by T. K. Chapin
He turned, and we continued walking the fence. “I guess I’ve just become calloused over the years. I see him as abrasive and rude.”
“He is a little, but he is also a brother in Christ.”
He scowled.
“What?”
We stopped again. This time, we climbed the fence and sat side by side on the top plank.
“I want to believe my dad is a brother in Christ and covered in the blood. I think he knows it all, but his heart . . .”
“Only God can judge the heart. We can only see the outside.”
“Yeah, exactly, my point. His outside is quite ugly.”
My gaze fell to Mac’s porch. “Yeah, a little rough around the edges, but there’s fruit. I think he’s bitter about losing your mom.”
His chin dipped to his chest.
“Sorry.”
Lifting his eyes to mine, he shook his head. “Don’t be sorry. I know he has a lot of hurt that he hasn’t healed from ever since she left this earth.” His eyes drifted to Kayla and Mac. “Maybe Kayla’s coming here is part of God’s plan for my dad.”
“Maybe it is.”
His eyes peering into mine, he continued. “Maybe your coming here is part of God’s plan for our lives?”
I smiled, my heart warming at his words. “Maybe it is.”
Chapter 30-Hannah
WITHOUT MORE THAN A FEW winks of sleep due to not wanting to go to sleep after another pleasant day with Luke, I finally rolled out of bed to go make Mac breakfast. As I cooked his eggs and bacon, I thought of Luke, about Mac and Kayla, and overall, my life as a whole. I was enjoying the direction it was headed.
Taking Mac’s plate of food down the hallway, I pushed open his door.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Mac’s words were firm and ready to fire as soon as I opened that door.
“About what?” I walked over to the side of his bed and set down the plate.
“That baby daddy coming to town.”
“Oh. Um.”
“Is it because of what I said?”
“What did you say?”
“I said I’ll shoot any boys who end up on my property.”
“I didn’t tell you, Mac, because I didn’t think you would care that her boyfriend was in town for a few days.”
He got really quiet. Then, he said, “I do care about her boyfriend being out here on the ranch. I don’t want him here, and I don’t think you do either.”
“I don’t have the energy to fight with you today, Mac. Fighting against a teenaged girl’s will is like fighting a brick wall.”
Leaving his side, I headed for the door.
“So it’s too hard and you just give up?”
Stopping, I turned around. “No, actually, I took some good advice from the pastor’s wife.”
“Oh, because she has a teenager?”
“Touché.”
He shook his head. “If that boy wants to treat your daughter like a used car and you let him just come around whenever he wants and just give in at every angle, you’re teaching her that you’re fine with her being treated that way. He’s garbage.”
“She loves him.”
“Yeah, sure, and Sally loves George in Chemistry. It’s puppy love. It’ll die.”
“Then why fight it?”
“Because if you don’t as a parent, nobody else will. Someday, she’ll thank you.”
“Thanks for caring for my daughter, but I’ll parent her the way I want to parent her.”
Walking out of his room, I shut the door and hurried out of his house. This man was impossible to deal with, whether he cared or didn’t care, but I couldn’t deny the truth behind his words. I just felt stupid.
Kayla was still asleep when I got back to the guest house, so I wrote a note to tell her I went for a drive, leaving out the reason I was upset.
I drove by the church intentionally, wondering if Serenah or Charlie was in. I saw a lone car in the parking lot.
It was white, and a bit beat up.
Pulling into the parking lot, I parked and went inside the church.
Glancing down a hallway, I saw a light on and a door open, so I ventured down that way.
Walking into the office, I saw a man sitting behind the desk of Ed Anderson, the associate pastor of the church, maybe in his early thirties, late twenties.
He looked up.
“Who are you?”
“Hannah. You?”
He laughed sarcastically and tossed the paper in his hands on the desk in front of him. “I’m nobody.”
“Okay . . .”
