Reasonable Insanity

by Cynthia Freeman Gibbs

  The tears splattered her cheeks, spilling onto the keyboard from the thoughts consuming her.

  Rage replaced Olivia’s tears. Red dots formed in front of her eyes, and her head throbbed at the temples. She jumped from the chair and ran up the winding staircase two steps at a time to their bedroom.

  Slinging the bedroom closet door open, she pulled out Malcolm’s nylon bag of clothes to be dry cleaned. Frantically fumbling with the bag, she dropped to her knees on the hardwood floor without wincing from the pain.

  She started pulling his clothes out to check every item. After searching through the first pair of slacks, she didn’t find anything. She threw them aside. In the next pair, she wiggled her fingers around in one of the back pockets and felt a piece of paper. Pulling it out, she read that it is a parking lot receipt for the St. Andrew’s hotel from two Thursdays ago. She checked the time stamp and it read 11:07 am.

  Olivia drew in a sharp breath, recalling that day perfectly. That was the day she’d asked Malcolm to meet her at the school for a conference with Christian’s teacher at noon. He’d arrived late and his hair was wet. He smelled like something sweet and not like the soap at the gym, but she didn’t say anything so they could focus on the discussion with the teacher.

  Olivia continued to dig through his clothes and grabbed a pair of jeans. She tore into the front pockets and found nothing. In the back, she found a yellow receipt from Farmington’s Steakhouse.

  There was a purchase of three glasses of White Zinfandel, three margaritas, four appetizers, and a dessert during Happy Hour. Malcolm loved margaritas with Grand Marnier and she noticed there were three extra shots of Grand Marnier on the receipt.

  Olivia fell from her knees and sat on the floor exhausted with emotion. She leaned her head against the wall and closed her eyes. This was the same night that Malcolm claimed he needed to work late. Olivia had been furious because he’d promised Simone that he would be at her game, and he hadn’t shown up.

  Olivia held her pounding head in deep thought. Her temples throbbed from anger building inside her mind. Simone kept scanning the stands that night. She had such a look of disappointment. She cried the entire car ride home after the game.

  Olivia slammed her fist into her hand repeatedly with each recovered thought. Malcolm had been in the shower when they’d made it home after the game. Even though Olivia had gone off on him, he’d ignored her, walked down to Simone’s room, promised her they’d go for ice cream later, then came back, got in bed and started snoring like he didn’t have a care in the world.

  Olivia struggled to swallow the lump in her throat caused by her repulsion with Malcolm. She hadn’t experienced pain to this extent since she’d been beaten up in college by Isabella and the other girl. At this point, she would prefer the physical injury instead of the emotional damage to her heart.

  The urge to run to the kitchen hit her. Olivia needed to regain the control she’d lost in that moment. I can eat everything in the pantry. I know something will help. Maybe, I need to gain weight to get him to love me. I need to be what he wants me to be. I’m too skinny and black. He’s cheating because of the way I look. I gotta do something.

  Defeated, she began to sob uncontrollably. Olivia weakly pushed herself onto her feet and leaned against the wall to keep from falling. Her stomach wretched and she fought the desire to vomit. With her arms wrapped around herself, she began to rock back and forth in agony. “No. No. Oh, God. Please. Please. Take this away from me. Wake me up. Don’t let this be real. Why? Why? Why is this happening? I’ve done everything You told me to do. This isn’t fair. I can’t live like this. I’d be better off dead. Just kill me now God. I don’t want this. Please help me,” she wailed. Tears poured from her eyes with the screams leaving her lips.

  CHAPTER 44

  Savvy toweled off after finishing her workout at the gym. Her cell phone rang in her purse. She fished it out and noticed Olivia’s name on the screen.

  “Hey, Girl. Whassup?” Savvy asked breathlessly and wiped her face.

  “Savvy. Savvy. I can’t believe this. I can’t believe this is happening,” Olivia cried into the phone.

  “Olivia. What is it? I can’t understand you. Calm down.” Savvy tried to comprehend her words.

  “It’s Malcolm. I can’t believe this.” Olivia continued to wail on the phone.

