Jam Sandwiches

by Greg Fowler

  She’d come up again to see him first thing this morning. Just to check in and see if he was still okay. Other than a couple of grazes in need of a good soak and tired, puffy eyes, for the most part he was. Physically anyway. She hadn’t accepted his ‘yes’ at face value and had come over and sat down at the foot of his bed. Looking across at Reagan’s barricaded window, she’d asked him if he’d heard from her. That answer was easy. Then she’d asked him whether he intended to do anything about that. That answer was hard.

  ‘What can it hurt,’ she’d told him. ‘All she can do is say ‘go away’ and what have you lost. Nothing as far as I can see.’ That idea sounded good and bad, all at the same time. ‘Go on, ‘ she’d said. ‘Even if it’s just for your own sake.’

  In the end it wasn’t exactly a hard argument for her to win. For weeks now Eddy had been wanting to go over there, to say ‘here I am, I’m sorry and I want us to be friends’ but he’d been too uncertain about the rights and wrongs. Reagan had him all nervy and despite all the confidence Mr Tree had given him, he fell flat when it came to the in’s and out’s of Reagan Crowe. Having Grandma Daisy lay it all out for him like that though was the blessing he needed.

  After watching the McKenzie’s white car cruise slowly over the black arcs of rubber left behind by Ryan’s tyres, Eddy sucked in a deep breath and strode up to the Crowe’s front door.

  He gave it two quick knocks, each time feeling the sound of his knuckles against the wood like an electric charge throughout his whole body.

  Will she slam the door in my face?

  I knew I shouldn’t have come.

  When the door swung inwards Eddy was a knife edge away from running, but it wasn’t Reagan that greeted him, it was Mrs Crowe instead. She too looked tired and a bit worse for wear but at least she was dressed.

  ‘Hi Eddy.’ It wasn’t necessarily a happy greeting but it wasn’t quite sad either. It represented what they’d both been through the night before.

  ‘H…hi Mrs Crowe. C..can I please see Reagan?’

  Eddy knew the answer before she said it. It was written in her eyes.

  ‘I’m sorry Eddy but Reagan’s not up to seeing anyone at the moment.’

  ‘Oh. Is she alright?’

  ‘She will be. She’s very upset right now and she’s got a good knock on the side of her face too.’

  ‘Oh……Do you think she’ll be ready to see me sometime soon? I….I just want t…to say I’m sorry.’

  A tender smile appeared on Mrs Crowe’s face as she regarded the special boy on her door step. She’d not been blind these last five years or so. Reagan and Eddy had been the best of buddies up until recently and she saw in him the desperation of a boy wanting so badly to put things back together again. But she wasn’t her daughter.

  ‘Are you thirsty Eddy?’

  It seemed a strange question under the circumstance and Eddy sensed it was more than it appeared to be.

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Sit down there on the step then and I’ll be out in a minute with a glass of orange juice.’

  Mrs Crowe disappeared inside and Eddy did as he was told, finding that the step was already gathering the warmth of an early autumn sun. Reagan’s Mum was back in no time, a glass in each hand. Handing Eddy his, she planted herself down beside him.

  ‘Reagan’s not quite ready to say it, so I’ll say it for her. Thank you, Eddy. I know you guys aren’t getting on too well at the moment.’ Eddy looked away. Did she know about the necklace? Was she a little bit angry at him too? ‘Reagan’s had to grow up a lot faster than I’d hoped,’ continued Mrs Crowe, with or without eye contact. ‘She’s struggling to come to terms with a whole bunch of things, not the least her father leaving her. There haven’t been too many constants in her life when you come to think about it. Me and you. That’s about it.’ She paused for a moment, considering where to go next. ‘She will get over this Eddy. I can’t promise you how long it’ll take but I do know one thing. It has a lot to do with you.’ Eddy looked back up at her, eyebrows raised. ‘She’s done some dumb things, we all do, but you’ve always been there. What I’m thinking is that’s it’s not going to be too long before she recognises that. She needs you. She needs you because you ground her. You help her make things make sense. I know that probably doesn’t make sense but trust me, from a mother’s perspective it means a heck of a lot.’

