The Middle Finger of Fate (A Trailer Park Princess Cozy Mystery Book 1)

by Kim Hunt Harris

  “That’s profit, honey. My fourth husband was in his sixties before he was worth that much, and by then he didn’t really like to spend it. Not that I’m complaining. He saved enough for me to get a swanky place at Belle Court.”

  I stared at the numbers. I guess I really could cross guilt over ruining Tony’s oyster off my list. He’d done extremely well for himself. I thought he had a small operation, cleaning a few office buildings and places like the church, but judging by the numbers I was looking at, he must be cleaning half the town.

  “Why are we looking at this? There are no names and addresses on here.”

  “Same reason you were looking in his underwear drawer,” Viv said without apology. “I’m curious.”

  “Well, close that and find Stephanie.”

  “I saw a folder marked ‘Schedules.’ We’ll look at that first.”

  The next thing she opened was a spreadsheet of different names, times, and business names. No wonder Tony was doing so well, I thought as I scanned the list of restaurants, office buildings and business. He even had the new big movie theatre on the north side of town.

  The grid was set up with the business name across the top, times down the left side, and names inside boxes throughout the screen. But they were all first initial, last name.

  “Do you remember her last name?” I asked.

  “I don’t think she gave it.”

  “Some detectives we’re turning out to be. We’re going to have to learn to be more observant if we’re going to make a living at this.”

  “I know what. She said she and Lucinda worked at the church together, right? So we’ll look for anyone with the first initial S under their list.” She pointed with a long maroon fingernail to the column under FUMC. L. Cruz was there, along with L. Clark, T. Johnson, T. Thompson, S. Patz and S. Hidalgo.

  “Hey, look at that.” Viv scrolled across the row of dates. “The night Lucinda was killed, she wasn’t scheduled to work. S. Hidalgo was.”

  “Is S. Hidalgo Stephanie?”

  “Get a load of this.” She clicked on S. Hidalgo and a smaller box opened up with Stephanie Hidalgo’s full name, address, phone number and Social Security number, along with what she’d made so far that year and how much she’d paid in taxes. “Fancy program with cross references.”

  “I wonder why Lucinda worked for her that night.”

  “I wonder why Stephanie didn’t say anything about that when we talked to her.”

  I was struck by a thought so powerful it rocked me back in my chair. “Oh my gosh! Lucinda and Stephanie are both Hispanic.”

  Viv raised an eyebrow. “You’re just now catching on to that?”

  “No, I mean, they’re both young Hispanic women, close to the same age. They both have – had long hair. They’re about the same height, give or take an inch or two.”

  “You know, you’re getting that same look in your eye Columbo gets when he’s on to something. Of course, he’s got that one lazy eye and you don’t, but –”

  “What if it was meant for Stephanie? I mean, what if whoever killed Lucinda thought they were killing Stephanie?”

  Viv stared for a second, then the other eyebrow shot up. “Hey! I never thought about that!”

  I jumped up. “I’ll bet the police haven’t either! I’ll bet they never even asked.” I fished through Tony’s drawer and found a Post-It note and a pen, writing down Stephanie’s address and phone number.

  “This chart says she’s supposed to be working at this office building right now,” Viv said.

  “We’ll go there first. But if we can’t get in we’ll just wait at her house.”

  I lugged Stump out to Viv’s car and we drove a couple miles to the small office building on the address. The place was deserted except for a little purple hatchback. Evidently Stephanie liked purple.

  The front door was locked, of course. “I’ll go around and check for a back or side door,” I told Viv.

  The building was long and skinny, with an outside door halfway down. It was locked, but the back door stood open.

  I looked in and saw Stephanie carrying a couple of small plastic wastebaskets. She set one inside an interior door and moved down the hall away from me. I lifted a hand and called out to her, but she didn’t acknowledge me. That’s when I saw the cord for the headphones she wore.

  I was a little hacked off at her for not telling us about the switch in schedules when we talked to her at the funeral. Of course, it’s possible she had other things on her mind at the time and she hadn’t really taken our “investigation” all that seriously, but still…I couldn’t help but think she was hiding something, just like Sylvia was hiding something. Everyone was hiding something. It was starting to get on my nerves.

