More Than Enough

by Johnson, Ashley

  Paul’s eyes got wide as he looked at me then back at Trevor and back to me again. “Grace, I would have never believed that if you hadn’t told me. You and rock hottie? Was the sex good at least? He looks like he would be amazing in bed.”

  I smacked Paul’s arm and laughed. He was being absolutely ridiculous. “Gross Will! I don’t feel comfortable answering that but if you must know, yes it was amazing. Everything we had once was amazing but I found all that and more with Luke and God, I miss him so much.”

  I did. Everything I did reminded me of him. Every little thing and it was pathetically horrible. He should have talked to me that night and everything could have been fixed but no, he didn’t and I was still hurting. I was so tired of hurting.

  I frowned for a moment until I realized that Paul was looking at my rather sympathetically and I snapped out of it. I took another swig of water and jumped up off the bar stool. “I’m sorry; I shouldn’t have asked you that. I wasn’t thinking.”

  I smiled as I looked at Paul. “No, don’t apologize for anything it’s not your fault.”

  I powered my phone back on and saw that it was now a little after midnight. Shit. Where was Halley? I know she had all kinds of appointments set up for tomorrow. Knowing her she would have someone torturing our eyebrows and putting a million bobby pins in our hair. I tried to convince her to let me wear my hair down but she wouldn’t hear it. She kept reminding me this was her day not mine. And it’s totally cool that it’s her day but I don’t want to have to be digging pins out of my hair for days.

  Halley and Marcus were talking by the dance floor and he leaned in to kiss her. Trevor popped up beside me and leaned in to where I could hear him, “We’re about to head out. You and Hales need to too so you two can get some rest.”

  “That’s exactly why I was walking up here. Be careful and I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  He reached out and placed his hand on my shoulder. I jumped for a second, I don’t really know why; there was no electricity in his touch. “Hey, I meant what I said about earlier. Please don’t worry. I know you Mace and you won’t let it go.”

  “Its fine Trevor, now go before I decide to talk myself into tripping you down the aisle tomorrow.”

  He burst out laughing and Marcus waved by as they walked off. I linked arms with Halley as we met up with Paul by the bar. I pulled my phone back out my pocket to realize that Luke never tried to call again. Bummer. We headed out to Paul’s car and he drove us to Halley’s. I gave him a hug and he told me he’d see me tomorrow since he was my date after all.

  I made my way to the bathroom so I could wash the bar off my skin. I scrubbed for a minute or two until I was sure I was squeaky clean. I wrapped my hair in a towel and walked out to find Halley sitting in the kitchen with a bottle of wine and two glasses. Geez, I thought I’d drank enough tonight but how many times does your best friend get married. Ok, well maybe don’t answer that. This was her first wedding though and I knew she had to be nervous. Hell, I was nervous for her. Marriage was a big deal for anyone.

  I watched her as she sat at the table. She had a glow about her but she had a somber look at the same time. She opened the bottle and poured us each a glass of pink moscato. I sat across from her and took a small sip. It felt good on my lips and I licked them to savor the taste.

  “I can’t believe I’m actually getting married tomorrow. I’m kind of scared. What if I trip going down the aisle? Or I can’t get my vows right? How are we supposed to kiss I mean do we just peck or French in front of everyone? Ohmigod, what if I can’t go through with it? What if he changes his mind? What if this changes everything?” Her eyes were moist with tears that hadn’t fallen yet.

  I reached across the table and held her hand. Best friend duties called and I was here to answer. “Hey Hales, relax ok? Everything is going to be ok. You’re going to be the most beautiful bride ever. Marcus isn’t changing his mind I can promise you that. Have you seen how he looks at you?” She looked up at me as she wiped a single tear from her cheek. “I can’t wait to stand beside you tomorrow as you take this step in your life and then we’re going to have so much fun at the reception. Nothing is going to change I promise.”

  I smiled at her offering her reassurance and she gave me a weak smile back. “You think so Mace? I’m just so nervous.”

  “That’s perfectly normal or so I’ve heard. You’ve got a good head on your shoulders and just wait it’s going to be so perfect tomorrow.”

