Take a Look At Me Now

by Anita Notaro

  ‘What news from Cork?’ I asked as Violet headed out front to polish the tables and set up.

  ‘Well, your aunt wanted to know everything.’ Orla poured herself coffee and got to work. ‘Said she’d put stuff in the post for both of us. Suggested we put real cod and chips on the specials board on Fridays. With mushy peas.’ Orla wrinkled her nose. ‘Apparently, there’s a return to tradition among the young people in Cork. No meat on Friday – wasn’t it a mortal sin or something?’

  ‘Not that anyone who comes in here remembers.’ I laughed. ‘Although spanking fresh fish and thick, homemade chips does sound good.’

  ‘Not the peas though. Proper tartare sauce, maybe?’

  ‘Yeah, let’s try it.’ I liked the idea. ‘Did she say anything else?’

  ‘Only that Charlie was asking after you.’ She was tying her apron. ‘He wants to come and visit you again.’

  ‘When?’ My heart skipped a beat. I was thinking about him so much these days and since my meeting with Tamsin he seemed safer tucked away in Cork. And besides, I was still no nearer to finding a house. I knew I needed to do something positive on that front, instead of always thinking that I couldn’t afford anything on the coast. Aunt Milly had sent photos of him and Squirt the other day and I wanted to burst into tears when I saw them. He was getting so big and I was missing it.

  ‘She didn’t say when,’ Orla told me. ‘I said you’d call her today though.’

  ‘Great, thanks.’ I sighed, desperately wanting to talk to her about everything.

  ‘Are you OK?’

  ‘Yeah, I’m fine.’

  ‘It’s just that I haven’t seen Kevin around, and you’ve been sort of edgy lately. Sally said you’ve been avoiding her calls. She emailed me last night. She’s worried about you.’

  ‘I’m sorry, Orla, I’ve had a lot on my mind.’ I had been talking to Sally on email but all I ever spoke about was the café, no matter how many times she asked about other things. I think I was afraid to tell her about Tamsin’s offer. It would make it seem more real.

  ‘I need to stop looking for the perfect house with sea views that I can’t afford and focus on finding somewhere fast, so that I can have Charlie with me. I miss him so much.’ I felt my mood dip even further. ‘Now, come and taste these mini pizzas.’ I made a supreme effort to shrug it all off. ‘I think the tomato base with basil and garlic is yummy. All we need are a few decent toppings – some of those good anchovies, maybe. Or a bit of that chorizo sausage with one or two olives.’ I was making notes as I spoke. ‘Or what about tuna with red onion?’

  ‘Sounds great, except for the tuna.’

  ‘You could be right. Anyway, taste one with just buffalo mozzarella and some chilli oil and a sprinkle of oregano. It’s divine. I think we’ve a winner on our hands.’

  ‘Any of those lemon and raisin crumpets ready?’ Violet popped her head around the door. ‘And I need a toasted bagel with cream cheese and salmon, hold the capers.’

  ‘Christ, is it that time already?’ We were off.

  As soon as I got a break I phoned Cork.

  ‘How’s it all going?’ I asked my aunt.

  ‘Great, love. You?’

  ‘Mad.’ I filled her in on all that was happening. ‘How’s Charlie?’ I was dying to know.

  ‘Terrific, except he’s asking about you a lot.’

  ‘Really? Is he OK?’

  ‘Fine, fine, nothing at all to worry about, except that the other day on Sky News he saw a helicopter and ran behind the sofa and hid.’

  ‘What? Oh my God, Milly, why didn’t you tell me? He’s obviously thinking about the accident again.’ I felt sick.

  ‘Listen to me, love, he’s forgotten all about it. I did leave you a message at the time but . . .’

  ‘I’m sorry, you did,’ I remembered guiltily. ‘I thought you were just ringing to say hi and I forgot . . .’ I was close to tears now. ‘Oh God, Milly, I’m a terrible mother.’ It slipped out before I even realized that that was how I saw myself now.

  ‘Lily, I promise you it’s OK. I wasn’t even going to tell you.’

  ‘I’ll come down today—Christ, I can’t. Violet asked for tomorrow off . . . Let me think.’ I was frantic.

  ‘You’ll be down for Christmas. That’s all he can talk about right now, so just concentrate on that.’ My aunt eventually calmed me down, as she always did.