  ‘Take that Ryan boy. I never liked him. Not from the first time Reagan told me about him. But as a mother, sometimes you have to let your kids make mistakes. It’s really hard to sit back and watch but unless they learn the lessons for themselves, they won’t learn them at all. That’s what I like about you Eddy. Whenever she was with you I was certain of one thing…she wasn’t making a mistake. She was safe…but it was also something more than that.’ Mrs Crowe searched for the right words. ‘She was….blessed, that’s it I guess, blessed.’

  ‘So my advice is to just give her a bit more time okay. You’re too special for her to make this grudge last a lifetime.’

  ‘Okay Mrs C…Crowe.’

  It was reassuring to hear what Mrs Crowe had to say. Maybe there really was light at the end of the tunnel. But even if she was spot on, it still came down to more time when every second was driving him crazy.

  ‘W…will you tell her I came t..to say hello?’

  ‘I will Eddy. Don’t you worry about that.’

  66. THE BIG DAY

  It had been close on two weeks since his front step chat with Mrs Crowe and still Eddy hadn’t had so much as an acknowledgement from Reagan. If it weren’t for the other people around him registering his existence, he might well have felt he’d fallen off the face of the planet. Her bedroom window remained closed and that blind of hers was forever down. The distance across Mr Tree seemed to have gone from a handful of metres to light years and there seemed to be no possible means with which to cross it.

  So Eddy had taken solace in study, burning not just both ends of the candle but right through a few pencils as well. Grandma Daisy was constantly harping for him to take more breaks but he either faked a break or refused altogether. If he filled his head with a million facts and figures, maybe there wouldn’t be any room left with which to pine for Reagan. The trouble was, the mind is an awfully big thing. Awfully big indeed.

  The days had been long and gruelling, punctuated by the heart pounding sight of Reagan’s travels to school and back. He wondered how her own study was going and whether her patience for algebra had improved at all. He doubted it. If Reagan didn’t like something it tended to stay unliked…..not exactly a confidence boosting thought.

  Slowly but surely though, Monday gave way to Friday and then it did it all over again. And this coming Friday…well, it was the big day of course. The beginning of exams. All of that learning, all of those hours were about to be put to the test and Eddy’s greatest fear was that all those things floating around in his head would suddenly find some other place to be. Back like they used to. Back when he was the Stupid Boy. It was going to be tough alright.

  The one thing he needed was to be refreshed and motivated for Friday morning. That would set the foundation for everything else. So on Thursday night he’d made himself put down the pencil for the last time and had actually gone downstairs for dinner with Grandma Daisy. She’d added custard and ice cream to the back end of it too. For energy, she’d told him. You can’t beat a dose of sugar and fat when a challenge came knocking.

  The other thing he’d done was go to bed early. Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise. In his case though, it failed miserably. Somewhere in the early morning hours of exam day, with Mr Tree under his right palm and the moonlight spilling into the room, Eddy had made a decision, a big, exciting one. Whether Reagan was ready to hear from him or not, he was going to climb across the tree tomorrow morning, knock on her window and wish her all the best for her exams. What could it hurt. Just like Grandma Daisy had said.

  In the end though, it was all too much to
hope for.

  When Eddy finally entered exam day, it was most definitely not in the manner he would have preferred. Straight away he knew he’d stuffed up. The sun light was already beaming halfway across the floor and at this time of the year that only meant one thing; he had slept in. Not just for his exams but maybe also for his plan with Reagan.

  Stupid Boy! I can’t believe this.

  Ripping his sheets back, Eddy continued to scold himself. Of any day in his entire life, this was the one not to sleep in. Mental note, he needed an alarm clock.

  ‘Eddy, are you up?’ Grandma Daisy was at the door. She never just barged in anymore.

  ‘I am now.’

  ‘You’d best hurry if you want a shower. Mrs Stanton will be here in forty minutes.’

  Forty minutes! Holey moley.

  It hadn’t just been a sleep in, he’d had his very own slumber party.

