More Than Enough

by Johnson, Ashley

  I tried to keep a serious face but I started laughing and shook my head letting him know I fully understood and believed him. “I’m not running anywhere tonight I promise. Let’s go have fun. We have a wedding to attend tomorrow.” He shot me a smile then drove away from the church parking lot.

  I walked into The Lounge like it was any day because it was just like any other day. There was nothing special going on. Luke wasn’t there with his strong arms and those sparkling green eyes to meet me on the dance floor. There was just me and Paul. And oddly I was ok with that.

  Halley greeted me at the bar with a full smile. Her hair was now pulled back into a ponytail and she was holding two shot glasses in her hand. I raised my eyebrow trying to figure out what was inside and she instantly replied, “Buttery nipples bitch. Take a shot with me.”

  I didn’t want to but I tossed it back. All buttery nipples reminded me of were the night of Halley’s bachelorette party when everything changed. But dammit if that wasn’t one of the best shots I’ve ever had. Just this one shot and I already knew I was done for tonight. I just prayed I could keep my word to Paul and not stress over Luke or our awful dilemma. It was hard when every time I turned around memories flooded my thoughts. I saw his green eyes everywhere and I missed that so much. I missed all of it so much, but I did like Paul asked and I tossed every memory aside.

  I didn’t know the girl working behind the bar but Paul did. He started talking to her and I slipped behind the bar and fixed myself a crown and coke minus some of the coke. It was strong and just what I needed. I began sipping on it pulled my phone out of my pocket when I felt it vibrate. I looked at the screen and saw a missed call from Luke. My eyes got big and my phone slipped out of my hand falling onto the floor. I scrambled to the floor to pick it up and make sure I didn’t shatter the screen. That would have been a bitch.

  Halley helped me up because I guess she thought I fell or something. I didn’t correct her or make any sarcastic comments. I was too in shock over seeing that he actually called me. Do I call him back? Do I not? What am I supposed to do?

  The screen was still lit up and she glanced over as I was straightening myself up. She screamed so loud I almost threw the phone again. “Geez Hales, that’s fucking loud.”

  “You ignored Luke’s call?” As soon as she asked that, Paul turned around and grabbed my phone.

  “Girl are you going to call him back?” He eyed me suspiciously as if I was supposed to give the perfect answer but I didn’t know what that was. I’ve tried to talk to Luke on more than one occasion and he wouldn’t talk to me. In the back of my head I knew the answer, I just wasn’t sure if I could carry through with it.

  I snapped out of my thoughts to find both Halley and Paul standing in front of me with their hands on their hips. Good lord, they are too alike for me. “I’ve made my decision. He can wait a little longer because he made me wait and hurt so fuck him tonight. Ok that’s a little mean; I don’t mean that last part. But he can wait so he can see what it feels like. I’m here to have fun tonight with my bitches and that’s what we’re going to do.” I was smiling confidently on the outside even though on the inside I was hurting a little more than I was before. I turned my phone completely off and stuck it back in my pocket where it couldn’t be a distraction.

  I looked to see where Marcus was. Usually he is by Halley’s side but I noticed he and Trevor were setting up their equipment. I didn’t know they were supposed to be playing tonight. Trevor was doing a mic check and making sure his guitar was tuned. Halley and I each had another buttery nipple and I continued to sip my crown and coke and when it was only halfway gone, I filled it back up. I really should have eaten this evening but I didn’t and I’m sure later I’ll pay the consequences.

  Trevor’s voice came through the speakers suddenly and it caught me off guard. My drink almost went flying out of my hands. Maybe I didn’t need to hold onto anything tonight since I had a case of butterfingers.

  “How’s everyone doing tonight?” The crowd erupted into cheers and hollers as he continued, “Tomorrow my best friend is getting married so I want to go ahead and congratulate Marcus and Halley. Mind if we play a few songs for you?” Of course they didn’t mind because the cheers got louder and I saw the familiar scene of women fawning over what is Trevor James as he began singing ‘Through the Glass’ by Stone Sour.