  As soon as I put the phone down it rang again. ‘Hello,’ I said in a distracted voice.

  ‘Lily?’

  ‘Yes?’

  ‘It’s Daniel.’

  ‘Oh Daniel, hi.’

  ‘How are you?’ he wanted to know.

  ‘Grand.’ I knew I sounded anything but.

  ‘Is everything all right?’

  ‘No.’ It all came pouring out. ‘I need to find a house.’ All the steam went out of me suddenly.

  If he was surprised at my outburst he didn’t let on. ‘OK, well, tell you what, I’ll be in town in the morning and I’ll do a quick whip round the auctioneers. Also, have you been on myhome. ie?’

  ‘No, I’m useless,’ I told him.

  ‘Stop being so hard on yourself, you’ve had a lot on your plate. Why don’t you do a search tonight? Then I’ll drop in tomorrow evening and drag you out for a walk and we can chat. OK?’

  ‘OK. Thank you.’ I could have kissed him. In fact I wanted to. It was his voice. I really loved his accent, too. I hung up and smiled to myself.

  Richard put his head in later that afternoon, just as I sat down with a juice – one of Aunt Milly’s recipes – and my notebook to plan tomorrow’s menu and also to make a list of everything I needed to do for myself. I was even more determined now to have Charlie with me as soon as possible, and at least the last few hours had finally made up my mind how to tell James and Tamsin what I knew would hurt them.

  ‘Hi. Am I disturbing you?’ Richard looked carefree and chilled and I envied him slightly.

  ‘No, sit down,’ I invited. ‘Don’t tell me, you were just passing?’ I joked.

  ‘Not exactly, no.’

  ‘Coffee?’

  ‘No, ta. Actually, I was wondering if I could buy you an early dinner in that new Indian in Arklow?’

  ‘You paying?’

  ‘I thought maybe we could go Dutch?’ His grin made him look about twelve.

  ‘Not a hope.’

  ‘OK then, you can pay if you insist.’

  ‘Richard Kearney, you are such a cheapskate.’ It was the first time in ages we’d had a bit of banter. ‘Anyway, I was in the Indian the other night.’

  ‘Oh. Good?’

  ‘Not bad.’

  ‘Who’d you go with?’ He sat down and dumped his keys on the table.

  ‘Brian Daly, not that it’s any of your business.’

  ‘Lawyers, don’t you just love them. Who paid?’

  ‘He did, of course.’

  ‘Bet it came out of your fee.’

  ‘He’s not like that.’ I slapped his hand. ‘Anyway, if you like, we could try out that new Italian in Rathdrum?’

  ‘Great, yeah. How long will you be?’

  ‘Give me half an hour. And I’ll even pay.’ I looked at him. ‘I’d say you’re saving up for the wedding.’

  ‘Did you get the invite?’ He was fiddling with his keys.

  ‘Yep, I sure did.’ I was remembering the disaster with Kevin.

  ‘Will you come?’

  ‘Do you want me to?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Can I bring a date?’ I’d no intention of it.

  ‘Yes.’ He looked a teeny bit put out, which was nice.

  ‘Then I wouldn’t miss it.’ I finished my juice. ‘How’s Daisy coping?’

  He sighed. ‘Life is one long list.’

  ‘Are you nervous?’

  ‘I don’t know.’

  ‘Excited?’

  ‘I guess so.’

  ‘God, you’re a riot.’ I poked him in the ribs as I stood up. ‘When’s the stag?’
r />   ‘Next week.’

  ‘Do I get to come? One of your mates, like?’

  He shuddered. ‘Fuck, I dread to think what they’ve planned. Tom Dalton’s waited a long time for this.’

  ‘Let’s see, I’d say drunk and naked will feature, anyway. I’d love to see it.’

  ‘You’d like to see me naked?’ he asked, tongue firmly in cheek.

  ‘Only if I can be the one pouring paint over you and sticking feathers on your private parts.’

  We looked at each other for a moment. I laughed first, happy that I’d finally sorted him out in my mind.

  38

  LILY

  FOR THE REST of the week I was too busy to worry about anything and spent what little spare time I had shopping for clothes and presents for Charlie and my aunt, and willing the days away until I could get to Cork. Without warning, it snowed and Wicklow – the greenest county in Ireland, according to locals – turned into a giant Christmas cake. It was freezing. Down at the harbour an icy wind propelled the kids who were sliding and skating everywhere while the older people shuffled about on the now highly polished pavements. The purple heathery hills became giant snowmen presiding over the town.

