for us, and always have been.”

  “But not in the way your father was.”

  “In other ways. Oh, Mum, please don’t do this to yourself. We love you so much, all of us, and we know you love us too. You’re still crying….I’m sorry, but I have to do this. I know you don’t like it, but I’m going to.”

  Kay stood very still as Jenna folded her into her arms and rested her head against hers. Though she didn’t hug her back, she didn’t try to break away either, and after a while she gave her a hesitant little pat.

  Jenna smiled through her own tears. “That was lovely,” she whispered.

  Kay’s eyes came to hers. “Perhaps if I got some counseling?” she suggested.

  “I think we all need it,” Jenna told her. “You, me, and Paige.”

  “But she’s our priority.”

  “Of course.”

  Kay’s eyes drifted back to the garden. “I had some once,” she admitted, “but it didn’t do me much good.”

  “Times have changed; therapies are different, more effective. Even so, we love you just the way you are.”

  Kay nodded. “What’s happened here, with Paige,” she said, “will change a lot of things for a lot of people. Let’s hope it’s all for the good.”

  —

  “You’re kidding,” Paige murmured, torn between disbelief and unease. “Tell me you’re making it up.”

  “I swear I’m not,” Charlotte insisted. “Oliver was there on Saturday, helping to look for you.”

  Paige’s face remained pale. “Did you talk to him?”

  “No. Actually, I only saw him from a distance, but it was definitely him, because Cullum was there too, and their dad.”

  Not sure whether she wanted to curl up with embarrassment or allow herself to feel pleased, Paige said, “Do you think someone made him come?”

  “I’ve got no idea. I’m just telling you, he was there.” Charlotte glanced at the time. “I have to go,” she sighed. “I’ve probably already missed the bus, but your grandma said she’d drive me to school. I just had to come and see you for myself. So we’re good now? All the bad things forgotten?”

  “Definitely,” Paige assured her, feeling certain they would be just as soon as she got her head properly straightened out. “Thanks for standing by me all the times you did,” she remembered to add.

  Charlotte regarded her sardonically. “You didn’t always make it easy,” she told her. “Anyway,
we should find out sometime this week if Kelly Durham’s being suspended or expelled. Let’s hope it’s expelled.”

  Instantly feeling anxious, Paige said, “If she is, she’ll find a way to make me pay.”

  “No way, we won’t let her. She’s history from now on. She’s the sinking ship no one wants to go down with.”

  “What about Bethany and Matilda?”

  Charlotte shrugged. “The Durmites are over without her. Are you staying in bed today?”

  “I don’t know. Mum wants to have a chat, of course, and I just know Dad will want one too.”

  Charlotte pulled a sympathy face. “At least he came back from the States,” she pointed out.

  “Big deal.”

  “You’d have been hurt if he didn’t.”

  Letting her head fall back, Paige said, “I don’t know what to say to him.”

  “So let him do the talking. He’s the one who’s in the wrong, so you don’t have to do anything.”

  After a while Paige’s eyes went back to Charlotte, a sheepish glint flickering in their depths. “Do you swear you’re not winding me up about Oliver?”

  Charlotte grinned. “Cross my heart. I know—why don’t you text and say thank you?”

  Paige immediately shrank from that. “No way am I going to be in touch with him.”

  “Up to you, but I would be if it were me.”

  Reminded of how different they were at times, Paige gave her a hug and watched her walk to the door.

  Turning back, Charlotte said, “By the way, have you been in touch with Julie since all this happened?”

  Paige’s lips tightened as she shook her head. Lying back against the pillows as Charlotte left, she closed her eyes. She’d messaged Julie dozens of times since her phone had recharged, asking why she hadn’t come and what sort of friend would leave someone out in the woods on their own for two nights in a row, but she hadn’t received a single reply. She wasn’t going to bother trying again. In truth, she didn’t want to have any more to do with her. She didn’t even care who she really was, although she’d definitely like to know, if only to expose her to everyone else.

  How could she have allowed herself to be talked into what she’d done? It didn’t seem credible now, yet she hadn’t forgotten how comforted she’d felt when they were in touch. It really had seemed as though Julie was her only friend in the world, and that she’d be there for her when no one else would.