Blue Saturn

by Jay, Libby

  Mike Greene has rendered me speechless, thoughtless even.

  “Baby, my god, you are beautiful,” he says as he walks toward me.

  I take a deep breath and smile at his compliment. “You’re beautiful as well.”

  He laughs. “Men can’t be beautiful.” He kisses me cheek.

  “Yes they can. Because that is what you are.”

  He shakes his head and takes my hand. “The car waits.”

  Mike and I walk hand and hand into the restaurant. The setting immediately strikes me as romantic. The light is soft and there is melodious music playing from a stringed quartet in the far corner.

  We’re led to a very private table in the back of the restaurant. Mike holds out my chair to me and I laugh as I sit down.

  “You’re not used to being romanced, are you?” he says as he walks around to his chair.

  “I’ve never been romanced before, so, no, I’m not used to it.”

  He reaches across the table and takes my hand in his. “Well get used to it. I plan to romance you every single day for the rest of my life.”

  I laugh, because that is a very romantic thing to say but I find it very funny.

  “You’re gonna be a tough case, aren’t you?”

  “I’m afraid so,” I say. “I’m surprised you’re so interested in romance.”

  Mike shrugs. “Before I met you I wasn’t. But you’ve made me want to be a better person in more ways than one.”

  I’m trying very hard not to look at the prices on the menu. I know Mike can afford to eat here otherwise he wouldn’t have brought me here. But I think one hundred and twenty eight dollars for a bowl of soup is a bit excessive, no matter how delicate the ingredients are.

  I skip the appetisers and look at the mains. A two hundred gram steak with vegetables will cost two hundred and eighty eight dollars.

  Maybe I’ll just get the soup and nothing else.

  But looking at the serving sizes on the tables near to us, a bowl of soup is nothing more than a few spoons full.

  I’ll make a snack when we get home.

  “Do you know what you want?” Mike asks.

  When I look up at him he’s smiling at me that same confident smile and I realise his question has a double meaning.

  “Yes,” I answer, my voice sounding more husky than intended.

  “And what would that be?”

  But I’m not going to play this game with him. I smile and look back at the menu. “I was thinking we should order the banquet for two.” And as soon as I say it I realise my response contains as much double entendre as his.

  And Mike catches on immediately, biting back a laugh. “And what about dessert?” Mike asks.

  I tilt my head to the side. “There are two servings of dessert on the banquet.” Oh my goodness, what am I saying?

  Mike laughs and nods his head toward the waiter, who quickly approaches our table.

  “We’ll take the banquet for two, thank you,” Mike says.

  “Certainly, Mr. Greene. Very good choice,” the waiter says as he takes the menu’s from the table.

  I thought that getting the banquet would be a less expensive way to eat but I was terribly wrong. Although fifteen meals make up the banquet, each course is small, tiny, nothing more than a mouthful of food.

  But I have to say the food is delicious.

  The first dessert comes to the table. It’s yellow and sweet and creamy and absolutely delicious. I moan as it melts in my mouth.

  “You can’t make those sorts of noises here, Lyndsay. I’ll get arrested.”

  I laugh. “Now, that is what I call romance.”

  We’re not going back to the car. Mike has my hand and we’re walking though the crown complex. He’s ignoring anyone and everyone who recognises him. He is focused and determined. On what though, I have no idea.

  We arrive at The Towers hotel. A man greets us at the door and gives Mike a pass card. “Mr Greene, it’s always a pleasure. Your bags have been delivered to your suite.”

  “Thanks,” Mike says and we head toward the lifts.

  “Mike, what are we doing?” I ask.

  He doesn’t answer. We enter a lift and he still doesn’t answer. The doors close, leaving us alone in the small space, but he still doesn’t answer. It’s not until we’re standing outside a familiar suite that he looks at me.

  I hadn’t noticed until now that tears are pooling in my eyes and one lonely tear rolls down my cheek.