  We hired a student and set up a stall outside the café selling hot chocolate with marshmallows and toasted crumpets runny with butter, and the holiday season was suddenly under way and leisurely lunches were the order of the day. Sandra Horlicks hired a coach and brought a group of clients for a long liquid one. They spent a fortune on alcohol and I was grateful we’d been able to secure a wine licence when we opened, even though it had meant a huge amount of paperwork and a lot of help from Brian Daly. Watching Sandra and her gang toast each other, I was glad it had all worked out in our favour. I’d gone to a lot of trouble to keep her happy. We’d planned a special menu – not a slice of turkey in sight – and when I’d faxed it to her she rang immediately to confirm.

  ‘And best of all, I live around the corner,’ she told me when she dropped in to order the wine the day before, so that it would be on the table waiting for the revellers. ‘I’ll go up on the bus in the morning and once I see them off I can walk home. Clever, eh?’

  ‘Very.’ I grinned. ‘And thank you. It’s great business for us.’

  ‘Pleasure.’ She beamed. ‘But they’re noisy, I’m warning you.’

  She wasn’t joking. A few of the regulars complained. I couldn’t see this working for long.

  ‘What do you think?’ I asked Orla, as soon as we’d served the main courses.

  ‘It’s a disaster.’ She didn’t mince her words. ‘The place is just too small.’

  ‘And the acoustics are brutal.’ I hadn’t noticed it before. ‘I’m going to have to talk to Maureen Stanley after Christmas.’

  ‘She’ll be in on Monday. She’s bringing four of the Wicklow County Council planning officers here for lunch, along with the senior architect in her office. She dropped in yesterday to see how it was going. Said she hadn’t seen you in ages.’

  ‘Yeah, I’ve no life at the moment.’ I was feeling sorry for myself today. ‘Anyway she’s going to have to come up with something – this is madness. We can’t continue or we’ll lose all our regulars. I can see Yvonne Treacy and a couple of the ladies who lunch trying to catch my eye and I doubt it’s to compliment me on the Thai fishcakes.’

  ‘Why don’t you consider clearing out the stock room and putting the stuff upstairs for the moment?’ Naomi was cleaning up. ‘Then you could use that room for private parties.’

  Orla and I looked at each other.

  ‘That’s a great idea,’ she got in just before me.

  ‘Girl, you’re a genius.’ I couldn’t believe neither of us had thought of it before.

  The young girl shrugged. ‘And there’s a hatch through to the kitchen as well.’

  ‘There’ll be a small bonus in your wage packet at the end of the week.’ I slapped her on the back. ‘You may have just saved our bacon.’

  She was delighted, in a teenage mortified way.

  Daniel was turning into a frequent visitor. He’d been trawling the local auctioneers but couldn’t find a house he thought I’d like. We’d spent an hour in the newly revamped McDaniel’s pub in Brittas Bay the previous evening going through another lot of brochures, after he’d dragged me out to his place to admire the vast expanse of freshly ironed white fields.

  ‘Come on, townie,’ he’d urged, after I refused to walk another step because my feet were so cold.

  ‘Who d’you think you are, Chris Bonington?’ I laughed, pulling off his hat. ‘You look like a bounty hunter. It’s totally ridiculous.’

  ‘I know, as if my head wasn’t big enough without all this fur.’ He danced around like a puppy. ‘The flaps make me look like Pluto.’ He was always so self-effacing. It was one of the many things I liked about him.

  ‘That’s it!’ I was delighted. ‘Pluto, that’s spot-on.’

  ‘My mother bought it for me.’

  ‘Well, tell her to stick to socks and jocks.’

  I had a phone call from Beth Hammond just after lunch.

  ‘I need your help,’ she said cheerfully. ‘Could I drop down to see you in Wicklow?’ I was surprised she remembered, even though she had been very chatty that night at the party in her house.

  ‘But it’s miles away,’ I said, trying to put her off.

  ‘Well, I’ve a friend, Celine, who lives in Avoca, so I thought I could combine the two.’

  ‘Tell you what,’ I came to a snap decision, ‘I’m coming to Dublin today to visit my solicitor. Why don’t I drop by your house?’ At least it meant I would be in control and could leave whenever I wanted.

