Shalia's Diary # 6

by Tracy St. John

  I gave him a disbelieving look. “You must be joking.”

  “Not at all. Based on what you’re telling me, I’m wondering if this creature sleeps when you do. If it is dreaming because you dream.”

  I saw a problem with his theory. “It didn’t sleep when I was sedated.”

  Feru considered. “It knew it was in danger. It has some control over your brain, so it activated what it could ... or just what it needed ... in the attempt to defend itself. We’re supposing that as long as the It doesn’t feel threatened, it lets your body heed all its natural functions.” He glanced at the guards that stood at my room’s door and lowered his voice. “Monitors show Matara Candy’s brain is having some spikes of activity. She’s experiencing brief periods during which she is close to waking up.”

  My eyes widened. “So the It was right. She can get past the full stasis.”

  “Maybe. Right now, it’s the sedation that she’s overcoming. However, it does bode badly for keeping the organisms contained. These things are nothing like we’ve ever seen before. Staying ahead of them is going to take tremendous effort.”

  “You still haven’t explained how my dreams of this thing’s probable past have a silver lining.”

  Feru’s eyes filled with optimism. “I know security is checking into your story about the destruction of a Barinem village from those first nightmares you reported. Once it has been confirmed that such a thing happened, we’ll know for sure the nightmares are this organism’s memories. We can gather information about its weaknesses through your dreams.”

  The little bit of hope I’d felt died. “It has no weaknesses, Dr. Feru. None. It is the perfect killing machine.”

  “Maybe not. You remember it as a fully armored creature, which tells me it took over another person at some point. Something happened to make it revert to what you saw as a bracelet, probably the state it takes on when not in use ... perhaps that is a form of stasis or hibernation when it has no host.”

  I saw what he was getting at. “What made it give up its host then? Was it defeated or damaged somehow?”

  Feru nodded. “My questions exactly. This thing doesn’t seem to me to be a weapon that quietly waits to be used if it has a choice. Not if it’s as enthralled by killing as you say.”

  I frowned. “You know the It hears everything I do. It knows your theory now. If you’re right, what’s to keep it from blocking me from sleeping and dreaming?”

  “It doesn’t have control of all your brain. The overwhelming majority of you is still Shalia.” I could see Feru was excited about his theory. “You as a human require sleep. Tep says the part of your brain that governs normal sleep, as well as the part that controls dreaming, are not yet invaded. We think the It can’t control that part of you yet.”

  It was a bit of hope, all right – but only a small mote of it. “I have to hope it shows me that part of its background in order to discover what could destroy it. Or at least get it off of me.”

  “Fortunately, this thing is like a computer program despite its organic nature. It has its steps that it takes in order, a start to an end. It could be that it will continue to dream a sequence of events as they happened.”

  “Dreams are almost never so literal though,” I groused. “It hasn’t shown me itself running around naked in front of an assembly or showing up to class unprepared for the final exam yet. That’s usually the way dreams go.”

  Feru had an answer for that too. “It’s biological, but it’s still a machine. This is not something that possesses creativity. It exists to fulfill a mission, nothing more. I have hopes it will keep giving you factual data.”

  Feru’s theory is pretty slim shit to hang hopes on, if you ask me. Outside of Tep’s tests yielding answers, playing spy to this thing’s dreams is pretty much all I have. I pray he’s got this right.

  The next phase of fighting the It rolled around. Tep was determined to run his tests. I was determined to help him do so.

  Tep decided to perform a little experiment first, though he wouldn’t tell me – and therefore the It – what he was up to. We knew sedation was out when it came to dealing with my changing body. Another way had to be found to keep the It at bay.

  Tep started by bringing the stasis field as close to full power as he could without putting me out. Then the medi-bed panels were removed just long enough for me to be strapped to the bed with physical straps. I like bondage, but this was no fun at all. Then the panels came back up, offering yet another physical barrier.

  “Local anesthesia, from neck down,” Tep ordered the computer. The It started to stir restlessly in my head when I heard that.

  “It’s not happy,” I said, even as my body went numb. “It’s thinking about resistance.”

  “Do your best to not lose control to it,” Tep encouraged me. “It’s overcome sedation, so it may have some defenses when it comes to fighting off the spinal block. Liaison?”

  I was startled when Betra appeared at my side. He and Oses had kept close during everything, but while medical stuff was happening, they kept their distance. I couldn’t imagine what an administrative type could do to help with medical tests.

  Betra’s face suddenly darting down towards me, his mouth wide open and fangs showing, made me scream. The bite came to the side of my neck, just above where I’d gone insensitive to all feeling.

