Shh...Mine (This. Is. Not. Over.)

by Dianne, Shannon

  I lean my head back on my seat.

  I wanted Danny to knock on that hotel door again, the night of Marlon’s wedding. I wanted her to demand me to come out because I was hers and no one else’s. Marla wasn’t in the room with me, why would I want Marla over Danny? Marla doesn’t look half as good as my wife…well, ex-wife. That would have been stupid for me to bring her up to my room. But Danny was jealous and it had been years since I saw Danny care so much. I was excited when she came to my room and seemed offended that Marla was there. For so long, Danny had made me feel like I was replaceable and simply there as her arm candy, so I wanted her to fight for me. Even though there was no one there to fight with. When she didn’t bam down the door, I figured it was over. I mean, if you love someone, wouldn’t you fight till the death until you got them? That’s what Malcolm did.

  He thinks I don’t know that he’s the one who sent her flower petals every year April. He thinks I don’t know that he’s the one who bought her that earth pendant. He thinks I haven’t seen the notes or the birthday cards. See, Danielle never did give me any credit. She always mistook my ability to brush things off as a sign of stupidity. I guess that’s the very reason why she kept his little tokens in an envelope, right on top of her desk. Right where I could search for it if I wanted to. But of course, she thinks I’m an idiot so why would I open a worn out envelope she’s had since I’ve known her? What’s in the envelope? Well let’s see, last time I checked it was in March when she and Nicky were in Boston and there were: 9 birthday cards. Those cards were always from a Disney collection, always black and white or that old-timey brown and tan weathered look. Mickey was always giving Minnie flowers or his heart. The flowers and hearts were always pink or red. Minnie would always be batting her lashes or holding her hands to her heart. They were all different but always like this, without fail. There were 15 notes. Let’s see if I can remember some of them:

  Note 1: mentions the earth pendant he bought.

  Note 2: mentions how he thinks about her often.

  Note 3: mentions the cherry blossom festival in DC (he wanted her to attend with him)

  Note 4: congratulates her on being honored by the governor’s wife.

  Note 5: mentions that he saw her in the Boston Globe because of her work with Boston College’s newspaper.

  Note 6: congratulates her on college.

  Note 7: mentions that that he saw her speak beside Gloria Steinem and he wanted to approach her but didn’t want to pressure her.

  And, well you get the point; each note seemed to be written from a man who wasn’t getting a response so I didn’t worry about him. He was sending her flower petals. So what? He bought her that pendant that she showered, slept and lived in. Who cares? How did I know that it was Malcolm Blair sending these notes and cards? They were all in the same envelope as his high school ID. I just put two and two together. There was a Malcolm Blair who went to Princeton and whose mother and father lived in London. The letters mentioned both of those things, and so it was settled. There was a rich as white boy who was in love with my girl but obviously she wanted nothing to do with him. She wasn’t even writing back. I was fine with that as long as she didn’t see it as stalking. The last note was sent the day we married. He was a desperate man it seemed but Danny never mentioned that she was scared of him so I didn’t bring it up. He didn’t send her another birthday card or note since, I assumed he respected that she was married now. That was until Note 16. That note didn’t make it into the envelope because the last time I saw it, it was on Danny’s coffee table next to the box of flower petals.

  I was growing tired of not coming home on the weekends. It had been months since I saw Nicky and all I wanted to do was come home to my family. And so, when I spoke to Marlon and he told me Danny and Nicky were coming to Boston that weekend, I decided to surprise them. My every intention was to sit Danny down, talk to her and get past this. I didn’t want a divorce, I just didn’t know what else to do. I was at my wits end. Danny wasn’t fun to be around anymore, all she was concerned about was appearances. But I wanted to talk things out with my wife because I wanted to make it better. So I went to her condo Saturday and let myself in. She wasn’t there but there on the coffee table were flowers and a note sitting on top of them. The first thing I thought was Wait, he’s still sending her flowers and notes? I walked in and read the note. Stay. My mind thought all kinds of shit. But I decided that the word stay meant one thing and one thing only: they were having an affair, Boston was their meeting ground, he had seen her the day before and he didn’t want her to leave. I flew back to Houston that afternoon and packed all of my shit up.