  Gah, I remember when I was one of those girls in front of the stage. I remember how I used to practically lose my mind when the light hit him so perfect. I also just realized I had constantly been drinking my crown and coke and that awful slurping sound was coming from the straw. I made my way back to the bar to fix another and threw the straw away this time. I don’t even know why I grabbed one in the first place.

  This was the first time in a long time that I felt drawn to him as he sang. For some unknown reason to me, he seemed to have a sadder facial expression than normal. I’ve hardly seen him in a sad mood. The only time I can honestly recall is when he came crawling back to me after the Taylor incident crying in my room at Halley’s. His eyes suddenly looked heavy and his body language was all off. Usually he moved while on stage but tonight, he stood there just singing.

  I looked towards Halley trying to get her attention to see if she knew what was with Trevor. Of course she had to know something; Marcus was Trevor’s best friend. I began to walk towards her and had to stop and regain my balance. Damn alcohol was getting to me. Once I got focused again, I walked up to where her and Paul were standing and pulled her to the side.

  She eyed my drink then looked at me and placed her hand on her hip. I had no doubt in my mind she was getting ready to lay into me. “Halley please don’t start on my drinking, that’s not the issue.”

  “What is the issue Mace? You ok?” She continued to eye me suspiciously in the way only a best friend can and I hated that look. It was the look that said; tell me all your problems because I know they are ten feet tall. No doubt, she would be criticizing me later if I did have anything to tell her.

  I glanced back towards Trevor as he continued to sing. I suddenly wanted to hold his head between my hands and kiss him and tell him everything was going to be ok no matter what he was dealing with. Ohmigod what the fuck am I thinking? Good thing I didn’t say that out loud because I can’t really mean that. I don’t mean that. I’m just another drunken mess and I need to get a grip on things now before they end up out of control.

  “Is Trevor….ok? He seems a little distant up there.”

  She looked around to make sure no one could hear and then she leaned in slowly to whisper as loudly as she could in my ear. “His birth mother found him and wants to talk. He’s not too sure about it since they just dumped him off when he was younger.”

  Wow, I knew all that because he had told me when I was pregnant. He said he wanted to be different than they were; he didn’t want to put his kid through all that. I didn’t know Halley knew but instantly my heart hurt for him. I had no idea what he was going through and really he had no one to be there for him. I couldn’t even say anything but she saw the look on my face and suddenly placed her hand on my shoulder.

  “Mace, you can’t tell him I told you. Marcus promised me not to tell anyone and I see that look on your face. He’s still torn up about you, he just covers it well.”

  “What are you talking about Hales, we’ve had our closure and we are good.”

  “You can’t be that blind. He still loves you so much but he knows to stay away from you. So you need to get yourself together. That means get your beer goggles off. Don’t go confusing him please.”

  I flipped her off and looked back towards Trevor. They just finished that song and announced they would be taking a break after the next one. We locked gazes for a split second then he got back in his zone but I could still see the pain that was behind his eyes.

  “What are you talking about Halley? All I asked was if he was ok. You really think I would try something?”

  All she did was give me the lo
ok. The look that says I know you better than you think I do. I spun on my heel and walked behind the bar to have another drink that I knew I didn’t need at all. It was just something else to impair my judgment and give me an excuse to make more bad choices.

  Paul glanced in my direction as I poured another drink and I simply stuck my tongue out. I hated when he and Halley were in babysitting mode. I am not a five year old child. Sometimes I know I can act like one but dammit I’m a grown adult.

  I turned to find him even closer to me as I tried to walk off. He reached out and touched my arm, “Grace, if you’re hurting that bad just call Luke. No one is going to say anything stupid to you for it. I know how much he means to you.”

  Tears threatened to spill down my cheeks but I refused to let them. I already said I wouldn’t call him back right away. That he could see what he put me through. Tomorrow or the next day was a different story. I’d be all over the phone or there in person as soon as I could.