  So that was probably why I was a little bit mean when I tiptoed down the hallway, sticking to the side away from her. Sometimes, I admit, I have a little bit of a mean streak. Just a little bit.

  I wasn’t actually going to do anything, except get right up behind her and say, “Stephanie!” really loud, maybe grab her arm. I’d say it was because she had the headphones on and didn’t hear me the first three times I called her name.

  When I was five yards from her I heard a horrendous, ear-piercing wail from outside.

  I knew that sound. That was Stump, in the throes of acute separation anxiety.

  It had made me jump, though, probably because I was on edge anyway, and because I was trying to be quiet to sneak up on Stephanie. I jerked back and shouted, “Stump, hush!” before I could stop myself.

  Stephanie gasped, jumped through the nearest open doorway, and slammed the door.

  Well, crud. I stood there a second, looking at the closed door. Then I heard what I thought were whispers, so I tiptoed up and put my ear to the door.

  “Hurry!” Stephanie said. She sounded desperate. “He’s right outside the door!”

  I lurched back and looked around. He who?

  I looked both ways down the hall and didn’t see anyone. I looked into the office behind me, certain Rey or some other killer was bearing down on me. Nothing.

  I put my ear back to the door.

  “I don’t know. No, I left the back door open because I was carrying out the trash. I just saw him sneaking up behind me and I ran in this office and locked the door. Please hurry!” I heard only panicked, heavy breathing for a few seconds, then, “No, I didn’t see a weapon or anything. But he was a big, hulking guy.”

  I stepped back and scowled at the door as it hit me. Hulking, huh? That was it. I was joining Fat Fighters if it took every dime I had.

  I pounded on the door. “Stephanie!”

  She screamed.

  “It’s just me! Salem Grimes. We met at Lucinda’s funeral.”

  Silence. I put my ear back to the door.

  Mumble mumble.

  “I just want to talk to you,” I said. Crud. Double crud. The police were on their way. Should I run or stick around and try to explain? “Tell the police it was a mistake.”

  Something tapped me on the shoulder.

  I screamed. Usually I wasn’t so much of a screamer but nothing was usual in my world at the moment.

  When I screamed, Stephanie screamed.

  “What in the world is going on?” Viv shrieked. She was carrying Stump, who flailed around in her box. She shoved the box at me.

  “I don’t know!” I shrieked back, hefting Stump. “But the police are on their way, and I’m going to lose some weight if it’s the last thing I do.”

  It would have been true irony if the responding officer was that guy Walters. It wasn’t. Some blonde lady cop who clearly hated me on sight came first. Walters showed up three or four minutes after her.

  The next twenty minutes were lots of fun. Stephanie didn’t seem to believe me, nor did Walters or the lady cop. I think even Viv was beginning to believe I was making up something. I’d had a lot of experience trying to convince people I’m telling the truth when I wasn’t. It was hard. For some reason, though, it w
as even harder when I was telling the truth. The female cop kept giving me these disdainful looks and walking a few feet away to murmur to Walters. She’d turn to talk into the radio handset clipped to her shoulder. Then she’d give me another look. I started to wonder if maybe I’d slept with her fiancée, too.

  Stephanie stuck to Viv as if the old lady were her lifeline. She gave me doubtful looks while the police decided what to do with us.

  “We just wanted to talk to you, I swear,” I told Stephanie. “I’m really sorry I scared you.”

  She shook her head, edging closer to Viv. “It’s okay, I’m sorry I panicked. I just…I saw you out of the corner of my eye and it looked like you were sneaking up on me and then you yelled and I’ve kind of been on edge ever since Lucinda…” She shrugged.

  I felt like a jerk. I didn’t feel bad enough to come clean and admit I had been sneaking up on her, but enough to pat her arm and tell her I was sorry again. That was pretty big for me; I’m not much of a toucher.

  “That’s why we wanted to check up on you. We wondered if maybe you’d considered the possibility that Lucinda wasn’t the intended target for the killer…” Viv raised a penciled-on eyebrow.

