More Than Enough

by Johnson, Ashley

  She had on a zebra print blouse and a pair of jeans that actually didn’t look too bad on her. I couldn’t do the whole animal print thing no matter how hard I tried. It always looked like I was a walking jungle; trust me, not a flattering look.

  She drove us to the little mall that was about five minutes from the house. When I was in high school I would walk to the mall to meet my friends so we could lamely walk around and pretend we were so cool. There were only about twenty stores in the mall; it wasn’t exactly the Mall of America. If you wanted a decent mall around here, you had to travel and as I got older that was how I went shopping. The first place I went into was the Best Buy Mobile store to get a charger. My phone would thank me later.

  We began to walk past one of the few department stores inside when Mom stopped in front of the window and stared at the mannequin. “Oh Macy, look at that blouse. Isn’t it so cute? I think it would look good on you.”

  It was a sleeveless soft pink silk button up blouse. Any time we went shopping when I was younger, I cringed when she would tell me something was cute because usually it wasn’t. She always tried to be the cool mom and I was usually wearing a beet red face while all my friends laughed. This time she wasn’t wrong. I actually liked the blouse. We walked inside and I found the blouse and looked at the price tag. It was discounted down to twenty dollars, that’s not too bad. I held onto it as we walked around.

  “I’m going to get it Mom, it’s actually cute. I’m glad to see your style has improved.”

  Mom stuck her tongue out at me and grabbed the hanger. “Let me buy it for you. Just call it a gift.”

  I rolled my eyes and tried to take the hanger back. She wasn’t budging. She was where I believe I get my stubbornness from. I eventually let go of the hanger and let her have her wish.

  Mom bought herself a new pair of hoop earrings and a new battery for her watch. We were really not big shoppers but maybe that’s because this mall just didn’t have much to offer. We made our way to the food court and I grabbed some lo mein and general chicken for lunch. Mom grabbed the same thing and I hurried and bought her lunch before she could argue. Two could play this game since she wouldn’t let me buy my own blouse. Great, this immediately made me think of Luke and when he brought Chinese home. Memories of him were everywhere whether I wanted to see them or not. I couldn’t escape it and it was killing me.

  I pulled my phone out and opened his name. I stared at it for a second and then typed, “I miss you so much. Please talk to me.”

  Five minutes passed while we ate and nothing. Maybe this was karma coming back to laugh in my face. I did the same thing to Trevor and this had to be my payback. Mom and I talked a little about nothing in particular. She asked how Halley’s wedding planning was going but avoided the Luke conversation which was probably for the best. I wanted to be able to tell her that Luke and I were actually engaged this time unlike at the restaurant where she assumed we were but I couldn’t bring myself to say anything. No doubt, I would break down.

  We headed back to the car to go back home. Mom worked the evening shift as a security guard at the refinery up the road. When I was younger I loved her job. It was absolutely perfect because I could go do whatever I wanted with my friends. I didn’t have to really abide by a curfew and lucky for her I was the perfect child. Seriously, I never got into trouble for anything. She never caught me coming home drunk from a party or high as a kite eating all the snacks in the house. The only downside was when Ray started coming into my room. When that happened, I dreaded when she left for work and I had secluded myself so much that hardly anyone spoke to me anymore. Who the hell wants to talk to the girl who shuts everyone out? I had made myself a social outcast until I graduated. I just didn’t know how to deal with it and I was too scared to go to the police for fear that I would just be laughed at.

  In the car, Mom looked at me and placed her hand on mine. I focused on the red of her fingernails to keep myself from tearing up. “Macy, I know you’re hurt but Luke will come around. He’s just hurt and believing what he wants to right now I’m sure. Men are stubborn like that. Don’t stress. Go home tomorrow and go see him. He won’t turn you away, I promise. He’s a great guy.”

