by Niquel
He reentered the room shirtless with his jeans hanging low on his waist. His skin was perfectly tanned and his muscles twitched with every stride he made. He grabbed an apron from behind the small island in the kitchen and turned around to grab a pan from the cabinet. I watched as his back muscles tightened and smoothed when he set it down on the counter. “Do you like chicken?”
“Yes.”
“Good, I’ll make you my favorite dish, a chicken and rice fajita bowl. I’d like you to help me.” He went inside the fridge and pulled out chicken, fresh peppers, tomatoes, and onions. “How good are you with a knife?”
“Pretty good I guess.”
“Let’s see you slice that bell pepper into thin strips.” He slid the cutting board in front of me and handed me a sharp knife from the block.
“Can I wash my hands first?”
“Of course.”
After I washed my hands, he watched me closely as I tried my best to keep them steady and thinly slice the red pepper. He walked behind me and placed his arms around the outsides of mine, helping me finish the pepper while interrupting me with gentle kisses on my neck.
He slid the onion in front of me and then continued to assist me until all the vegetables were cut. “You’re a good assistant; I might have to hire you.” He laughed, and his smile was so captivating.
“I might accept the job, but only if all of this tastes good.”
After we prepped all the vegetables, he told me to sit back down on the couch as he worked his magic back in the kitchen. I watched him make his own salsa, then cut the chicken into thin strips and lightly season them with a special secret seasoning before cooking them on the stove. Everything smelled intoxicating and I wanted to beg him for samples of everything before it was finished. He pulled some white rice out of the fridge and lightly fried it before returning the meat and vegetables to the pan.
He grabbed two bowls from the dish strainer and filled them up. He poured the salsa from the blender into a huge serving bowl and placed it on the other side of the island. There were two bar seats in front of it and he asked me to join him.
From the first bite to the last, I enjoyed it all. All the flavors tingled my senses, and everything was tender and fell apart in my mouth. I’d never had anything like it before, especially not prepared just for me.
“Where did you learn how to cook like this?”
“My mama taught me. It’s one of my passions, besides rugby of course.”
“That’s amazing. Well let me help you clean up.”
I thought for sure Sam was going to make a move on me, but he didn’t yet. We put the food away and cleaned up, but nothing else happened and it was nice. He was definitely different from my last boyfriend. Every time that guy would do something nice for me, he expected something in return. I’d had to let him go because he was like a leech that sucked the life out of me.
“Michelle, are you ready for your last surprise?” Here it comes.
“Sure.” I smiled and took a deep breath.
He opened the fridge and pulled out a platter filled with assorted sliced fruit. He placed it on the table in front of me, then pulled out a small bowl with a metal contraption to set it on top of and lit the burner underneath. He went to grab a plastic bag full of dark liquid and poured it inside. Once it was warmed, the whole apartment smelled like chocolate with a hint of vanilla. He grabbed a few skewers and stuck the sharp end of one into a strawberry, and then rolled it around in the chocolate before handing it back to me.
There were no words to describe how good it tasted. I greedily stabbed a few more pieces of fruit and drenched them in the chocolate sauce that I later found out he’d made from scratch.
“Sam, you’re amazing.” I dipped my finger in the warm chocolate and rubbed it on his lips before kissing it off.
Sam gently pushed me back on the couch and mounted me. He unfastened his apron and looked deep into my eyes before our lips reunited. I grabbed the back of his head and pulled him closer to me. I wanted to feel his tongue deeper inside my mouth, but then something happened. It was like warning bells went off in the back of my head and I pulled back.
“Michelle, let’s get you home.” Really? That’s it? That caught me off guard. I thought for sure he was going to try and make another move, but he didn’t.
Age: Twenty
Journal Entry: Official
Dear Journal,
I decided it was time to make Sam and me official. He’d been so patient with me the past couple of months and I really felt like I could finally be myself around him. He brought me to his apartment for the first time today and I admit I was nervous. I thought for sure he’d want to have sex with me, but he didn’t. Well at least he didn’t push it. He cooked for me and let me help with the prep, which was nice.
I must admit that when he came out of his room in just a pair of jeans I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. His body was sculpted to perfection and simple things like slicing meat and picking up plates turned me on more than they should have.
We kissed on the couch and this time was much different from our other kisses. This time was explosive. I didn’t want it to end, but I felt things were moving a bit too fast for me and he didn’t fight. He didn’t complain, or piss or moan. He offered to take me home and when we got here, he kissed me on my hand like a true gentleman.
That’s when it hit me:
I could have a normal relationship and not be afraid to open up. I thought Johnny severely damaged me beyond repair, but this proves that I can be saved. I can feel and be in a normal relationship with a really awesome guy.
This could work. We could work. Right?
Michelle
Things between Sam and I couldn’t have been better. A few months passed after I agreed to be his girlfriend and I didn’t regret a single thing—yet. He introduced me to his mama and in his Cuban culture, which was a big deal. Once you brought a girl home she was considered a part of the family. My parents met him, but I wasn’t sure how they felt about him. Dad was neutral because he was a big sports fan, but Mom was leery about him and she wouldn’t tell me why. Regardless of how our families felt, true happiness was what I felt with him—or so I thought.
