Learning to Trust

by Cynthia P. O'Neill

  He walked over. “The clothing isn’t going to bite you, Laurel. Here, let’s try it on and see if it fits.” He raised both my arms and slipped a light blue, satin, spaghetti-strapped nightgown down over my head. As soon as he reached the edge of my towel, he pulled, letting it fall to the floor as he continued to cover me with the soft satin.

  His emerald eyes were alight with desire. “This color really suits you and the fit is incredible.”

  I flushed at his words, looking away from the intensity of his gaze.

  Garrett’s hand pulled my face back to where his eyes held mine. “You’re truly breathtaking, Laurel.”

  “Are there any matching underwear that go with this?” I asked; it was short and I was feeling a little exposed.

  A smile spread quickly across his face. “No, there isn’t. Your roommate was kind enough to inform us that you slept only in a shirt and shorts, nothing else.”

  Damnit, Hannah. Why didn’t you just tell him I slept in the buff?

  He went over to the second sink and picked up a toothbrush and started brushing his teeth. I followed suit, finding my own toothbrush and toiletry bag next to the first sink. Afterwards, I grabbed a glass and filled it with water to take the medicine the doctor had prescribed at the hospital along with my other nightly pill.

  I took out my hairbrush and turned on the hair dryer to get the final bit of wetness out of my hair and attempt to restore some order to it.

  Garrett kept to his side of the vanity, watching me closely and waiting patiently for me to finish my nightly routine. When I was done, he kept me close, holding me lightly at the hips, ensuring I was steady enough to walk back to the bedroom.

  Once we got to the bed, I didn’t really know what to do. “Should I sleep here or do you have an extra pillow and some covers for me to sleep on the sofa?”

  His arm grabbed hold of my waist, pulling me up hard against his body. “Do you think, for one minute, I’m going to let you out of my sight tonight? We’ll share the bed so I can keep an eye on you and check your sugar levels throughout the night. Speaking of which, it’s time to see how you’re doing.”

  I went ahead and sat down on the side of the bed and he proceeded to take a drop of my blood. Before long the meter came back with the result, 100.

  “Your levels are perfect, but I still don’t want to take chances. Go ahead and lay down while I get the lights.” His voice was authoritative and commanding. I liked that I didn’t have to think about anything around him; he handled everything for me.

  I lay down, pulling the covers up around me and turning onto my left side. I watched as Garrett moved effortlessly about the room, turning off most of the lights before crawling into the other side of the bed.

  I was surprised when his warm arms pulled me flush against him, spooning into the curve of his body. Before I could say anything, he softly spoke. “Shh…Don’t worry about anything, Laurel,” he whispered. “You have my word that I won’t touch you unless you ask me to. Just relax, your body needs rest; you’ve had a tiring day today and a busy day ahead of you tomorrow.”

  My eyelids began to feel heavy and soon I found myself drifting towards an unconscious state.

  “You’re nothing but a bitch and a whore. You walk around teasing me, dressing like you want it and now you’re going to lay here quietly and take what you have coming to you. You’re MINE. I OWN YOU, I will ALWAYS OWN you.

  “Why are you doing this to me? Get off me! You’re hurting me. Stop. PLEASE STOP!”

  “Shut the fuck up!”

  Hands gently shook me and I heard a muffled voice. “Laurel? Laurel, honey, wake up! You’re having a nightmare.”

  I could hear someone screaming and then realized it was me as I bolted upright in bed, my breathing labored. I scanned the room, trying to make sense of where I was.

  Someone held me close, making me jump. I looked over to see Garrett, his eyes wide with fear. “What the hell is going on, Laurel?”

  I lowered my head into my hands and began to take slow, deep breaths in an attempt to calm down.

  Garrett leaned over to turn on a side light, illuminating the room so he could take a good look at my face. One of his hands rubbed up and down my back in gentle strokes, trying to calm me, while the other lifted my face so he could get a good look at me.