  So when I saw him in that restaurant in Hilton Head, I already knew who he was, I had already read his notes and I knew he was in love with my wife. It wasn’t until I saw Danny’s reaction that I realized that she was in love with him too. Cadence seen it too, which is why he kept fucking with her. So there I was, looking like a fool and my wife’s boyfriend is standing right in front of me, pretending not to know her. It’s funny how dense she thinks I am.

  I can see Nicky and Danny walking out of Panera Bread now. He has a small bag in his hands. Look how happy they are without me. Well you finally got your wish Danny. You’re with that white boy and away from me. Good job at ruining everyone’s life in the process. As I watch them walk to Nicky’s godparent’s house, I see a Range Rover pull up beside them. Danny smiles and Nicky waves, a huge smile on his face. The driver double parks and then jumps out. Pea coat, black and white gingham scarf, work pants, Malcolm. He walks over to them, smiling, blowing his hands. Nicky gives him a fist bump and then Malcolm scoops him up and opens the truck’s back door. Of course Nicky is smiling and laughing. Danny has a big smile on her face too as she heads to the back with Nicky. Of course she heads to the back seat; Malcolm doesn’t have a car seat for Nicky. Are you going to let our son ride in a truck with no car seat, Danny? Malcolm closes the door behind Danny and runs to the driver’s side. And when they take off, I decide to go to Danny’s office.

  “Jon.” She smiles and quickly stands.

  “I need to talk to you.” I come into her office and shut the door behind me.

  “Okay.” She slowly sits and her smile fades. You’re still beautiful Danny and not even with a drop of makeup on. “Nicky’s been talking about you coming into town today, all week.” She’s trying to make small talk; she’s trying to be friends. Not happening.

  “I came in earlier than expected and I saw your boyfriend and my son together.” I sit in the chair opposite her desk and unbutton the top button on my coat. She nods but says nothing. For once, her face is unreadable. “Or shall I say, I don’t want your boyfriend around our son.”

  “Okay.” Wait, no fighting? No excuses? Tell me that it was cold and that’s why you took the ride. Tell me that Malcolm is really great with Nicky. Tell me that you thought it would be rude to turn the ride down. Don’t just say okay. I’m not used to this Danny. The Danny I know is supposed to fight and be the hot-tempered red head that she’s famous for. Well, damn, I don’t have anything else to say. “I’ll be picking him up from his godparents; do they have a bag packed for him already?”

  “Yes, I brought it over their house last night.”

  “Okay.” I stand to leave and feel a twinge of dissatisfaction. It’s no fun fighting with Danny if she’s going to be behave civilized. I could have just said this over the phone. “I’m sure you know that he and I staying at Marlon’s for a few days and then we’re heading to LA.”

  “LA?” Yeah, you got a problem with that? My family hasn’t seen Nicky since last year and they want to see him. Yes, I’m taking my son to LA, I have every right to take my son to LA.

  “Yes, problem?”

  “No.” She shrugs. “I was just thinking that if you go to LA, Disneyland would be nice for him again. And maybe Roscoe’s in Long Beach. He’ll like going to the real one.” Okay, what the hell are you up to Danny? She smiles at me. Something’s rotten in
the state of Denmark. Denmark…the Danish…Malcolm. I can’t get away from his ass. But let’s get back to the subject at hand, Danny, suggesting a meal at Roscoe’s? Hell no, something’s up. If we were having this conversation on the phone, I’d swear someone was holding a gun to her head.

  “Yeah, I may do that.” Now she’s smiling and nodding. I look around her office, no sign of Malcolm anywhere, just a picture of Nicky on his Disneyland trip from a year ago. He’s standing next to Minnie and Mickey with ears on. (Minnie and Mickey…Malcolm…) I remember that picture. I didn’t want to go to Disneyland; I thought Nicky was too young for it. Of course he was but I’ll admit that Danny was right about taking him. Every time he saw that picture in the house, he’d run up to it, point and smile. He remembered something good about a trip where I was pissed that there were so many kids around and Danny was acting all happy, like she was the perfect mother. She even bought ears and wore them around the park. Damn, I wish I would have enjoyed that trip more. We’ll never be able to go back to Disneyland as a family.

