Getting Down to Business

by Allison B Hanson

  “What the hell?” she said to no one as she made coffee.

  As she dressed, she decided what she needed was to find someone else to get her mind off Grayson. She could go out after work and stay out just like Grayson had. There was nothing to stop her. She didn’t need to feel guilty in any way.

  He’d looked at her with pity? She would show him how much she didn’t need his pity.

  She stopped by Mia’s desk before going up to her floor.

  “Hey, why are you slumming it down here on twenty-three?” Mia laughed.

  “We’re going out tonight. It’s going to be fun.”

  “Oh-kay.” Before Mia could ask questions or bow out of their plans, Alyssa turned and went up to work.

  They would go to a club. It would be fun. Just like it used to be.

  * * * *

  Gray called Alyssa in her office on Friday afternoon. He still didn’t feel comfortable facing her. He feared she would see what he’d done written on his face.

  “Alyssa Sinclair.” Her name, spoken in her professional tone, sent a shiver of pleasure through him.

  “I feel like I should be charged by the minute to hear you say your name like that,” he joked. She didn’t joke back.

  “Did you need something?” Yes. He did. He needed things to go back to how they’d been. Except he didn’t want that either.

  “I just wondered if you wanted to get a drink tonight after work. I haven’t gotten a chance to talk to you much lately.” Mostly because he’d been avoiding her as much as possible.

  “I can’t. I have plans.” She didn’t elaborate on those plans, and he didn’t ask for details.

  She’d said they were just supposed to be roommates. He was trying to go along with her request. But roommates could hang out on Friday nights. It wasn’t unheard of.

  “Okay. Well, maybe I’ll see you around later.”

  “Maybe. I have to go now. I have a meeting.”

  He wasn’t sure if she really had a meeting, but he said good-bye and hung up.

  They were drifting apart and he didn’t know which way to move. No matter what he did, he was doomed.

  He’d been quiet since coming home from the prison. He still hadn’t figured out how to get her to open up and give him a chance.

  He’d been desperate for some way to help her. If he could help her heal, maybe they would have a chance to be happy together. But now there was this thing between them.

  By three in the morning, he knew she wasn’t coming home.

  He fell asleep on the sofa, so she woke him when she came in at ten the next morning.

  He looked her over, seeing the dressy outfit and the messy hair.

  “You stayed the night with someone?” Even as he said it, he knew he had no right to ask or be upset. Not having the right didn’t make him any less upset though.

  “Yes.”

  “Come on, Liss. This is stupid. We had a good thing going. I can satisfy you as well as anyone else. Why would you go out with a stranger?” This was a valid point. Not the reason he was upset, but still valid.

  She rolled her eyes trying to play it off, but he thought his head might explode. Another guy had touched her?

  Without a word, she walked down the hall to her room. He followed.

  “I don’t understand. You could have just told me you wanted sex. I was right here. I’m safe.”

  “Where do you get off judging me when you were doing the same thing on Wednesday?”

  “I wasn’t doing the same thing at all. I was—” He couldn’t finish the sentence. Not yet. “I wasn’t with anyone.”

  “Whatever. That’s the whole point of you and me. No expectations, right?” She patted his shoulder as she passed him to go into the bathroom. He heard the shower turn on as he paced in the hall.

  He needed to calm down before he said something that made things worse. The more he paced, the more he realized he didn’t care if he pissed her off. She’s said no games and he was going to hold her to it.

  He tapped on the door before he just barged in.

  “What?” she asked.

  “Are you trying to sabotage what we have? Is that what this is?”

  “We don’t have anything, Grayson. We’re roommates who used to hook up sometimes. That’s it.”

  “What if…” Was he really going to say this? Out loud? “What if I wanted something? Not a relationship, but some form of exclusivity.”

  “No.”

  “No? You can’t just say no. We have to discuss it.”

  “No, we don’t. People in relationships discuss things. Roommates can just tell each other no.”

  “This is ridiculous. Why would you want to go out with someone else when I’m right here?”

  “Do you hear yourself? You’re getting all crazy.”

  He left, slamming the door behind him like a crazy person. Then he walked back in.

  “You could have at least texted me so I knew you were safe. I worried about you all night.”

  “I didn’t ask you to worry about me.”

  “That’s too bad.” He was making a mess of things, but he couldn’t seem to stop. “I’m worried you’re going to try to go back to the way you were. You weren’t happy like that.”

  “It’s none of your business.”

  “I care about you, Liss.”

  “I’m just someone who rents the room across the hall, remember?”

  “If you still think that, you’re lying to yourself.”

  He left again, knowing he was throwing a fit like a little kid.

  She had him all tangled up in knots. He didn’t know how to make her care.

  “Fuck!” he yelled into the empty kitchen.

  He caught a glimpse of a naked Alyssa as she walked to her room. She looked up at him with wide eyes and then ducked inside her room without a word.

  He decided to leave. It wouldn’t do him any good to stay there and keep fighting with her when he was angry.

  The more he walked, the angrier he became. The day had come and gone; it was dark when he finally looked around to see where he was. The whole city looked different.