Rising to his feet, he left from behind the desk and walked over to me. “I’m Ed’s kid—James. You know, I thought I had more time to quit the drugs. Quit the crazy life before he’d pass on from his heart problems, but . . .” He glanced over at the Bible on the desk and shook his head. “Life happens when you’re too busy being selfish.”
I was speechless as I recalled the mention for prayer for Ed in the announcements yesterday morning.
Raising his hand, he shook his head. “Sorry. I don’t know why I’m sharing all this. I guess you don’t know me, so it’s easier. Anyway . . . what’s up? Why are you here, Hannah?”
“I thought maybe Pastor Charlie was in.”
He smiled, but it was fake, I could tell. “He’s not here, obviously.”
Raising a hand, I said, “I’ve already dealt with one too many rude people today. I’m outta here.”
As I got into my car back outside in the parking lot, the kid came running out.
“Hey. I’m sorry. I’m just a druggie who lost his dad.” He slowed to a walk as he arrived up to me.
“Can I pray with you?”
He raised his eyebrows, then nodded.
Bowing our heads, I led him in a prayer. “God, You are the sustainer of our souls. We long for You and we need You in our life. I pray for James and I pray You help him. Meet him where he is, like You always do, and show James Your will for his life. Amen.”
We hugged, and he had tears in his eyes.
“You have no idea how much that meant to me.”
“Nope, but God does. He loves you, James.”
Parting ways, I got into my car. My heart warmed as I received an incoming text message from Luke. It broke away some of the coldness that had settled over my heart earlier that morning. I desired to see him, to apologize for the restaurant the other night. I hadn’t done it yesterday, and instead just swept it under the rug like it never happened. I knew I needed to clear the air and be upfront about my insecurities. A relationship couldn’t be built on secrets, and I had to let him know my fears.
Calling Kayla, I let her know I was heading into Spokane.
Chapter 31-Hannah
ARRIVING IN DOWNTOWN SPOKANE, I parked and fed the meter before heading up to the twenty-third floor of the Berkley building, where Luke’s office was located. On the elevator ride up, each floor the elevator passed sent my heartbeat skyrocketing. There was no way to be certain how Luke would take the words I was about to tell him, but I hoped in my heart that he’d be able to receive them well. I planned to spill my heart out, share my truth, and hope he’d still be interested in the end. He could very well end up rejecting me, refusing to be with someone so insecure, but it was a risk I had to take.
Ding . . .
Walking out from the elevator, I saw the door that led into his office. The name Young’s hung on the outside of the glass door, stenciled in gold. Below the name, the address Suite 2304b.
Opening the door, I let myself in.
There was no receptionist behind the desk, but there was a nicely dressed woman sitting in one of the chairs in the lobby. She had long legs, a white dress and coat, along with a long-brimmed hat on. She looked ritzy, part of one of those high societies. Not much of a surprise to see a woman like that in his office. I’m sure he only dealt with the elites of the world, people running businesses that spent more money than most people saw in a lifetime.
I took
a seat beside her.
“Who are you?” the woman asked, lifting her chin as she looked me over like a specimen.
“I’m Hannah. A friend of Luke.”
Her eyebrows lifted and she removed one of her white gloves, sticking out a hand. “A friend of Luke’s? I didn’t know Luke had friends. Nice to meet you. I’m Pamela. Luke’s wife. How do you know Lukey?”
My heart sank to the ground level of the building. My face went flush.
In shock, I shook her hand. “Oh. Um. I live on the ranch with Mac.”
Standing up as I became increasingly uncomfortable as my worst nightmare unfolded before me, I adjusted my purse farther up onto my shoulder. Turning, I headed for the door, but just then, a woman came out from an office door. “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t hear you come in. Did you have an appointment to see Luke?”
Shaking my head, I hurriedly slipped out the door and back toward the bank of elevators on the far end of the hallway.
My eyes welled with tears as I covered my mouth and stepped onto the elevator.
When the doors shut, I lost all control over my emotions and wept.