  “You were just dreaming, sweetheart. Everything’s okay, it was just a dream.”

  His words were meant as reassurance, but I knew it was anything but a dream. “I wish it were just a dream, Garrett, but it’s a recurring nightmare about something bad that happened to me,” I admitted as my eyes started overflowing with tears.

  “What happened? You know you can tell me anything. I won’t judge you. I want to help you overcome whatever it is. We all have demons we have to conquer in our lives. I have them, too. I won’t elaborate on them now, but you may need to be understanding of them, at some point in time.” He paused for a moment. “Is this why you panic whenever I start to touch you?”

  I nodded sheepishly. I was afraid to tell him what had happened to me, fearing he would find me flawed and want to run the other direction. However, if I ever wanted a chance to date anyone, I needed to be open and honest.

  His face was full of concern and fear about what I had to reveal. I leaned in close, placing one hand on the side of his face. He leaned into my touch and my lips pressed gently onto his. He responded and began to intensify the kiss.

  My insides began to burn with desire. “Please give me a new memory,” I whispered through my tears. “Make love to me. Help me eradicate my nightmare; show me there’s another way.”

  Garrett groaned deeply in the back of his throat as his hand threaded through my hair, pulling me closer and intensifying our kiss. My lips parted as his tongue pushed through, ravishing my mouth.

  He eased me down on the bed and lay next to me, allowing his free hand to lower the straps to my nightgown, revealing my breasts. My breath caught as his fingers touched my nipples, rolling them and pinching them gently, causing a spike of excitement between my legs. I was amazed at how he was able to elicit such a reaction down there without being down there. I was so nervous, but I didn’t want him to stop.

  “Touch me, Laurel,” he crooned, his words a whisper in between kisses on my lips.

  I wasn’t sure what he wanted, so I ran my fingers through his hair, pulling him closer, holding him tight to my lips.

  He grabbed hold of one of my hands and guided me to where the firmness of his arousal was pressing tightly against the folds of his sleep pants. “Feel me,” he said. “Touch me, love me.”

  I froze and pulled my hand away.

  He leaned back. “What’s wrong?”

  I was afraid to admit my fears, but it was now or never. “I’ve never touched anyone down there before.”

  His face looked puzzled. “How many people have you been with?”

  “Consensually or non-consensually speaking?” I questioned.

  His eyes grew big with alarm. “What are you saying?”

  I blushed with embarrassment. “I’ve only ever been with one man before and it wasn’t consensual.”

  Garrett’s face was pained as realization hit. “You were raped?!”

  I nodded, fearing he would want me to get dressed and get out of his suite, and never want to see me again.

  His voice rose in consternation. “Who was the bastard who did this to you? Did you report him? Does anyone else know?” His brows were furrowed with anger and a tick formed at his jaw line. Garrett pulled us both back up into sitting positions on the bed and waited for me to enlighten him with the details.

  I felt like my heart was in my throat and the contents of my stomach would come up at any moment. But I knew the truth had to come out at some point, so I took a deep breath and began. “It was the captain of the swim team, Chase Peterson. That’s why I dropped the team; that plus I started having low blood sugar episodes. The coach had made a pass at me and Chase had come to my rescue, resulting
in the coach getting fired and the assistant coach taking his place. I was grateful for his assistance, but then he started getting all weird on me.

  He kept following me around, telling me that I owed him a great service for what he did. He tried touching me, innocently at first, then more aggressively. I tried to avoid him and then out of nowhere I started having fainting spells after intense practices.”

  I looked up to see if Garrett was ready to run or if he wanted me to continue. His face seemed very intent on mine, so I proceeded. “The first time I awoke from fainting, we were alone in the locker room. He was very attentive and concerned for my well-being, or so I thought. But, I awoke feeling sore down there and having some spotting. I knew I was only a few days away from my period, so had dismissed it as cramps and starting early.”

  His hands fisted the sheets in an attempt to control his anger.