  One stray tear fell down my soft cheek. It’s all I would allow. My eyes met hers and my lips curved into a half smile. She didn’t push me to talk; she just squeezed my hand and drove us home. The whole few minute drive, I did nothing but think about how she was right. He wouldn’t turn me down in person. At least I don’t think he would, I mean he loved me more than anything. He’s told me that before and I had no doubt in those words. Tomorrow I would go to our home and kiss his lips while I told him how much I loved him. Everything was going to be ok; this was just a hurdle in our relationship. If anyone could get through this, we could. After all, we’ve both been through much worse in our lives.

  Chapter 13

  Mom gave me a hug and a kiss before she left for work and made me watch her lock the door. I almost laughed thinking I wasn’t a teenager anymore but I knew her intentions were good. She was doing her best to gain my trust again so we could continue to build our relationship. I placed a bag of butter lover’s popcorn in the microwave and watched as it began to pop. Within a minute, the smell of butter filled the kitchen as I poured it into a bowl and grabbed a soda.

  I turned on Lifetime to find a movie about a woman who just discovered her husband was a serial killer. Talk about creepy. He was chasing her around the house with a knife and she was smart enough to hide in a closet. Why the hell didn’t she just run out the door? All I could think was that he was going to rip the closet door open and then she would die. I pretty much missed the beginning so I wasn’t sure why she was being chased. The music got quiet and all of a sudden I could hear my phone going off in my room. Crap. That scared me; I jumped at least fifty feet off the couch. Ok maybe it wasn’t that bad, but I was a little on edge.

  I ran to grab my phone and saw a message from Paul. I smiled and opened it to see a smiley face and him telling me to get my ass back home. I settled back on the couch and popped a kernel in my mouth and replied, “I’ll be home tomorrow!!”

  Halley even texted to check on me and I replied with the same answer. As nice as it was to get away and spend time with Mom, I was pretty excited to get back home and see everyone. I missed them all way too much. I missed seeing Halley standing with her hand on her hip while she fussed at me and I just missed Paul in general. I mean, he is the Will to my Grace. But most of all, I especially missed Luke, I missed his green eyes and the way they sparkled when he looked at me. I missed his arms around me and him telling me how much he loves me. I missed his kisses and the way he held me when we made love. I missed all the comforts I felt when he was around and I wanted those back.

  I turned off Lifetime and settled for the local news. I really had become a prude. Something about street closures for construction and how the mayor is campaigning around the city trying to get reelected. Blah blah blah. Maybe I would rather watch the lady run from her serial killer husband. I flipped the channel back and took a sip of coke. The lady was now at the police station trying to tell them her husband was psycho but come to find out, he is a cop so they think she is crazy and they aren’t taking her seriously. She got told to go back home but instead went to a hotel room. Smart girl. Maybe she will live a little longer. I shook my head in disbelief as I popped two more kernels in my mouth.

  I forgot how comfortable Mom’s green microfiber couch was. I was all warm and cozy watching another movie. My eyes were starting to feel heavy and my body wanted to succumb to a restful sleep when I heard the doorknob rattle. My eyes darted to the door and I grabbed my phone prepared to dial 911 if I needed to. It sounded like a key went into the lock and I heard it click unlocking the door. Maybe Mom called it an early night and was here to spend a little more time with me before I left tomorrow. Yeah, that’s got to be it Macy. Take a deep breath its ok. It’s just Mom. She hadn’t called or texted me, but maybe it wa
s supposed to be a surprise.

  The doorknob turned slowly, a little too slowly for me and my heart began pounding in my chest. So loud, I could hear it in my ears. Part of me didn’t think this was Mom anymore and I grabbed my phone and dialed the number. All I would have to do is hit call. The door pushed open and I couldn’t see anyone yet. Dammit. Too bad she didn’t have a fireplace or I’d have the fire poker in my hand ready to swing. A shadow peered from the side of the door and I held my breath praying this was a dream. Suddenly a face appeared and mine turned white as a ghost. No. This isn’t happening.

  “Well, well, I heard you were back in town. You really thought I’d left town didn’t you?” He let out a low chuckle. Bastard.

