Harts of Arizona Series

by Yahrah St. John

  “I’ll have the salmon.” He handed her a container.

  “How about some antipasti to start?” He pulled out a small platter of steamed artichokes, aioli, imported olives, Tuscan salami, slow roasted tomatoes, baby heirloom tomatoes and double cream brie with a freshly baked baguette. They ate some of the antipasti along with apples and grapes before venturing to their entrees.

  “Thanks.” She opened the container. “Looks good, and I’m starved.”

  They ate in relative silence, making the odd comment or two about the lunch. The conversation perked up when Addison asked about the roof, and he explained it was a green roof.

  “What’s that?”

  “A roof with a waterproofing membrane that’s covered with vegetation.”

  “Why would you have one?”

  “I know oil companies have a bad rep, so Hart Enterprises wanted to show we could preserve the environment by absorbing rainwater and providing insulation by helping to lower urban air temperatures and mitigate the heat island effect.”

  “How does it do that?”

  “Since we have a white roof, it reflects more sunlight and absorbs less heat.”

  “Very interesting. Is there any dessert?”

  “Sure is.” Caleb reached inside the basket. “Lemon pound cake or salted caramel chocolate brownie pop?”

  “Brownie pop.”

  He handed her the brownie pop and watched Addison eat the gooey dessert. The way her mouth bit into the chocolate had Caleb thinking all kind of lascivious things. He blinked. He couldn’t go there, but he could talk about what hung between them.

  “Listen, Addy, I know I’ve made mistakes in the past—,” Caleb began, but Addison cut him off.

  “Can’t we just eat in peace?”

  “No, I have to say this because I want you to know how serious I am.”

  “And how serious are you?”

  “As I said, I know I’ve made mistakes, but I’m hoping in time that you’ll forgive me and give me another chance.”

  “Why? Why should I leave Raphael?

  “Because I’m in it for the long haul, Addy,” he responded. “I see a future with us. I guess I probably did all those years ago, and it scared me, but I’m not scared now. I see you as my future wife.”

  Addison stopped sipping her bubbly and stared blankly at him. “What did you just say?”

  “I said, I see you as my wife ... and the mother of my children.” He said this with deep feeling.

  Addison sat upright. “Oh, now you really are laying it on thick, Caleb. When have you ever wanted a wife and kids? Never! And now? When I’m with another man, you want a wife and babies? Ha!” She rose on her shins to get up, but Caleb couldn’t let her. If she left now, he might not ever get through to her again.

  He grasped her by the arm and hauled her against him, but in so doing, he fell backward onto the blanket, bringing Addison square on top of him. Their gazes locked, and he immediately felt the blood rush from his head to his groin. Addison wasn’t just beautiful, she was what fantasies were made of. His fantasy. He’d dreamed of this moment, and his mouth suddenly became dry and parched. Caleb knew of only one thing that would quench his thirst.

  With one hand, he pulled Addison’s head toward him and guided her mouth toward his. The moment her lips touched his, passion erupted inside him so thick, Caleb thought it might consume him. He inserted his tongue inside her mouth, and immediately, she kissed him back, caressing her tongue against his. The sexual chemistry between them was so strong that the kiss was not gentle at all. Instead, there was a desperation behind it.

  Addison’s hands grasped the sides of his face as the kiss deepened. Thanks to some delicious tongue action, Caleb got to enjoy taste of her and the champagne they’d shared earlier. She pressed intimately against him, and he knew she had to feel his hardness. He moved his hips underneath her, wanting her to get used to it, to remember it, to remember how good it was between them.

  Caleb couldn’t resist pulling her blouse free from her jeans and sliding his hands underneath her shirt. They roamed over her slender back, reaching higher for her breasts. He wanted to feel them in his hands, to squeeze and mold them. When he finally reached her breasts and pushed aside her bra to ardently caress the tips of her hardened buds, it must have been like he’d poured cold water on her because she instantly pushed away from him and pulled her shirt down.

