by Pratibha Ray
I did not know whether the lotus scent of my body or the flowers in my hair or the perfumed oils on my body and my hair made the bees leave all the flowers kept in the hall to create all around me a veil like a blue cloud. Bees they were, but how sympathetic! I was grateful for their generous consideration. Only they could feel how painful it was for a woman to have her beauty on display in an assembly hall. Strangely enough, scholars and priests were incapable of sensing this.
Somehow or other I managed to reach the dais and took my seat there. Then Dhrishtadyumna, greeting all present, spoke: "O assembled kings and princes of high birth! This is my sister, Krishnaa, the eminently desirable one. You have all seen her beauty. She is the finest beauty of all Aryavart. She is also endowed with all desirable qualities. Soft-spoken yet knowledgeable, discriminating, well-versed in scriptures, adept in music, intelligent and goddess-like in appearance. The central tenet of her existence is the establishment of truth on earth and the protection of dharma. Today she is present here to select from amongst you the pre-eminent one. You are aware of the conditions of this bridegroom-choice. O assembled heroes! You have all come here eager for Draupadi's hand. Now before you are the bow and arrows and the target. Only he who, piercing the eye of the golden fish rotating on the discus with five arrows one after another, brings the fish down on the ground, will win Krishnaa. But this hero must be of noble descent."
Then Dhrishtadyumna began introducing one competitor after another. But out of shyness I could not lift my eyes towards any. The name of my heart's desire was nowhere in those introductions. I remained sitting depressed and worried about my fate.
The ambitious suitors began advancing to the sound of conch-shells, bells and other instruments and vedic chants. One after another failed, creating laughable situations. Some failed to string the bow. Others could not even lift it up. Hurt, aggrieved and surprised one king after another went back. The spectators began thinking, "Why did King Drupad keep to this condition even after knowing of the death of the best of warriors, Arjun? Does he want to force the princess to perpetual celibacy?" All the sakhis were lamenting in the same fashion. But I was thinking, "World-mother Parvati has heard my prayers. Surely in response to my plea she will send Arjun here. Till now she has not permitted anyone victory only to preserve the honour of an unfortunate pre-pledged woman like me. But if somebody had been victorious? What could I have done then? I would have been forced to honour my father's vow and greet that person as my husband. My dharma as a sati would have been shattered." I was finding consolation in this fashion. Deep sighs of defeat, shame and despair were increasing in the hall. Some of the frustrated persons were voicing various types of conjectures. A few were making plans for abducting me by force even if someone succeeded in being victorious. Hearing their words my companions were vastly amused but my heart was grievously pained. I hated myself for having sat so long before such lust-driven sinful eyes. I felt soiled.
Brother Dhrishtadyumna, Father and the elders sat despondent, worried about my fate. But I noticed that among the Yadavs, Krishna was seated with Balaram enjoying the entire scene with a smiling face. For Krishnaa, there was not the slightest anxiety, the least concern, in Krishna! Then there was no doubt that Krishnaa's fate was mocking her. I was preparing myself for the end of the svayamvar ceremony. Only a few suitors were left.
Amid all the despair, radiant like the newly risen sun, with complexion enchanting like the setting sun, resplendent with golden armour and earrings, a heroic man arrived at this moment near the target. Everyone was struck dumb with the newcomer's perfect beauty and radiance. Some even forgot their lust for me and began wishing that this hero should pierce the target and win Krishnaa. Some were despondent, contemplating the defeat of even so heroic a person. Delighted Nitambini began whispering in my ears, "Sakhi! Prepare yourself. This hero, like the god of love karna himself, will be victorious and will win you!"
Suddenly my heart beat faster. I thought: if this supremely attractive hero came out victorious, then he could be none other than Arjun. Parvati had fulfilled my heart's desire in the dying moments of the contest. This must be Kunti's son. Who but Kunti's son could pierce the target? Perhaps for a moment I too had this desire — that this hero should be victorious!