  “What happened to Malcolm? Has he been in an accident? Is he okay?” Savvy questioned. “Try to breathe and tell me what’s going on.”

  Olivia gulped and took a few deep breaths. “I wish he had been in an accident. It would’ve been better than this.”

  “You don’t mean that. Tell me, what happened.”

  “I found out Malcolm is cheating on me with at least two women,” Olivia exclaimed.

  “Are you sure?” Savvy asked. “Why do you think he’s cheating on you?”

  “I read it on the computer. He’s been on a dating website called Large Luscious Latina Ladies Love Black Men. He has a profile where he claims to be single with no kids. He’s been seeing one of them for at least four months and is about to meet another one this weekend.” Olivia wailed without taking a breath.

  “What?” Savvy put her fingers in air quotations. “Mr., I am the King of African-American pride, himself? He doesn’t even like seeing interracial couples. I remember how furious he was at the Fiesta parade after seeing a black man with a white woman standing in front of him.”

  “Exactly. And he knows how much it bothers me to see a black man date a Hispanic woman ever since my incident in college,” Olivia cried.

  “Yeah, I remember those crazy girls who jumped you. Wow. I didn’t realize that’s why you can’t stand seeing Hispanic women with black men. Of course, living in San Antonio, there are a lot of mixed couples.”

  “Well, now, he’s denied his family, lied about his age, his job, and is having sex with someone else. I don’t know what to do.” Olivia started to cry again. “What if he gave me an STD? What if I have HIV or AIDS? What am I going to do Savvy? I might die.”

  “Look, Olivia, are you sure he wasn’t just messing around on the computer?” Savvy asked.

  “No. I searched through his clothes and found receipts for a hotel and Happy Hour at times he supposedly would’ve been at the gym or working late. He even missed Simone’s basketball game to be out with this trick.”

  “No, he didn’t,” Savvy exclaimed. “Okay, okay. Try not to get worked up again. Where are the kids and Malcolm right now?”

  “The kids are out with the Hudson’s at SeaWorld. Malcolm is supposedly out playing golf with the guys.” Olivia choked on her words.

  “Okay, I’m coming over right now. We can figure out what’s going on.”

  “No, please don’t come over. I’m a mess. I need some time to myself,” Olivia pleaded.

  “I don’t think you should be alone. I’m on my way,” Savvy stated firmly.

  “I need to absorb all of this in. I called you to hear your voice but, I’m okay,” Olivia said, sounding like she was trying to compose herself.

  “Are you sure you don’t need me to come by right now? I’m leaving the gym at this moment, and I can swing by on my way home.”

  “Please, Savvy. I appreciate you offering to come over. Give me time alone today and you can come by tomorrow once I clear my head. I love you for being there for me.” Olivia sniffled.

  “Okay,” Savvy said hesitantly. “I’m going to call and check on you. Please, don’t do anything crazy. We don’t need another incident like what you did to get back at Ross. Okay?”

  “Don’t worry. I think I want to get in the bed right now and get rid of this headache. It hurts so bad.” Olivia sighed. “Just say a prayer for my family. I don’t know what is about to happen to all of us.”

  “Of course, I’ll pray for you and the family. I’m furious he did this to you. I know you wanted to believe in him. He had better hope I don’t see him on the streets right now.” Savvy fumed. “I know you are torn apart inside and
I’m sorry you are going through this. I feel like I need to be there with you. Is there anything I can do?”

  “I don’t think so. I’ll let you know what I find out when I talk to him. I’ll call you later,” Olivia said wearily.

  “I love you, my friend. Don’t do anything crazy. Please call me for anything.”

  “I will. Bye.” Olivia sighed.

  “Bye,” Savvy said and ended the call. Dear Lord, please let this all be a misunderstanding. I figured he might be cheating, but not like this.

  Savvy sat in her car and thought about going to Olivia’s house anyway to check on her. Since she seemed adamant about needing time to get her head together, Savvy decided to go home instead. That ended up being the biggest mistake she could have ever made.

