Honesty - SF8

by Meagher, Susan X

  When she went back out with another cool cloth Ryan gazed at her with half closed eyes. "Well?" she asked calmly.

  "It’s a little high," Jamie replied as she placed the cool cloth on her forehead. "I want you to take some aspirin to help bring it down. Can you take aspirin?"

  "I guess so," she said with a hint of hesitation. "But I don’t think I’ve had one in years. I take ibuprofen for cramps, but that’s about it."

  "Ibuprofen works for fever too. Since you know you tolerate that, let’s stick with it, okay?"

  "No, I really don’t want to, Jamie. Fever can help the body fight off infection. Let’s wait and see what happens, okay? Maybe I can burn this out by tomorrow," she said with a remarkable display of optimism.

  Against her better judgment, Jamie agreed to the plan, returning to the bath to refresh the cool cloth. She propped Ryan up across her lap and began making long swipes down the overheated body with the cloth, removing the sheen that continued to form.

  After a while Ryan began to chill, and within seconds she was shivering from head to toe. Jamie went to her room and pulled out some favorite sweats and helped her struggle into them, but even with the sweats and the light blanket she still shivered so hard that her teeth chattered. She looked up at Jamie with a mixture of fear and confusion in her baby blues. "It’s okay, Baby. This is perfectly natural when you have a fever. Your body is just trying to regulate itself, but it’s working a little too hard. I’ll get you another blanket."

  She tucked her in tightly, but still she shivered. After a few minutes Jamie got into bed with her and wrapped her tightly in her arms. "Don’t," Ryan complained weakly as she tried to struggle out of the embrace. "I don’t want you to get this."

  "Honey, if I’m going to get this I’ve already been exposed. Don’t worry about that."

  "I d…d...d…do worry about that," she chattered. "I c...c...c...c...can’t relax if I’m w… w... worried about you."

  "Ryan, I’m not going to leave you. You’re sick and you need to be taken care of, even if you don’t think so. Please don’t fight me like this."

  "I need to get some r...r...rest, Jamie. I can’t sleep with you hovering over me like th...this."

  With a sigh, Jamie climbed out of bed. "Fine," she finally relented. "I’m too tired to argue with you tonight. I’ll sleep in your room until you want some company. Promise you’ll call me if you need anything?"

  "Yes, I promise," she said meekly.

  Jamie leaned over to kiss her, but Ryan quickly dropped her chin so that only the crown of her head was available. She took what was offered and kissed her head, softly smoothing her hair from her chilled face. "I love you, Ryan."

  "I love you too, Jamie. I’m sorry I’m such a jerk," she added with a face full of chagrin.

  "You’ve never been a jerk in your life, Sweetheart. You’re just sick and out of sorts. But you’ll be better soon. I promise."

  After washing her hands and face carefully, Jamie brushed her teeth and went into Ryan’s room. She left both bathroom doors open so she could hear her and turned off the overhead lights, then shucked her clothes and fell into bed. Try as she might, however, she could not will her mind to relax. Every sound from their room caused her to jerk to attention until finally she was certain that a noise was emanating from the room. Getting up to investigate, she stuck her head in the bedroom and could see that Ryan was curled up in a tight little ball and was crying softly. I don’t care if she wants me here or not. I’m not leaving her again!

  She quietly slid into bed behind her lover. "What are you doing here?" Ryan asked with a sad little voice.

  "I’m staying with you, Ryan. I can’t sleep without you," she said, stretching the truth only slightly.

  "Aren’t you afraid you’ll get sick?" she asked with another intense pout.

  Aha! So if I agree to be apart from her she takes that as rejection, even though she insisted upon it. I’m gonna crack this code, no matter how long it takes! she vowed. "Honey, I don’t care if you have the Ebola virus! I’m sticking with you. If I get sick, we’ll stay in bed and shiver together!"

  Ryan’s body relaxed noticeably as she shuffled her butt over to nestle into her lover’s lap. As Jamie wrapped her arms around her shivering body she croaked out, "My throat hurts."

  "I know, Honey, but if you won’t take any pain reliever there’s not much we can do. Just try to relax now. Come on, Baby, just relax." She continued to murmur into her ear, stroking her belly softly, and eventually Ryan quieted down and fell into a fitful slumber.