Easily and in a pleasing manner the hero lifted the bow. He was getting ready to aim the arrow as the hall resounded with shouts of joy and clapping. The young man got more encouraged. Before shooting the arrow he saluted the sun god. Everyone thought: "At last! The next moment this young man will taste victory. Drupad's royal princess is as good as won."
Suddenly someone among the spectators said, "What is the name of this hero? A condition of the svayamvar is that if the suitor is not of noble descent he will not have the right to Krishnaa's hand even if he pierces the target."
Abruptly Dhrishtadyumna said in a loud voice, "The rules of the contest were made clear at the very beginning. Unless the suitor is high-born, my sister cannot wed him. However great a hero Karna, the son of charioteer Adhirath and Radha, might be, he cannot have the right to win my sister."
The moment Dhrishtadyumna had finished, Karna quietly replaced the bow and stared at the sky despondently. He was gazing at the westward inclining noonday sun. Suddenly a cloud obscured the sun. The sun was not prepared to face that silent accusation. Karna returned to his seat. Once he looked at me out of the comer of his eye. Even that sad look of Karna was so enchanting that my companions lost their senses. I was feeling guilty. I felt that even I was responsible to some extent for the insult Karna suffered in this huge assembly. If the peculiar conditions of the svayamvar were the cause of the defeat suffered by so many kings and of the insult to Karna, was I also not to blame? Because of me so many heroes had suffered. My heart was full of remorse particularly because Karna had been insulted by raising the question of his birth. In truth, what was the necessity for this svayamvar?
I was pledged to be wedded. Everyone knew that. Everyone also knew that the conditions of the svayamvar could be fulfilled by none other than Krishna or Arjun. Arjun was dead, Krishna was not among the suitors. Therefore, the result was a foregone conclusion. Even if Karna succeeded, he was not of noble birth. Despite knowing all this, what was the need of making a public display of me and entice everyone?
Every human being is drawn towards a thing of beauty. He dreams of making it his own. If he cannot obtain it through honest means, he tries to acquire it through devious means. At that time the greedy human is unable to determine whether he has the ability to acquire that desired object or not. Unsuccessful despite all efforts, he grieves. Therefore, I was the cause of the sorrow of many kings.
Heroic Karna with bowed head was slowly walking back. The sun had pierced through the cloud and was shining forth once again. In the hall, some people were trying to add to the insult Karna had suffered by making sarcastic remarks. Someone said, "This is the ruler of Ang, the friend of the Kauravs, King Karna! The only warrior equal of the hero Arjun. But who is his father? That's why he suffers insults. Even charioteer Adhirath is not his natural father. It is said that charioteer Adhirath is his foster father." "In other words, brave Karna is a bastard," added someone. "What else? He who cannot give his father's name, what else is he?" said another.
Karna kept silent and moved on hearing all the comments without response, without any sign of agitation.
There are some people who enjoy paining others even though they gain nothing thereby. Most of the people present in the assembaly hall gloated over the sight of Karna returning insulted. But if birth and death were preordained why should one suffer insults on that account? This picture of crestfallen Karna filled my heart with compassion and sympathy. Silently I said to myself, "Heroic Karna, if I have the slightest role in the insult and abuse you have suffered, please forgive me. I feel your anguish with all my heart and soul. After this it is my turn to be insulted and shamed. Is it a petty insult that for the bride-to-be Krishnaa there should be no bridegroom in this world?"<
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After Karna, Shishupal, Shalya, Jarasandh and other heroes, being unsuccessful, began cursing their fate. All suitors started criticising the conditions laid down by Father. No kshatriya suitor was left for Krishnaa. Now the svayamvar assembly could be dissolved. Father and brother were irritated and disappointed. But Krishna was smiling and his face was glowing like a freshly blooming flower. I realised that if there was cruelty incarnate on this earth then that was this Krishna. At this critical juncture of the svayamvar ceremony, when an innocent princess' future was at stake, Krishna was not in the least moved. Did Krishna not know all this? If Arjun had been born with a short life-span, why had he chosen him for me?
