Honesty - SF8

by Meagher, Susan X

  She slept most of the day and all of the night, not noticing the red-rimmed green eyes that gazed at her anxiously, nor the cool hand that felt her forehead at least 15 times during the long, dark night.

  On Tuesday afternoon Jamie sat on the edge of the bed, speaking quietly to Coach Placer, her anxious lover’s head looming over her shoulder. "Exactly what did he say?" Ryan quizzed after Jamie got off the phone.

  "He said that if you can’t practice today, he won’t clear you to play tomorrow," Jamie said, hating to deliver the news but knowing that Ryan would just have to deal with the disappointment.

  "I just don’t know how I’m going to be able to practice," Ryan moaned pathetically. "I mean, I think I’ll be fine by tomorrow," she said, seemingly serious. "I’m just a little slow today."

  "Yeah. Slow. That about sums it up," Jamie agreed, trying to avoid a fight.

  "Shit." Ryan tossed the covers aside and tried to get to her feet.

  "What are you doing?" Jamie asked, her brow arched severely.

  "I have to go, Jamie. You’re the one who talked to him. If I don’t go today, I can’t play tomorrow."

  For some reason this all seemed perfectly logical to her, but Jamie was determined to shine the light of reason on her delusions. "You aren’t going anywhere, Ryan. Not today, and not tomorrow. No arguments."

  She sat up a little straighter and looked at Jamie with her eyes burning brightly. "You aren’t my mother, and you can’t stop me from getting up. I have to show up for my team."

  "I know I’m not your mother. I’m not trying to be your mother. But you are too ill to even think about getting up."

  "I cannot tolerate being told what to do!" she yelled, but she immediately grabbed her throat with both hands as she grimaced in pain.

  "Ryan, please listen to reason."

  But Ryan was in no mood for reason. She started to struggle with the covers but Jamie merely rested her hand upon her chest, effectively preventing her from getting up. Ryan tried three times, but each time the gentle hand completely halted her progress. She finally fell to the bed and uttered a low frustrated cry. "I have to go," she cried. "The team needs me, Jamie. Please let me get up!"

  "Ryan, I’m holding you down with about three pounds of pressure. How do you think you can play volleyball?"

  "I can, really I can," she begged. "It’s just mind over matter."

  "Okay, I’ll make you a deal. I want you to focus every bit of your energy on getting out of bed and showing me that you can play. Do you agree that you have to be able to jump to play?"

  "Yes," she said slowly.

  "Fine. I want you to get up and jump as high as you can. If you can jump at your normal height, I’ll let you go. I'll even drive you."

  Ryan nodded her head quickly and pursed her lips in concentration. She pushed the covers away and sat up for a few moments, breathing deeply to gather her strength. When she was ready she tossed her legs off the bed but had to spend another few minutes before she could get them all the way to the floor. She was using every bit of her will to convince her partner that she was well, but she knew it had not been a very convincing performance so far. "I need to get my sea legs," she explained. "It’s hard being in bed all day. I’d probably feel better if I had been at school."

  "You’re probably right, Honey," Jamie agreed placidly. "I should have let you go to school."

  Ryan nodded briefly at this concession and tried to get to her feet. Jamie even aided her attempt by holding her arm to steady her. She swayed dangerously as Jamie considered whether she would be able to hold her up if she fell. Ryan took a very deep breath and swallowed with a grimace of pain as she said, "Okay, I’m ready."

  It was all the smaller woman could do not to smile at the determination of her sick lover, but she knew that this was not the time for humor. Ryan leaned over a tiny bit and rested her hands on her thighs. Taking another deep breath she started to go into a crouch to make her attempt, but the slight bend turned into a slow collapse as every normally dependable muscle and tendon failed her miserably.

  Jamie sank to the floor and wrapped her arms around the thoroughly defeated woman. "I know this is horrible for you, Honey. I know how hard you’ve worked to be able to play with your team. But your body is just not going to cooperate for a while. Now let’s try to get you well as quickly as we can, okay?"

  Ryan was unable or unwilling to talk at this point. She just nodded her head slightly and looked up at Jamie. "Can you help me up?" she asked with a thin voice.

