The New David Espinoza

by Fred Aceves

  Alpha makes a move to close the door when his eyes go round again. “Launchpad!”

  Uh oh.

  Mateo, better known as Launchpad, has no filter. Alpha has to remind the guy not to talk about gear at the gym or to keep his booming voice down, at least. At 6'1" and close to four hundred pounds, he’s equal parts fat and muscular. Powerlifters like him are all about being strong as possible, not looking good.

  He usually comes to the gym much later in the day, so I’ve only seen him a few times. “Happy birthday, Alpha,” he says, as calm as he’d say hello to a store clerk.

  Launch hugs Alpha, lifting him up in the air like nothing.

  Please don’t mention gear. Please don’t mention gear.

  Tower appears in the doorway, walking in slow motion. “Happy birthday, brother,” he says.

  He’s in shorts for the first time and his new calves look amazing. All round and natural. At least from the side they do. He heads straight to the couch, wincing with pain. I move outta the way so he can collapse into it. The doctor said he’d need two weeks to fully recover and he’s barely passed one week.

  Alpha says, “You’re supposed to be resting.”

  “I wouldn’t miss your birthday for the world,” he says.

  He gives me a fist bump and says hi to Karina.

  Alpha peeks outside before closing the door. I guess that’s it. Four more people for Karina to meet instead of just Alpha. More possibility someone might let my secret loose.

  Rassle comes back from the kitchen to offer Karina a handshake and introduces himself. “I meant to call the two guys bitches, not you,” he clarifies in his southern accent.

  “That’s okay. I’m Karina.” She glances at his right bicep before letting go of his hand. “What’s that on your arm?”

  “Aw this?” He looks at it. “A gator tooth.”

  He describes how the alligator got loose at this wrestling show in GatorWorld. How it slipped underwater for a second before coming back up to clamp the tip of its jaws on Rassle. The guy never tires of telling the story.

  “Is that your pretty lady, Little Man?” Launch gives me a fist bump before shaking Karina’s hand too. “Nice to meet you, Karina. I’m Launchpad, or just plain Launch.”

  “Something tells me that’s not what it says on your birth certificate.”

  He cracks a smile, showing a tiny gap between the top front teeth, and I know what’s coming. An explanation. Why can’t everybody leave their oddball stuff to themselves today? I’m trying to convince Karina that I’m fine, that my living arrangements are fine. That my gym and bodybuilding lifestyle is fine.

  These guys are messing me up.

  Launch tells that he got the nickname when he first worked as a bouncer in an Ybor nightclub.

  “I used to literally throw out guys when they fought or were about to.”

  “What do you mean?” Karina asks, her face sort of scrunched. It’s like she’s unable to process all the weirdness. She was getting to know one monster gains guy, and three more showed up.

  “I worked with him,” Alpha announces, a big smile on his face. “He’d toss them into the air, usually by the back of their belts, so that they’d land in the middle of Seventh Avenue.”

  Launch laughs and pops open a beer. “Your gains are sick, David. Are you at the end of your cycle now?”

  I ignore the pang of fear so I can play this off somehow, but what the fuck is wrong with Alpha and Rassle looking at each other and then looking away? They should act cool. “Cycle” can mean anything. Like what, for instance? I think fast.

  “Yep, I’m almost done with my workout cycle,” I say. “Next week I start a new routine. All new exercises.”

  Launch blinks and looks at Rassle and Alpha.

  “I’m firing up the grill!” Rassle announces, saving us all.

  “Come, Launch,” Alpha says. “You’re the best at getting the charcoal burning.”

  All three of them leave. I look at Karina, who’s unfazed. My quick thinking worked.

  Jake cracks open his own beer.

  Karina says, “I’m guessing your nickname is Clark.”

  “Me, Clark?” he asks, not getting the reference. “I’m Jake.”

  For the first time I realize he isn’t a fan of the Superman comic, the TV shows, or the movies. He just sees himself as a super man, and wants others to see him in the same way.

