Blue Saturn
Page 21
I haven’t seen Mike for ten days. Not since the night he slept next to me. And although I miss him every night, tonight seems ten times worse. I don’t know why, but I’m going to put it down to hormones.
I run my 10 k’s on the treadmill and as I walk down the small hallway toward to staircase, I stop outside Mike’s “creation” room. I press my ear against the door, but hear nothing. Nothing but my own laboured breathing as tears sting my eyes and I lean all my weight against the cold door. I close my eyes as the tears finally spill over and slowly slide down to the floor.
At all costs, I have avoided listening to any Blue Saturn music on my iPod. Even when I have my music selection on ‘shuffle’ as soon as I hear one of their songs start, I skip it. I thought it would be easier to get through this time without hearing his voice. But right now, I’d give anything at all to hear Mike sing.
I go to Blue Saturn’s list of songs and I select “I Feel You.” It’s the song Mike dedicated to me at their concert in Brisbane. I press play and repeat. I sit on the floor, outside Mike’s room, my knees tucked up to my chest and cry as Mike sings a song about heartbreak and lost love.
I don’t know how I must look, but going by the look on Gavin’s face, who has just appeared at the bottom of the staircase, I must look pretty pathetic.
He doesn’t say anything. He walks to me, sits down next to me and pulls my head down to his shoulder. He wraps his arm around me, keeping me warm while I listen to the song one last time.
When Mike’s voice fades, I pull out my earplug and wipe my face. “How much longer is he going to be in there for?”
“I reckon not long. I saw him last night. He’s got enough to fill an album.”
“Why are you allowed in there but not me?”
Gavin laughs. “Are you jealous?”
“Yes.”
“I’m allowed in there because I’m writing lyrics to some songs and I need to know what he’s doing so I can write something to match.”
“So you’ve seen him a lot?”
“Almost every day.”
“And...is he okay?”
Gavin tightens his hold on me. “He’s fine. He’s doing what he does best. He’s making music.”
We sit together silently for a few more minutes. “You know, I’ve never had a boyfriend before. I always thought that when I did get one, I’d see him a whole lot more.”
Gavin laughs. “You’ll see enough of him once he’s done writing. I mean, he’ll have to fine tune a few bits, to work in with lyrics, but you’ll have him all to yourself in a few days.”
“Days?”
“Yeah, days.” Gavin stands up and holds a hand out to me. I take it and let him pull me up. “But in the meantime, you and I are going to watch whatever garbage they’re showing on the movie channel and eat ice cream or whatever you girls eat when you’re feeling crap. And then, I will tuck you into bed and sit with you until you fall asleep. I can’t bear the thought of you crying yourself to sleep all alone.”
“I won’t cry myself to sleep,” I say as I start up the staircase.
“I bet you will.”
And going by how I feel right now, he’s probably right.
21.
It is one week before Christmas. Mikey and I put up a Christmas tree together yesterday. I wanted to wait for Mike to be able to join us, but I can’t be sure he’s ever going to come out of that damn room. He’s been in there for two weeks now.
I know he’s been out. Sometimes in the morning, there are coffee mugs and plates on the bench in the kitchen. He’s been showering and changing his clothes, because I’ve started going into his room to check if he’s been sleeping in his bed. He hasn’t, but he’s been using his shower. There have been water beads on the glass and floor. Also, this morning, his razor was out on the basin.
Mikey’s bedroom has been painted and his jungle gym and playroom are finished. And as expected, he goes straight into that room every morning. He used to come in to me first, and climb into bed with me. I’d wake up to his cool hands touching my cheek or shoulder. Now I wake up alone and have to go to him. This morning, he was jumping on the small trampoline, throwing balls from the ball pit into the basketball ring. He didn’t stop when I came into the room, he just smiled and waved and kept throwing balls.
He stopped long enough to eat breakfast with me but it was a very quick shoving of toast into the mouth, swallowing his milk down and then he went straight back into the room.