  I gulped and fought the tears and anger that I’d suppressed back from when I was 19. He took a step towards me and I hit the dial button. He stared at me then at the phone and suddenly flew at me. The phone flew out of my hands and I prayed the call went through and was still going on so they could track it. Ray threw me down on the couch and jumped on top of me. One of my arms was pinned down and I couldn’t move it. Shit. My loose arm reached up and I balled my hand into a fist and punched him in his face. It hardly fazed him and pissed him off more than anything. My fist on the other hand, was throbbing. That hurt so bad and I’d probably have to put ice on it later if it started to swell. He reached down and grabbed at my shirt with so much force, I heard it rip and my bra was exposed. My face was red with anger and the only thing on my mind was getting away from this monster.

  Shouldn’t the cops be here by now? How long does it take for them to trace the call and clearly hear that I’m in trouble? Hot tears began to spill out of my eyes as every horrible memory came flooding back. No, please no. I can’t go through that again, I will stop him however I can. I’m not the 19 year old girl I was before. I’m not a scared child or a doormat to be walked over.

  “Get off me!” I screamed swinging my free hand the best I could. I tried wiggling my legs free but the way he was positioned made it too hard.

  His breath reeked of whiskey and cigarettes and his clothes smelt stale. Maybe if I puked on him that would get him away. I continued to fight the best I could and when I still couldn’t get my legs free, I spit in his face.

  “You little bitch.” He reared his hand back and slapped my face. It instantly stung and I knew it was going to leave a nasty mark. I screamed as the tears continued to stream down my face. “This is still my house you know. I never left. She made that up to get you back in her life. No one believes you Macy. Give it up sweetheart.”

  I seriously fell for this again? Not again, this would never happen again. My hands were washed clean as soon as I could get him off me. And I would. He was not getting the upper hand this time and he would never have it again. I could hear the faint sound of a siren in the background and I prayed it was coming here.

  “You hear that you sick bastard? They’re coming for you and you’re going to spend the rest of your pathetic life in jail.” I screamed as the tears continued to stream down my face. His hands now held both my wrists so tight, I could feel the circulation being cut off. My cheeks were soaked with tears that kept falling as I tried to wiggle from underneath him.

  “You wouldn’t do that to me sweetheart. That would upset your Mom and you wouldn’t do that either.”

  “Think again asshole.” I spit in his face one more time and before he could retaliate, the police car lights were in the yard and two officers ran through the open door.

  “Help me please.” I screamed as one officer apprehended Ray and slammed him face first into the ground. He let out a loud groan and I looked away to keep from making eye contact with him again. Within a few seconds he was handcuffed and brought out to the car.

  I sat up on the couch and struggled to catch my breath. I grabbed a pillow and put it in front of me to cover where he ripped my shirt. I had become so good at holding things back and Mom had become even better at lying. The tears never stopped, I couldn’t.

  The cop sat beside me on the couch and examined my wrists and noticed the mark on my face. He immediately began asking questions and I did what I should have done when I was 19. I left nothing out and even told them how I was told he moved out and that was the only reason I was here. The cop explained he would have to take me down to the station for further questioning and I grabbed my phone from where it flew and was more than happy to leave this house. For good this time. I took nothing with me like before. The only thing I grabbed was a new shirt and left the torn one lying on the ground. I didn’t need anything else out of this house, for all I cared this place could burn to the ground.

  The car that took Ray was already gone. I let out a sigh of relief and sat in the back of the police car. The ride to the station was quiet. The officer didn’t talk and neither did I. I just stared out the window blankly because there were no thoughts. My mind and body were utterly exhausted.

  I gave my statement as I sat in the interrogation room. I gave exact details and dates, anything to keep him locked away from me. It felt like a huge burden was finally lifted off my chest and I could breathe again. I sat there for about an hour and a half talking and making sure they had everything they needed. When we were finally done, I sat in the lobby and debated who to call to come pick me up since I didn’t have my car. I would never step in that house again; going back was not an option.

  Paul didn’t know anything so he was not my first choice. Luke was still not talking to me, although I would hope he’d take this seriously and come get me. I didn’t want to drag Gary into this just yet. He would surely be upset that I didn’t call him first but he would have to just deal with it. I wasn’t ready to deal with him though. I looked at the time and prayed as I hit the call button.