  Tep stroked the top of my head. “Easy. We couldn’t let the organism know what we were up to, so I didn’t dare warn you about this. Perhaps we can make the It as susceptible to the intoxication as you are.”

  The pain of the bite had vanished almost immediately. Silky tendrils of happiness were already beginning to weave in my head. “Shit, guys. You scared the hell out of me, Betra.”

  Tep smiled wearily. “It was necessary. Shalia, I know this will make you feel serene, but I want you to try to remain in control over yourself. Let the intoxication reach a point of balance between the two and then tell Betra to stop.”

  “Okay.” The other piece of my brain, the bit that wasn’t me, became aware of what was going on. I sensed it struggle to assert itself, but it couldn’t seem to figure out what it should do. It was a weird sensation; one moment it wanted to move this way in my head, and the next it tried to move another. I caught glimpses here and there of its consciousness. It felt like it was trying to find its way through the densest fog ever.

  I became so bemused by the It that I didn’t realize how under the influence I was until a stab of pure want shot between my legs. Well hello, Libido. I thought I was supposed to be numb down there.

  “Sstop,” I slurred. “Oops, I think I let you go too far.”

  Betra immediately released me, rising up to gaze into my face. He stood over me, as gorgeous as a man could be. Look at me, surrounded by men. And here I was, tied helpless. Mmm, nice.

  “Ah, hell,” I lilted, feeling happy despite knowing I’d messed things up. “Yep, I’m stoned. Sorry, Doc.”

  Tep’s mouth quirked, as if he had found the humor in the situation. “How is your passenger doing?”

  “The It iss confused,” I reported, still drawing my words out in a langorous tone. Except for the sensation of struggle in my head, I felt warm and happy all over. “It can’t seem to figure out what'sss happening.”

  “That’s a start.” Tep nodded to his team. “Let’s get some samples.”

  I smiled up at Betra. I knew what I wished was happening. “Stay?”

  He chuckled and glanced up at Tep. The doctor nodded. To his team, Tep said, “Please try to close your ears to whatever she might say. Matara Shalia is not in full control of her – feelings.”

  “But my feelings are in full control of me,” I giggled. I gave Betra a wink. “Guess where and what I’m feeling now?”

  Betra snickered. “Behave yourself.” To Tep he said, “The block isn’t doing its job.”

  Tep’s face was red, whether from embarrassment or the effort to keep from laughing, I don’t know. “They say that 95 percent of that k
ind of excitement takes place in the brain. Perhaps that is what’s happening.”

  I grinned happily. “And Betra is a smart guy. He gives good brain.”

  The room erupted in snorts and chuckles. A few of the guys gave Betra what I would call 'come-hither' looks. Tep called everyone back to order as Betra went magenta in embarrassment.

  We had about twenty minutes of me humiliating me and my liaison like that while Tep’s team worked. I felt none of the tests or sample taking. Then the It began to crawl out of its hole.

  “Hey, get back in there,” I told it. “We’re still high and happy. Be a good invader and do what we want you to.”

  It snapped at me, like a bad-tempered dog. Even through my intoxication, I sensed I needed to get serious.

  Betra leaned close, filling my vision with his beautiful face. “Is it fighting back?”

  “It’s trying.” I noticed I wasn’t slurring quite as happy as I'd been before. Betra’s venom was wearing off finally. The It must have been taking advantage. “It wants to stop the testing.”

  “Hey, get back in there,” I told it. “We’re still high and happy. Be a good invader and do what we want you to.”

  It snapped at me, like a bad-tempered dog. Even through my intoxication, I sensed I needed to get serious.

  Betra leaned close, filling my vision with his beautiful face. “Is it fighting back?”

  “It’s trying.” I noticed I wasn’t slurring anymore. Betra’s venom was wearing off finally. The It must have been taking advantage. “It wants to stop the testing.”

  “Be strong, Shalia,” the Imdiko urged. He glanced at Tep. “How long?”

  “Another 15 minutes, if we hurry. With the anesthetic, stasis field, and restraints, we should be okay if she loses control to it.”

  “I don’t want to lose control.” I had the overriding terror that sooner or later, the It would destroy my consciousness. That fear pushed the intoxication back.

  “You’re doing fine,” Betra encouraged me. “Fight to stay in charge. I’m right here with you.”

  I fought, all right. Little by little, the It battled its way free of the venom. I had to resist it and the intoxication. I began to think the bite had been a huge mistake.

