Reasonable Insanity

by Cynthia Freeman Gibbs

  “Hey guys, hold on a minute, and we’ll be right back.” Olivia’s heels tapped on the sidewalk when she darted after Savvy. “Hey, wait up.”

  Against Savvy’s better judgment, she let out a loud sigh and turned around to face Olivia. “What?”

  “I promise you. This will be fun. You have to trust me and not worry about these guys. I mean, come on, see how cute he is? His friend looks good, too. Only this one time. I Girl Scout Promise you, I’ll never ask you to do this again.” Olivia held three fingers in the air in commitment.

  Savvy side-eyed Olivia and shook her head. “I don’t know why you want to do this. My gut doesn’t feel good about them at all.”

  “You don’t have to worry.” Olivia used her most soothing voice to convince her to change her mind. She looped her arm through Savvy’s and tugged gently on it.

  The excitement on Olivia’s face was starting to overshadow the voices of her parents telling her to use common sense.

  Against her better judgment, Savvy let Olivia lead her to where this random stranger opened the back door like a limo chauffeur. “I’m telling you, I don’t like this,” Savvy warned through clenched teeth.

  “See, I’m the perfect gentleman,” he said, extending his hand to Olivia to help her slide into the rear seat. He stuck his hand out to Savvy who huffed and brushed past him to scoot in next to her.

  Once he closed the door, Savvy noticed a funny smell in the car. She couldn’t quite recognize the odor. It mingled with the scent from the stack of Christmas tree air fresheners hanging from the rearview mirror. She nervously inspected her surroundings and noticed a 40-ounce bottle of Olde English in the driver’s cup holder.

  The driver turned around to check out the girls. He wore a Miami Heat hat pulled low on his face, almost covering his eyes. He flashed a bright, white, Colgate smile at Savvy and said, “Girl, you sho’ look nice in your short blue dress. I see you with your curves in all the right places. You know you got some cute dimples. I would love to put my tongue in your dimple.” Savvy didn’t reply as she turned and looked out the window.

  “Ladies, welcome to party central. Let’s get it started,” the other guy said and cranked the music to the point where it made Savvy’s liver quiver from the woofers in the back trunk. The whole car shook from the bass in the music, which could break the windows from being louder than necessary.

  The driver showed off the hydraulics on his lowrider by raising and dropping it several times. Savvy’s head hit the ceiling from the jolting car. She grabbed a strap above the window to hang on with one hand and tried to soothe the top of her head with the other. She thought the bouncing around would make her sick or she would surely go deaf from the loud music.

  Seeing Olivia with a huge smile, made her want to slap it from her face. She couldn’t believe her excitement about being with these guys. Olivia bopped her head to the music as if she did this every day.

  Scared to death, Savvy fastened her seatbelt, then gripped the seat in front of her to keep her head from hitting the ceiling again. Her eyes opened wide in fear when she mouthed at Olivia, “We need to get out of here.”

  Olivia mouthed back, “Chill out and relax,” and kept moving her head to the music. She swung her Janet Jackson waterfall hairdo back and forth as if she were on stage performing.

  The driver finally stopped playing with the hydraulics. He crept along the street slower than the speed limit. Savvy noticed how people driving past them stared, some in awe and others in anger because of the loud music and slow pace.

  Okay, okay. I’ve got to calm down. Maybe, Olivia's right. I’m probably worrying for no reason. Savvy’s heart stopped racing, and she began to relax slightly after taking a few deep, shaky breaths. She decided to do her best to enjoy hanging with these good-looking guys if she could convince herself it wouldn’t be bad after all.

  Olivia smiled at her and gave her the thumbs up when she calmed down. Savvy opened her mouth to ask Olivia about the party when the cute guy pulled out what appeared to be a funny shaped cigar.

  He lit it with a cigarette lighter at the same time he puffed softly with his luscious lips. He held the smoke in his chest before leaning his head back to exhale. He took a deeper, slower drag before passing it to the driver who did the same thing and gave it back to him.

  The funny smell Savvy noticed faintly earlier, now filled the air and made her dizzy. The cute guy turned around in his seat with the cigar in his right hand after taking another drag. He started talking and held the smoke in his chest. Puffs of smoke swirled from his mouth and nose. “Hey ladies, y’all wanna hit this blunt?”