  We sat there drinking the wine until the bottle was empty. We laughed and shared our old memories. We talked and talked until we realized it was 2:45 in the morning then we both retreated to her bed where we laid like two little girls having a sleepover. This was the last time I would ever be able to have a moment like this with my best friend. Even in the bed, we talked a little more until I heard her begin to lightly snore. I smiled and rolled over and let myself fall asleep too.

  “You must be Macy. It’s so good to finally meet you in person! We’re going to have so much fun this semester. Oh by the way I’m Halley, but I’m sure you already figured that out….”

  Geez, I knew she liked to talk on the phone and through text but in person she really didn’t stop talking. I was suddenly glad we had exchanged numbers and gotten all the awkward talk out of the way.

  I smiled at her as she pulled me in for a hug. “We’re going to be just like sisters!” I let out a laugh. It was the first semi-real laugh I’ve had in a few weeks. I was glad to be away at college and away from Mom and Ray.

  I sat on my bed and began going through one of my small boxes. I pulled a picture frame or two out of me and placed them on my dresser. I took my schedule out and began looking at it. Why I filled my days with classes and nothing but classes I’ll never know!

  I looked up from my box and found Halley digging through one of her own. “Hey Hales, want to take a break and go to The Lounge tonight? My uncle owns the place; we could probably drink for free.”

  Her eyes lit up as if I just said let’s go shopping. “Hell yeah! Let me get ready!”

  An hour later, we were ready to go. We both happened to be wearing pink sequin shirts. The only difference was I wore my blue jean skirt and she had jeans on. I laughed at the fact that we dressed so alike, we could probably pass for sisters.

  We walked into The Lounge and I went to tell my Uncle Gary hi. I was so grateful for him. I heard a voice come over the speakers and I felt my heart begin to flutter. Trevor James. Oh dear God, he was gorgeous. I’d do anything for him to notice me if Gary would even allow it. Dammit, why won’t he allow it? I mean I know why but that’s not the point. I just want to feel his lips on mine, is that too much to ask?

  I have to talk to him; I mean I see him staring at me. His eyes are practically begging me to at least speak to him. I walked behind the bar and grabbed a shot glass and downed three shots back to back. I could do this tonight. I could at least talk to him….

  The sound of Halley’s alarm clock woke me up. I jumped and looked over to see that it was 8:00 in the morning. Ugh, I’m so tired. I tried to throw the covers over my head when Halley came walking up and pulled them off me. As I drug myself out of the bed, I thought back to the dream from last night. I have no idea why I dreamed about the first time I walked into that dorm room and the first time I tried to get the courage to talk to Trevor but it didn’t bother me. It was just a dream. It was my past and it wasn’t something I regretted. It was something that brought me to where I am now.

  I made my way to the bathroom and splashed some cool water on my face. I could smell the coffee brewing. Oh God, I needed a cup as soon as possible. We have a long day ahead of us. I grabbed my phone to see that I had no missed calls or texts from anyone. I wanted to text Luke but again, I put the thought away. There was too much to be done today to get ready for the wedding. The time would be here before we even were able to blink an eye.

  I sipped my cup of coffee as I placed a button up shirt on so I wouldn’t mess my hair up onc
e it was done. Halley made us an appointment with her aunt’s salon. Because the owner knew her aunt pretty well, Halley basically got it for nothing. We weren’t complaining. By the time we got manicures and pedicures, we would have already spent a pretty penny.

  Halley was standing in the kitchen wearing her button up shirt looking just about as nervous as she had last night except there was a little more peace about her. I slipped on some shorts and flip flops and grabbed Halley’s hand. “Let’s go get married!”

  Chapter 18

  I was so right about the million bobby pin comment that I made earlier. I was almost positive that I would be pulling them out for days and there was so much hairspray that my hair could probably stay this way for at least a week. I’d probably be breathing aerosol hairspray for that long too. Geez, the things we go through for our best friends on their wedding day.

  Halley’s nerves had been fairly calm until she realized that in just four hours she would be Mrs. Marcus Walker. When she talked, it was mainly babbling and I was lucky if I could understand at least one word. I simply would nod my head and let her know that everything was ok.