  Part Four

  Jamie ran a hand through her hair and tried to decide what to do first. God, I’m slow when I’m working on three hours of sleep. She had stuck to her guns and stayed right by Ryan’s side through the dreadful night. Chills followed sweats with startling frequency. No sooner did she have her cooled down than she got chilled. And no sooner did she get warm than she broke into a drenching sweat. She changed the sheets twice during the night and changed Ryan’s clothes three times. So much activity had taken place that the room looked like it had been looted, with sheets and clothes lying everywhere.

  Thinking back on the night, she had to admit that during the quiet times she felt more intimately bonded with her partner than ever before. She felt like she had been allowed to see much deeper into her psyche and she was very grateful that she had been given the chance to do so. She’s so simple, and yet so complex. Such a scared little girl and supremely confident woman. I don’t think I’ll ever learn everything about her, but I’m pretty sure I’ll never get bored.

  She made a pot of tea with honey and lemon, and some toast, and poured a large glass of orange juice for her patient. She also crushed some more ice to help cool her body.

  Ryan was struggling to get out of bed when she returned. "You’d better be going to the bathroom," Jamie gently chided her.

  "I was gonna take a shower," she sheepishly admitted. "I stink," she added as she made a face as she sniffed herself.

  Jamie reluctantly agreed to Ryan’s request. "Are you sure you feel up to this?" she asked for the third time.

  "Honey, I can’t stand to feel this grungy. It makes me feel worse to smell bad and be all sticky."

  "Okay, I’ll help you, but you have to promise to let me know if you feel dizzy or weak."

  "I will. Are you going to get in with me?"

  "Yeah, I think I’d better."

  "Good. You don’t smell so hot either," she said with a crooked grin.

  That comment got her a massive hug and a matching smile. "That’s the first smile I’ve seen on your sweet little face since yesterday."

  "I’ll have to insult you more often," Ryan promised with a smirk.

  They successfully moved into the bathroom, and Jamie was able to get Ryan’s clothes off without much difficulty. She turned on the shower to let it warm up as she quickly stripped off her own clothes. "Whew! I see what you mean," she admitted as she got a whiff of herself. "I was in a cold sweat most of the night worrying about you, Baby."

  Ryan looked terribly sad as she leaned against the wall. "I’m really sorry to put you through this, Jamie. I know it’s probably harder for you than it is for me."

  "Nonsense, Ryan. I’m just worried. You have a bad fever, a sore throat, muscle aches…"

  "Don’t forget headache and weakness," she reminded her.

  "I didn’t know you had a headache too," she empathized.

  "It’s not the worst I’ve ever had, since I’ve had a skull fracture, but it’s in the top three," she conceded.

  "I feel so sorry for you. I know how you hate to be sick, and to be this sick must just be horrible for you." She wrapped her arms around Ryan’s overheated torso and gave her a gentle hug. "Now let’s get all clean and maybe you’ll feel a little better."

  Luckily, Ryan was having a hot spell and the lukewarm water felt good on her hot skin. Jamie got her seated on the tiled bench in the corner of the tub and set about lovingly washing her hair and body. S
he quickly washed herself, knowing that Ryan should not remain upright any longer than absolutely necessary, then grabbed a towel and dried her partner briskly while she remained seated on the bench. "You don’t want your hair dried, do you?"

  "No. Could you just comb it and tie it back in a braid?"

  "Sure, Baby. I’ll do that once I get you back in bed." A clean T-shirt and flannel pajama bottoms had Ryan looking relatively normal. She sat on the loveseat and watched patiently as Jamie stripped the bed again. After a quick trip to the other bedroom to retrieve dry pillows Jamie guided her lover back to bed. In order to comb and braid her hair she got into bed and scooted behind Ryan, then eased the wide toothed comb through her dark hair, being especially careful not to pull on any tangles. Ryan’s head lolled limply as Jamie patiently worked on her tresses. "Does this feel good, Baby?" she whispered into her nearby ear.

  "It feels good to know you care so much for me," she replied, expertly avoiding the question.

  "But other than that…?"