  “Omigod! Omigod!” She was holding her hand over her mouth. “What have I done?” She jumped to her feet almost immediately, and before Caleb could recover and get to his feet, she was rushing across the roof to the ladder. Seconds later, he saw her curls as she quickly descended it.

  “Damn!” Caleb fell back against the blanket. He’d pushed her too far. Now what?

  Chapter 20

  Addison was ashamed by what she’d just done with Caleb. She’d all but made love to him on the roof in the middle of the afternoon. Dear God! What was wrong with her? How could she have allowed things to get this far? The kiss the first night on the patio had caught her off-guard, yet she could explain it away.

  But today was different.

  Today, she’d kissed him back with an intensity she hadn’t thought she still possessed. It was like they’d wanted to devour each other. She’d forgotten where she was and who she was with and allowed him to have his way with her, and to her shame, she’d enjoyed it. She’d even angled herself over him for more, and her panties were wet now from craving him.

  She loved Raphael or at least she thought she did, but Caleb’s return was screwing with her head, and she didn’t know which way to turn. Instead of going home, she drove to Collette’s. She didn’t know who else to see to talk about her topsy-turvy emotions.

  Addison parked in the garage and took the elevator up to Collette’s flat. She didn’t press the buzzer. Instead, she pounded on the door until Collette opened it wearing a paint- stained smock and jeans. “Addison?” When Collette saw her friend’s tear-streaked face, she rushed her inside. “Come in, girlfriend. What’s wrong?”

  “Everything,” Addison wailed.

  “Alright, come into the living room, and I’ll make you a cup of tea.”

  Thirty minutes later, after she’d calmed down and drank a cup of the steaming hot herbal tea, Addison filled Collette in on everything that had happened with Caleb. When she was done, Collette eked out, “Oh, my—”

  “It’s bad, isn’t it?” Addison looked over at her friend on the opposite side of the couch.

  “Addison, I warned you that working with Caleb was opening a can of worms, and now, well, they’ve been let out.”

  “What am I supposed to do?”

  “Honey, you clearly aren’t as over Caleb as you thought. Otherwise you wouldn’t be making out with him on a roof-deck.”

  Addison lowered her head in shame. She knew Collette was right, but it was painful to hear. She thought she’d dealt with the past and left it in Paris. How wrong she’d been. Once she was put to the test, she’d failed miserably and succumbed to Caleb’s charms. But she couldn’t blame him entirely. She’d participated.

  “Addison, have you ever asked yourself why you can’t commit to Raphael even though it’s clear he wants to marry you?”

  Addison frowned. “He’s never asked.”

  “Perhaps because deep down he’s felt you holding back.”

  “And you think he’s right?” Addison said, but she knew the answer and didn’t wait for a response. “What do you suggest I do?”

  “You’ve got to figure out what’s between you and Caleb before you enter into a life with Raphael. Otherwise it won’t be fair to either man. You can’t ride the fence any longer. You’re going to have to make a choice.”

  Addison was prepared to talk to Raphael when she got home later that evening, but he’d left a message on her phone that he would be working late
. So instead, she would have to live with her guilt and her scandalous behavior for another night.

  In his office at Hart Enterprises, Caleb was reading through papers when he saw a shadow out of the corner of his eye. When he looked up, he found Raphael standing in front of him. He knew who he was because although he hadn’t met him at the charity event, he’d made a point of finding out everything he could about the man who’d stolen Addison’s heart. He wasn’t surprised Raphael had come here. In fact, he’d been expecting it.

  “You don’t seem surprised to see me,” Raphael said as he stormed toward Caleb’s desk.

  “No, I’m not.” Caleb put down the papers he’d been poring over.

  “Then you know why I’m here.”

  Caleb nodded as he rose. “To warn me to stay away from Addison?”

  “That’s right.”

  “Well, I can’t do that.” Caleb came from around the desk.

  The two men stared each other down. “Can’t or won’t?”

  “Is there a difference?”