  “The second time I fainted, I awoke much the same way, with Chase concerned, no one else around, and feeling very sore down there. I couldn’t understand what was happening to me so I went to see the campus doctor and he attributed it to overexertion and stress. The doctor asked me to keep a log of my activities, food, and exercise to see if a pattern developed.”

  “I fainted a couple more times, but without Chase around. I awoke with people around me, but noticed that I didn’t have any soreness and started realizing that something was wrong.

  “So I went back to the doctor and we went over the log I had kept and noticed I only fainted when I had little to eat and had a heavy swim schedule. He did some tests to see what my sugar levels were running and diagnosed me with low blood sugar. He advised me to eat regularly and carry around either some orange juice or small pieces of candy to help raise my levels, especially when I was training.”

  I paused for a moment and looked up at Garrett. He reached over and dried the tears from my eyes and gave me a gentle squeeze of my hand in reassurance.

  “I guess Chase had realized what triggered my fainting spells, because he was in charge of the workouts and pushing me hard for a meet that day. I took a break only to hydrate with some water and eat a couple pieces of candy, because I was already feeling lightheaded. He pulled me into the locker room and locked the door behind us, telling me that he needed to talk to me about my performance in the pool.

  I started to shake, as the tears ran down my face, “I remember him telling me how I needed to get my act together and push harder in the water and then everything went black. I awoke to him on top of me, pinning me down and raping me. He had my swimsuit pulled to the side and was inside me. I tried to scream, but he used his arms to pin mine to me and a hand to cover my mouth. He told me if I made a sound, he would roll me over so it looked like I was doing him. He said I was nothing but a whore who dressed like I wanted it and that I owed him.”

  My body was shaking with terror. Garrett reached out and pulled me close to his chest, in an attempt to comfort me, one hand gently caressing my back. “I couldn’t tell anyone because it was my word against his. He was smart enough to use a condom, so there was no evidence. I missed several swim practices, not wanting to be around him. I couldn’t sleep and when I tried, the nightmares were much worse than they are now. I confided in my roommate and with my cousin, who had both similar experiences, but with their boyfriends.

  “I didn’t know what to do and then it dawned on me that I had an easy out with the swimming. I managed to talk the doctor into writing a note prohibiting me from swimming competitively. Between the note and the time I’d already committed to swimming, I’d managed to fulfill the requirements of the scholarship and continue with school. I was grateful to get off the team, hoping that would help me heal from the experience.

  “Within six months, Chase had graduated and gotten a job with his family’s company in New Jersey. But, while he was still at school, I got notes claiming that I belonged to him and that he would have me again; that I couldn’t avoid him forever. The notes stopped once he moved to his new job; however, they started up again several months ago. Since then, I changed my mailbox at school and didn’t bother to forward any of my mail.”

  I took a deep breath in, feeling relieved that everything was out in the open. “I just need a few minutes to collect my thoughts before I get dressed and call a cab to take me back to the dorm.”

  Garrett looked at me puzzled. “Why on earth would you do that? You aren’t going anywhere tonight.”

  “You probably don’t want to have anything to do with me; let alone look at me at this point,” I said harshly.

  He held me tight to his chest, stroking my hair. “I should’ve never come on as strong as I did with you. No wonder you’re so skittish. I would love to hurt the bastard who did this to you.”

  I was still shaking in his arms when he leaned back, lifting my face to where our eyes met. “Laurel, nothing has changed with your job offer or how I feel about you. I want to know you in every conceivable way. But, I won’t force myself on you. I wouldn’t force myself on anyone.”

  I smiled for the first time in days, feeling more relieved than I ever imagined. I rose up on my knees and planted a deep kiss along his lips, pushing my tongue into his mouth and showing him how thankful I was for his words; how much I needed him right then and there.

  Garrett pulled back for a moment, hesitating. “Are you sure about this? Is this what you really want?”

  I don’t know what possessed me to be so brazen. “I’ve never been more certain about anything in my life. Please give me a new memory; one that I can cherish. Just promise me this won’t be a one night fling.”