  That was confirmed when the It barreled over me for a moment, leaving me staring into blackness where Betra’s face had just been. For one horrifying second, I couldn’t see or hear anything. The It was in control, and my first thought was for my daughter.

  I shoved the alien consciousness back with a scream. “Get away! You can’t have me! You will not take my body!”

  Tep’s voice was a beacon in the encroaching darkness. “It’s okay, Shalia. We’re done for now. All right people, shut it down.”

  Then Betra was over me again, his shoulders sagging in relief. “Easy, love. They’ve finished. You’re okay. Shalia?”

  An inhuman snarl left my lips. In that instant if Betra had come close enough, I would have tried to bite his face off. I could visualize it; my teeth sinking into his nose, biting through, crunching cartilage, blood spurting, his screams ringing in my ears ... and then the It subsided back into its little corner of my brain.

  I shuddered over the awful urge that had possessed me until it felt like my own. I wept with relief to have myself back, to have come back from the brink again.

  “No more,” I blubbered. “No more. I can’t do this anymore.”

  I now knew for a fact that if I dropped my guard again, I would lose.

  May 24

  There has been good news at last. Dr. Tep gave Candy an infusion of my blood. The organism that has invaded her has been slowed in its progress. Not only is it taking over her body at a much slower rate, but those spikes of her nearing consciousness have stopped.

  Something in me actively fights the organism. My body may have the key to defeating this thing. But what?

  Tep has his theory on what’s going on. Obviously he’s not talking about what that idea is in front of me, for fear of telling the It that we may have found a weapon. I have an idea too, though not the scientific details. I can’t speak out loud to my voice recorder because I don’t want the monstrosity in me to know either. Suffice it to say, there is one major difference between me and Candy ... that has to be the key.

  It gives me hope and terrifies me at the same time. I have to guard my thoughts from the It. Especially given last night’s nightmare of the It’s memory.

  I and the Other One (as I’m now referring to the entity that has taken over Candy) had finally finished our extermination of Barinem for the moment. We returned ‘home’; a hidden research facility on the planet. It belonged to a cadre of Bi’isil scientists.

  We reported to one of the little gray aliens. That required a whole series of ritual cleansing, speaking the proper words, and bowing first. We were not impatient with these requirements. It was order and perfection, which was our mandate anyway. Chaos was for lower, fallible creatures. There was no room in the universe for such. We were instruments of the perfect ones, clearing the way for order and civilization.

  At last we were allowed to meet with the one in charge of us, the one who had told us he brought us into being. We didn’t have a name for him. We simply thought of him as ‘Maker’. I and Other One bent one knee to kneel before him. That put us at face level with him. Maker stared at us, his huge unblinking black eyes fathomless in his bulbous head. He was not happy with us, as he let us know through the telepathy the Bi’isils use for communication.

  You killed them all? I told you to bring me ten for research and study.

  Other One crossed his arms over his chest before speaking. “They were imperfect. They were flawed. They were not worthy of the Maker’s intentions.”

  Other One put both hands on the knee bent before him. We waited for Maker’s response.

  A flash of anger screamed through my skull. Of course they are imperfect. They are not of Bi’is, so they can never approach perfection. That does not change the fact you were to bring them here for experimentation.

  I crossed my arms over my chest this time. “They do not deserve the honor. They were not worthy.”

  I returned to the same pose as Other One. The matter was crystal clear in my mind. The Barinem had been inferior. No Bi’isil should even look at one, much less share space with it.

  Maker turned to another of his kind, one who stood nearby punching data into a computer. Is this the first team back from the cleansing and gathering?

  The other Bi’isil glanced our way and nodded. We expect the rest of the teams to return in the next two days. It hesitated for a moment before adding, They have also reported that they found no specimens worthy of our consideration. Perhaps they are experiencing the same issue as these two?

  There was another rumble of anger from the Maker. It vibrated my skull. We have made a mistake somewhere. We will have to look into the programming before we proceed any further. Send out a regular collecting party for specimens tomorrow. I want to see how well our weapon bonds with the Barinem as soon as we discover where our error lies.

  If it wasn’t for the flawless acknowledgement of ritual, I would have looked at Other One. What Maker said bothered me terribly. It was the first note of anguish I had known since my awakening.

  Later as we stood alone in our replenishment pods, Other One voiced the same concerns that assaulted me in his flat but growly voice. “Maker lied to us. He could not have created us if he is flawed, for we are perfection. Or he has been contaminated since that time of creation.”

  “Confirmed. We are the products of Bi’is, the world that stands against chaos. Mistakes are not made by those who brought us into being. We stand against all defect and disorder.”