  As the lady applied Halley’s makeup she kept fidgeting and I had to practically hold her hands and just talk to her so she wouldn’t move and mess it up. She looked so beautiful when she was finished. I felt a tear well up behind my eyes for her.

  “What’s that look for Mace, do I look like a clown? Please be honest with me. I can’t walk down the aisle looking like a hooker.” Her hands were waving around like she was a crazy person and I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing at her.

  “No Hales, you look absolutely gorgeous. Like a real live princess. Kate Middleton has nothing on you.” I offered her a big cheesy smile and I saw a tear threaten to fall. “No crying missy, you can’t mess up your makeup! Let’s get to the church so we can start getting dressed.”

  We stopped at Sonic and got a drink since it was happy hour and my phone vibrated with a text from Paul asking where we were. I responded letting him know we were on our way to the church so he could meet us there. I was glad he decided to be my date. I don’t know how I would have gotten through both the wedding and the reception alone.

  I’ve been thinking more and more about Luke since I woke up today and Trevor briefly crossed my mind and it had nothing to do with the kiss from last night and how stupid I was. I found myself wondering what our daughter would have looked like and that she would more than likely be a few days old today. It’s so funny how much things can change in a matter of months. Now here I was all alone with no one. No one but Halley and Paul. I tossed the thoughts aside when I noticed Halley seemed to get antsy again.

  I plugged my iPod in and flipped through songs until I settled on ‘Country Girl (Shake it for Me)’ by Luke Bryan. I danced in the car trying to shake it from my seat and she instantly relaxed as she sang along with me. The volume was turned all the way up and his sweet voice filtered through the speakers. We’ve always said we wanted to go see Luke Bryan one day, I mean how could anyone not want to. Thank God that worked because I was running out of ideas for her.

  The song was about half over when we pulled up at the church. Paul was waiting out front for us wearing a black tux with a pink bowtie. He looked handsome and I gave him a thumbs up as we stepped out of the car. Good thing our dresses were already here, I don’t think Halley would have been thinking straight to carry hers.

  “Hey Grace, you look beautiful,” He hugged me then glanced at Halley and smiled even wider. “But not as beautiful as this beauty queen. Halley, girl Marcus is going to melt in your hands at that altar.”

  She blushed and gave him a bear hug. “Thank you so much. I’m a nervous wreck. Just ask Macy.” I nodded in agreement wearing a serious demeanor but winked jokingly at her.

  We walked in and immediately went to the room we were supposed to get ready in. I don’t know what time the guys were supposed to be here but of course they weren’t allowed to see each other. Paul came in the room with us and shut the door.

  We sat there talking and laughing and I got caught back in my moment from earlier. What if Trevor and I never split and we stayed together? Our baby girl would be here with us to celebrate her Aunt Halley and Uncle Marcus getting married. But of course none of that was happening and I couldn’t help but let one tear escape. I hurried and wiped it away before either one of them could see it but I wasn’t. Halley didn’t see but Paul did and he leaned over and whispered, “Are you ok?”

  I wasn’t ok at all, and I couldn’t hold it in anymore. My heart was breaking into a million pieces and I was a wreck. I need to be strong for Halley but all this is way too much for me. Why the hell did I think I could handle all this? I’m not superwoman. “Hey Hales, I left my phone in the car I’ll be right back.” She nodded and I motioned for Paul to follow me.

  We didn’t walk to the car we just stepped outside the door. My phone was in my pocket and of course there were no texts or calls. “I’m not ok Will. At all. I don’t know if I can do this today. I’m over Trevor, I know this one hundred percent but I’m so broken.”

  He pulled me in for a hug and held me tight. “What’s got you so down then Grace?”

  Tears filled my eyes again and I silently cursed them because they were most likely going to spill over and run my mascara. “My baby girl should have been here today. It’s not fair. Why did she have to be the one to die? She was so innocent. I never got to meet her and now I’m all alone. Luke won’t talk to me, this just; I mean none of it is fair.”

