John's Quest (Truly Yours Digital Editions)

by Cecelia Dowdy

  “Well if she’s done that before, wouldn’t your parents be aware of what she might be up to?”

  She shrugged. “Not really. When Gina gets on their good side, I think they’re so desperate to have their daughter back in their lives that they make the mistake of giving her the benefit of the doubt. All we can do right now is pray and hope she’s making a change for the better.”

  “Well maybe it will be different this time. Maybe she’s ready to make a positive change in her life. Scotty told me he wished his mother could live with you two.”

  Her heart skipped a beat. “I know he missed his mother in the beginning, but I didn’t realize he still wanted her to live with us.”

  “I don’t think he wanted to mention it to you again because he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. He loves you, too, and I’m sure he senses his mother isn’t very stable right now.”

  She shrugged, saying the first thing that came to her mind. “Well, maybe God will work with His Holy Spirit and make my sister stable.”

  He pulled her into his arms, kissing her cheek. “Yes, maybe He will.”

  Twelve

  The next morning Monica awakened early. The bright sun was streaming through her window, and in spite of the winter temperatures, she heard the faint chant of birds carrying on the wind. While enjoying a few pieces of buttered toast and a fragrant cup of coffee, she read her devotional for the day, soaking up the words of wisdom like an eager sponge. She found peace and comfort in the words and hoped she could recall the timely advice as she went about her day.

  She closed the book as she finished the last sip of coffee. She still could not believe John had stopped by the previous day and actually apologized for his actions. She gripped the handle of her cup, still basking in the afterglow of his kiss, still wishing she could force things to work out between them.

  She bowed her head, praying God would help her and John to work everything out in their relationship. As soon as she whispered her amen, the pounding of Scotty’s feet echoed down the stairs. “Aunt Monica! You didn’t wake me up!”

  She checked her watch, astonished that so much time had passed. “Hurry up and get dressed! The bus will be here in a few minutes, so you’ll have to miss it. I’ll drive you to school today.”

  Thirty minutes later, she rushed to get Scotty to school on time. She went through the drive-through lane of a fast-food place to grab Scotty some breakfast before he got to school. She walked him into the school building, making sure he was safely in his class before she drove to work.

  During her workday, she found it hard to focus. Her thoughts wavered between John, his ministerial endeavors, and the future of their relationship. Her boss, Clark, had to keep repeating himself when he spoke to her and at one point asked if she was okay. She hurriedly told him she was fine, so she tried to remain focused on leading her staff with the preparations for the executive board meeting the following day. They were to prepare several spiral-bound notebooks of the company’s financial data to distribute to the board members. As she made double-sided copies, she tried to force her mind to stay focused on her job for the rest of the day.

  When she arrived home that evening, she kicked her shoes off while Scotty ran into the kitchen, wondering what they were having for dinner that evening. “Oh,” she groaned, wiggling her toes in the plush carpet. “I forgot to take something out of the freezer this morning.”

  Scotty scampered back into the living room, joining her on the couch. He mentioned a popular restaurant that catered to children.

  She groaned, not looking forward to a meal at a place that served chicken fingers and seafood to a child clientele. Before she could comment on his suggestion for a meal, her phone rang. Scotty lunged toward the sound of the phone, not giving her a chance to answer. “Hello,” he piped into the receiver. “Mom! Hi!”

  She listened, wondering what Gina was telling her son. He just gave a lot of yeses and nos and a few uh-huhs. Finally, he raised the phone from his ear. “Aunt Monica, my mom wants to talk to you.”

  She took the phone away from Scotty, plopping back on the couch. Her brain felt drained and full of fatigue, and she hoped Gina hadn’t called this evening to start an argument. “Hi, Gina,” she grumbled.

  “Man, don’t sound so enthusiastic to hear from me,” Gina’s voice dripped with sarcasm. Monica’s shoulders tensed, wondering if she should put off this conversation for another day.

  Monica responded to Gina’s comment. “What did you want? I’m tired, and it’s been a rough week.”

  “Hmm,” Gina replied. Monica could imagine Gina twirling her hair through her fingers as she tried to figure out what was wrong. “Are you and that guy you brought over for Thanksgiving having problems? You always did have a hard time holding on to a man.”

  Monica gritted her teeth, ignoring Gina’s question. “What do you want?”

  Gina sighed, lowering her voice. “Look, I know we haven’t always gotten along, but I love my son, and I want to live with him.”

  Monica’s heart skipped a beat as she clutched her stomach, wondering if Scotty would be ripped away from her as soon as she’d grown to love him so much. She glanced into the kitchen and saw Scotty sitting at the table eating a banana. “You can’t take Scotty away from me,” she whispered, not wanting him to overhear. “I’ll call you right back.”

  She hung up the phone, rushed up the stairs, entered her room, and closed the door behind her. Sitting on her bed, she quickly dialed her parents’ phone number. When Gina answered, she closed her eyes, hoping she could find the right words to make her sister change her mind. “Look, you can’t take Scotty away. He loves it here. Plus he’s doing well in school. The counselor at his school said you let him miss a lot of days, and he fell behind. Since John is tutoring him, he’s been doing so well and he seems to enjoy his classes.”