I’ve done all my Christmas shopping and last night I stayed up to wrap presents and put Mikey’s presents under the tree.
Mike’s present, I can’t wrap. But on Christmas day, it’ll arrive and I hope he likes it. It’s something I feel he needs, but most likely would never think to get for himself.
Mikey wanted to get his dad a new guitar. I consulted with Gavin on that and he said that Mike had been looking at a new electric guitar. But the particular one he wanted was fifteen hundred dollars and Gavin said we shouldn’t buy it because it’d piss Mike off that we spent so much money on him.
Then Mikey suggested that maybe he could learn a song on the guitar and play it for his dad for Christmas.
Gavin and I both liked that idea, but Gavin wasn’t sure how he was going to teach Mikey to play when they didn’t have a guitar small enough.
“But I can play on a big guitar. Dad showed me how to,” Mikey said.
Gavin knew Mikey would never master a song on a full size guitar, so he went out and bought him a half size acoustic guitar. “It was cheap,” Gavin said as he handed it to Mikey to get a feel of.
So Gavin and Mikey have been practicing twice a day to learn a song. Gavin says Mikey is a natural and it won’t be long before he’s playing with the best. I don’t know what song he’s learning, but I’m putting my money on a Blue Saturn hit.
The days have been going by slowly, and today is no exception. It feels like days ago that I got out of bed and yet it’s still only eight o’clock. Mikey is sleeping soundly, with all that jumping he did today, he was positively exhausted. Normally I’d go for a run, but I’m lacking the motivation to do anything at all.
I go decide to go to bed, but not to my bed. I get into Mike’s bed. I put on the TV and prop myself up with pillows. The history channel is showing a documentary about the Aztecs, and the Discovery channel is showing a documentary about creatures that live deep within the ocean. But one of the music channels, they’re doing a countdown of the best hits on the Aussie charts from this year. I know there will be a few Blue Saturn songs in that list. Maybe, I’ll get to see Mike this way.
I snuggle down into his bed, his scent faintly filling my senses and I watch musicians tell a story with their songs.
I feel heaviness on my leg. And my back. When I try to move, I can’t. Something is pinning me down.
My mind instantly goes back to Auckland, and suddenly I’m pinned under a bed again. I try to move my legs. They move, but the weight remains.
“No,” I hear myself say out loud.
“Baby,” I hear a quiet whisper. Then the weight on my back moves and something is stroking me, long, soft strokes up and down my spine. It feels nice and I moan as I come out of sleep and into the land of the living.
I’m sleeping on my tummy; I never sleep on my tummy. My head is turned to the side and when I open my eyes I see him.
He’s lying next to me. He has a sleepy grin on his face.
“Were you dreaming?” he asks me.
“Not really. I just thought for a minute I was back under the bed in New Zealand. I could feel the weight on my leg.”
Mike quickly moves his leg off me.
“Put it back,” I say. “I like feeling your weight on me.”
Mike moves in closer to me and puts his leg over mine. Then he reaches out for me and pulls me into him, holding me against him with his arms and leg. He kisses me long and softly, his hands flat against my back. And I feel that instinct again, causing me to push my body hard up against his. I moan into his
mouth and try to roll him onto his back.
“Lyndsay,” he says. “Go easy.”
“I want you,” I say between kisses.
He rolls me onto my back and I instinctively wrap my legs around him, holding him tight to me.
“Baby, slow down,” he says. “This is not going to go anywhere.”
“I want you now,” I demand.
“Yeah? In about three minutes Mikey is going to come bouncing into this room. Do you really want him to walk in on us going at it like lunatics?”
“He won’t come in here. He’ll go downstairs to his playroom.” I grab at his back and pull him down on to me.
“Lyndsay,” Mike says. “You need to calm down.” Mike rolls off me, and detangles my legs from him. “I promised you it would be better than before. I can’t give you better right now.”
“You better give me something,” I say.
Mike laughs. “Or what?”