  “I’m fine Will, I swear. See my smile.” I gave the best confident smile I could and he studied me carefully before he gave me a tight hug and ran his fingers through my hair.

  I took my drink from his hand and noticed Trevor walking off stage towards the restroom. Quickly, I took three big sips and placed the glass on the bar and motioned to Paul that I had to pee. I even managed to work up a potty dance. Dammit I was going to go to hell for this. In the back of my mind I kept reminding myself this is why I didn’t drink much anymore.

  I disappeared behind the wall and I could see Trevor walking towards the men’s room. I ran my fingers through my hair and adjusted my boobs. Reason was trying to make its way forward but it wasn’t working. My brain was foggy and my eyes weren’t really seeing clearly. His shirt looked blurry from where I stood. I blinked my eyes several times trying to see a little better but it only made it worse.

  Trevor’s hand went around the doorknob and before he could open the door, I grabbed his hand and pushed him against the wall. He was totally caught by surprise and just stared at me. His eyes appeared to be red and puffy. Had he been crying? I couldn’t tell. I hated seeing the pain that he held in his eyes.

  “What are you doing Mace?” As I looked into his eyes, I could see the same tears that threatened to spill down my cheeks just moments earlier. I ran my thumb over his cheek and towards his lip. As it ran across his lip, he closed his eyes and took in a deep ragged breath.

  “I’m not doing anything. Are you ok? I’ve never seen you like that on stage.”

  “I, uh, it’s not important. My birth mother found me and wants to talk. It’s just a lot to take in right now.”

  Without thinking I leaned in and pressed my lips against his, slowly working them until his lips parted.

  This kiss felt like we picked up right where we left off. Right before Taylor came around and ruined everything and for a moment I wasn’t sure if it was butterflies or all the liquor swimming around in my stomach. Suddenly Trevor pulled his lips off mine and threw his hands in the air.

  “Macy, no we can’t do this. Why did you do that?”

  “I thought you wanted to kiss me.” I stood there with my doe-like eyes trying to work whatever charm I may have left. In the back of my mind I knew it was a mistake. A big one at that.

  “Mace I won’t be the cause of anymore of your problems. You love Luke, you said he proposed to you. I will always love you, that’s something I can’t change no matter what but things are better this way. I see that now. Trust me I’d change the past if I could but I can’t. I would have never slept with Taylor and ruined us. You and I are friends and nothing more. You can’t just kiss me because you’re drunk. I shouldn’t have kissed you back.”

  I took a step back and looked at him as a tear escaped my eyes. “I’m so sorry Trevor.”

  I placed my hands over my face and stood there. I should have listened to reason, why I didn’t I’ll never know.

  Chapter 17

  Oh no, I’m going to be sick. Why did I just do that? I turned and went in the women’s bathroom and threw myself down in the stall where Halley sat the night of her bachelorette party. I hung my head over the porcelain toilet dry heaving for a minute or two and when I never threw up, I got up and threw some cool water over my face. I stared into the mirror and I swear my reflection was pointing at me and laughing. What an idiot!

  I took a deep breath and cautiously opened the door hoping Trevor wasn’t there anymore, but he stood there with his back against the wall and his hands crossed over his chest.

  “Mace, before you run off please listen to me.”

  I didn’t want to look at him but I had to face this. I had no choice because this time I started it. “I’m sorry Trevor, I shouldn’t have done that. Shit, I don’t know what got into me.”

  “Don’t think I didn’t want to because god I did. But you and I both know this will never work again. We had our run and it was amazing. It was the best time of my life, but you love Luke, I know you do and you know you do. I’m ok with that. Yeah, it hurts like hell but I won’t stand in the way of you being happy. That would make me a total dick and I’m trying to be better. We have to let each other go. You’re going to marry him. That’s how this is supposed to be.”

  I knew he was so right, I knew it and I was glad he was being the voice of reason. My voice of reason was drunk and being defiant just when I needed it to be on top of its game.