  Savvy’s eyes bugged out and shouted above the music, “What’s a blunt? I don’t smoke nothin’. Plus, I have asthma and your stuff stinks.” She coughed from the smoke, which made her chest hurt.

  Olivia laughed and yelled, “She knows what a blunt is. We don’t wanna hit it right now though. Y’all go ahead and enjoy it between the two of you. We’re good.”

  The cute guy gazed at them with half-closed bloodshot eyes and shook his head. He blew the smoke out slowly through his lips before he took another long drag on the blunt and passed it to the driver. He took a big swig from the 40-ounce bottle and wiped his mouth off with the back of his hand.

  Savvy whispered to Olivia, “What’s a blunt?”

  Olivia whispered back, “Marijuana.”

  Shaking her head several times in disbelief, Savvy exclaimed, “Marijuana? You mean like weed? I don’t do drugs. Get me outta this car.”

  Olivia pleaded with Savvy. “Will you chill out Savvy? Just chill.”

  I’m going to die in this car from choking to death. Savvy lowered the window and the wind whipped through her hair. She stuck her head out to capture deep gulps of air into her choking lungs. Olivia tugged to pull her back in. “Chill out, Savvy,” she said firmly.

  Savvy reluctantly rolled her window to the top and flopped back on the seat. She drew in short breaths to limit the smoke getting into her lungs.

  The driver lowered the volume of the music when they passed Frenchtown. “Hey Doobie, pass me the Glock from the glove compartment.”

  “Here you go, Smack.” Doobie passed a gun to the driver. He pulled out another weapon and started loading it with bullets.

  “You know these cats usually hang out right here on this corner, man. We gotta be ready,” Smack said and took the gun when they approached Adams Street.

  “What the hell?” Savvy yelled. Oh, Lawd. We’re about to die. My mama and daddy are going to hear on the news that their baby girl was involved in a gang drive-by shooting. I’m going to be dead.

  “Keep cool, Savvy,” Olivia had crazy excitement on her face. “It’s gonna be fine. Ain’t nothing about to happen in here.”

  “Yeah baby, listen to your friend,” Doobie said and scanned the area. “We have some bizness to handle. Quit stressin’ and relax, baby.”

  “Oh no. I’m not the one to be in a car where y’all passing guns around like you’re about to shoot up someplace. Get me the hell out of here,” Savvy yelled, reaching for the door.

  Olivia grabbed her arm, pulling her toward her. “Don’t you know you’re about to jump out of a moving car?”

  Savvy’s eyes showed her terror, and she continued to grip the door handle. “You got us into this mess, and you’d better get us out. Otherwise, yes, I’m jumping.”

  “All right, fine. We’re by the bus station, and we can get them to drop us off to catch the bus the rest of the way.” Olivia shook her head in disappointment. She tapped Doobie on the shoulder. “Hey, thanks for the ride. We’re gonna get out here. Can you drop us off?”

  “Let you out? I thought y’all wanted to party?” Doobie turned around and fixated on Olivia. “Y’all scared of guns or something?”

  “Hell yeah. I’m scared of guns. I’m not trying to die tonight,” Savvy yelled.

  Olivia laughed. “Naw. We ain’t scared. We figured we don’t want to miss the party. There’s a bus leavin
g from here we can ride to FAMU. Y’all go handle your business, and we’ll catch you later.”

  Doobie said something to Smack, and he pulled to the station.

  Olivia took out a piece of paper and a pen from her purse and wrote out her phone number. She leaned across the back of the seat and handed it to Doobie. She batted her eyelashes and told him, “Call me, and we can get together sometime.”

  Olivia opened her door and gracefully exited. Savvy scooted across the seat, frantically trying to scramble to freedom. Savvy’s heart beat rapidly making her body weak and barely able to stand.

  “All right baby, have it your way.” Doobie leaned out the window and licked those lips again. “I’ll call you later.” They drove off, turning on a street in the opposite direction of FAMU.

  “I’m done with you right now,” Savvy yelled at Olivia and stomped her foot on the pavement. Her hands clenched into fists to the point her nails dug painfully into her palms. “You could’ve gotten us killed tonight.”

