Yajnaseni: The Story of Draupadi

by Pratibha Ray

  I came out before him. In a firm voice I said, "I too will accompany you to the forest. This is my decision."

  Phalguni kept looking at me with dreamy eyes. Then, controlling himself in the next instant he said, "We have obeyed many of your decisions. Krishnaa! By what logic can this decision be accepted?"

  I understood Phalguni's hint. The year-long condition of our marriage was my decision. Phalguni reminded me of that. I was hurt by his words, but protested, "To follow the husband is the dharma of the wife. Sati Sita had gone into the forest following lord Shri Ram. That I should similarly go into the forest with you is just."

  Laughing, Phalguni said, "Sati Sita and you! What would she have done if she had not followed her only husband? But you have five husbands!"

  Phalguni's statement pierced through me like an arrow. I wished I could weep. But no, weeping was a sign of weakness. Where was there any weakness in accepting five husbands that I should weep? Firmly I said, "I did not accept five husbands on my own. So, Why are you bringing up that topic? You are my husband. If you are king, I shall be queen. If you are a forest-dweller then so shall I be. There is no alternative to this."

  Phalguni looked grave. In a level tone he said, "Look Krishnaa! In the first place, despite being my wife at this time you are actually Yudhishthir's partner in dharma. It is this that is the condition of our domestic life. This condition all of us have accepted. Today it is this condition that I have violated. Therefore, I am an offender before you. To do penance I have taken a vow of celibacy and also of twelve years in the forest. If she against whom I have committed the crime should accompany me into the forest, then how will the penance be accomplished? In fact, the guilt will be all the greater. Do you want that for all my life I should remain guilty before you and Elder Brother and ultimately go to hell? Is this what you want?"

  Where did I have any words left to answer? I was shot by my own arrow. The rules I had made for governing our conjugal life and for happiness had become the cause of my sorrow!

  Maya understood my helplessness. Taking my side she said, "Maharani has pardoned your offence. Otherwise why would she have got ready to share your sorrow as forest-dweller? Therefore, in taking her along there will be no violation of the conditions of penance. If the husband becomes a sannyasini then for the wife to become a sannyasini is sanctioned by the scriptures. What is the bar to this?"

  Phalguni laughed and said, "Even if I become a hermit, what is the bar to Krishnaa remaining queen of Indraprasth and glorifying the inner chambers? There is no injustice in this. Yudhishthir is the king and the three other husbands of Krishnaa are the brothers of the king of Indraprasth. Therefore, with four husbands remaining kings, if one becomes a hermit, why should Krishnaa become a sannyasini? The welfare of the group is greater than that of the individual. In the history of Bharat so far it is the will of the people that has prevailed. It is Krishnaa's good fortune that even on my becoming a hermit she can remain a queen. If Krishnaa had married me alone then she would not have become Maharani and would also have suffered from time to time because of my bad luck."

  Maya said, "Why are you deliberately hurting her?"

  Pained, Phalguni said, "If my words have hurt Krishnaa, then pardon me."

  Stunned, I looked at Phalguni. From his side Phalguni provided explanation, "With four husbands present Krishnaa cannot follow me. She is not mine alone. She is of us all. Who am I to take her away? That despite this Krishnaa has decided to share my sorrow is no small comfort to me. In this I shall forget the sorrow of forest-exile."

  These intimte, soft words of Phalguni, like clouds melting into rain by the touch of monsoon winds, succeeded in drawing out the tears from within me. Seeing them Phalguni said, "With four husbands present, what is your sorrow? In danger, Bhim is there. In a dilemma, Yudhishthir will show the way. With Nakul and Sahadev the time will get by in fun and games. Over and above all, with sakha Krishna present, what worry do you have? Whenever you summon him, he will arrive. Remain happy, Krishnaa! Now give me leave!"

  I wished I could lay my head on Phalguni's chest and weep my heart out; with all the conviction I could muster, tell him, "Phalguni! Without you how will I live for twelve years in Indraprasth?" But I did not do anything of that sort. For, Phalguni would laugh at my words, would again raise the topic of four husbands. Would he believe that in the midst of all prosperity and comfort it was Phalguni who enveloped me? How would I make him understand that instead of the royal throne of Indraprasth it was the throne of Phalguni's heart that was my heart's desire?

  Watching him silently I kept thinking of so many things. I did not know what others would say, but it seemed to me that Phalguni had deliberately violated the conditions in order to go far away. His intention was to punish me. He knew that there was no greater punishment for me in the whole world.

  Bidding farewell he said, "Now give me leave, Krishnaa! If I live, we shall meet again after twelve years. After stepping into the jungle who knows what dangers may come?"

  With anxiety, worry and foreboding my face paled. I wanted to fall at Phalguni's feet and say, "Reject me and go into exile. Rather than die every moment for twelve years in anxiety and worry it is better to die at your feet." I sensed that noticing my sudden paleness Phalguni was secretly glad. As though he were saying all this in order to distress me. Now I could understand the entire plan he had made. By putting forward arguments, I had prevented his going to Dvaraka with Krishna. Now was this how he would manage that?