  “Aaahh!” Tower groans in pain.

  It makes Karina and me jump.

  He’s getting up to join Jake and the others in the backyard.

  “These calf implants hurt like hell.”

  He takes his time walking over there and you can see the blue stitches in a long line, running the length of his calves. They look great. Thick and natural.

  Karina studies his calves as he leaves, her face blank. I wonder what she’s thinking, but glad she’s not saying her thoughts out loud.

  Then she gets up. “I should get going.”

  “What do you mean?” I ask, relieved. I don’t like the idea of her hanging out with the guys.

  “This is a guys’ party.” She turns to me to add in a lower voice, “You stay and celebrate with your friends, and I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  She flashes the sweetest smile and gives me a quick kiss before I know what to say.

  “Um, yeah, sure—if you’re sure.”

  But something about the way she walks out, the smile already gone from her face, tells me she might not be okay with this.

  By the time I head to the backyard, where the grill is already burning, and the guys are laughing and having fun, I realize today’s mission has been accomplished already. The point of today was to cheer Alpha up, and I haven’t seen him this happy in weeks.

  19

  Seven days until school begins

  I’M ROLLING a coat of white paint on the back wall of Iron Life, which makes the other three walls and columns look even dirtier. Two professionals are doing the harder work—fixing up the outside of the building. They’ve already hidden away the exposed wiring and replaced bare light bulbs with rectangles of fluorescent light.

  I wanted the extra money so Alpha is letting me do the work that doesn’t require a professional. After painting the wall, I’ll re-vinyl the older equipment to match the red-and-black new equipment, which includes the cardio area in the corner.

  I could’ve lived in this gym, before the renovations, so I’ll be falling in love more with every change that’s made. There’s nothing better than hanging in the place that’s responsible for my great physique. I can’t think of a better place to work; in fact, nothing I’d like to do more than be a licensed personal trainer. That’s my career plan now, to transform guys from chumps to champs. I’d be working for myself and eventually I could even open my own gym.

  I’ve forgotten about college, which I know most seniors will be obsessing over once school starts. What to major in, where to go, not to mention all those hours studying for the SATs.

  I dip the roller in the paint and keep going, thrilled to be a part of the renovations. With a fresh new look Iron Life will attract more members, even girls.

  “So this is where the magic happens.”

  I didn’t mean it would attract girls right this moment. I didn’t mean Karina.

  “What are you doing here?”

  “I thought I’d surprise you,” she says, her voice all joy. “I have my mom’s car today.”

  My hands are smeared with paint so I just stand there. She grabs my face to plant a kiss on me. I figured we’d hang out today, since we didn’t get a chance to yesterday, but I was thinking in the evening. It’s just past four.

  “Alpha told me you can finish painting later,” Karina says. “And you owe me because we didn’t hang out yesterday.”

  He’s talking to one of the renovators outside.

  “Yeah, sure,” I say. “Can I choose the place?”

  On our way to the movies, Karina sings along with a few lines of a song I haven’
t heard before. The only music I’ve heard this summer is my hip-hop workout playlists or the high-energy songs coming from the two gym speakers.

  I’m glad Karina was down with my idea to go to the movies. Nobody goes on Mondays, so Karina and I will sit among empty seats in the dark. Later we’ll get something to eat, as we were going to do yesterday, where there’s sure to be more people.

  Next week I’ll be officially out in the world. But until then, I wanna take it slow, take baby steps to being out in public with kids my age again.

  These normal clothes have me feeling weird. My jeans, usually a bit loose, hug my ass and thighs. This size medium T-shirt that used to hang on my skinny frame now fits snug on my shoulders and chest. It’s the first time this summer that I’ve worn them or anything else that isn’t grease-stained or for working out.

  Weirdest of all is that Karina is driving. We usually take my dad’s car. I don’t know what it is about being in the passenger seat that makes me feel less than a man. It’s stupid, I know, but I can’t help it.