  ‘I’m coming right now.’ Snatching the towel Grandma Daisy had laid on his desk the previous night, he scampered down the hallway and into the waiting shower.

  Forty minutes can seem an age and forty minutes can disappear without a trace. For Eddy it was the latter. Mrs Stanton’s imminent arrival hounded him all the way through the shortest shower he could manage and the breakfast that Grandma Daisy wasn’t going to see him go without. She could still be a very stubborn lady when she wanted to be.

  Eddy was only just about to head back upstairs for a panic cram when the knock came at the door. If he hadn’t taken the time to swallow right then, his heart may very well have jumped right out of his throat.

  Here we go, no escape now.

  Sure enough, when he opened the door, there was Mrs Stanton, spick and span, straight as an arrow and just aching to put her student through his paces.

  ‘Morning Eddy.’

  ‘M…morning Mrs Stanton.’

  ‘So are you ready?’

  ‘No.’ And Eddy didn’t think he was lying either. He was beginning to wonder how the heck he ever got talked into this.

  ‘I’m sure you’ll be just fine.’

  They all say that Mrs Stanton.

  ‘I h…hope so.’

  After giving Eddy and Grandma Daisy the run down (for about the sixth time) it was time to head upstairs and make sure the room was foolproof and fair. Not that Mrs Stanton had any doubts mind you, but the rules were rules. All text books and other writing material not specifically related to the exam had to be taken right out of the room. With other home students, she said, even the posters had to come off the walls, but in Eddy’s case that was a moot point. His walls were fairly bustling with that ‘most amazing’ of trees.

  Grandma Daisy had actually asked him about that the night before.

  ‘What about the tree?’ she’d asked.

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘I can’t imagine it’s in the rule books but what if Mr Tree starts…I don’t know, feeding you stuff?’

  ‘You mean like the answers?’

  ‘Yeah.’

  It had been a good point and in all honesty Eddy hadn’t considered it until now.

  ‘I don’t think that’s going to be a problem.’

  ‘Why’s that?’

  ‘That’s not Mr Tree’s style.’

  ‘Good boy,’ Grandma Daisy had responded. ‘That’s not Grandpa Nevil’s either.’

  Finally the scene was set. Eddy would use his desk (now cleared of everything which had ever resembled something related to study) and Mrs Stanton had one of the dining chairs and Grandma Daisy’s little jigsaw table from down stairs. Short of a meteor strike, there was no stopping things now.

  Mrs Stanton was checking her watch, just about to declare the exam ‘commenced’ when Eddy made a sudden and painful realisation.

  Reagan. Oh no!

  It was too late now. It had to be. School had already started and she was sitting the same exam as he was at exactly the same time. That was also the rules. But he couldn’t help himself. Springing out of his chair he raced over to the side window.

  ‘Eddy,’ exclaimed Mrs Stanton. ‘What are you doing?’

  ‘I j..just gotta open the w..window a bit.’ It was a bold faced lie, the window was always open, but it was worth it. If there was a billionth of a trillionth percent chance he could still catch her then he’d take it in a heartbeat. Mrs Stanton would have puppies if and when he climbed out the window but in the end she could happily remain puppyless. Reagan wasn’t there. But the very next best thing in the world was.

  There, taped to the window was a blank page torn out of an exercise book, and written in black marker pen, nice and big so he didn’t have to get out there to read it was a note. It was her handwriting alright. He’d recognise that anywhere and he also reckoned they were the most wonderful three words he had ever read.

  ‘GOOD LUCK EDDY.’

  67. AN EVEN BIGGER DAY

  The very minute Eddy laid his pencil down at the end of the last of his five exams, the world folded back in on him. He hadn’t realised how much he’d closed it out until the pressure released. The sky was brighter again, the clouds puffier. The faint breeze which tickled through the open window was refreshing and carried the scent of nature instead of just being that pesky draught that would annoy textbook pages.

  Yep, he mused, it was funny how the world could be the same place and yet so different. It all came down to perspective.

  The exams had been tough. Some tougher than others. And through four of the five of them he imagined Reagan going through exactly the same thing with exactly the same questions.