  Mike looks regretful. “Baby,” he whispers, gently wiping the tear from my cheek. “Why are you crying?”

  “What are we doing here, Mike?” I say, quietly. I know why we’re here. He wants, as much as I wanted this morning, to take the next step in our relationship. But now it’s crunch time, I let the fear overtake my desire.

  “I know what you’re thinking, because I’m thinking the same thing. But I am not putting any pressure on you Lyndsay.”

  “I’m feeling a little bit of pressure,” I say honestly.

  “No.” He leans down and kisses me. “I just want some time alone with you. We haven’t had any time to ourselves.” He reaches down and takes my hand. He steps backwards toward the suite door. “We don’t have to have sex, but I do want to spend the entire night sleeping next to you.” He swipes his card and opens the suite door. “And there is something I want to show you.”

  Once we’re inside the suite, Mike takes off his jacket and folds it over one of the dining table chairs. “Would you like a drink?” he asks.

  I nod my head as he walks toward the fridge. He pulls out two bottles of water and brings one to me. “Let’s go outside,” he says, holding my hand and leading the way to the balcony.

  He takes a seat on one of the lounges and pats the empty space between his legs. I sit in front of him and he pulls me back against his chest, wrapping his arms around me. I feel so safe with him, I hate that I let my fear take over my better reasoning.

  “Did I tell you you look absolutely beautiful tonight?” he says as he gently kisses my shoulder. He pulls my hair to one side and gently rubs his knuckles up and down my neck, just behind my ear.

  “Yes, you did.”

  “Did I tell you that I love you?”

  I shake my head. “I don’t think you did.”

  “Do I need to tell you?”

  I relax back against him as he slides his arm back around me, his hand spreading out over my tummy.

  “No,” I say. I know he loves me.

  “Do you like to hear me say it?”

  “Yes.”

  “Then I will tell you I love you every day for the rest of my life.” He kisses my shoulder again. “I love you, Lyndsay Griffin.”

  “And I love you, Michael Greene.”

  We sit on the balcony together in silence, watching the night sky and listening to the sounds of the city beneath us. Neither of us moves other than to take a sip of our drink or to gently touch each other.

  After a long time, I crane my neck and look back at Mike. “What did you want to show me?”

  He smiles and moves away from behind me. “Come with me.”

  He takes me into the large living area of the suite. He looks at his surroundings and drops my hand, before taking a few steps backwards.

  “Right here,” he says. “I was standing right here when I first saw you. And in that very instant, I fell in love with you.”

  I laugh and shake my head. “Are you trying to romance me again?”

  “No, I’m being completely honest with you.”

  “I don’t believe you.”

  “I fell in love with you as soon as I saw you. I never believed in love at first sight, until that day.” He hasn’t moved. He’s still standing in the exact same spot. “Why do you think I didn’t shake your hand?”

  “Because you took an instant disliking to me?” I’m still laughing a little bit.

  “No. It was because I knew that if I held your hand that day, I’d never let go of you.”

  I stop
laughing and he comes toward me. He takes my hands, both of them, in his.

  “That night, I told Gavin I was in love with you. He laughed so much he fell off the couch.”

  I laugh too.

  “The night I came into your room when I was drunk, I meant to do so much more than just sleep in your bed.”

  I screw up my nose. “Mikey was in the same room.”

  “I know. And then all that stuff went down with Paul and I knew I didn’t stand a chance. And I thought you wouldn’t stay and that you wouldn’t want anything to do with me.” He slowly runs his hands up my arms, my shoulders, and my neck until he’s cupping my cheeks with his palms. “But you didn’t leave. And while you were still there, there was a glimmer of hope.” He lowers his lips to mine and kisses me. “I don’t know what I did to deserve you, but I promise you I will never do anything to make you want to leave me.”

  He kisses me again before slowly walking backwards toward the bedroom. “Were you serious this morning, when you said you wanted me?”

  “Yes,” I answer.