  His face split into a lascivious smile as his eyes hooded with burning desire. “I’ve wanted to be buried deep inside you since the moment I laid eyes on you, Laurel. I want to know every inch of your body, mind and soul. I’ve never actively pursued or craved someone as much as I do you. One taste of your sweetness won’t be enough to satisfy my hunger for you.”

  He took my hand and rose from the bed, taking me with him. My heart was pounding with excitement as his lips started nibbling a path from my ear, down my chin, across my lips and then down my neck. My skin melted with each touch.

  In between kisses, he whispered, “You are one of the strongest and bravest women I’ve ever known.” His lips moved back up my neck to find my mouth. “I’m in awe of you and your beauty. You have entranced me.”

  His hands gently lifted the straps off my shoulders, allowing the gown to fall to the floor and pool at my feet. He took my hand and guided it down to the drawstring that was holding his pajama pants in place and had me pull, causing his pants to fall to the floor. He quickly stepped out of them and placed one hand on the back of my neck and the other on the small of my back, pulling me up close to his hard, naked body.

  My breath caught as our skin touched, sending a pulsing desire deep between my legs. He leaned his head into mine, where he surprised me when his teeth pulled at my bottom lip and he began sucking on it, pulling it into his mouth with the slightest, most delicious pressure.

  I moaned in appreciation and soon our tongues were devouring each other’s mouths. His hand moved down my back to my bottom, grabbing it firmly and pressing me up against his hard arousal. He took a step forward, forcing me back against the bed and slowly lowering me onto it. He hovered over me, keeping our lips in constant contact. His kisses were intoxicating to the point of addiction. I sighed when they left my lips and started trailing down towards my breasts.

  He kept one of his legs in between mine, while shifting his other to the side of me to dispense some of his weight. One hand caressed one of my breasts while his mouth sucked on the nipple of the other. My hands fisted in his hair, holding him close to my chest.

  The bristle of Garrett’s beard was enticing to the sensitivity of my breasts, while the length of his hair tickled my overheated skin. He kissed and sucked my breast softly at first, arousing my nipple and elongating it, while his ardent hand rolled and squeezed the nipple of the other, sending
a surge of desire straight to my groin.

  “Your breasts are very receptive; they respond instantly to stimulation. It makes me so hard for you, Laurel.”

  His hands moved down the sides of my abdomen as his lips and tongue trailed gentle kisses down to my navel, stopping only to dip his tongue inside and then nip it gently with his teeth as he continued to move farther south. My hips began to sway at the feelings he was stirring inside me until his hands clamped down firmly, holding them in place. “I need you still, baby, for what I want to do next,” he said as he looked up at me, his green eyes blazing.

  My body was already overheating with his every touch and I was embarrassed by how erratic my breathing had become. We hadn’t even done anything and I was already panting and on the edge.

  His lips moved down my abdomen and into my soft, oversensitive mound, when realization hit that he was headed down there. The bristles of his beard made me moan, since it was extra sensitive from being waxed only a few days earlier.

  “I love that you waxed recently,” he groaned, his voice sensual and full of appreciation.

  Before I could respond, his tongue had found the folds surrounding my clit. “Aah!” I cried out in pleasure.

  He took one hand off my hip and without warning I felt one of his fingers shove fast into me, making me shriek. “Baby, you’re so tight and wet for me already; I need to loosen you up and make you come for me.”

  Garrett parted the folds over my clit with his hand, to allow his tongue closer access to my most sensitive tissues. He began flicking his tongue back and forth, sucking and nipping my clit with his mouth.

  He shoved one finger back into my pussy and began to move it back and forth while he continued to work over my clit. My back arched in response to his actions and I began to feel a strange burning building deep inside me. Within minutes, he added a second finger, scissoring me to stretch my tissues, before starting to move in and out at a steady pace.

  My blood was beyond boiling as my hips began to buck, matching the rhythm of his tongue and his hand.