  Stephanie nodded. “Oh, yeah. I’ve considered that a lot. I mean, I was supposed to be the one to work at the church that night, not her. So I wondered…we’re about the same size and we’re both Hispanic and everything.”

  I felt myself deflate a little. Okay, so maybe I wasn’t as ahead of the game as I thought I was. “Did you tell the police that?”

  “Of course.” She looked at me like I was crazy. I was getting a little tired of all the different looks I was getting. “I told that Sloan guy, the cute one…hey, there he is.”

  Bobby pulled up and got out of his car. He tilted his head at me. “What are you doing now?”

  I just lifted one palm and settled Stump against my hip with the other. I’d let him draw his own conclusions.

  He talked to Walters and the blonde hatemonger for a couple of minutes, then he sent them on their way. He walked over and squeezed the back of my neck.

  “What would happen if you tried to go an entire twenty-four hours without causing trouble?”

  “We just came up here to talk to Stephanie about Lucinda’s murder,” Viv said. “There was a misunderstanding and we’re getting it all worked out. No need to worry.”

  “Still hot on the case?” Bobby said to Viv. He gave me a look that said he wasn’t exactly thrilled.

  “We’re concerned for Stephanie’s welfare, since we learned that she was supposed to be working at the church that night instead of Lucinda.” Viv pierced him with a look. “You were aware of that, were you not?”

  Bobby folded his arms across his chest. His jaw twitched a little, and he tried to look amused but I thought a part of him also looked a little called-on-the-carpet. “As a matter of fact I was. Which is why her call was responded to so quickly. We’re keeping an eye on her just in case she’s in any danger.”

  See, I thought it hadn’t taken them very long to get there, not nearly as long as it took them to get to my house the night before.

  Bobby took my elbow and led me over to Viv’s car. “How are you feeling?”

  I nodded and slid Stump back into her cardboard box. She looked up at me with those liquid brown eyes and whimpered. I thought it was mostly for Bobby’s sake, but I scratched her ears anyway. “Not too bad, a little sore and achey, but not bad. I slept all afternoon.”

  He stared darkly at my neck for a second. “Did you find a place to stay?”

  “Yes, Tony’s letting me stay with him. He’s got an extra bedroom.”

  Bobby froze. “Tony.”

  “Yes. You know, my not-so-ex-husband?”

  “Yes, I know Tony. Accused murderer Tony.”

  “Bobby, come on. He’s innocent and –”

  “You’re staying in the home of an accused murderer?” His voice rose and he leaned his palm against the roof of the car. “Salem, tell me this is a joke.”

  “Why? You’re not going to laugh.”

  “Salem, come on! What are you thinking?”

  “That he’s my husband and I trust him and he’s the only one who asked me. You know I couldn’t stay at my place.”

  “Couldn’t you find someplace to stay that doesn’t have killers?”

  “He’s not a killer! He’s being very nice to me.”

  “He was very nice to Lucinda Cruz, too.”

  “You’re being ridiculous.”

  “Me?” He raked his hand through his hair and did a little pace-back-and-forth thing for a couple of seconds. “Salem, don’t you – couldn’t you – “ He groaned and I thought for a second he was going to throttle me.

  “What is your deal? Why do you care so much? And do not look at me like that! I’m sick of people looking at me like I’m an idiot.”

  “You’re acting like an idiot. Running around town getting yourself involved in who knows what, hanging out with murderers and getting yourself attacked – “

  “He didn’t do it!”

  “He didn’t attack you, but he did kill Lucinda Cruz! Salem, he is on surveillance tape going straight to the scene of the crime. He left personal possessions at the scene of the crime. He had a romantic relationship with the victim, and he has defense wounds consistent with other evidence found at the crime scene. He did it!” He took a deep breath and backed up half a step, lowering his voice. “Look, I’m sorry. I really am. I know you want to believe in his innocence. But honey, he’s not. Stay away from him. Please.”

  He looked so worried. My throat got tight and for a second, I wondered if maybe he could really be right. Could I be lying to myself?