  Raphael cocked a brow. “I guess not. I thought I would come here and ask you to do the honorable thing to step aside for Addison’s own happiness, but I can see that I was wrong. You don’t know how to be selfless.”

  Anger suffused Caleb, and he took a dangerous step toward Raphael. “Don’t presume to think you know the first thing about me.”

  “Oh, no?” Raphael said. “I think I know my fair share, Caleb Hart. You’re that guy that every father warns their daughter about. You’re the love ‘em and leave ‘em type, and that’s exactly what you did to Addison. The accident was just an excuse to do what you’d always planned on doing.”

  Caleb lunged at Raphael, grabbed him by the collar and threw him up against the wall, raising his fists as if he were going to strike him. “How dare you say anything about my accident? You don’t have a clue of what it’s like to wake up and realize you can’t move your legs or your feet. You don’t know the hell I endured.”

  Raphael pushed back at Caleb and straightened his suit jacket. “No, I don’t, but I know the hell Addison endured getting over you after you cast her aside as if she meant nothing.”

  “You’re wrong,” Caleb snorted. “I let her go because I was being selfless. I let her go because I didn’t want her to have to live her life with a paralyzed man.”

  “No! You let her go because you couldn’t be the almighty bull rider you’d always been. You let her go because of you,” Raphael said, pointing to Caleb, “not her! Because you were afraid to let her love you with all your imperfections. And trust me, Hart, she would have loved you no matter what, paralyzed or walking, and that’s what burns you up, doesn’t it? Because you let her get away. And now, because you can walk, you want her back? Well, you don’t get to do a do-over because you don’t deserve her. She deserves better than you.”

  “And that’s you?” Caleb spat.

  “Damn right, so let her go. You had your chance, and you blew it!” With that, Raphael stormed out of Caleb’s office.

  Caleb reached for a nearby vase on the cocktail table and threw it against the wall. Damn him! Raphael was right. He’d lost Addison because he was afraid he couldn’t be the man she’d fallen in love with, but now he was that guy. Would he lose her all over again?

  Addison knew what she had to do, but she wasn’t looking forward to it. After last night, however, she realized she couldn’t go on this way.

  Raphael had returned in the worst mood she’d ever seen him in. He’d been so curt with her that even her father had noticed and told him to settle down. He’d eventually said he wasn’t hungry and had gone upstairs to their suite.

  When she finally made it there herself, Raphael had been sitting on the bed waiting for her, but it was not to talk as she’d expected. Instead, he’d wanted to make love. He’d kissed her deeply and tried to rouse her passion. He’d done all the right things, nipping at the tender spot on her nape, massaging her breasts through her shirt and French kissing her to within an inch of her life. But try as she might, Addison couldn’t respond. She tried to block out images of Caleb’s hand and mouth on her that very afternoon, but she couldn’t. Eventually, she’d pushed Raphael away and rushed into the bathroom to shower. When she was finished and opened the bathroom door, she’d found their suite empty and no Raphael.

  She didn’t have a clue where he was, and deep down she was kind of glad. She needed the time alone to sort through her emotions. The afternoon with Caleb had struck a chord and reminded her of how attracted she was to him. She’d thought after four years she’d be immune, but when those sinewy thighs and lean legs had pressed her into the blanket, her entire body had remembered what is was like to be with him. She’d enjoyed it.

  It was wrong that she felt this way when she was with Raphael. How could she continue to stay with him when it was clear that her feelings for Caleb were unresolved? Didn’t she deserve to find out where they might lead? On the other hand, she had Raphael. He didn’t deserve her wishy-washiness, and she wouldn’t make him sit around while she figured it out. There was only one decision to make. It was just that Addison had never fathomed that she’d be the one hurting him, not after all they’d meant to each other.

  God, she felt terrible, and she wished there was some other way to get out of this mess, but there wasn’t. She couldn’t have predicted that Caleb would pop back into her life four years later. She truly thought she’d put him behind her, but clearly she hadn’t.