  “This was the room no one was allowed to go into. I never took a girl into this room. But tonight I’m taking you.” He kisses me again, a long deep kiss that leaves no question in my mind about what he wants. And I don’t want him to have any questions about what I want.

  I want him. And I want him to have me.

  I press my body firmly against his and run my hand up his chest, his neck and into his hair, holding him tightly against me.

  “Are you nervous?” he asks when our lips finally part.

  “Yes,” I answer.

  “So am I. But if you don’t want to do this tonight, you need to tell me right now, because once we get started, there will be no stopping me.”

  I smile and look up into his eyes. “I want you.”

  He steps backwards into the room and takes me with him. Then he pulls me into him, so our bodies are flush against each other.

  “I promised you I’d do this slowly, and I’m going to.” His lips meet mine as his hands search for the zip of my dress. He pulls the zip down and my dress slowly falls from my body, pooling at my feet.

  Mike steps backwards and looks at me. I’m only wearing a very sheer black pair of knickers.

  “You are so beautiful,” he says. He beckons me toward him and I step forward.

  “I love you Lyndsay,” he says as he moves closer and kisses my shoulder. “I will always love you.” He begins to kiss across the base of my neck to my other shoulder. “I can never get enough of you.” His kisses slowly move up my neck. “This is forever Lyndsay. There is no going back from this.” His mouth presses against mine and he finds a much better use for his lips.

  We’re lying side by side. Our bodies aren’t touching, except for Mike’s one forefinger stroking my back. We’re both smiling, completely sated.

  My biggest fear about having sex again would be that I’d lose complete control over myself as I did in the past and I didn’t want that to happen again. Mike reassured me he wouldn’t allow it to happen, but I was never really convinced that it wouldn’t. It was the only way I knew to have sex. I did it that way every week for almost a year. What Kyle and I did wasn’t love making. It was barbaric. It was animalistic. There was nothing loving about it. It was just two drugged up teens acting on sexual impulse and desire.

  And unfortunately that inclination came to a front more than once tonight. But Mike, as he promised he would, slowed everything down, until I gained control again. Or in reality, until he gained control again.

  And I let him, because with Mike in control I felt so...

  “What are you thinking about, baby?” Mike asks me, interrupting my thoughts.

  “Nothing,” I say quietly.

  “I can hear those cogs in your head turning from here. Tell me,” he urges me.

  “I was thinking that...” I feel my lip start to quiver and I quickly bite it back.

  “Baby?” Mike says as he moves closer to me. “Are you okay?”

  I nod my head as tears come to my eyes.

  “Are you having regrets?” he asks.

  “No,” I say as a sob escapes my throat.

  “Tell me what’s wrong, please?” Mike takes my hand and lifts it to his lips, gently kissing each of my knuckles.

  “I was just thinking that...when we were...I felt so...” I shake my head. I can’t say it.

  “What? What did you feel?”

  I take a breath in and mouth the word ‘loved.’

  “Loved?” Mike asks.

  I nod my head.

  Mike moves closer to me and takes me in his arms, tucking me in under his chin and wrapping his arms and legs around me. “That’s because you are loved Lyndsay. Very much.”

  I cry into his chest for a few minutes before I pull away, coming up for some cooler air. I smile up at him as he pulls my hair away from my face.

  “You’re not going to tell Gavin I cried after having sex are you?” I say.

  Mike smiles but shakes his head.

  “I know you two tell each other everything.”

  “I’m not telling Gavin anything about tonight,” Mike says. “Except that my girlfriend looks even better naked than she does in that red and white polka dot bikini.” Mike rolls on top of me. “At least I think she does. I better get another look, just to be sure.”

  22.

  “Daddy, Santa is here!!”

  Mikey is jumping on the bed. It’s early, really early. What is it with kids and Christmas morning?

  “Okay. Okay,” Mike says as he slowly sits up. “Can you tell Santa that he’s early and tell him to help himself to some coffee?”

  “Okay.” Mikey jumps off the bed and runs out of the room.