  Olivia laughed until she had to hold her stomach to keep it from hurting. “You’re hilarious.”

  “There’s nothing funny,” Savvy shouted. “What the hell is funny to you?”

  “I wish you could’ve seen your face when we were in the car.” Olivia continued to laugh. “You were scared. I can’t believe you thought something bad would happen.”

  “What’s wrong with you?” Savvy asked with disbelief. “Didn’t you see they were passing marijuana cigars and guns around and saying stuff about handling business with someone? They were about to do a drive-by or something. I think they were drug dealers.”

  “No, they weren’t. Now your imagination is getting the best of you.” Olivia stopped laughing and peered at Savvy. “They had guns for their protection and knew we were going past a bad part of town. I’m okay, and you’re okay.”

  Savvy shook her head. Where in the world did Lil’ Bud find Olivia? Her head ain’t screwed on right or something.

  “Look, I know this seemed crazy but, you have to admit, it woke you up. Right? Doobie is C-U-T-E. Cute.” Olivia snapped her fingers and tap-danced on the sidewalk.

  Savvy had to admit he was a cutie pie. Still, she shouldn’t have pulled her into this mess. Something about Olivia’s enthusiasm for adventure made her feel a twinge of excitement amidst her anger.

  “Girl, don’t you ever do this to me again. I’ll never go anywhere with you for the rest of my life,” Savvy snapped at Olivia.

  “Don’t worry. Now I can check hitchhiking off my list of things to do in college. Let’s catch this next bus heading to FAMU. We can still make the party.”

  Savvy sighed and couldn’t believe her ears when she said “Okay,” and followed Olivia to the bus. Who is this Olivia and what am I getting into by hanging with her? Her friends often teased her about being dry and boring. She knew she had to stay out of trouble and uphold her family’s name. Perhaps Olivia is the kind of friend I need to get some excitement in my world. It couldn’t hurt, could it?

  CHAPTER 2

  Olivia chuckled as she thought about the events of last night. Savvy would be fun to go to parties with if she loosened up.

  The Omega party turned out to be fun, and they had a good time. Olivia and Savvy had given their phone numbers to a couple of fine Ques. They stayed out until after three in the morning, and she barely made it to class by ten o’clock. She’d had to struggle to focus on her professor for two hours.

  Now, she had an appointment with her psychologist, which she’d decided to see after dealing with her family issues. This visit would be her third time since she moved to Tallahassee.

  After parking her car, Olivia took her time walking into the building. She knew that this appointment was long overdue, especially with the way she was bordering on a breakdown.

  Olivia liked coming to Dr. Hughes’ office. The whole environment was warm and inviting. Colorful, African paintings hung on the orange walls. There were huge, Kente cloth pillows on a cream-colored sofa and chairs in the reception area.

  Shortly after the receptionist checked Olivia in, the nurse escorted her back to wait in Dr. Hughes’s office.

  “Dr. Hughes will be right with you. Feel free to check out the magazines on the table,” the nurse said before leaving the room.

  Olivia searched through the stack of Essence, Jet, Travel, and Reader’s Digest magazines. She found Ebony magazine and began flipping through it until Dr. Hughes opened the door and greeted her with a smile.

  “Hello, Olivia. It’s good to see you again.”

  Olivia stood to hug her. She towered over the doctor’s short, petite frame. “Hi, Dr. Hughes. Thank you for getting me in on such short notice. I feel kind of down and needed to talk to someone before I lose my mind.”

  “Have a seat and tell me what’s going on.” Dr. Hughes had the kindest eyes, which showed concern when she focused on Olivia.

  Olivia sank into the soft sofa. “Today would’ve been my brother’s birthday.” She took a deep breath, fighting back tears. Whenever she talked about Noah, she had to struggle to keep it together. But she knew she had to get this off her chest.

  “Oh, tell me about him,” Dr. Hughes said, sitting down in the chair across from Olivia.

  “My brother committed suicide at age twenty-two,” Olivia paused and took a deep breath before continuing. “I heard my Mom and Dad talking about the fact that he was bipolar and schizophrenic, but he refused to take his medication. I remember him telling me he heard voices in his head. He got mad when he couldn’t make them go away. We had a great relationship when he used his medication.”