  She didn’t bother with dressing up for breakfast because before coming downstairs she’d called in sick to work. She needed to figure her life out once and for all.

  When she arrived to the morning room, Raphael was sitting at the table eating grapefruit and toast. “Good morning,” Addison said, but she didn’t hazard a glance in his direction and walked instead to the settee where their cook had laid out the coffee service. She poured herself a cup from one of the mugs and joined Raphael at the table.

  “I missed you last night,” she began. “Where did you go?”

  Raphael didn’t look up as he continued eating his food. “I thought you might need some time to yourself since my presence didn’t interest you.”

  “Raphael—”

  “Don’t, Addison.” He shook his head.

  “Don’t what?”

  “Just say what you have to say,” he responded, glancing up at her.

  Addison’s eyes watered. Not a sound passed her lips.

  Raphael slammed his fork down. “Just say it!”

  “I’m conflicted,” Addison shot out, “and I need some time to sort through my feelings.”

  “Bullshit!”

  Startled, Addison looked at Raphael. A violent storm swirled in his eyes. “Why don’t you try again?”

  “What do you want me to say, Raphael?” she cried.

  “I want you to be honest. I want you to say what you truly mean, that you need time to sort through your feelings for the cowboy. I’m not blind, Addison. Before we were lovers, we were friends a long time, and in a few short days I’ve seen a change in you. You’re cold and distant with me. You were never that way until Caleb reappeared. And last night?”

  Addison hung her head.

  “Last night, you wouldn’t even make love with me. Heck, you couldn’t even fake a response to my lovemaking attempts. All because of him! Dammit, Addison!” His voice cracked, and he thumped the table with his fist. “He’s the one who broke your heart. How can you consider letting him back into your life again?”

  “I’m not. I-I mean I don’t know.” Her thoughts were jumbled.

  “Don’t chicken out now. You know. You’re just afraid to say it.”

  She blinked back tears. “I am afraid of hurting you, Raphael. I’m afraid of committing to you until I deal with the unfinished business I have with Caleb.”

  “You’re hurting me now
, Addison, because you’re not being honest with me or yourself. You already know what you want. You just have to be woman enough to go for it. You should know that I won’t settle for being second best,” Raphael said, rising from his chair and throwing down his napkin, “not when I’ve been there for you the last few years.”

  “Raphael.” Addison grabbed his arm when he attempted to leave the room. “Please don’t leave this way.”

  “I have to.” He bent down and kissed her head. “Like you, I deserve someone who only wants me.”

  Slowly, Addison removed her hand. “That’s fair.” She nodded her understanding. “I’m sorry that I can’t say beyond a shadow of a doubt you’re the one I want to be with. I’m so sorry.”

  “I know, my love,” Raphael said, caressing her cheek. “That’s why this hurts so bad. I’ll be gone within the hour.” Seconds later, he left the room.

  Addison didn’t know how long she sat there at the table crying. Raphael was a good man, and she couldn’t be disingenuous with him. She’d done the right thing and let him go so he could find someone who loved only him. She’d had no choice—she had to figure out her feelings for Caleb.

  Her father found her with her head on the table, sobbing. “Addison, what is it?” He lifted her head so he could look at her. “What’s happened?” But all she could do was let out another sob. “No, sweetheart.” He shook his head. “Please tell me you’re not going back to that bastard who broke your heart.”

  “Daddy, please,” Addison said, lifting her chin, “I can’t do this now.”

  He stared at her for a long moment. “You still love him, don’t you?”

  Addison squeezed her eyes shut for a moment. Why was everyone putting words into her mouth? She opened her eyes and looked up at her father. “I don’t know, maybe, but until I do, I couldn’t lead Raphael on.”

  He nodded. “That wouldn’t be fair to him. He’s a good man, so now what?”

  “Let me figure it out in my own time and my own way. I promise you that I can handle it, whatever the outcome may be, but I need you to back up and allow me to make my own mistakes. If you don’t, you could lose me again.”