  “What does he mean ‘Santa is here’?” I ask as Mike lies down next to me.

  “I asked Steve to be Santa,” Mike says. “He’s an orphan, has no family. He was going to be alone for Christmas so I asked him to come here to celebrate with us. I thought it might be nice for Mikey if Santa visited.”

  I laugh. “Steve must be thrilled with that.”

  “He was surprisingly willing.” Mike leans in and kisses me. “Merry Christmas, Lyndsay.”

  “Merry Christmas, Mike.”

  I moved into Mike’s room the night after our weekend long stay in the hotel suite. Not that I had much to move. But Mike had insisted that we share a bedroom completely, including wardrobe and bathroom space.

  I wasn’t so sure I was ready for that level of intimacy, but now, it seems like we’ve been doing it for years.

  When I venture into the living room after having a shower, I greet “Santa” with a hug.

  “Merry Christmas, Steve,” I whisper to him.

  “Merry Christmas, Lyndsay.”

  I smile up at him and shake my head. I’ve seen way too many sides to Steve, and I’m sure this one has taken me most by surprise.

  “Santa” stays for about an hour and a half before he tells Mikey he has other little boys and girls to visit. Steve returns and joins us for a breakfast of waffles and pancakes, which he cooks. Not long after breakfast, Mike, Gavin and Steve go outside and talk at length. I watch them as I tidy the kitchen. The caterers will be here at nine-thirty and they specifically asked for a clean and tidy kitchen space.

  Mike’s family will be arriving around midday for lunch, so I encourage Mikey to have a little play before his cousins arrive. He’s keen to open his presents, but Mike said he has to wait until we’re all together before opening presents. My present to Mike will be here around one o’clock.

  Gavin comes into the house and wraps me in a huge hug. His hair is dyed green and red. “Merry Christmas, Lyndsay. I had no idea what to buy you so I didn’t get you anything.”

  I laugh. “I didn’t know what to get you either so I donated fifty bucks to have a tree planted in your honour.”

  Gavin laughs. “Lamest present ever.” He kisses my cheek. “But at least it makes me look good. Have a good day Lyndsay.
”

  “You too Gavin.” He leaves to spend Christmas with his oversized family.

  The caterers have full control over the food and table settings, so Mike, Mikey, Steve and I are sitting out in the sun waiting for Mike’s family to arrive. Mike reaches across and takes hold of my hand.

  “We leave to go to Auckland on the eighth of January,” he tells me.

  “So soon?” I ask.

  “Yeah. All the permits have come through. Some really awesome bands have committed. Tickets are selling quickly. It’s all go.”

  “Okay,” I say. “Do I have to go? Or can I stay here with Mikey?”

  “I want you to come. Both of you.”

  I nod my head. Auckland. Earthquakes and prying step fathers. I don’t have fond memories of Auckland. “How long are we going to be there?”

  “Four days,” Mike answers. I know he can feel me shaking because he squeezes my hand to reassure me but I get up and go inside.

  I’m half way up the staircase when I hear Mike call out after me. I keep going, taking the stairs two at a time and go into my old bedroom.

  “Babe, what are you afraid of?” He’s standing at the entrance to my room. I am standing by the windows looking out to the driveway.

  “Everything,” I say because sometimes it feels like that.

  “He’s in jail. He can’t hurt you,” Mike says slowly walking toward me.

  “I know.”

  “And the chances of there being another earthquake are so slim...”

  “I know, I know,” I say.

  “We’ll be together the entire time.”

  I nod. “Okay.”

  “I’ll keep you safe.” He’s standing right in front of me now.

  I smile up at him. “I really hate New Zealand,” I say through a laugh.

  “Then after this, we will never go back there.” He wraps his arms around me and holds my head against his chest. I love that I fit so perfectly under his chin. He kisses the top of my head before I feel his head turn to the side. “My family are here,” he says. “Let me look at you.” He holds my face in his hands and smiles down at me. “I’m so nervous to see them.”