Once we became exclusive I felt like we didn’t get to spend as much time with each other like we had in the months prior, but it made the time we did get to spend together magical. He taught me how to cook several of his family’s signature dishes and I showed him a few desserts that I knew how to make. Sam became so fascinated with the cooking he’d been doing that he decided to pursue one of his dreams of being a chef. He signed up for weekend classes at the cooking academy and I was the lucky recipient of taste testing everything he learned to make.
Sam inspired me to create a trail filled with happiness.
It was the first day of fall semester and my friend Jessica and I were on our way down a hill to Fairfield College. We’d met over the summer while I was a part-time barista at Vistachio Coffee Mart. We both quit right before school started because management was making all of us miserable.
“Hey Michelle, what class do you have first?”
“Introduction to Art 101. You?”
“Me too! I’ve always wanted to be an artist. I love to draw and make cartoon sketches.”
“Wow, I never would have guessed, that’s awesome! I used to love to paint, but I haven’t done it in a long time.”
“Well it’s time to change that,” she said, pushing her blonde bangs behind her ear. We had decided to dress similarly that day: her in a long pink and white sweater dress and ankle boots, and me in a similar dress in purple with leggings and riding boots.
Jessica and I had similar schedules except for the last two classes of the day. We were on our way to the cafeteria for lunch and I was ecstatic; I had forgotten to eat breakfast due to the excitement of starting school that day.
Sam had told me he’d meet me there, but he didn’t show up. I hadn’t heard from him all day, which was weird. As Jessic
a and I navigated our way through the mob of hungry college kids, we finally made it up to the serving area. It was an all-you-can-eat buffet. They had different stations full of meat, cheeses, pasta, salad, and anything else you could imagine. We both filled our plates with salad and veggies, and then tossed some grilled chicken on top.
As I went to search for some feta cheese and dressing to pair with my food, I thought I saw Sam, but he was talking to some other girl. Nah, that couldn’t be. He wouldn’t ignore me all day just to talk to another girl, would he?
He was wearing a maroon and white rugby uniform and I knew he always wore one long black sock underneath his white socks; he told me it was his lucky sock back from high school. I stood in line staring at them until Jessica interrupted me. “Are you okay, Michelle?”
“Does that look like Sam to you?”
“I think so, but I’ll go and sneak a closer look.” I watched as she nonchalantly walked past them, gave them a onceover, and circled back around to meet me. “That’s him girl. I couldn’t hear what they were saying, but she laughed an awful lot in those few seconds that I walked by. I wouldn’t let it get to you, but if you are that bothered, text him when we get to our seats and see what happens.”
We found a small round table in the middle of the room with three empty chairs around it. I pulled my phone out of my bag and texted him, as Jessica watched for a reaction. Nothing. In his defense, he didn’t have any pockets on his uniform, but I was still keeping my head in the game. I refused to let myself get all worked up over nothing.
Jess and I brushed it off and savored every bite of our lunch. I ate so fast I started to get the hiccups, and Jess laughed at me every single time. “Shut it, I was hungry!”
“Apparently. We were so focused on stuffing our faces that we forgot to grab drinks. I’ll be right back.”
Jess was so short that she disappeared within the crowd almost immediately. I tried to scan the room for Sam, but he’d left. Something deep down didn’t feel right. I had a feeling something huge was going to happen, but I wasn’t sure what it was.
I caught a Greyhound bus from North Carolina back to Massachusetts. It was a long and exhausting trip, but we were currently making our way through the state of Maryland. Craig and Rico had begged me to stay and work at the tattoo parlor with them, but I couldn’t do it. After beating my father into a bloody pulp, I didn’t want to get into any more crap there. I’d done what I had to do, and hopefully I wouldn’t have to deal with him again.
I had a little less than seven hours to go and I had a lot to think about on the way home. My first priority was to reunite with my mother; I hoped she would take me back. I hated that I’d become so obsessed with finding Dad that I hadn’t even called her to see how she was, which seemed to be a common thing for me lately. I didn’t care about anything but what I wanted, and that was out of character for me.
I looked a lot different from the last time she’d seen me. I had still been practically a kid the last time she saw me; I hadn’t had any tattoos or piercings then. I hoped she didn’t freak out when she saw me.
I had still managed to keep in touch with Landon all those years and he agreed to pick me up from the bus station. I arrived just before midnight and there were a handful of cars and taxis waiting in front of South Station. I tossed my duffel bag over my shoulder and walked to the front of the taxi line. Landon said he was parked in front of them.
“John? Is that you?” said a tall guy with a full goatee, blond ponytail, and really masculine arms as he stepped out of a black SUV.
“Landon? Holy shit you’ve changed.”
“You did too, bro! Let’s go grab a beer and catch up.” He grabbed my bag and tossed it in the backseat of his Nissan.