  Right throughout that fretful week that beautiful sign had remained up on her window. For Eddy it was a stepping stone of gold. She’d been thinking about him and some of them at least had been good thoughts. Why else would she wish him good luck? Even the fact her blind was still down and she never once looked back when she left for school in the morning couldn’t take away that good omen. It was starting to look as though Mrs Crowe had been right. Time and space were beginning to work their magic.

  He would wait. He would wait forever if he had to.

  But he didn’t have to.

  For Eddy, though he didn’t know it at the time, it was one more sleep ‘till Reagan.

  It was just another Saturday the way Eddy saw it. Well, not quite. It was the first day in what seemed like forever that he didn’t have to have his nose stuck in one book or another. His time belonged to him again and he didn’t really know what to do with it. The exam results wouldn’t be in for weeks yet, which was pretty unfair, and so he had to resign himself to putting such things out of his head. That was easier said than done.

  He was sitting there, staring out the front window and noticing how the rubber streak’s from Ryan’s inauspicious escape were already fading to barely an etch, when there was a soft tap on the other window.

  No, it couldn’t be.

  It had to be one of Mr Tree’s branches playing games with him.

  And then it came again. Tap, tap.

  Eddy got down off the ledge, wishing, hoping but at the same time preparing himself for bad news. One step across the carpet… nothing, just more of Mr Tree and the wall beyond Reagan’s window. Two steps…same stuff. Three steps….and the world was wonderful again. Magnificent, stupendous, fabulous.

  ‘Hi Stranger,’ said Reagan, standing out there on the tree, looking back at him. It was obvious she was as uncertain about this as he was.

  ‘Hi b…back.’ Eddy didn’t know what to say. Why didn’t they have an exam for this sort of thing?

  ‘Watcha doin’?’

  ‘I was waiting f..for you to knock on the d..damn window!’

  She smiled. How fantastic was that! She was actually here at the window and she was actually smiling.

  ‘Jam Sandwiches?’

  ‘I thought y…you’d never ask.’

  We’ll never let her fall remember Eddy. We promise.

  2005

  68. THE GRAND TOUR

  ‘Hey Eddy.’
r />   ‘What?’

  ‘I’ve got an idea.’

  ‘Yeah?’

  ‘Let’s give Mr Tree a break and go for a walk.’

  ‘Aye?’

  ‘A walk, you know…with the legs.’ Reagan held her hand up and made a walking motion with her fingers.

  ‘I know what a walk is, silly.’

  ‘Well, you had me fooled.’

  A walk. That was something new. Eddy didn’t think they’d ever been for a walk before. It sounded alright he supposed.

  ‘Okay smarty pants, a w..walk it is.’

  ‘Meet you outside in two minutes.’ And that was it, she was gone. No further explanation, no where’s and why’s, nothing.

  Something’s up.

  Slapping on a pair of shoes (one’s that fit just perfect, like they always did these days), he raced downstairs, calling out to Grandma Daisy on the way out the door.

  ‘I’m off for a walk Grandma Daisy, back soon.’

  ‘Okay,’ she replied from in another room somewhere. ‘Take your time, it’s nice to see the sun out for once.’

  True to her word, Reagan was out on her lawn waiting for him. First again of course, she always had to be first.

  She’d lost some weight in the last few months. Eddy didn’t want to measure it in this way, but it had been since that night with Ryan really. Standing out here in her track pants and sweat top it stood out all the more. But she seemed to be happy enough. That was what really mattered, especially after the ordeal of the last couple of years. Was she the girl she’d been at ten years old? No, but then again, Eddy reminded himself, he was a very different person now too. It was called ‘growing up’.

  ‘Where are we going?’

  ‘All the way and back again.’ She smiled mischievously at him and that only reinforced the big ‘what’s up’ going off in his head.

  ‘Did you have a bowl of weird f..for breakfast this morning?’

  ‘Stop complaining and follow me.’ Doing a one eighty Reagan started off and Eddy had to jog to catch up with her as she headed along the footpath in the direction of the dead end of the cul de sac.