  Gina responded, “Look, he’s blind anyway. His life is already going to be hard enough. What good is this education going to do him?”

  She groaned, still wondering when her sister would grow up and not be so naive. “Your son really needs a good education to fall back on. He’ll need to find a job and support himself when he gets older.” She raised her voice, and her heart pounded faster. Tears trickled down her cheeks, so she wiped them away. “If you come here and take this child away, so help me God, I’ll take you to court and prove what an unfit mother you are!” Her hands shook as she clutched the phone. A bead of sweat trickled down her brow, and she wondered if she was going to faint.

  “Monica—”

  “Do you know how much I worry about him, about what’ll happen to him when he grows up?” She suddenly stood, leaning against the cool glass window, staring at the frigid beach in the distance. “Gina, don’t cross me now because I have God in my corner, and I want what’s best for my nephew.” She sniffed and walked to her dresser, grabbed a few tissues to blow her nose, and wiped her eyes. She was so upset that she barely noticed Gina was sobbing also.

  “Look, Monica. I know I haven’t told you this, but I appreciate all you’ve done for my son. I didn’t call you to start an argument.”

  Monica clutched her soiled tissues in her hand as disbelief settled into her bones. She held the phone tightly, still suspicious of her sneaky sister. “What do you mean?” she asked in a small voice.

  “Look, I’ve had a hard time dealing with Scotty since he came into this world. He was an unplanned pregnancy, plus he was born blind. It’s hard for me to deal with his handicap, but I am learning to accept it.”

  “Your son is just like other kids except he can’t see. You just need to treat him the way you would any sighted child.”

  “I realize that, but it’s taken me several months to figure out that you’re a better mother than I am. But I should still be a mother to Scotty since he is my child.”

  Monica still wondered wh
ere this conversation was going. “So what did you want to do? You just said you wanted Scotty to come and live with you. That must mean you want to take him away from me.” Thoughts of having Scotty ripped away from her made her heart pound even faster. She lay upon the bed, still holding the phone. “I’ve worked hard to get Scotty to stop cussing and to start paying attention to his schoolwork. My friend John has also been using his own free time to help him. He doesn’t even get paid for doing this.”

  She heard Gina sniffing, and Monica struggled to calm herself down.

  Gina spoke. “Look, I wanted to make a proposition to you.”

  “A proposition?”

  “Can I come and live in your house so I can help raise my son? I promise I’m trying to turn my life around, and I’ve even started going to church.”

  Monica stared at the ceiling, still hopeful that Gina would improve her lifestyle. “Are you sincere about this? You want to be here to help Scotty?”

  “Yes, I’m finally making some positive changes in my life, and I want to be there for my son. What’s wrong with that?”

  Monica shook her head, still shocked. Was this an answer to her prayers? “What about working? Are you willing to get a job?” She certainly couldn’t afford to support another person on her income. She was already supporting Scotty.

  Gina told of her plans to find employment in the Ocean City area. Monica gave her a lengthy list of rules to follow while residing in her home. “You can’t smoke in my house. Also, no illegal drugs, and if I find out you’re mixing with the wrong kind of people and exposing Scotty to that mess, I’m calling the police,” she warned.

  Gina took a deep breath. “I know you’re right to be leery of me, and I don’t blame you. I just want you to give me the opportunity to prove myself while I spend some quality time with my son again.”

  So many things were twirling through her mind that she didn’t know what to do. She rubbed her forehead, sensing an impending headache. “When did you want to move in?”

  “How about in two weeks? You have a lot of empty space in the basement. Mom and Dad said I could have the bed and furniture from their guest bedroom. We’ll just rent a van and move it in a couple weeks.”

  She finally said good-bye to her sister, still hesitant about another huge change that was happening in her life. When she finally exited her bedroom, she was stunned to see John standing at the bottom of the stairs. “John?”

  He met her halfway up the stairs, taking her hands into his. “I heard you yelling all the way down here.”

  “Oh!” She covered her mouth. “Did Scotty hear me?” she whispered.

  He shook his head. “When I knocked on the door, he let me in then went out back to play with his ball.”

  “He knows he’s not supposed to answer the door unless I tell him it’s okay.” She looked away from his concerned warm brown eyes. “Did you really hear everything I said while I was upstairs?” She was ashamed of her outburst and wished she’d handled her anger in a more Christian way.

  He beckoned her down the stairs and pulled her into his arms. “I didn’t hear everything, but I did hear enough to know you were yelling at your sister.”

  She still felt dazed about her conversation as he led her to the couch. Her tears had left wet trails, and he ran his fingers over them. Her stomach quivered with delight as he kissed each of her tearstained cheeks. “What happened?”

  “Actually, it’s a good thing.”

  “Oh?” He gave her a dubious look, obviously not believing her. “You don’t look like it’s a positive thing.”

  “There’s so much happening right now.” She thought about her sister’s heartfelt plea. “Gina wants to move in with me to help raise Scotty and to straighten out her life.”

  “Oh? Well that’s better than taking him away from you. Are you sure the two of you will be able to live together?”