  “Oh and Rena’s planning on calling you. She wants to know if you want to hang out with her and Matt at this bar she took me to a few months back. I told her that you were coming in town and that you’d probably love it.” There was that smile again. What’s your deal Danny?

  “Okay, I’ll give her a call.” Now I’m glancing around, almost nervous. Something is wrong.

  “Well, like I said, Nicky’s bags are ready and if Marlon and Jasmine want to go to that bar too, just drop Nicky back off to me.” I nod quickly and head to her office door. She’s thrown me off guard.

  “I’ll have Nicky call you tonight before bed.”

  “Alrighty.” She stands and heads towards me to walk me to the door. “You two have fun, make sure you text me any cute pictures of him.” She opens her door for me and gives me yet another smile.

  “Yeah.” It’s the only thing that I can say until I figure out what the hell is going on with her. I walk out of her office and head to my car. I’ll find out what the hell is going on with Danny but right now, I’ve got to pick Marla up from the airport.

  The Sushi Place

  “I see she’s rubbed off on you?”

  “What?”

  “Danielle.” Marla picks up a piece of sushi with her fork and then plops it back down on her plate. “Raw fish.” She crosses her arms in front of her chest like a child would. She’s from Philly so that’s where she returned after college. Since I’m in Boston for a few days, I went ahead and flew her in to see me this morning. I have her on the nine o’clock flight out tonight.

  “It’s something new.” I say as I pick up a piece of sushi with my fork and eat it. “And it’s not raw.” I ordered us a tempura sushi roll. I’ll admit that when Danny and I were married and dating, I always thought sushi was for people who were acting like they were cultured. All of these sushi bars started popping up, catering to people who subscribe to Travel magazine and so I just figured that I had no part in the sushi craze. It wasn’t until I was in LA visiting family a few months ago that I actually tasted and liked it. But I guess that’s too late for Danny. She’s moved on to someone who loves sushi. I know that because I can see them right now eating it.

  “What’s going on with you?” Marla says as she leans into the table. “Are you going through depression or something over the divorce?” What do you think Marla? I was with Danny for nine years and we have a son together. She’s moved on with a white boy that my son apparently likes. They now have their own life that I’m not a part of and they all seem happy about it. Do you think that I’m depressed about that?

  “I’m fine.”

  “No, you’re not.” Her eyes scan me over. “You look horrible.”

  “Thanks Marla.” This coming from a woman who isn’t necessarily the most attractive thing around. She dresses nicely and keeps herself groomed well but her face is a four. Danny’s is a ten. Danny is beautiful. I steal another look at her and see her laughing with Dena and Nat at something Malcolm is saying. As usual, he’s the center of attention as he leans back and coolly recounts a story with that damn smug ass smirk of his. Everyone else is in a frenzy. Tell us more! Tell us more!

  “You’ve just lost a lot of weight.” Marla scans me over again in near disgust.

  “I travel the world working on tight deadlines; I may not have time to sit down to a five course meal.” I am getting thinner but I’m no thinner than I was in college, not that a man approaching his thirties wants to be college skinny again. I liked the weight I put on since then. I’m not cut up like I used to be but I’m solid. After Hilton Head though, eating hasn’t been a priority. I’ll admit that I’ve lost thirty pounds since then. But what does anyone expect? I lost the only woman I ever loved.

  “Well I know that honey.” Marla bats her lashes at me. She’s a receptionist at a law firm so whenever I mention how important I am, she eats it up. Unlike Danny who is more important than me and who could give a damn if I traveled the world working. That’s one of the things I hated with Danny, she’s so hard to impress and a man needs his wife to be impressed with him. She was quick to complement me on my appearance (but only when I was in a Tom Ford suit) but never on my skills as a provider. I guess it’s because she didn’t need me, she had enough money of her own. I also guess that’s why I called Marla right after I received the divorce papers. If anyone needs a provider it would be a woman who answers phones behind a desk.

  “So get off my back.” I take another bite of sushi. Malcolm’s eating sushi but he’s using chopsticks. Even with the noodles, he’s picking them up with his chopsticks and not one noodle falls back down.