The assembly was about to be over. The dancing and singing had stopped. Suddenly everyone noticed that Krishna was smilingly looking at the ranks of the seated Brahmins. A resplendent Brahmin youth was asking permission of the assembly to contest as a suitor. All the royalty ard the spectators saw clear signs of success in the Brahmin's mighty shoulders, long arms, calm face, handsome limbs, and lotus eyes radiant like the sun. Out of envy, a few protested and in mocking tones said, "Where expert warriors and heroes have accepted defeat, this mendicant Brahmin has stood up in the hope of success!" And some shouted in anger, "The kshatriya race will be grossly insulted if this mendicant Brahmin enters the contest. Even though his failure is inevitable as are night and day, we firmly oppose his participation."
In the midst of this controversy the priests and scholars said, "Kshatriyas are used to battle and are no doubt adept in war. Similarly, Brahmins are used to chanting hymns and, as a result, they are adept in the scriptures and acquire perfection in pronunciation. This does not mean that if a kshatriya practises he will be unable to acquire perfection in chanting or that a Brahmin cannot show expertise in archery. If Lord Parashuram could defeat all the kshatriyas of the world, why should this youth not be victorious? It is not birth but deeds and application that determine the worth of man. Therefore, this highly ambitious, wondrously handsome Brahmin youth can beyond any doubt take part in the contest."
After the priests and wise men had given permission, this young man came forward and stood near the target spot. On seeing him a lightning thrill shot through my despairing heart. I felt I knew this calm, dignified person from long before. But I could not place him.
He stood beside the target and saluted the earth and Dharma. In a grave, deep voice he said, "Salutations to Krishna and Krishnaa."
Amazed, everyone thought, "Krishna is divinely gifted and is the finest of Aryavart's heroes, therefore it is logical for a Brahmin to greet him. But is it proper for him to salute the princess who might become his wife after a few moments?" It was but natural to entertain doubts about the success, in subtle archery, of a Brahmin youth who was ignorant of such a simple matter of propriety. Some impatient person taunted the Brahmin for making himself a laughing stock by saluting his future spouse.
At that very moment Krishna announced loudly, "By saluting Krishnaa this youth has only revealed his superhuman prescience. Until the conditions are fulfilled, Krishnaa is the unwed princess of Panchal. Any woman, irrespective of age, caste, religion, country, is worthy of a man's respect. For, a woman is formed of Shakti and without worshipping Shakti none can become a hero. Thus, by saluting Krishnaa this wise youth has paid obeisance to Mother Shakti."
Everyone was satisfied with Krishna's explanation. My heart filled with respect for such a wise person. Silently I thought, "Why is Krishna so full of sympathy for this youth?"
Suddenly the hall resounded with shouts and clapping. Stunned, amazed, enchanted, everyone stared at the confident unknown Brahmin standing there with easy grace. Saluting everyone once again, in a moment he had loosed five arrows and, piercing the eye of the golden fish fixed on the discus, shot it down on the ground.
Shouts of joy filled the hall. The sakhis were ready with the tray of offerings. Earth and sky trembled with the symphony of conch-shells, ululation, vedic chanting and music.
Directions reached me for alighting from the dais with the marriage garland. But I was already affianced, betrothed to Arjun. How could I wed anyone other than Arjun? The truth of my being as a woman would be destroyed. I had never even imagined that any man other than Arjun would emerge victorious and I would be cast into such a terrible dilemma.
Softly I said, "Brother! I offered myself to Arjun long back. How do I wed another now?"
Dhrishtadyumna said clearly, "Not for Arjun but for the preservation of dharma has your birth taken place. It is to dharma that you are offered. The father's dharma is the daughter's dharma. Ramchandra had taken to the forests for preserving his father's dharma. King Drupad had desired to make Aryavart's finest warrior his son-in-law. Today that best of heroes has been tested and he stands before you. Without delay honour your father's vow and discharge the duty of a daughter."
Dhrishtadyumna's words were true. To honour Father's vow if my dharma as a woman was harmed, let that be so. First things first. Even if my dharma was destroyed, my father's dharma must be preserved.