  She shrugged. “I’m willing to try, for Scotty’s sake.”

  “Are you sure she’ll uphold your Christian values while in your home? She won’t be smoking, drinking, and acting up as you say she does?”

  She shrugged again. “I told her if she does those things, I’ll call the police.” Dejected, she wondered how long the conversation would bother her.

  “What’s the matter?”

  “I wish I hadn’t yelled at her. I was so furious that I thought I was going to pass out. It’s been several years since I’ve been that angry.”

  He touched her cheek. “I think Jesus understands your frustration. You’ve been trying to help your sister for years, and now you’re trying to help her son. It initially looked like she was stabbing you in the back for taking care of him.”

  She shook her head, refusing to be comforted by his words. “I still should have acted like a Christian. Don’t you see why I’m so upset with myself? I sense Gina may be trying to find her way to God. What kind of example was I, yelling at her when she wasn’t out to take Scotty away from me after all?”

  “Don’t beat yourself up over this. You can apologize to Gina later, and if she forgives you, everything will be all right. When will she be moving in?”

  She gave him the details about Gina’s arrival.

  “I have an idea. How about we rent a van and go down there and help her move?”

  “You would do that for me?”

  “I’d do anything for you, Monica.”

  She wondered if that was true. She wanted to tell him to give up his idea of ministering to agnostics and nonbelievers all over the world but held her tongue. She certainly couldn’t convince him not to do the Lord’s work if that’s what he felt he needed to do.

  ❧

  John clutched his Bible as he entered the church, still surprised that he was actually doing as he’d promised Monica a few days ago. A few children frolicked through the otherwise empty hallways, waiting for parents to pick them up from the church day care.

  He found Pastor Martin’s door closed, so he knocked, and the pastor invited him in. He entered the office, and the pastor shook his hand. “I was kind of shocked that you called to make an appointment.”

  “Yeah, I’ve had a lot of stuff on my mind lately, but I’ve only discussed it with two people.”

  Pastor Martin invited him to sit before he commented. “Well, whatever has been on your mind, I hope one of the people you discussed it with was God.”

  John nodded, taking note of the awards and diplomas adorning the walls. He wiped his sweaty hands on his slacks. “Jesus was the first One I spoke with. I’ve been praying about this for a while.”

  “I’ll bet the other person you spoke with is Monica Crawford.”

  He opened his mouth, amazed the pastor was so perceptive. “How’d you guess?”

  Chuckling, Pastor Martin leaned back in his leather desk chair. “I’ve seen the two of you interacting over the last few weeks. I know it bothered her that you weren’t saved initially, and I’m glad you made the right decision to find Jesus.”

  He nodded, glad he’d made the right decision also. “I guess I’ve been feeling kind of guilty.”

  The pastor’s smile faded. “Guilty? Why? Guilt is not a feeling that’s associated with salvation. Once you accept Christ, you’re starting off with a new clean slate, and you’re forgiven for all sins. Just try to live your life according to His commands the best that you can, and that’s all He asks of you.”

  John hesitated. “I guess you could say I feel I should be doing more in the ministry. I feel like I should have researched this and accepted Christ earlier in my life. I want to make up for lost time and try to get as many people as possible to come to Jesus.”

  The pastor raised his thick eyebrows. “How do you propose doing that?”

  He took a deep breath, explaining the ministry he wanted to join. “I figure if I take a
year’s hiatus from my job and join this ministry, I could make up for at least some of those years when I was an agnostic.”

  The clergyman sadly shook his head. Steepling his hands below his chin, he gave John a shrewd look. “That’s not a good reason to go into the ministry, son. You need to go because you feel called to do it.”

  “I guess as a new Christian, I’m having a hard time figuring out if I’m called or not.”

  “Feeling called is when you experience a certain peace and contentment in what you feel the Lord is guiding you to do,” Pastor Martin explained.

  “How would I know if the Lord is guiding me?”

  “You’ll just know by the feeling of peace that settles in your gut and a gentle calm that settles upon you when you’ve made a decision guided by the Lord. What is your heart telling you to do?” John looked around the office. Surprisingly, the pastor’s words mirrored what Monica had tried to tell him. “If you feel uncomfortable answering the question. . .”

  He shook his head. “My heart is telling me to stay here and be with Monica.” He gathered his thoughts. “But my mind is telling me to pursue this ministry. I’m a scientist and a professor, and whenever I’ve failed in something, I feel I should give more effort to find the right solution.”

  The pastor stood. “Son, Christianity doesn’t work that way. Just look at the scriptures and use that scientific mind to research what God is telling you to do.” He took a deep breath before continuing. “Have you signed up to go on our men’s retreat at the Princess Royale Resort?”

  “Yes, I have.”

  “Well, Brian Smith, a former agnostic, will be one of our speakers.”

  “You’re kidding! He’s in charge of the ministry I want to join.” John shook his head. “There must be some mistake. He wasn’t on the list of speakers that I saw printed last week.”

  Pastor Martin grinned. “Bless us all! One of the speakers cancelled, and we found Brian at the last minute. But I think this change was God working behind the scenes as usual. I want you to talk to Brian and see what he thinks about your reasoning.”