  Of course you’re less than a man. You saw how small you were in the mirror when you were changing.

  I did feel small. Now I remind myself that I can’t be. The way these clothes fit me now are the proof.

  Karina turns down the stereo. “Is it okay for me to say I’m worried about you?”

  “Why would you be worried about me?”

  “Because I met all your friends yesterday, and let me tell you . . .”

  But she doesn’t say anything else. Just shakes her head in disbelief.

  “They’re more like Alpha’s friends. I know they’re weird, but they’re okay.”

  “They’re all on steroids, David, and I think you are too.” She keeps her eyes on the road while saying this.

  “Why do you think that?” I ask, all innocent.

  “That’s what cycle means. I’ve been looking into it, because, I don’t know . . .”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Zillions of guys take nutritional supplements and don’t get so big so quickly. So I looked into it, did some research. You’ve been so desperate to completely transform yourself, as you say. Also, your friends all take them.”

  “They’re not my friends, Karina. Just some guys from the gym. Besides, why would I take them just because they do?”

  “‘Dime con quien andas,’ my mom says, ‘y te diré quien eres.’”

  My mom used to say the same thing, always reminding me that we become the people we hang out with. Is that true though? In my case I wanted to get big before I met Alpha.

  Can’t Karina just accept my new body without worrying how I got it? The problem is that she remembers the skinny twerp. I wish I could be who I am without also carrying the history of who I was.

  If only those guys hadn’t shown up yesterday . . . If only Launch could keep his stupid mouth shut.

  “Can we forget this and have fun?” I ask.

  She sighs. “Yeah . . . sure.”

  But the way she says it, hesitant and with a pause between those two words, tells me she’s only willing to let it go for now.

  Sirena Movie Theater comes into view. Over half the spaces are full. Like it’s the weekend instead of a Monday.

  “What’s going on here?” I ask.

  “Mondays are two for one this summer.”

  Half off tickets means I save ten bucks—that’s almost one injection of Winstrol, which I’ll be running for my next cycle. So that’s good, but still.

  “You knew about this?”

  A smile sneaks onto her face. “Hey, you’re the one who wanted to go to the movies.”

  When we’re lined up outside to buy tickets, I check out the people waiting. Nobody from Culler High. It’s a young crowd though, kids from nearby Rivera High, maybe the college too, with one couple probably over thirty. All the guys are average chumps, which makes me swell with pride. I stand tall, confident that I look great.

  Done sizing up the guys, I now look at the girls who are all in shorts, and other skimpy clothes that make me happy to live in Florida.

  A tall one seems like she might be hotter than Karina. On second thought, I decide it’s pretty much a tie.

  The winding ticket line moves up and the tall girl now faces me from the opposite end. She stops chewing her gum when she sees me. Does a slow double take before looking away for good.

  Can’t blame her. The guy she’s with is extra chumpy—a pretty boy, but with the bony physique of a tall ten-year-old.

  “Not the horror movie,” Karina says, snapping me back into the moment.

  All summer I’ve been thinking about my body, and I’ve only taken a break from that to think about other people’s bodies. For two hours I wanna think about something else. All of a sudden I’m glad we’re at the movies.

  Karina checks out the listings on the display. “I assume Forest Killer is a horror movie.”

  “Okay,” I say, and notice another movie to veto. “And no to Forever Together. That’s a cheeseball romance for sure.”

  “Actually, if ‘forever’ is literal, it could be about vampires.”

  “Good point,” I say, laughing. “It might be the opposite of a romance. Maybe it’s about a gang of vampires who prey on people in love.”

  But an image of the movie slides onto the screen: a smiling bride and groom looking into each other’s eyes.

  We consider the four other movies showing.

  Some couples take turns choosing the movie. They sit together in the theater, one person enjoying it while the other one suffers, looking forward to the next time. But that’s not how Karina and I roll.

  We decide on a comedy about high school.