  A single tear wet her cheek.

  Dr. Hughes reached over to pass her a tissue. Olivia crinkled it in her hand and dabbed her face. “It’s okay. I see he meant a lot to you,” Dr. Hughes said.

  The single tear found friends and began a cascade down her face. “I loved him more than I love myself.” Olivia cried. “My mother acted like she didn’t believe his diagnosis and thought he would grow out of it eventually. She treated him so harshly as if he could change if he tried hard enough. He never did because he couldn’t. If only she realized he needed more help.” Olivia’s sadness turned to anger.

  Dr. Hughes waited patiently to allow Olivia to work through her emotions. “On New Year’s Eve in 1985, my mother found him hanging in his bedroom closet with the belt she gave to him for Christmas. He killed himself, and it’s all her fault,” she cried.

  Olivia stood and paced the room. “But you know, he’s not the only person in my family to commit suicide.” She stopped mid-step and thought pensively.

  “My grandfather also committed suicide right after my mother celebrated her sixteenth birthday. He set their house on fire to kill my grandmother, my mom, aunt, and uncle. All of them were in it. He ended up being the only one who died. The rest escaped unharmed.”

  “It’s tragic to have other family members who have taken their lives. I can see why you are having difficulties regarding these incidences Olivia.”

  “Dr. Hughes, it isn’t even everything. My parents fight all the time and often threaten to kill each other or themselves. When this happens, Mother grabs a vial of my brother’s cremated ashes from her dresser and holds them in my dad’s face. She threatens to end her life the same way my brother did. Dad tells her to do it and don’t make a mess in the house. Can you believe that?” Olivia asked incredulously.

  Dr. Hughes nodded her head. “What concerns do you have when you think about this type of behavior in your family?”

  “I wonder if this is hereditary. I mean, am I going to be someone who commits suicide instead of dealing with problems in my life? If so, what do I need to do to keep this from happening?” Olivia plopped back into her seat and closed her eyes, stressed out from the thought.

  “Olivia, the act of suicide is not hereditary. It is a choice made by your brother and grandfather. There are some studies which show bipolar disorder and schizophrenia tend to run in families. Researchers
believe there may be a genetic disposition for this disease,” Dr. Hughes said. “You do not have either of these disorders.”

  Olivia hesitated, letting the doctor’s words sink in. “Thank you for telling me I’m okay today. I tell you, Dr. Hughes, my family is enough to make anyone batty.” Olivia sighed. “Do I have time to tell you some of the other crazy stuff that’s happened in my family?”

  “Yes, we have plenty of time. What else is on your mind?”

  She leaned forward, anxious to share stories she hadn’t shared with anyone else. “So, I have this sister, Sheree. She has got to be the worst person ever, other than my mother. There’s no doubt in my mind she’s mentally ill. We’ve never gotten along, and she always picks fights with me. My parents accuse me of being the agitator, and I’m the one who gets punished. Not her.” Olivia talked through clenched teeth.

  “They treat her like a queen, and me like I’m the runt of our family. Do you know my parents never came to any of my track meets? I was the anchor on my high school relay team. I was a star athlete and popular because I was the fastest runner. They never saw me run during those four years. Never even acknowledged the trophies and medals I brought home. They were too busy putting Sheree in beauty pageants and going everywhere with her instead.” Olivia’s nose flared. She hated the hate that she had for her sister, but it was very real.

  “Why do you think your parents treated you differently?”

  “Well, for one thing, Sheree is light-skinned and has long brown hair and green eyes. She looks like a younger version of Vanessa Williams. You know, the one who used to be Miss America? Whenever a dark-skinned person appeared on TV or in a magazine, Sheree would point out they were dark and ugly, like me. If they were light-skinned, she said they were pretty, like her.” Olivia sighed and gazed out the window.

  “I think my parents feel the same way. They always tell Sheree she’s beautiful and how much they love her,” Olivia said, not bothering to hide her sarcasm. “They hug and kiss her all the time. With me, they only pat me on the head and never tell me I’m pretty or they love me.