“Dude, this is nice,” I said, sliding into the passenger seat. The dashboard was lit with blue LED lights and there were blue lights shining on the floor mats. I looked in the backseat and saw a car seat. “You have a kid?”
“No, it’s for my niece. I dropped her back off with my sister earlier.” He laughed. “Dude, I am not ready to be a daddy, not by a long shot.”
“Me either, bro.”
He drove us to a pub in downtown Boston and surprisingly it was pretty quiet; I didn’t expect that for a Thursday night. We walked inside and it was dimly lit with a huge bar area to the left. There were backless stools and most were empty. He chose two seats that had dangling lanterns above.
There was a sexy bartender that eyed me as soon as we walked inside. She was short, blonde, and had on a see-through black shirt. “Hey guys, I’m Jess. What can I get for you tonight?”
“Can we have two whiskeys? My boy finally returned home after four years and we need to celebrate.”
Landon and I closed down the bar. I wasn’t drunk, but I felt good. He offered to let me crash at his place, but I wanted to get to my mom’s. She wasn’t expecting me, especially not at three in the morning, but I didn’t want to wait any longer.
We drove through the familiar suburban neighborhood and I didn’t know what made me do it—maybe it was the alcohol—but I made him drive by Mickey’s old place. “Dude, I hope you don’t plan on doing anything stupid.”
“Nah. I just want to know if she is still there.”
“Dude, I could have told you that instead of us showing up at her house looking like stalkers in the free candy van.” He laughed.
I laughed so hard I felt tears fall from my eyes. “We can go.” Her mom still had the same van after all those years and the old tire swing was still hanging in the front yard. I remembered that night we’d spent on it and how it was cold as balls; back then I’d have done anything for her. Hell, I’d still do anything for her—if she’d talk to me.
We pulled up in front of my old place and the light in the living room was still on. What is she doing up this time of night?
“You sure about this, bro? The offer to hang at my place is still on the table.”
“I’m good. I’m sure she’s up and I think four years is long enough to be away from my mom.” I shook his hand and grabbed my bag from the backseat.
My hands started shaking as I walked up the stairs. I could hear the TV blaring from the other side of the door, but nothing else. My heart banged against my chest as I knocked on the door. It was hard to swallow and my palms started to sweat.
“I have a gun and I’m not afraid to use it, asshole!”
“Mom, it’s me.” The door slowly opened and she peered through the crack in the door.
“JJ? Oh my god!” She ran onto the porch and wrapped her arms tightly around my chest. Her tears were soaking my shirt and I didn’t care. I felt the tears fall from my own eyes as she placed her hands on either side of my face. “Look at you; you’ve become just as handsome as I thought you would.”
“Mom, can I come in? It’s a little nippy out here.”
“Sure honey, where are my manners?” She led me inside and it structurally looked the same, but she’d painted the walls a different color red and added a few shelves and a huge bookcase on the back wall in the living room. “I know it may look a little different in here, but I didn’t touch your room at all honey. I left it exactly like you had it. Are you hungry?”
“Mom, it’s after three in the morning, I don’t want you to go out of your way.”
“I am your mother Jonathan; it’s my job to go out of my way. Are you hungry?”
“Sure.”
“Go upstairs and drop your things off, I’ll make you a ham sandwich.”
“Thanks.” As I made my way up the stairs, I looked at all the pictures of my mom and me she’d finally gotten around to hanging up. We looked so happy and now that I was back, I noticed she’d aged quite a bit.
I walked into my bedroom and she was right, everything was exactly the same. I tossed my bag on the floor, sat down on my blue comforter, and scanned the room. The closet door was cracked and I got up to find my old leather jacket hanging on the other side of the door. I missed this thing.
>
“That used to be your most prized possession,” Mom said, coming in the door with my sandwich and a soda. “Hope you still like root beer.”
“Of course. Thanks Mom.”
“JJ, can I ask you something?”
“Sure,” I said, taking a bite of the warm sandwich and retreating to my bed.
“Did you find him? Your father?”
“Yeah.”
“Is he . . . dead?”
“No.”
“Thank goodness. I was afraid you’d come back and tell me you’d killed him.”
“I almost did, Mom. I felt his bones shift underneath my punches and there was so much blood. All I saw was red; I turned into a monster. I turned into him.”
“That’s the difference between the two of you; he’s the monster, not you. You were able to stop. He wouldn’t have.”
“My friend pulled me off of him, that’s the only reason I stopped.”
“That’s all the reason you needed. You’re not wanted by the police or anything are you?”
“Not that I know of, but I left this morning. I couldn’t stand being down there another minute after that.”
“Well, I’m just glad you’re home and everything is okay. You had me worried sick. Four years is a long time to be away from your mother without as much as a letter, JJ.”
“I know, Mom. I’m sorry, I just—”
“You don’t have to explain yourself. You’re back now and we’ll have plenty of time to catch up. Now that you’re back, what’s next?”
“I need to make things right.”
“With Michelle?”
“Yeah. If she’ll even talk to me. I stopped by her house on the way over. Don’t worry, I didn’t bother her, I just wanted to see if she still lived there.”