  As skinny pretty boy pays for two tickets, his hot girlfriend comes into view again. Her gaze wanders before falling on me. Yep, she’s definitely a fan of the new David. And yep, she’s hotter than Karina.

  Alpha has been saying, “More girls than you’ll know what to do with, bro,” and maybe he’s right.

  I watch her walk toward the entrance, those legs so firm and tan under that skirt.

  “You’re going to drool all over your shoes.” Karina is holding her cupped hands under my chin.

  I act dumb. “What are you talking about?”

  She inches up the aisle without a word. When I join her and lean in for a kiss, she turns her face away.

  “A kiss won’t save you,” she says. “Why were you gawking at that girl?”

  Because at the moment I have supercharged horniness because of all the extra testosterone in my body. But because of the first and only rule of Gear Club, all I say is “Sorry.”

  After hiding from the world for so long, maybe I’ve forgotten the rules. You steal glances rather than look directly. You only do that once or twice. Gawking is not okay.

  We step inside with our tickets. The video games by the entrance ding and zap, playing soundtracks of cheesy music. Past them is the Candy Mix station, about twenty bins full of colorful sugared treats. A few people are filling up tiny bags.

  We’re walking by the snack bar when Karina comes to a stop. The warm buttery smell of popcorn is a strong temptation, but I’m stronger.

  “No popcorn for me,” I say, “but I’ll get you some.”

  “We always get popcorn,” she says, like I’m breaking a rule.

  It’s true that we’ve always gotten popcorn. A large popcorn with two drinks. She loves popcorn and so do I. So much that I shove it into my mouth in fistfuls. But I can’t have it.

  “It’s not muscle fuel,” I remind Karina.

  “Popcorn, just this once, won’t make your muscles shrink.”

  Something has ahold of my pant leg. I look down and see a tiny fist belonging to a four-year-old boy with a bowl haircut. What the hell?

  I scan the room and spot Rogelio from the gym about fifteen feet away. He’s in line with a woman and a little girl. A second later he notices me and hurries over, smiling, to get this kid, who must be his son.

/>   The boy sees his dad, lets go of my jeans, glances up at me, and starts bawling.

  How could I ever believe that Rogelio had a perfect physique? He’s not skinny or anything, but he’s nowhere near big enough.

  He scoops the boy up to hug him. “Everything is okay,” he says, bouncing the boy in his arms. Laughs as if to show just how fine everything is.

  I’m wearing dark blue jeans, just like Rogelio’s. The kid mixed us up.

  It’s sort of awkward seeing Rogelio in the real world. I remember the day we met, my first visit to the gym, how we both knew which guys were on steroids. Now he sees me lifting and hanging with them. It’s a little uncomfortable is all I’m saying.

  We make the introductions all around as I steal glances at his shoulders, chest, and arms. He’s gained some size since we first met, yep, but he’s still not big enough.

  “Let me ask you something, Rogelio,” Karina says. “Will you be eating any of the snacks your wife is buying?”

  I look over at the counter, where a large popcorn and a box of Milk Duds sits as the cashier fills drinks.

  “Sure,” he says, not understanding. The boy is finally calm in his arms.

  Karina flashes me a satisfied smile. “Yet he also goes to the gym and seems to be in great shape.”

  Great? That’s a stretch. He’s been working out since forever, and I just started this summer, so I’m not impressed. But Karina is being nice—and trying to make a point.

  Rogelio laughs. “Too many fitness people see food as good or bad. They’re happy with themselves when they eat healthy and feel guilty when they don’t. You end up developing an unhealthy relationship with food.”

  “Exactly!” Karina says, unable to contain her excitement. “That’s exactly how it is.”

  It’s the whole brownie conversation we had. And yes, I did feel guilty. But that’s the champion mentality at work. Guys like Alpha and I go further, are willing to do whatever it takes. If it were easy to achieve greatness, everybody would. Clearly, Rogelio doesn’t have the discipline it takes.