  "Sure, baby," she said as she stood and extended her hands. Unfortunately, Ryan’s grasp was weak and she seemed unable to use any of the strength in her legs. After grunting with the unsuccessful effort, Jamie finally had to release her hands. She rubbed her now sore back and said, "I don’t think I can do it, Honey. Can you help any more?"

  "Noooo," she cried, sobbing pathetically. Jamie got back on the floor with her and rocked her in her arms until she quieted down.

  "We’ll just stay here until you have some more strength, okay?" She got up and grabbed the pillows and the blankets to cover the now shivering body. Ryan’s limp form was practically covering hers and she was uncomfortable under the weight, but she stoically withstood the discomfort for her partner’s sake.

  Amazingly, they both fell asleep, only to be startled awake by Mia’s trudging up the stairs. "Mia," Jamie called out as she passed the room.

  "Yeah?" she asked as she stuck her head in. Placing her hands on her hips she laughed and said, "I told you that you two would eventually knock yourselves out of bed. You need some of those hospital rails."

  "Ryan’s really sick," Jamie informed her. "She fell down and I can’t get her up by myself. Can you help me?"

  Mia was immediately in the room and squatting down. "Jesus! You told me that she had been sick when I was at my parents this weekend, but I didn’t think it was this serious! What’s wrong, Ryan?" she asked as she lightly touched her face.

  "Flu," she muttered, but even that seemed to deplete her energy.

  "My God, how could you get this sick this fast?" she asked incredulously.

  Ryan summoned all of her strength and replied, "The bigger they are the harder they fall."

  "Hey, you still have your sense of humor," she said fondly as she squeezed her shoulder. "Come on, James, don’t let the poor thing lie on the floor all day." Mia got into a crouch and motioned for Jamie to do the same. They each grabbed an arm and draped it around their shoulders, then they linked arms behind Ryan’s waist. "One…two…three," Mia called, and miraculously Ryan was pulled to her feet.

  "As long as she’s up, let’s help her into the bathroom," Jamie suggested.

  "Cool, do I get to help you give her a bath?" Mia asked with a waggling eyebrow, preferring to see Ryan at her best, but not being terribly picky.

  "No. That’s a little energetic at this point. I think I’ll give her a sponge bath later, since I don’t want her to fall in the tub. Will you help me then?"

  "Absolutely," Mia replied. "Whatever you need, Hon."

  Turning to her lover Jamie asked, "Did you pee while I was at class this morning?"

  "Huh? What is today?" she asked groggily as Jamie pulled down her pants and sat her on the toilet.

  Mia and Jamie exchanged worried glances as Ryan looked like she didn’t know what was expected of her. "Ryan, can you pee for me?"

  "For you?" she asked hazily.

  "Can you pee?" she asked again, trying to be clearer.

  "Yeah, I can pee," she said, but she did no such thing.

  "Ryan, are you going to pee?"

  "Why? I don’t have to," she said from her fog.

  Her attendants shot another set of worried glances at each other but they eventually lifted her, then Jamie pulled her sweats up again. They got her back to the bed with some difficulty, but as soon as she got there she started to struggle with her clothes. "She gets hot and strips," Jamie said.

  "Just the opposite will happen to me," Mia resp
onded brightly as she waited for the show to begin.

  "OUT!" Jamie ordered as she pushed her towards the door. When she got there she gave her friend a grateful hug. "I don’t know what we would have done without you, Honey. Thanks for helping."

  "My pleasure," she replied. "Let’s work out our schedules so that one of us is here for her."

  "Thanks, Mia," she said as she hugged her tightly. "It’s nice to know you care for her too."

  "I really do, James. Remember, I’m always available for sponge baths."

  When Jamie turned back to the bed, Ryan had almost pulled her shirt over her head but she was too weak to get it off. The shirt was tightly stretched around her head, with her arms thrashing about in vain. The thought flashed through Jamie’s mind that Ryan might strangle herself if she wasn’t closely supervised, and she vowed to keep an even closer eye on her.

  After synchronizing their schedules, Mia found herself watching over Ryan on Wednesday afternoon. Jamie made her promise not to give Ryan a sponge bath while she was sleeping, and she had behaved admirably, sitting on the love seat most of the afternoon, diligently studying.