  ‘Would you? That’d be fab. Thanks.’

  I hung up wondering if I’d done the right thing.

  As it turned out, all she wanted was someone to cater for a very special Christmas Eve dinner she’d planned for William’s family. We had a great chat about the pressures of the season and I noticed she wasn’t the bubbly person I’d met the night of the party.

  ‘I can’t help you, I’m afraid.’ I tried to explain how overworked I was and her face fell as we sat in the warm kitchen on our second cup of coffee. ‘Anyway, I’ll be firmly tucked up in Cork on Christmas Eve with my family.’ I smiled at the pleasure even saying it gave me as I tried to suggest other options for her. The thing was, I really liked Beth Hammond. She was smart and funny and very attractive. What on earth was she doing with William, I asked myself, but I knew really. The Williams of this world always got the girls.

  ‘Oh dear.’ She sighed then seemed resigned quite quickly. ‘Actually, maybe you’ve just given me the perfect excuse not to do it this year.’

  ‘Oh yeah?’

  ‘Well, I’m a bit cheesed off with my husband at the moment. He’s been totally preoccupied lately. More coffee?’ She reached for the pot.

  ‘Thanks.’ I held out my china cup.

  ‘And I’ve hardly seen him. He’s always so damn busy. Does that sound incredibly selfish?’

  ‘No.’ How come I kept getting pulled into these lives, I wondered.

  ‘Sometimes it’s hard when you don’t work. So much happens to him whereas every day’s the same with me. And lately he hasn’t been talking to me all that much.’

  I milked my coffee and said nothing, although I was itching to tell her exactly what I’d do with him.

  ‘I’m sorry.’ She smiled. ‘I think I’m just being paranoid. My friend Triona – whose husband has just left her for an older woman, even though she spent a fortune getting her boobs done because he wanted her to – thinks I let William walk all over me.’

  I wondered if Triona was the over-made-up, very drunk woman I’d seen clinging to him the night of the party.

  ‘And I’ve desperate PMT this week and still no sign of my period so that’s probably making me madly hormonal anyway. And if all that’s not enough another friend of mine has just discovered her husband’s been buying expensive presents that have not
been finding their way to her.’

  ‘Maybe they’re for business clients?’ I’d no idea why I was defending the unknown man.

  ‘His customers all have four legs. He’s a vet.’ She half smiled. ‘And he’s been to several away conferences as well. D’ya know, I’m not sure what’s come over me all of a sudden.’ She grinned. ‘I don’t usually unburden myself like this. And we barely know each other.’

  ‘Well, my sister always said forewarned is forearmed or something like that.’ I took a deep breath and decided to plunge right in. ‘So what would you do if you . . . discovered something about your husband?’

  ‘Oddly enough, that’s the thing that’s probably bothering me the most. You see, I’m not sure I’d do anything. Does that sound crazy?’

  ‘No.’ Surprisingly, I wasn’t surprised.

  ‘I love him, you see.’ She looked sad. ‘And I have a gorgeous life, a house I love, kids I adore and the lifestyle I’ve always wanted. It sounds silly but I can go anywhere, do anything, buy whatever I want, no questions asked. Also – and you’re going to think this is stupid because you’re young and single and independent – I like being Mrs William Hammond. I’ve been his wife for most of my adult life. Can you understand that?’

  ‘Yes, I can, perfectly.’ It was the truth. But I had the strongest urge to get back at William somehow.

  ‘What do you think I should do?’ She looked like she’d been dying to talk about it to someone. ‘You see, I’ve no one to talk to really. In our circle everyone knows everyone else so I couldn’t risk it and, well, my closest friend doesn’t really like William . . .’ She trailed off. ‘This is ridiculous, actually. I don’t even know if I need to do anything. I’ve nothing to go on, not a thing. I’m just another silly, insecure housewife.’ Beth looked close to tears.

  ‘Well, I’ve got a friend in Sydney . . .’ I told her about Sally’s friend who’d been a mistress for years. Actually I didn’t know that much about her, so I improvised a bit and felt extremely guilty afterwards.

  ‘Oh my God, so what did his wife do?’ Beth was animated.

  ‘Well, she didn’t let on, of course, but essentially what she did was take control. And she reined him in so tightly in such a reasonable way that he’d no choice but to go along with her.’