  "Well, my scalp hurts and my head aches. My skin is so sensitive that it hurts to even have clothes on; so as much as I generally like to lay on you, I’ve gotta admit that it doesn’t feel so good today."

  "Is there any part of you that doesn’t hurt?" she asked.

  "Um…do fingernails count?" Ryan queried, just trying to understand the scope of the question.

  "Not really, Babe. I don’t think they have nerves." As soon as the braid was secure she carefully extricated herself from behind her lover, noticing that Ryan was very warm again. Bringing another cool cloth from the bath, she repeatedly wiped her face and neck.

  "That feels good," Ryan said as she smiled up at her weakly.

  "Really? Doesn’t your face hurt?"

  "Yeah, it hurts too, but the rubbing of the cloth feels so comforting that I hardly notice it," she confided with another childlike smile.

  Jamie leaned over and tenderly brushed her lips against her lover’s forehead. She pulled back just a little bit and looked deeply into Ryan’s eyes. "I love you so much. I feel honored to be able to care for you and provide you with a little comfort."

  "Thanks," she whispered, a little blush rising on her face. Jamie continued to wipe her face as Ryan struggled to keep her eyes open.

  "You need to drink some of those fluids. Before those eyes close again, I want either that tea or that juice in your little tummy."

  " ‘Kay," Ryan said as she somewhat happily gulped down the tea and munched on her cold toast. "This is good," she said with a sweet smile.

  "I’m glad you like it, my little teddy bear," Jamie said as she tickled her sides.

  "Oh-oh," she said with alarm. "Getting cold again."

  Jamie hopped to it and got a fleece top for her and quickly tucked her in. "Drink some tea. It’ll help warm you."

  "Should I go to the doctor?" Ryan finally got out through her chattering.

  "I don’t think you have to. We’ll just watch your fever to make sure it doesn’t get too high."

  "But what do I have? I’ve never felt like this before. My throat is on fire, and all of my muscles ache. I never have a fever. Maybe I’ve got some strange virus."

  "I think you have the flu, Ryan."

  "No! It’s just a cold!"

  "Honey, the symptoms you have indicate the flu. There’s nothing we can do about that now. So just get over arguing about this and try to get better as soon as possible!"

  "But I have to practice tomorrow, and I have to play on Wednesday," she cried, getting more and more upset.

  "Look, Ryan. Nobody knows more than I do how hard you’ve worked to be on this team. I think I even have a pretty good idea of how much this means to you. But you are not going to play if you’re ill. That’s final!"

  She marched from the room, hoping that she'd made an impression with her uncharacteristic diatribe. After a few minutes in the bathroom she poked her head out to see her partner sitting up in bed with a thoughtful look on her face. "It’s too early to make any predictions about this, Jamie. I’ll stay in bed today," Ryan said, as though she'd made a big concession. "If I rest up today, I should feel well enough to play tomorrow." She gazed up at Jamie and asked, "I can play if I don’t have a fever or a sore throat, right?"

  Jamie assumed that her fever was making her delusional, but she wisely didn’t contradict her. "Of course. You rest up and we’ll see how you feel."

  After Ryan struggled to get the juice down she closed her eyes and snuggled down into the sheets, sound asleep before Jamie could get to the door.

  Jamie prepared some tarragon walnut chicken salad for lunch, normally one of Ryan’s favorites. When she went upstairs for her half-hourly check she noticed some small movement under the covers. Sitting gently on the side of the bed she began to run her fingers across Ryan’s forehead, shaking her head as she felt the heat radiating up. With a reaction time slower than Jamie had ever seen, Ryan blinked her eyes open and spent a moment trying to get them to focus. Jamie could almost see her brain try to work, but as she realized where she was, her eyes filled with pain.

  "I’ve never felt this bad in my life," she croaked out. "I’ve got to get something to drink, even though I dread swallowing. Can I have something with ice?"

  "Sure. Name it."

  "Lemonade?"

  "Be right back."

  When Jamie returned, Ryan had managed to sit up enough to drink, but she didn’t look happy about it. Hating to be cruel, but knowing that it was important, Jamie insisted that they take her temperature again. Ryan really didn’t want to wait the five minutes required, but Jamie reminded her that the reading would be disturbed by the cool liquid.