  “What?” Marla asks as she looks over her shoulder. Damn, can I look at my ex-wife and her new boyfriend in peace?

  “Nothing.”

  “You’ve been staring over there since we sat down.” She points behind her.

  “I’m leaving in a few days.” Time to change the subject. “I may fly you out to LA for the weekend.” That should do it.

  “Really!” She claps her hands together. Danny never clapped her hands together for me, only for Nicky when he did something good like use his potty or when he was excited about something and she didn’t want him to be excited alone. “Will I meet your family?”

  “No.” Yeah right. The only person I’ve ever introduced them to was Danny and she will more than likely be the last. I’m done in the committed partner department. I tried it and got burn.

  “Oh,” She slumps in her seat and pokes her lip out, “Well that’s alright. We’ll still have fun.” She smiles at me and then picks up a piece of sushi with her fingers and pops it in her mouth. “Umm…” She moans out. “Good.” Cute. But I don’t have time to focus on you right now because three waiters have just wheeled a cart out with chocolate lava cake on it. I can see the chocolate oozing out of it and the sparkler on top of it, making it look like it’ll pop into fireworks at any moment. Those of us watching the cake see it wheeled over to Danny’s table and watch a surprised smile come over her face. She looks to Malcolm and smiles as he continues to lean back in his chair like he owns the damn place. He winks at her and then places his hand behind her neck, massaging it with his thumb. Then everyone breaks out into the Happy Birthday song and that’s when I remember that Danny was probably in a good mood today because it’s her birthday. I completely forgot. I sink back into my chair as I watch the waiters, Dena, Nat and Malcolm sing. I watch as Malcolm takes Danny’s hand and kisses the back of it. He’s the possessive type, I can tell. He knows that Danny’s beautiful and he knows that people are watching them now and so he has done what he can to make it known that Danny is his: his thumb massaging her neck as soon as everyone started to notice their table, the kiss on the back of her hand to solidify his claim. Why do women fall for this? Why do they think men like this are sweet or romantic when all they are is possessive? He wants all of us to know that:

  1. Yes I’m with the pretty black girl because we’re
rich and above those middle class race wars that the rest of you fight in.

  2. Look at my thumb massaging her neck, I’m fucking her.

  3. She’s mine, back off.

  4. Look at how I’m leaning back in this expensive ass restaurant and having this hundred dollar cake wheeled over to the table. And this is just for lunch! That means that I have money and I’m not afraid to spend it. Imagine how I’ll celebrate tonight!

  Yeah, Malcolm, I hear you. I hear you and I see you. I even saw you just now when you looked right over Danny’s head and stared straight at me.

  December 2nd

  Blair 11:34 am: Lunch with the crew?

  Danny 11.46 am: Sure

  Blair 11:47 am: Your choice

  Danny 11:55 am: CPK…I’m craving avocado egg rolls

  Blair 11:56 am: You and those damn rolls…12:30?

  Danny 12:11 pm: Meet you there

  The crew. If it’s one thing that I hate it’s when white people talk black slang. I wonder if he would have said the crew if Danny were white? And when did Danny get a new crew? It used to be Jasmine, Rena, Marlon, Matt and me, when I wasn’t out of town working. Now I see her sitting with her new boyfriend, Dena, Nat, Jacob, Winnie, Cadence and Lola. Of course Malcolm is leaning back in his chair with that ‘I’m run this shit’ air about him. God, I hate this dude. I’m parked outside of California Pizza Kitchen watching them. Cadence is running his mouth a mile a minute, he’s so excited, he’s looking like he’s about to bust out of that damn jacket of his. He’s so damn high strung. All eyes are on him as everyone smiles at his story, Danny is leaning into the table as if she’s really interested in what he has to say. She’s full of shit, just like her new boyfriend. I looked up Cadence, I asked around and the consensus is that he’s a damn joke, a womanizer and his saving grace is Malcolm and their father. Of course King Malcolm would be the one to save Cadence’s day. Why not? He’s perfect right? That’s what the article in the Boston Globe called him this morning. Perfect. He’s great at what he does, says Governor Frankfurt, absolutely perfect.