Each floor that dinged on the way down brought on another wave of memories of Jonathan. All the pain I had been convincing myself was just insecurity came crashing back into my heart. I didn’t cry so much because of the pain Luke had caused, but because of myself falling for another man who had a secret life. I felt like I didn’t understand anything anymore. I was hurt and felt lost.
Reaching the car down on the sidewalk, I glanced at the towering skyscraper. I thought of God’s kindness and His goodness in letting me find out the truth before we got too far into the relationship. Sure, it hurt, but at least it wasn’t fifteen years into a life together. For that, I was thankful.
Getting into the car, I resolved to return my focus on Kayla. I hadn’t made the decision to uproot my daughter so I could come fall for a guy who’d break my heart. I came for a fresh start. I knew Luke enough at this point to know he’d leave me alone if I left him alone. I planned to do just that.
Chapter 32-Hannah
AFTER OUR MEAL, WHILE I cleared the table of Mac and Kayla’s plates, Mac stopped me.
“You’re upset.”
Kayla had already gone back to the guest house at this point, so I didn’t mind opening up about his son. “I met Luke’s wife today.”
Raising his eyebrows, he corrected me. “You mean ex-wife? Right? Pamela.”
“What?”
“They haven’t been together in over a year and a half. She didn’t mention that?”
I shook my head, but the news didn’t comfort me much. “No, but he didn’t mention being married before.”
Mac nodded as I took the plates over to the sink.
“He doesn’t like talking about Pamela. It’s a sore subject.”
Forcefully, I set the plates into the sink and turned around. “I don’t care if it’s a sore subject. It should’ve been mentioned.”
Furrowing his eyebrows as he slid the toothpick in his mouth to the other side, he paused, looking me over. “You like my son.”
“Liked your son. Yes.”
“You telling me you haven’t held back any part of yourself from him?”
Mac’s words were laced with the chilling reminder that I was on the way there to expose my own secret. “Well, I didn’t tell him everything, but I planned on it.”
“Maybe he did too.”
Shaking my head, I said, “Look. Meeting her was a reality check. I’m here for Kayla and me, not for me finding love. I need to focus on her instead of another reason to be distracted and not at home. I can’t deal with a relationship right now.”
Raising his hands, he said, “Okay. I wasn’t telling you what to do, just being straight with you.”
Leaving the kitchen after the dishes, I headed back over to the guest house when I saw Luke’s car pulling up the driveway. I couldn’t avoid him forever, so I met him out in the driveway.
“Hey. What’s going on? You haven’t answered any of my texts or calls.”
“I met your wife. Ex-wife. Whatever.”
His confusion fell away, and sorrow filled his face in the very next second. “I was going to tell you, Hannah. I swear. I was waiting for our third date.”
“How convenient for you.” Raising my hands, I shook my head. “I wasn’t even sure about this to begin with. Honestly, I was on the fence about a ‘you and me’ and it just helped me realize I need to focus on my daughter. I’m here for my daughter and for myself to have a fresh start. I’m not ready.”
“Okay. I’ll wait.”
Raising an eyebrow, I asked, “What? You’ll wait?”
He nodded. “I know we’ve only spent a small amount of time together, but I haven’t ever met someone like you. I know you’re worth the wait, and I’ll wait it out. I’ve been alone for a long time, and I can wait.”
“You’ve only been away from your wife for a year and a half.”
“Come on, Hannah. You know just as much as I do that the separation start isn’t where the loneliness starts. It’s long before then. Regardless, I’ll give you the distance you need. I’ll give you whatever you need, because I know you’re worth it.”
My heart warmed at his romantic comment, but I wasn’t sure if he’d wait for me. “I don’t know when I’ll be ready, Luke.”
“That’s fine. I’ll be praying for you and Kayla.”
As we parted ways and he got back into his car, I was overwhelmed with emotions ripping inside my chest. He was so understanding and romantic. Maybe someday, Luke and I could work. Maybe someday, God would bring an ‘us’ into existence. For now, it was about Kayla and my future grandbaby.