  The ringing doorbell caught her attention, and she raced down the stairs to answer. A very tall, very blonde, very attractive woman nearly filled the doorframe vertically, leaving massive amounts of room horizontally. "Hi," she said, her clear soprano voice tinged with a little bit of surprise. "Is Ryan up to a visitor?"

  "She won’t wake up, but if you want to take a look, be my guest. I’m Mia, Ryan’s roommate," she said, extending a hand.

  "Hi, Mia," the blonde beauty replied. "I’m Jordan Ericsson. I’m on the volleyball team with Ryan."

  Giving the lanky woman a pointed glance, Mia assured her, "I might have guessed that," she said with a smile, looking at the Cal warm-ups with the small script "Jordan" over her breast. "Come on in. You can help me watch her sleep."

  They went upstairs together and sat down on the love seat to watch Ryan for a few minutes. "Wow," Jordan said, obviously stunned at the deterioration in her friend’s health in just a few days. "Does she just lie here all day?"

  "Yep. We have to watch her ‘cause she gets disoriented when she gets hot and tries to undress. Jamie’s afraid that she’ll strangle herself."

  "Well," Jordan said, "I guess that answers the question of whether she’ll be able to make our road trip this weekend. I didn’t realize how bad off she was."

  "It’s pretty bad," Mia agreed. "She hasn’t eaten enough for a fly. It’s gonna take her a while to get back to normal."

  "It’s hard to tell with her all covered up like that," Jordan said. "She looks pretty normal, except for her color. She’s normally so tan and healthy looking."

  "I don’t know where that tan went, but it’s gone," Mia agreed, shaking her head at her friend’s pallor.

  "Damn!" Jordan got to her feet and stood by the bed, looking at her closely. "Let her know I came by, okay?" She brushed her hand across Ryan’s forehead, pushing her bangs out of her eyes. "We’ll miss you, Slugger," she whispered as she patted her cheek fondly.

  When Jamie got home from school, she decided that she was going to get some calories into Ryan or die trying. She didn’t have much in the house, so she warmed up some soup from a can, thinking that the vegetable soup would be gentle on her partner’s stomach. It took a while, but she finally got Ryan awake and sitting up, and spoonfed her against her mumbled wishes.

  She got down the entire bowl, rather pleased with herself when Ryan said, "That must have woken my system up. I need to use the bathroom."

  "Let me help you get up," Jamie offered as she wrapped an arm around her waist. She got Ryan to her feet and held on to her until she got her sea legs, then maneuvered her into the bath and helped her over to the toilet and slid her sweats down as Ryan flopped down hard on the seat.

  She looked up at Jamie determination in her eyes. "I can handle it, Babe."

  "Are you sure? This really doesn’t bother me, you know. I’ve wrestled you in here a lot in the last few days."

  Ryan smiled fondly at her and said, "You’ve been a real trooper. But I know you prefer to keep this kinda thing private, so as long as I feel competent to go alone, I’d prefer that."

  Ruffling her hair, Jamie kissed her cheek and waited outside the bath, feeling hopeful that Ryan trusted herself to be alone for a few minutes. Maybe that means she’s starting to get some strength back, she hoped.

  Her hopes were dashed when Ryan emerged to move shakily towards the bed, hitting the mattress hard and falling asleep in moments. Regarding her for a few minutes, Jamie decided that she had to have a nap, so she went into Ryan’s room to try and catch a few winks before Martin and Maeve came over for dinner.

  She had been averaging about six very poor hours of sleep per night, and she knew that she looked nearly as bad as Ryan. Falling asleep in moments, she was almost immediately awakened by some phone solicitor trying to get her to switch her long distance service. Speaking to the poor man in a much harsher tone than he deserved, she lay awake for a few long minutes, too tired and grouchy to relax enough to sleep—which turned out to be fortuitous, because she was awake enough to hear the strangled sounds coming from the bedroom.

  She flew out of bed so fast that she tripped on the sheets, sliding into the room just as Ryan struggled to sit up. She was only off the mattress a few inches when she closed her eyes and violently retched all over herself and the bedclothes, making the most pathetic noises that Jamie had ever heard come from a human being as she vomited again and again. The smell and the sounds almost made Jamie join her in emptying her stomach, but she fought her own churning guts to comfort her partner as best she could. Climbing onto the bed, she rubbed her back while she spoke to her in a low soothing tone, trying to will her poor stomach to settle down. After a few minutes Ryan’s stomach was completely empty, but she couldn’t stop retching. Powerful spasms rocked her whole body as she shook with a frightening intensity. After an interminable time she finally stopped and fell back limply against the mattress, her body covered in sweat, unable to do anything more than issue a heart-rending groan.