  "Good news," Jamie said brightly, trying to put a positive spin on the matter. "Your temperature hasn’t gone up."

  "Wow, at this rate I’ll be well by Christmas," Ryan groused. She grasped the offered cup and slowly gulped down the entire contents, wincing noticeably with each swallow.

  She sighed deeply, looked up at Jamie with sad resignation, and lay back down. "I’m tired again," she said softly, sinking into sleep so quickly that Jamie just stood in place and watched her, shaking her head in wonder.

  Martin suggested he come over and bring dinner, but it was clear that Ryan wasn’t up to eating, and Jamie felt less than social herself, so she declined the thoughtful offer. "When’s your next day off, Martin?" she asked.

  "Wednesday, Darlin’. If herself is not well by then, Maeve and I will come and bring dinner, all right?"

  "It’s a deal. Let’s hope this is over by then, Martin."

  On Monday morning Jamie had to shake Ryan for a good minute before she got a response from her. "It’s time for me to go to practice, Love. Will you be all right if I leave you?"

  "Huh? What is today?" Ryan’s eyes were foggy and unfocused, and Jamie wondered if she should skip practice to stay home with her.

  After another moment or two, Ryan came back to her normal self and accepted Jamie’s help to go to the bathroom. When she emerged she looked a little better, and obediently accepted a mug of tea. "I’ll be okay. I just need to rest."

  Reasoning that the logic was sound, Jamie said, "I’ve got my phone, and I’ll keep it on all day. Will you promise to call me if you feel any worse?"

  "I will. Now get ready!"

  She looked at Ryan thoughtfully for a minute as she revealed, "There’s a part of me that’s afraid to go for fear of exposing anyone else to this bug if I’ve got it."

  Ryan’s lower lip began to tremble as she realized that she might unwittingly make her lover as sick as she was. "I don’t want you to get this," she sobbed. "I can’t bear the thought of you being this sick."

  "Now you know how I feel," Jamie said as she wrapped her in her arms again. "It breaks my heart to see how bad you feel. Let’s both work together to get you well as quickly as possible, okay? Will you do that for me?"

  "I’ll try," Ryan said with her little grouchy bear look.

  Before she left, Jamie made a b
ig pot of tea and put it, and a big bowl of tapioca, on a tray that she placed by the bedside. She pulled the phone up close to Ryan and dialed her own cell phone. "If you need me, all you have to do is hit the redial button. Can you do that?"

  "Yeah, Jamie, I can hit a button," she answered with a smirk.

  "I’ll do my best to get home as early as possible, but I want you to remember to call Maeve if you’re any worse, okay?"

  "Okay, I promise I’ll call if I need her."

  Jamie closed her eyes as she pulled her partner’s fevered body close for a tender hug. "I’d do anything to make you better. It just kills me to see you this way."

  "I know it does, Honey. But I’ll be better soon. You can’t keep an O’Flaherty down for long."

  Jamie had less than a third of her mind on her studies. Her morning classes dragged on, and by noon she realized that sitting in the chair didn’t really count as attending the class. Thus relieved of her afternoon duties, she hopped on her bike and rode to the grocery store to stock up on sickroom supplies.

  When she arrived home, she tiptoed up to the bedroom to find Ryan still asleep. Walking over to the bed she stood quietly and watched her sleep for a few minutes, judging from the state of her sleep-creased face that she had been out for the entire morning. Grabbing the pile of soiled sheets, she went back downstairs and tossed one of the sets of sheets in the washer as she began to prepare lunch. Maria Los had arrived by this time, and she insisted that Jamie allow her to do the laundry. Every half-hour the blonde tiptoed into the bedroom and checked on her lover, content to let her sleep as much as possible. By one p.m. she began to grow concerned, since she thought it likely that Ryan had not gone to the bathroom yet. If she’s not urinating, she must be getting dehydrated. I’m going to have to force more fluids into her.

  The rest of the day consisted of nothing more than stark worry from Jamie, and near comatose sleep from Ryan. The sum total of Ryan’s caloric intake was one half of a grape jelly and butter sandwich, one piece of toast, and a few bites of tapioca, falling several thousand calories short of her norm.