Arriving inside the guest house, I was met with a teary-eyed daughter. Mascara running down her cheeks, she said, “He dumped me and signed over his rights!”
Relieved but saddened at the same time, I pulled her in close, without saying a word, and hugged her. Though we both had lost something that day, we had gained something too—focus.
Chapter 33-Luke
Six and a half months later . . .
SITTING PATIENTLY FOR MY PLANE to make its way down the runway, I stared out the little window of the plane and watched as the snow flurries fell from the mid-December sky. Remembering an important meeting I had scheduled in the afternoon but hadn’t put on my calendar, I phoned my receptionist, Cindy.
“Cindy. I just remembered, I had a thing in the afternoon with Johnson & Henry. Please call them and reschedule, and also send a gift basket.”
“That wasn’t on your calendar.”
“I know, I know. I forgot to add it when Henry called, but they were expecting me out at the plant opening today.”
“I’ll take care of it. This must be some big client if you’re willing to shift everything around and fly out a day early.”
Nodding, I said, “She is our most important client.”
Hanging up with Cindy, I caught the gaze of one of the flight attendants. She was eyeballing me with a glare that burned through my retinas. I knew she was upset I had used my phone shortly before takeoff. I mouthed, ‘I’m turning it off,’ and then promptly did. Letting out a large sigh, I tried to direct all of my attention on my newest and largest client when my seat partner, an older man with a full head of white hair, sat down and settled in.
“Pleasure or business?”
Raising my eyebrows, I turned to him. “What’s the difference when you do what you love every day?”
He laughed and stuck out a hand. “Quick wit, kid. Name’s Griff Mackey.”
“Luke Frosworth. Nice to meet you, Griff.”
“Entertain an old man and tell me what you’re up to with your travels.”
“I’m flying to Denver to meet with a client.”
“What’s your line of work?”
“Investment banker.” He looked uncertain what it was. I continued. “Basically, I help people make a lot of money.”
“You a p
raying man?”
“Yes, sir.”
Placing a hand on my shoulder, he said, “I want to pray over you. If that’s all right?”
“Of course.”
Bowing our heads, he led.
“God, I want to ask You to help Luke find Your will in his life. We also pray for the meeting to go well with his client. We pray these things in Your name, Amen.”
Lifting my gaze, I said, “Thank you. You a pastor?”
He shook his head. “No, not at all. Just a follower of Christ. I felt prompted to pray with you and I try to never ignore a prompting.”
“That’s a solid philosophy, Griff.” Thinking about Hannah, whom I hadn’t spoken to but thought of often, I decided to pick his brain since we had a fair amount of time sitting beside each other. I knew seeking counsel was always wise, and I had been thinking of her a lot this afternoon when I had passed a street vendor selling shrimp jambalaya. Over the last six and a half months, I had kept my distance, but I thought of her often.
“Mind if I ask you about something? For advice from one Christian to another?”
He broke into a large grin. “Now this is getting good. What’s on your heart, kid?”
“So, there’s a girl.”
“Of course,” he said, slowly nodding and urging me to go on.
“And she’s living on a ranch with my dad. We kind of hit it off when we first met, but she needed space after learning about my past and meeting my ex-wife. I’m thinking it’s because of past hurts that she’s been through that she’s kind of hung up on wanting more. I’m just wondering if I should try to pursue her again or not.”
“I’ve been married for over fifty-one years. If there’s one thing I’ve learned about women, it’s this. They’re emotional and their feelings can change on a dime. God gives us a help-mate, not a robot who does whatever we want them to do. Each of us comes to a marriage with a problem. But it’s not what you think. It’s not just emotional baggage from previous failed relationships or how they were raised and the results thereof. We each come to marriage as a broken and sin-filled human being. As husbands, it’s our job to love our wives like Christ loves the church. That means regardless of the other person’s shortcomings. I’m rambling. My apologies. Listen. If you and this gal have the same sort of values when it comes to life, for example, your faith, you ought to talk to her. Maybe she’ll come around? You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.”