  CHAPTER 45

  The coldness of the washcloth on Olivia’s eyes did nothing to erase the visions of all she’d seen on the computer screen. Olivia lay restlessly in bed. Her stomach lurched and her mind spun like a merry-go-round. This is a nightmare. I’m going to wake from it at any moment. Unfortunately, this situation was real and not a dream.

  After speaking to Savvy earlier, she called Malcolm eight times. Nothing except his voice message reverberated in her ear. After the last attempt to reach him, she screamed and hurled the phone across the room. The screen cracked when it hit the wall and fell to the hardwood floor.

  Darkness from outside her window seeped into the room and into her body. How long have I been in this bed? Her body ached when she rolled over to squint at the digital clock, which showed 8:09 pm. She groaned once she realized the number of hours since her discovery of Malcolm’s infidelity. The kids would be home soon. She had to pull herself together.

  The washcloth dropped to the floor when she used her wobbly arms and pushed herself up to a seated position. Her legs became like heavy logs when she dangled them on the side of the bed. She eased her feet into her slippers. Pain pounded her temples, causing her to quickly clutch her head. Her head felt like it was about to explode and her stomach growled, reminding her that she hadn’t eaten anything all day.

  Suddenly, an alert dinged from her phone indicating the delivery of a text message. Olivia stood and staggered to where the phone lay on the floor to see if it had come from Malcolm.

  She tried to decipher the message through the cracked screen. The text was from Simone:

  Mom. Can we spend the night with Marley and McKenzie? Having a blast. Mrs. Hudson said we’re going to have pizza. Can we come get our sleeping bags and pjs? Pleeeeeaaaassse Mom.

  The Hudson’s yard adjoined to theirs with a gate allowing access between the yards. The kids could come in through the back door and get their belongings.

  Olivia absentmindedly typed a text message back.

  Sure babe. No problem.

  She called Malcolm’s number again, and again, did not get an answer.

  How can he do this to me? After all I’ve done for him. I’ve been taking care of him all these years and this is how he treats me? I hate him from the depth of my soul. I hate him.

  Olivia stumbled out of her room. She clung to the railing to keep from falling downstairs. She made her way to the wet bar and hung on to the barstool. A bottle of vodka sat on the counter with the top off. Did she really drink a half a bottle of that stuff earlier? No wonder she felt like a train hit her. She drank it on an empty stomach, too. That’s why her head felt like it was split open.

  She groaned and leaned on the counter to keep her balance. Against her better judgment, she snatched the bottle and took a big swig from it. The burn of the white liquid flowed through her throat and into her grumbling belly.

  The grandfather clock in the living room read 8:46 pm when she heard the garage door opening. She could hear the engine of the Escalade as Malcolm pulled in.

  She staggered to the kitchen and flopped onto a chair after turning it to face the door to the garage. Her hands were clammy and cold, yet her body burned like a sauna inside.

  It seemed like a slow-motion picture when she heard Malcolm whistling and jingling his keys. The click from the sound of the door unlocking vibrated throughout the house, along with the ticking of the clock.

  The door opened and Malcolm stopped whistling abruptly when he noticed Olivia glaring at him.

  “Hi, baby,” Malcolm said with surprise on his face. His gym bag hung on his shoulder and he held his cell phone in his hand.

  Olivia didn’t respond to him. Why is his hair wet? I smell honeysuckle. He smells like he just showered with someone else’s soap. That’s not a golf shirt he’s wearing. Why does he have on a dress shirt instead? He never puts on clothes like these when he’s out with the guys. She glared at him with her arms crossed. The tapping of her foot on the floor matched the ticking of the clock in the quiet room.

  “Olivia, are you okay?” Malcolm slowly placed his bag on the floor and his phone on the kitchen island. He kept his eyes on her. “You don’t look well. Have you been drinking?”

  Olivia stood slowly and stared at him. “How dare you ask me if I’ve been drinkin’,” she slurred. “Where’ve you been?”

  “Olivia, you know I’ve been out playing golf with the guys. Afterward, we hung out to have drinks and cigars at the cigar club.” Malcolm peered at her with concern in his eyes. “It’s the same as always, Olivia.”

  “You lie,” Olivia yelled. She jabbed him hard several times in the chest with her finger. “Why’s your hair wet?” She smacked him upside his head.