  He decided that maybe he needed a new perspective on everything. When he’d taken Alyssa up on her offer of a one-night stand it was because he’d wanted to prove to himself that he was capable of just having a good time. While he knew what he felt for Alyssa was different than those other relationships, he’d still fallen into the same trap. He didn’t know how to stop wanting the commitment his parents had.

  He walked into the club, hell bent on finding someone to get him through this.

  * * * *

  Chanda was miserable. She missed Doug. Ever since finding out the reason for his outburst, the guilt had compounded daily. She wanted to see him, but didn’t even know where he was living now.

  She flung the clay back on the board and went to clean up. She couldn’t work like this. Despite the sun shining through the loft, her work was full of darkness. Guilt had her all tied up in knots. On her way to her room, she stopped and opened the door to Lucy’s room. She missed the little girl so much. She hadn’t just lost Doug, but Lucy too.

  She picked up the polar bear Lucy always liked to sleep with. Was she having trouble sleeping without it?

  Feeling like she had a purpose for the first time in days, Chanda tucked the polar bear into her bag and set off to pay a visit to Doug’s daughter.

  After the second ring of the doorbell and a series of knocks, the door finally opened, revealing an irritated Julie.

  “Yes?”

  “Hi. Can I speak to Lucy? She left her bear. I wanted to drop it off.”

  “Chanda!” Lucy came running before her mother had the chance to decide what to do.

  “I brought Snowflake. I found him in your room.”

 
“Can I come with you?” she asked, ripping Chanda’s heart out.

  “No.” Julie snapped. “I told you, you have to stay with us.”

  “I want to see my daddy!” Lucy complained, pulling the bear against her chest. Tears gathered in her eyes, so much like her father’s.

  “Shh,” Chanda said with a smile. “You’ll get to see him in a few days. Remember how we talked about taking turns?”

  Lucy shook her head.

  “I’m not allowed to see him anymore because Daddy yelled at Mommy’s boyfriend.” The tears fell as Chanda stared in confusion.

  What was going on here? Doug wasn’t allowed to see his daughter?

  She remembered back to the night when he was late. He’d said there was an incident and Lucy had to stay with her mother.

  “What happened?”

  “Doug came to pick up Lucy. And I told him she couldn’t go to the gallery because she’d used crayons on her walls—something she apparently got from you.” Julie tossed her hair in a very annoying way. “Doug got angry and started yelling. Mitchell threatened to call the cops. It was a big scene and our new neighbors witnessed the whole thing. I suggested he leave and not come back until after we meet with the caseworker next week.”

  Chanda stepped back as if the woman had struck her. Because she had allowed Lucy to paint on the walls at the loft, Doug had lost the two days of custody he was able to get?

  “Don’t worry, Lucy. I’m sure everything will be fine.”

  The door was closed in her face and Chanda turned to go. She needed to find Doug and help fix this.

  * * * *

  Gray had to do something. He couldn’t go on like this; it would kill him. And he couldn’t get over Alyssa by having sex with some random women. He’d had his chance at the club and blown it.

  He’d spent the night on Trent and Tiff’s sofa and when he’d gotten home, Alyssa had smiled and went out for a run as if she didn’t care at all what he had done all night.

  Her disinterest was too much. He couldn’t take it. He needed to get away from Alyssa before she broke his heart. Far away.

  On Monday morning, he went straight into Randy’s office and sat down.

  “What’s up?”

  “Any openings in the San Diego office?”

  “For who?”

  “Me.”

  “No.” Randy shook his head quickly.

  “I need to get out of here. I can either move to the San Diego office of Hasher Borne or I can move somewhere else with another firm. What’s your pick?”

  “I don’t like either of those choices.”

  “Too bad. Pick one.”

  “Fine. I’ll see what’s available.” Randy frowned.

  “Make it quick. I really need to leave soon.”

  “Why? Did you murder someone?”

  “No.” Gray got up to move for the door.

  “Is Alyssa going with you?” Gray stopped and hung his head. He hadn’t realized Randy knew about them. In hindsight, it was probably pretty obvious. The way he’d suggested her for the job initially, and the way they walked into the office together every morning. Not to mention the visits to each other’s offices.

  “No.”

  “Oh. I see,” Randy said sadly. “I’ll let you know by Thursday.”

  “Thanks.”

  Alyssa wasn’t at the apartment when he got home. She arrived an hour later with a bunch of groceries and out of breath.

  “Why don’t you ever let me know you’re coming home with bags so I can meet you and help you carry them?” he snapped at her.

  Guilt was a sick son of a bitch. For some reason, it made you think you had a right to be angry at the person you’d wronged. It made no sense.

  “I can carry three bags of groceries, Gray. I carried them the whole way from the market.”

  “If you would communicate, maybe I could go to the market with you and help you carry them back to the apartment.” He couldn’t shut up, even though he knew he was being a huge ass.

  “Okay. Next time, I’ll let you know when I’m going. I did ask yesterday if you needed anything. I guess I didn’t make myself clear.” She kept her eyes on the floor.