Wedding garland in hand I stepped forward slowly. I saw Krishna smiling at Balaram and standing next to the Brahmin youth. Out of shyness my gaze dropped low. I was feeling shy to look up at the Brahmin youth's face. Fixing my eyes on the youth's tender feet I began stretching up my arms with the garland. Sakhi Nitambini softly alerted me saying, "Princess, what are you doing? Around whose neck are you placing the garland? This is Krishna."
Full of shame and embarrassment I shifted a little and saw two pairs of feet, virtually identical, before me. What amazing resemblance between them! Which feet were Krishna's and which the Brahmin youth's? Without looking at their faces the difference could not be made out. I was forced to look up. It seemed to me that blue lotus-eyed Krishna was gazing at me enchanted. The face was moulded in a slightly different fashion. But the eyes! They were absolutely the same! Even this must be Krishna's magic. I heard someone say in my heart, "O Krishna! You are present in everyone, so it is you who must be in sakha Arjun and this Brahmin youth. Therefore, he who is Arjun is also this brave youth. In them it is you who are all. Therefore, in this Brahmin youth it is Arjun whom I wed with all my heart and soul. From this day this youth is my Arjun. Whosoever has been graced with Krishna's love is Arjun." In my heart I determined to request my husband to address Krishna as sakha from that day.
Noticing my face suffused with blushes of embarrassment and shyness, he smiled gently. Then I understood that there was a similarity in the face of Krishna and that of this brave youth because of which at first sight he had seemed somehow familiar to me and had attracted me. Actually, there was a charisma in Krishna because of which every grief and sorrow of the world disappeared on catching sight of any part of his body. That was why however much I might be annoyed with Krishna, the moment I caught sight of him I forgot it all.
The flow of my thoughts was obstructed. In an amused yet honeyed tone Krishna said, "Krishnaa! It is not right to make such mistakes from the very inception. If you had not looked up, by now the wedding garland would have been lying on my chest. And the very next moment this unknown brave youth would have taken revenge, robbing me of my life. You are far-seeing and it is your duty to walk looking ahead. Now look up straight and wed this brave youth. How long will the poor youth keep waiting patiently?"
Such mockery in public by Krishna! I got annoyed and at that very moment garlanded the brave youth. The whole hall resounded with sounds of vedic chants, music, ululation and shouts of joyous celebration.
All controversy was now at rest. Even if he was a poor Brahmin, it was with this youth respected by Krishna that I would walk harmoniously on the path of life. But was there any life free from conflict? And then my life, the life of one born of the spark created by the friction of wood and fire — how could that be complete without conflict?
Suddenly the frustrated lust-crazed kings began stepping forward in unison to attack this youth and snatch me away by force. But my husband's
massive elder brother uprooted large trees and began whirling them about like clubs. They backed off to save their lives. Duryodhan, Karna, Ashvatthama, Jarasandh everyone turned back, defeated, casting furious glances at me and my calm husband, biting their lips, grinding their teeth, "Beware, some day we will take revenge for this insult. Watch out for that day."
In a short while everything settled down. My husband and his brothers took me with them to their mother who was alone in Ekchakra town. After obtaining her blessings the wedding rituals would be completed. Thus, the five Brahmins, Brother and I set out for Ekchakra.
Father had prepared five chariots. In four, four brothers and in one I with my husband were to leave together, But my husband protested — "We are mendicant Brahmins. We live by begging alms. We go on foot. Krishnaa is to espouse my dharma. Therefore, it will be proper for her to accompany us on foot. True, the princess will find the journey tiring but we are five brothers so going through the forest will be no danger." Dhrishtadyumna wanted to protest, pained at the thought of how difficult it would be for me to go on foot through the forest. But I instantly said, "Brother, now permit me to follow my dharma. This is what is proper for every woman. I, too, should do the same. After all, Janak's daughter following her dharma bore the tribulations of fourteen years of forest exile. This is no exile but only passing through the forest for some distance after which I shall arrive at my husband's home. What trouble is there in this? She who has taken birth from the sacrificial flames can, if the need should arise, immolate herself for the sake of preserving dharma. Now bid me farewell with joy."