  “Oh honey come here. It’s going to be ok. You can’t let that get you down. Where’s that gorgeous smile of yours?” I let a half smile show and he hugged me tighter. “At the reception, it’s me and you all night. We’re going to dance and cut it up. Who knows, maybe we’ll get drunk and make poor decisions because we can.” He winked at me and I knew everything would be ok. I just had to keep telling myself.

  I fixed my face and went back into the room where Halley was beginning to slip into her petticoat. Her dress was hanging in the corner. It was a very simple but elegant dress. The color of the dress was ivory and it had beading that emphasized her chest and ran along the train. I tried to talk her out of it just because of the train. I knew most of the beads if not all would be gone by the end of the night but she was in love with the dress and it was absolutely perfect on her. I helped her get into it and stood back and smiled. She really was a beautiful bride and I couldn’t wait to see Marcus’ face when he first saw her.

  There was a knock on the door and the pastor walked in to make sure Halley hadn’t gotten any cold feet. She told him she was doing fine but then she noticed that the clock read there were only 30 minutes left until the wedding started. Shit, where did the time go. It seemed like not that long ago we still had four hours. I slid into my dress and managed to not mess up my hair or makeup. Score for me! I was also very glad I remembered my strapless bra or all her guests would be getting a free show. I slid my silver heels on and stood in front of the mirror to check out everything and make sure it looked good. Paul and I helped Halley place her veil in her hair and he gave her one more hug before he went to go sit in the pews.

  Halley’s dad walked in and wiped a lone tear from his eyes. She was an only child so he was pretty worked up over this. He hugged her and told her how proud he was of her. This moment they were sharing was so special. There was a small knock on the door and I walked over to see who it was. Trevor stood on the other side in his tuxedo smiling. “You ready to get this started?”

  “Yeah, let me hug Hales one more time.” I walked up to Halley and hugged her one last time before she walked down the aisle. It’s amazing how much our friendship has grown. We’ve seen each others up and downs and stood by the other no matter what. “I’ll see you at the altar, I love you.”

  “I love you too Mace.”

  I opened the door and walked out, closing it behind me. Trevor was waiting by the doors that led into the church. The flower gir
l and her mom were standing in front of us. She held onto her basket tightly. She had it together during rehearsal but I figure she will be one of those who either runs down the aisle or the one who refuses to move.

  “You ok Macy?”

  I shot a look towards him and stifled a laugh. “Why does everyone keep asking me that?”

  “I may be an asshole and a lot of other things but don’t think I don’t remember what should have happened this month.” He meant our baby girl. Great, more tears were trying to well up but I fought them back and they stayed at bay. “It’s hard on me too trust me. There’s not a single minute that I don’t think about it. I just wanted to make sure you were ok.”

  “I’m not fine Trevor, I probably never will be but I have to try. We can’t dwell on it, but I’ll never forget it as long as I live.”

  He brushed his hair out of his eyes even though it fell right back where it was and placed his hands in his pockets. I don’t know if it ever occurred to me that he was hurting too. All of my focus was on me since I was the one actually carrying the baby. She was as much his though as she was mine and I never asked him how he was holding up.

  I could hear the piano begin playing inside and the doors opened for the flower girl to begin making her way down the aisle. My assumptions about her were wrong. She looked like a professional walking down the aisle throwing her petals a few at a time as she made her way down to where she was supposed to stand, just like last night at rehearsal.

  Before we made our way down, Trevor linked his arm with mine and looked into my eyes. “I’m so sorry Macy. About everything I put you through.” He had a sincere look in his eyes that I could not deny.

  “Hey, we’re good remember? All that is past us and I forgive you.” I squeezed his arm with my free hand and then we turned to face the doors and put our biggest smiles on our faces as we made our way down the aisle. It really was a little sad to think that this was supposed to be us one day. We were pretty freaking cute walking down the aisle if I must say so. I saw Gary sitting in one of the pews and he smiled as we walked past. Paul sat three rows in front of Gary and he blew me a kiss as we walked by and I winked to let him know I caught it. And to think just a few weeks ago I was stressing about this simple walk. We reached the point where we split and he stood beside Marcus while I stood by the flower girl waiting on Halley to make her way down the aisle.