  Heck, why not? Maybe I wanted Tony to be innocent so bad that I wasn’t thinking clearly. Maybe I was just making a big fool of myself and Tony was going to kill me, too.

  “If Stephanie was the intended target, that would take away one leg of your theory.”

  He rolled his lips together. Then he nodded. “One.”

  I chewed my lip. That left three. A stool would stand on three legs. For a moment, the image of Tony, head covered and arms bound behind his back, standing on that stool with a noose around his neck flashed in my mind. I swallowed hard.

  He gave a short humorless laugh and squeezed my shoulder. “Salem, don’t go back there.”

  “Bobby, I have to. Quit worrying about it. Believe me, if Tony didn’t kill me when he was married to me, he’s not going to now.”

  “There’s got to be someplace else you can go.”

  “There’s not. Les’ son is staying with him, Viv lives in a retirement home that doesn’t allow sleepovers, and G-Ma wants to charge me fifty bucks to stay with her.”

  I looked at him, and he looked at me, and I knew, I knew he was about to ask me to stay with him. I could feel it. The words were right there on the tip of his tongue. The idea both thrilled and terrified me. As ridiculous as it sounds – I mean, he was still fiercely hot and I was still borderline obese – we both knew what was going to happen if I stayed with him.

  As much as I had to admit I wanted that – oh, to have someone hold me again, kiss me, make me feel good – I did not want that again. Not like that. Not a one-night stand, with all the awkwardness in the morning, feeling ashamed and sleazy and like I’d taken something that wasn’t rightfully mine, given something that wasn’t mine to give. I’d had enough of that. I’d left that life behind and I wasn’t going back, even for Bobby.

  I stepped away from Bobby’s grasp and lifted my chin. “I appreciate your concern, but unless I’m breaking some law or unless Tony’s forbidden to have me stay with him, I’ll be there until I can go back to my place.”

  He hesitated a second, then nodded. “If that’s the way you want it.”

  “I do.” I looked back at Stephanie and Viv. They were staring openly at us. “So what’s the deal with Stephanie? How do you know for sure she wasn’t the intended target?”

  “We do
n’t know for sure. Like I said, we’re keeping an eye out for her. The patrol desk has her schedule, and we’re driving by three or four times every shift making sure she’s okay.” He turned to me, his voice soft like he was trying to break some bad news to me. “But Lucinda was the one having the relationship with Tony. And I have to tell you, Salem, nine times out of ten in a crime like this, it is a matter of a relationship going south. Someone’s jealous or angry and loses control.”

  I lifted my chin. “And it’s that statistic that has you so hyper-focused on Tony you can’t see anything else. You just wait, Bobby. I’m going to find something to exonerate him. This is the one time out of ten, okay? And you’re going to owe me a steak dinner and a big apology.”

  “I can’t wait. Call me first when you get your proof. In the meantime, sleep with one eye open.” He fished his keys out of his pocket and went over to say a few words to Stephanie. After making sure she was okay with us being there, he gave me a little wave. “I’ve gotta go. Got a stakeout tonight.”

  “Oh, can I come?” Viv asked. “I always wanted to do a stakeout.”

  “Maybe next time. You two stay out of trouble.”

  “As always, I’m not making any promises.” She gave him a cheerful wave and watched with me as he drove away. “Now, the good Lord knew what He was doing when He made that man.” She whistled under her breath and shook her head slowly. “If I was thirty years younger…”

  She didn’t elaborate, but she didn’t have to. I didn’t comment, but in my mind I figured she’d probably need to be more like forty-five years younger to get his attention.

  “I am really sorry I scared you,” I said to Stephanie.

  “I’m sorry I called the police. I’m just a little on edge lately.”

  I didn’t mention that the obvious solution to that would be to close doors behind her. “Would you mind telling us about the schedule change the night Lucinda was murdered?”

  “She already told me. Lucinda texted her that afternoon and asked her to switch.”

  “Did she say why?”

  Stephanie shrugged. “There was a guy at the other place, this office building down on Pine, he was giving her the creeps.”