  I let a tear escape and run down my cheek. I wasn’t really sure why because he was so right. If I hadn’t been drunk and stupid, the kiss would have never happened. Maybe I needed to turn my phone on and call Luke but it’s not like he could know I actually kissed Trevor. Then he really wouldn’t believe me about that night when nothing happened.

  “No one can know Trevor. Please. I don’t want things to get awkward and gah I’m so freaking stupid.” I slammed my hand into my forehead and stood there trying to figure out how to keep this from everyone.

  “Look at me Mace. No one is going to know. I won’t tell a soul, this never happened. If we’re friends I need you to trust me again ok?” And for some strange reason I trusted him and I seriously prayed I wasn’t screwing things up even more.

  He held his hand out for me to shake and I reached out and accepted it. Just as he smiled and began to turn to go into the restroom, Paul came and pulled me away bringing me back to reality.

  “Girl, you got to come dance. Halley’s been looking all over for you.”

  “I had to pee, let’s go.”

  He started pulling me back towards the dance floor and stopped suddenly looking me dead in the eyes. I kept mine locked to his so he couldn’t see through me and pick up on what I’ve done. Just as he was about to speak Halley ran up and grabbed my other arm and led me to where she was dancing. I decided to smile and trust Trevor one more time in my life.

  The lighting on the dance floor was intensely warm or maybe it was all the alcohol in my system but I still continued to grind my hips to the beat and by the time the song was over, I had beads of sweat forming on my forehead.

  My first good decision of the night was going to get a bottle of water. Paul took it from me in mid drink to satisfy his own thirst. Marcus met up with Halley and gave her a kiss. Tonight he wouldn’t be staying at home since it was the night before the wedding. He and Trevor were staying in Trevor’s new apartment he got when he decided for sure he was staying in town. I hadn’t seen it and didn’t really plan on it. We weren’t going to be that good of friends. Crap, we never went to the reception hall so I really hope someone else took care of it because after this none of us will be. Well maybe Halley. She didn’t look too bad off.

  Trevor came walking in our general direction and winked at me. Our secret was safe. I let out a small smile and yanked my water back from Paul.

  Paul glanced at Trevor then at me and shook his head.

  “What Will? I see that look on your face.”

  He glanced another time in Trevor’s direction and then locked eyes wit
h me. I tried my best to stare him down and get his mind off whatever he was up to but it wasn’t working. He and Halley were a little too much alike.

  “So all I’ve ever heard was you hated him so much and now you two seem a little buddy buddy and you were down the hall with him a few minutes ago. There’s a story there and I know there is so spill it Grace.”

  Defiantly I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms over my chest. I could play tough. I could be like one of the desperate housewives and keep my own secret. But then I remembered that Paul has been there for me for so much more than he understood and I at least owed him to fill him in on Trevor.

  I grabbed his arm and pulled him towards the bar where we sat beside each other on the stools. I turned to face him and began my story. “Ever since I moved to this town, I was in lust over Trevor James. It was everything about him. His eyes, that smile, oh god that hair. His arms as he held and played the guitar and his voice coming through the microphone….”

  I snapped back to reality when Paul cleared his throat rather loudly and clapped his hands. Startled, I looked up and finished the rest of the story. “I’d stayed away from him all that time because that’s the only thing my uncle asked of me. Apparently during one of my drunken escapades, I gave him my number and we hung out once. I knew it was a mistake so I stopped it before anything started but then he chased me. And before we knew it we were in love and Gary was alright with our being together. I got pregnant and we were engaged and right before I lost the baby, he cheated on me and I refused to stick around. He even got a tattoo and came to show me. I just, I refuse to be that girl and I told him that. I couldn’t see him or talk to him for a while and he moved away. He recently came back and well that’s what caused my problems with Luke that night that Trevor tried to kiss me. Now we both realize nothing will ever happen between us. It was young stupid love.”