  "My poor, poor baby," Jamie murmured as she gently stroked her pale, clammy face. "Just rest a few minutes, and then I’ll get you cleaned up."

  The smells in the room were quickly turning Jamie’s stomach, so she decided that she needed to get busy. Pulling away from Ryan’s wet body she went to the door and called for Mia, enormously pleased when her roommate emerged from her room. "Ryan’s sick to her stomach. It’s really gross, but I need to change the sheets and her clothes. Do you mind?"

  "No prob," Mia said immediately, sliding past Jamie to approach Ryan’s side. "Poor sick little girl," she crooned, pulling the soiled top sheet from her body. While Mia worked on the sheet, Jamie carefully lifted the wet, soiled T-shirt from Ryan’s shaking body and then slipped her sweatpants off. The bottom sheet wasn’t soiled, but it was wet from perspiration. The pair worked together, loosening the left side of the sheet and immediately replacing it with a clean bottom sheet, then carefully rolling Ryan over until she lay on top of the fresh fabric. Finishing the bed in the same fashion, they covered Ryan’s bare body with the clean sheet and a heavy blanket.

  Ryan was awake during this entire process, but she once again fell into a state of wary watchfulness, saying nothing, seemingly drawing all of her energies inward. It worried Jamie to have so little interaction with her, but she reasoned that Ryan needed all of her strength just to fight the virus and simply had nothing left to share.

  While the dark woman shivered, Mia whispered to Jamie, "I know she’d feel better if she was nice and clean. Would it be insane to try to get her into the shower?"

  "Yeah, I think it would be," Jamie mused, "even though I agree with you. Maybe that sponge bath, huh?"

  "It won’t be as good as a real shower, but she’s really ripe, Hon. Smelling bad always makes you feel worse."

  It took a long while, and they had to allow for many shiver
sessions, but they finally had Ryan as clean as they could get her. Mia astounded Jamie with her efficient professional demeanor, not making one crack about Ryan’s physical attributes.

  "I think I’ll get into bed with her and help warm her up," Jamie reasoned, since Ryan had been shivering nonstop for quite a few minutes.

  "Okay, Hon. Call me if you need anything else, okay?"

  "You are an absolute lifesaver, Mia. We’d be lost without you."

  "I love you both," Mia said, giving her old friend a kiss.

  Jamie must have dozed off because the next thing she knew, Maeve’s gentle hand was shaking her awake. "Jamie, dear," she said softly.

  "Huh?" She managed to sit up, rubbing at her eyes as she fought to focus. Carefully disentangling herself from Ryan’s body, she got to her feet, swaying a little as she did so. When she focused on Maeve’s face, she noticed that the shock of her appearance was giving the older woman a tough time. Her hair was standing up in some places, plastered down in others. She was wearing one of Ryan’s wrinkled T-shirts and sweats that had both seen better days. Her color was dreadful, both from worry and lack of sleep, and her eyes were dull and red rimmed. She started to tell the sympathetic woman how glad she was to see her, but instead broke into a sob that threatened to take her to the floor.

  Martin was obviously standing right outside the door because he entered and grabbed her around the waist and carefully led her to the love seat, squatting down in front of her. "What’s wrong, Sweetheart?"

  "She’s just not getting better," she sniffed. "I think we have to take her to the hospital." Maeve sat down on the other side and slid an arm around her waist. Jamie dropped her head onto her convenient shoulder and sobbed into the fabric of her cotton blouse. "I can’t keep her awake long enough to get her to drink. And her fever won’t go down a bit. I finally got some soup into her this afternoon, but it didn’t sit well on her stomach and she threw it all up." She shivered with the memory, recalling how absolutely powerless she'd felt when she had to watch that display. "She just seems to be getting worse, and I’m not strong enough to make her do what she doesn’t want to do," she said as her sobs grew stronger. Maeve ran a hand through her hair as she patted her back tenderly.