  “Ouch,” Malcolm yelped and put his hand to head. “Why did you hit me?”

  “You’re a liar,” she yelled at him. “Tell me. Why’s your hair wet when you were only having drinks and cigars?”

  “Olivia, I decided to get a workout in before coming home. I stopped at the gym and took a shower when I finished. Why are you trippin’?”

  “Oh. You were at the gym, huh? After a full day of golf, drinks, and cigars. You expect me to believe you worked out?” Olivia narrowed her eyes to make them thin slits on her face.

  “Look, I don’t know how much drinking you’ve been doing. You need to stop questioning me like this, woman,” Malcolm said angrily.

  “Why didn’t you answer your phone?” Olivia asked through clenched teeth. “I called you a million times and kept getting your voicemail.”

  “Babe, my battery must have died. I didn’t even notice you were calling me,” Malcolm tried to explain.

  Just at that moment, Malcolm’s phone rang. They both stared at it, and then at each other. Time seemed to stand still.

  Suddenly, Olivia ran to the phone and snatched it from the counter. Malcolm jumped toward her and tried to pry it from her hands.

  Olivia managed to pull away from him with a death grip on the phone. She ran into the bathroom in a panic. She managed to slam and lock the solid oak door before Malcolm rammed into it. The door didn’t budge open.

  “Olivia. Give me my phone,” Malcolm yelled and pounded on the door. The door shook but remained closed.

  Olivia ignored him. She stared at the missed call from Mariah. His battery read it had a charge of seventy-eight percent. With her hands sweating and shaking, she hit the call button. A woman answered the phone saying, “Hey, Papi. I miss you already, baby.”

  “Papi, huh? You want to speak to Papi? This. Is. His. Wife. Now you listen to me, you whore. Don’t you ever call this number again,” Olivia screamed into the phone and ended the call. Malcolm was so bold, he even put the woman’s name in his contact list.

  “Olivia. You better give me my phone. Open this door.”

  Olivia ignored Malcolm and frantically examined the apps on his phone. She flicked each page with her thumb until she found his picture gallery and clicked on it.

  Jumping out at her were naked photos of five morbidly obese Hispanic women. They were all in X-rated positions showing every nook and cranny of their bodies, which burned her eyes.

  Olivia gasped out loud in shock when she found six nude pictures of Malcol
m. They were selfies he had taken in their bathroom mirror. He wore his new designer underwear, pulled low around his hips, while he held his erection in his hand.

  Dropping to her knees and landing on the soft bathroom rug, she held the phone with trembling hands, overcome with the horror of seeing her husband like this. Although she dreaded coming across anything else, she couldn’t fight the urge to search through his phone for videos. When she discovered one and pressed play, Olivia heaved seeing Malcolm having sex with two women in a threesome.

  She dropped the phone on the tile floor like a hot potato, repulsed at what she saw. She leaned above the toilet and gagged with nothing coming out. The sound of Malcolm pounding on the door became hollow and faded away as though she were in a tunnel.

  Completely spent with emotion, Olivia grabbed the sink to pull herself from the floor. She tried to steady herself back on her feet, however, the room spun constantly. Tears splattered her cheeks into the oval, brass sink bowl. Slowly raising her head, she caught her reflection in the mirror. The puffy, red-rimmed eyes looking back did not seem to belong to her.

  The risk of passing out finally dissolved. She reached her hand out to the brass handle to turn on the water. The cold liquid stung her like tiny bumble bees when she splashed her flushed face four times. She blindly reached for the flowered hand towel on the rack to dry off.

  Her body weakened with despair. She couldn’t stop shaking. She breathed in deeply and exhaled to get herself together for what she had to handle. What am I going to do?

  Suddenly, her mind snapped back into the present situation. She heard the pounding again. Olivia grabbed the phone from the floor, quickly opened the door and screamed, “I hate you.” She threw the phone with all her might toward Malcolm’s face.

  He fell backward and blocked his face with his hands to keep it from hitting him. He caught the phone with his left hand right before it landed on the floor. His face sagged with guilt in realization Olivia was on to him. He noticed she’d called the number back.