“Or I’ll...I’ll...” I can’t think straight at the moment. I don’t know what I’ll do, but I won’t be happy about it, I can tell you that. “You said we’d go at my pace.”
“We will. If you’re ready I won’t keep you waiting. But I won’t do it now. We both have terrible morning breath, I haven’t showered in over twenty four hours and you need to shave your legs.”
“I didn’t see the point in shaving considering you’ve been locked away for two weeks.”
“I’m here, aren’t I?”
“For how long?”
“For as long as you want me.”
I look up at him and my mouth opens. No noise comes out, but I take in a quick breath of air. “You’re done?”
“I’m done. Well, there might be some minor adjustments to do but other than that, I’m done.”
“Really? You’re really done?”
Mike smiles. “I’m really done.”
I launch myself at him as well as I can considering I’m lying down and he rolls onto his back, happily taking me with him. I lie on top of him and kiss him before he gently pushes me away.
“I take it you missed me.”
“I missed you a lot.”
“I missed you too.”
I lie down on him, nuzzling into his neck. I kiss the soft skin just below his ear. His hands run up and down my back. “Mikey will be happy to see you again.”
“Yeah,’ Mike whispers.
“He’s missed...you...” My voice tapers off as I come to the realisation that Mikey has not once in the past two weeks asked after Mike. I lift my head and look down at Mike. “He hasn’t missed you,’ I say while slowly shaking my head. “You’ve been seeing him, haven’t you?”
Mike looks away from me.
“Haven’t you?” I sit up on him now.
“Baby, I couldn’t explain to him that I was going to be working and I couldn’t see him. He wouldn’t understand.”
“You said you didn’t want any distractions. How is Mikey less of a distraction than me?”
“Only in about a hundred different ways.” Mike sits up so we’re eye to eye. He wraps his arms around me and holds me to him. “You know after the night I came and slept in with you, I couldn’t write a damn thing the following day. You consumed every single one of my thoughts. I ended up writing a jumble of words that made no sense. Not even Gav could put them together.” He brushes the hair from my face. “Mikey visited with me twice a day, for twenty minutes. It was easy to get back to work after he’d left because he doesn’t consume my thoughts the same way you do.”
I don’t know whether to be more upset about the fact that Mike didn’t want to see me or whether Mikey kept his meetings a secret.
“In what ways am I a distraction?” I ask.
“Well,” Mike starts. “First of all your eyes distract me.”
“My eyes?”
“Yes, sometimes I think you can see right into my soul.”
I roll my eyes and Mike laughs.
“And then there are your lips.” He gently brushes his thumb across my mouth. “Now that I’ve tasted them, I never want to taste anything else again.”
I laugh. He’s being too corny to take seriously.
His fingers slowly trail down my neck to my chest. “And then there is your heart...”
“I’m pretty sure that’s my breast,” I say as his hand settles over me.
“Oops.”
Mike and I both crack up laughing. He pushes me back onto the bed and climbs on top of me. “And then there is your laugh and your smile.” He leans down and tries to kiss me, although we’re both still laughing so it’s all a bit teeth-y.
“I just love you, Lyndsay,” Mike says.
I laugh my response. “I just love you too.”
“Daddy!” Mikey comes running into the room. “Are you tickling Indsy?” He jumps up onto the bed.
“Sure am, buddy. But I think I need some help. I only have two hands.”
“Please don’t,” I pant but my pleas fall on deaf ears.
I endure my tickling torment because the two men I love more than anything in the world are right here next to me.
I’ve been given the day off from work. Mike has to do Christmas shopping and he wants to take Mikey with him, seeing as Mikey can keep all sorts of secrets.
Mike also wants me to go shopping. He is taking me out for dinner tonight and he’s given me another wad of cash with the instructions that I’m to go shopping.
“Take Gav, if you want. Wayne is coming with Mikey and me.”