  “Hello?” A very groggy sounding Halley answered the phone. I hoped she would answer.

  “Can you come get me please?” I choked out.

  Very alert, she asked, “Where are you?”

  My eyes roamed the lobby of the police station and tears began to form. “I’m at the police station in Newton. Can you—“

  “What happened Macy? Shit, let me throw some sweat pants on what happened?”

  “Lies. More lies. Ray came home and he uh tried to attack me and I dialed 911. Just please come get me.”

  I heard a voice in the background while she was trying to tell me she was on her way. I assumed it was Marcus. I mean it is late in the evening, people don’t usually receive phone calls this late. A sudden feeling of panic hit me. What if Luke didn’t want me when I got home? Where would I go? No, I was going home to see him as soon as she picked me up. I needed him more than ever.

  As I waited for Halley, I rested my elbow on the arm of the chair and laid my head on my hand. I was so exhausted from fighting Ray off but he didn’t win this time. I did. I almost wish I could see the look on my Mom’s face as she got the call that he was in jail. She would no doubt bail him out. I anticipate she will come after me and I can’t find why I should care.

  I reached for my phone and called my cell phone company. After being on hold for almost five minutes, I requested to change my number. I politely told the man on the other line that I didn’t care what the fee was. If I were really going to be done with her, I needed a fresh start away from all of this mess. Two minutes later I was the proud owner of a new number. I doubted Paul were awake but I texted him anyway and told him this was my new number. He didn’t reply but I knew he’d get it in the morning.

  A door slammed outside and I looked to see Halley running towards the front lobby door. Her hair was in some sort of messy pony tail and she had on a pair of Marcus’ sweatpants and an old ratty t-shirt. The minute she spotted me, tears welled in her eyes and she dropped to her knees in front of me.

  “Are you ok Macy? I’m so sorry this happened. He didn’t….do anything did he?”

  “Hell no. I fought him off Hales. He didn’t win this time. It’s over for good. I can’t believe..” I wiped the tea
rs falling from my eyes with the back of my hand. “I can’t believe she lied this time. It was so perfect, I should have known.”

  “Hey,” she said as she grabbed my hand. “He won’t ever touch you again. Let’s get you out of here.”

  Numbly I stood and walked to her car. As I sat down, I felt a ton of pressure lifted off my shoulders. I could breathe easy now.

  “Oh, I called and changed my number before you got here.”

  I dialed her number so she could save it. She said nothing but held my hand as she drove us home. I laid my head against the window and stared up at the stars. Even though they were millions of miles away, there was something just so extravagant about them. Something special. As I continued to look up, all I could wonder was how can I see something so amazing and still be hurting so bad. I can’t go on without Luke, I just can’t.

  “Hales, I need to see Luke. Can you please bring me home?”

  She took her eyes off the road for a split second to look at me. “Are you sure?”

  “I am. I miss him so much.”

  We rode in silence hand in hand as I dried my eyes. I drew in a deep breath and held it in as we approached town. We passed both Gills and The Lounge. Both still had a decent crowd there, I almost wished I was in the right mind to go because I could sure use a drink or twenty after this night. Luke’s car wasn’t in sight. He must be home. Halley parked the car in front of the apartment. I couldn’t see a light on or his car but he had to be home.

  I jumped out of the car and ran to knock on the door. I wish I had my keys with me so I could just unlock the door myself. Can’t believe that thought never crossed my mind.

  I knocked once and waited. No answer. I knocked again and stood there. No answer. Where was he if he wasn’t here? I knocked over and over again refusing to believe he wasn’t home. Frustrated, I let myself sink to the concrete slab and leaned my head against the door. I closed my eyes and nothing but ugly sobs came out. I sure hope he wasn’t going to come home and see me like this. I rested my head between my legs and cried wondering why. I needed him more than anything right now and I had no idea where he was and he still wasn’t talking to me. I don’t care if I have to sleep out here until he returns I’m not leaving.