  He needed to fix this.

  He grabbed her by the arms and pressed her back against the refrigerator. His lips crashed down on hers roughly. All the pent-up tension and anger came out in that kiss. She kissed him back, but her body was tense. He tried to relax a little so he wouldn’t scare her, or worse hurt her. The kiss slowed and then he released her to rest his forehead against hers.

  “Why can’t we make this work? Please. Just say we can try.”

  Alyssa looked away for a second and then met his gaze.

  “There’s nothing to work out.” He watched her face to see if she was trying to hide her true feelings. All he saw was a mark on her lip where he’d kissed her hard enough to bring the blood to the surface of her skin.

  “I’m sorry.” He ran his hand over his face. “I don’t know what to do.”

  “You don’t have to do anything. I’m not your problem. Feel free to go out and spend the night with whomever. It doesn’t bother me.”

  “I haven’t slept with anyone.” He got two ice cubes out and put them in a baggie for her lip. “We said we would be honest with each other. I don’t feel comfortable telling you where I was, but I wasn’t sleeping with anyone.” Holding out the bag, he frowned. “I’m sorry about your lip.”

  He wanted to crawl in a hole.

  “I haven’t slept with anyone either. Not that I owe you an explanation.” That last part was said with an air of defiance.

  “What? But you—”

  “You assumed, and I let you. You were giving me pitying looks when you got back that morning you supposedly had a work thing, and I knew you were lying to me. I wanted to sleep with someone so I could move on, but I couldn’t do it. I went to Mia’s instead.”

  “You didn’t sleep with anyone?” This information bounced around inside his head.

  “No one but you since I met you.”

  “I haven’t been with anyone but you. I stayed at Trent’s and the work thing wasn’t a work thing, but it wasn’t a date thing either.”

  “Oh.” She frowned.

  “We promised each other no bullshit and it’s all we’ve been doing. Is it wrong for me to want to be with you? Why can’t we try? If it doesn’t work out—”

  “It won’t work out and I’ll end up hurting you. I don’t want that. You shouldn’t feel bad about what you want. You haven’t done anything wrong.” She sighed. “It’s normal for people to want things to progress, but I can’t do it. I thought being up front would keep us from being sucked down that path, but things have gotten too complicated.”

  He could tell she truly didn’t want this. Not like he wanted her. She wasn’t capable of anything more than convenient sex and a place to live with a few laughs and dinners thrown in.

  How could that be?

  He remembered the way she’d looked at him on the dock by the lake. There was something there. He’d felt it.

  Hadn’t he?

  The familiar doubts crowded in. He had been pretty sure Mandy had feelings for him too. He obviously wasn’t the best judge. He couldn’t trust himself.

  “So I was going to make Hamburger Helper. You want some?” she asked lightly.

  “No. I–I’m not hungry. Thanks anyway.” He went to his room and hid there for the rest of the night.

  At eleven, Alyssa tapped on his door.

  “Gray?” She tested the doorknob, which was locked. “Can I come in for a second?”

  “No.” That tiny word nearly ripped him in two as it came out. He couldn’t do this anymore. It was time to let go.

  “Okay. Good night.”

  She’d been upfront from the beginning, and
his heart hadn’t been paying attention. His heart was paying attention now.

  Chapter 24

  Unable to get Doug on his phone, Chanda’s next stop was the Hasher Borne building. She’d never been there, so she asked the receptionist for his extension and then went outside to call from her cell.

  “Doug Phillips. How may I help you?”

  “It’s me. I need to talk to you. I’m in the lobby. Can you come down here please?”

  “Sure. I’ll be right down.”

  Seeing him get off the elevator comforted her. She didn’t realize how much she missed him until he was within arm’s reach. But while Doug was standing next to her, he was also missing.

  His eyes were dim and his usual easy smile was nowhere to be seen.

  “I’m sorry to just show up like this, but you didn’t answer my calls.”

  “My phone was broken in the…scuffle. I can’t afford a new one right now.” His voice was flat and lifeless. He didn’t seem angry—not that she would have blamed him—he was just empty.

  “I heard some details about what happened at the gallery. You were trying to defend me? Why didn’t you say anything?”

  “Because I shouldn’t have hit that guy. Even to defend you. I was itching for a fight, and I ruined your event because I was angry about something else.”

  “About the fight with Julie?”

  He looked surprised that she knew.

  “I dropped off Snowflake and Lucy told me she wanted to come see you. Julie said she had to wait until the consult next week. What is going on?”

  * * * *

  Doug wasn’t sure he had the energy to go into what happened. He guided Chanda over to one of the benches on the wide sidewalk.

  “Julie only got angrier. I should have remembered that telling Julie to calm down only makes her get louder. Lucy started crying and then the boyfriend came to the door threatening to call the cops unless I left. I decided it would be better to go than to get into an altercation with my ex-wife’s boyfriend in front of my kid so I left. But before I got to your show, Julie had sent a text telling me how upset Lucy was and that they would need to hold off on visitation until after we talk to the case specialist.”

  “And then you tried to smile and act like nothing was wrong at my show.”