“What sort of dress should I buy?” We’re standing in his bedroom. He’s showered and dressed and is putting a wallet and phone and keys into the pockets of his denim jeans.
“Something classy. We’re doing some fine dining tonight.”
“Is this our second date?”
“Sure is.”
I smile at him. He looks so...celebrity. I am going to need a dress that makes me look celebrity. I had better take Gavin with me.
Shopping with Gavin is surprisingly fun. He’s got great taste and he’s honest without being mean. We’ve been in the designer store for an hour, I’ve tried on close to twenty dresses, but Gavin keeps sending the sales clerk back out to the racks.
“You need to look classy but sexy,” Gavin keeps on saying. “That one is sexy, but not enough class.”
It’s not easy to find a dress considering I want one to cover my back and Gavin keeps telling me not to worry about my patches, but I am worried about my patches.
The sales clerk, I can’t remember her name, brings in an emerald green dress. “This one has just come in. It’s a little pricey, but I think it’s just what you’re looking for.”
I step into the dress and pull it up. It’s strapless, but it sits high enough at the back that with my hair down it will cover most of my patches. My shoulders will be exposed though. The front is cut square, and it actually compliments my shape very nicely. Along the top of the bodice, is a gold detailed trimming that then crosses over at the front, below the breasts and then wraps around the waist. The bodice is fitted to just below the hips and then the knee length skirt flows freely. Against my dark features, this dress looks stunning on me. I open the curtain and step out to receive Gavin’s opinion.
Gavin doesn’t say anything. He just looks at me.
“I like it,” I say, trying to convince him that he should too.
“Lyndsay. That is classy and sexy. That’s the dress.” He stands up and comes to me. “You are a stunner. How did I ever let you get away?”
“You never had me, Gavin.”
“Oh yeah, that’s right.”
I laugh and so does Gavin.
The sales clerk is smiling.
After I’ve paid for the dress, I have only twenty dollars left from the two thousand Mike gave me. And I want a new pair of shoes and a pair of earrings. There is enough detail on the dress to get away with not wearing a necklace.
An hour later, with a new ensemble for my second date with Mike, Gavin and I head home.
We have lunch together out by the pool. Gavin swims once he’s finished eating, but I’ve already washed my hair after my run so I don’t want to risk getting it wet again.
Mike arrives home with no bags.
“I thought you were going shopping,” I say when I see him walk into the kitchen.
“We did go shopping,” he says.
“Where are all the bags?”
Mike smiles at me and taps the side of his nose.
“Fine,” I sigh.
“Did you get a dress?”
“Yes.”
“Can I see it?”
“No.”
“Is it as sexy as the one you wore in New Zealand?”
I shake my head. “It’s sexy and classy,” I say.
He leans in and kisses me. “You’re sexy and classy.”
I laugh and smack his chest. “Where do you come up with these lines?”
“You inspire me, Lyndsay.”
I don’t know whether to be offended or complimented.
Gavin is looking after Mikey tonight. They’re having a boys’ night in. Their boys’ night is starting with a BBQ before they watch Star Wars. I wonder whether Mikey is too young to watch Star Wars, but Mike seems to be happy with the idea.
I go to my room and start getting ready. I shower and shave and wax and pluck. I moisturise and apply a little bit of makeup.
At seven-thirty, I’m standing in front of the full length mirror in my room and again am blown away by my appearance. Maybe I should put in more effort more of the time.
There is a knock on my door.
“Come in,” I call out, knowing all too well it will be Mike.
He walks into my room looking absolutely...there is no word. Handsome and striking and gorgeous and debonair just don’t cut it. He is one hundred times all those things.
He’s had a haircut so his usually long fringe is short and strategically dishevelled. He’s wearing a white shirt, undone at the collar and black pants. But the thing that is really making me come undone is that he’s wearing a jacket, a suit jacket. I’ve never seen him dressed up like this. The jacket is plain black, a match for his pants and it’s closed with a single button but it fits him perfectly and he looks so...there is no word.