  I hardened myself — "Aryavart's finest hero Phalguni speaks of unknown dangers in the forest! I am hearing this for the first time. I am sure that Shri Krishna's sakha and the finest of warriors, Phalguni, is capable of conquering any danger. There is no power on earth that can defeat him. May Shri Krishna bring you back safely. However much the danger might be in these twelve years, I shall not summon Krishna. For, if you should summon him exactly at the same time then where will he go? Whose cry will he answer? Therefore, only remember that Krishna is with you."

  Phalguni softened. In a tender voice he said, 'Thanks! Krishnaa, you have completed your duty. I too shall fulfil my duty towards you. Till the year of my turn for living with you comes, I shall send sakha a message to give you company. If he is near you, my absence will not distress you. The days will pass comfortably and peacefully. Wherever I might be in the forest, if sakha is near you, I will be at peace."

  I was silent. What else could I do? I had become dumb. So much was left unsaid.

  Phalguni caught hold of my hand — "You are learned, wise. What advice can I give you? Still, will you listen to a few words? Walking on the path of dharma Elder Brother becomes very rigid. Do not fall into misapprehension. Do not hurt him. Never anger Bhim. Do not neglect Nakul, Sahadev. And above all is Mother. Let there be no relaxation in performing duties towards her. All through life she has borne, for our sake, grief and pain, hurt and insults. Worship her like your favourite deity. In my absence should sakha ever arrive, do not let any flaw occur in extending him hospitality. As for me, never worry at all. Right from birth itself a prince has to battle against exile, danger, starvation, poverty, want and fate. God willing, I shall return. Now give me leave."

  Each word of Phalguni's was welcome, inspiring. He mentioned each and every one. But what about me? If a woman was learned or wise did no one think of her? Was there no affection, sympathy, for her in anyone? Was she stone, a lifeless piece of sculpture?

  My eyes filled with tears; the throat got choked. Silently I kept nodding to what he said. A moment before he set forth after taking leave I managed to ask him, "Whether anyone else knows or not, at least tell me this much before going that only for punishing me on the pretext of needing weapons you had entered Yudhishthir's room. No weapon was available anywhere in Indraprasth — this I cannot accept. Forest-dwelling hermits are truthful. And if you should speak false before becoming a forest-dweller then it will be a hindrance to your penance, this you also know."

  Phalguni looked at
me; a happiness filled with compassion, pain and anguish in his eyes. On his lips a slight smile — "I wanted to punish — you have understood that! Because of this, the twelve years of exile will become meaningful."

  Even though I should suffer! In punishing me he would find happiness — in this thought, waiting for Phalguni's return, twelve years would go by.

  19

  Time passes. But, it never ends. The body gets used to bearing grief, however much that might be. The sun rises and sets. Day after day passes. I wondered after how many risings and settings Phalguni would return.

  More than a year of the forest exile had passed. In the meantime a year of conjugal life with Bhim had been completed. Now the sweet domestic life with Phalguni would have begun. He was a forest dweller. Therefore, it was Bhim's wish that I should spend another year with him. His argument was: if five persons are responsible by turn to take charge of any valuable thing, and if after a particular time the designated person does not turn up, then that precious gem remains with the earlier holder. From that point of view, in the absence of Arjun I ought to remain another year with Bhim. But my vow was that I would remain celibate, a brahmacharini. The type of life that the wife should lead if the husband was far away — precisely that type of unadorned, pure life would I lead.

  Bhim was red with fury! As his share of food was the largest, similarly he did not wish to let go the chance of having me too more than the others. But I was firm regarding my resolve. In anger, Bhim went off to my co-wife Hidimba. What control did I have over that?

  For a year I remained a dedicated brahmacharini. I lived on fruits and maintained celibacy, full of hurt because my husband would remain for twelve years in the forest. Could I not live for a year unadorned?

  With Maya and Nitambini I stayed in a hut in the garden. Every morning after bathing in the Yamuna I would perform pooja and complete the other rituals. Then I would prepare food for Mother and the Pandavs. Merit is not earned by neglecting one's duties and performing rituals alone. The whole day I would fast, before sunset bathe again in the Yamuna and take some fruit. At night, I would rest lying on a bed of grass in the leaf-hut. I used to pray to God, "Wherever Phalguni may be, may he be happy! May every difficulty of his be mitigated!"

  News of Phalguni would sometimes be available from the divine sage Narad. Along with Phalguni, some brahmins and ascetics were also living in the forest. Building an ashram on the banks of the Ganga, Arjun and the other ascetics were passing their time. I was pained all the more by his strict penance, and felt guilty. Loving me, Arjun was deliberately undergoing difficulties. Sometimes I would think, should any heavenly nymph dance before Arjun and enchant him, I would not be jealous of that beauty; I would be grateful. Then I would think, perhaps my wish was useless. For, when I could not break his vow, then what other woman was there in the world who could do so? If Arjun did not undergo hardship during the forest life, and lived in comfort, then longing for him I would not have wasted away thus. But he had acted in this fashion so that I should suffer for his sake. Then how could I be at peace?

  The divine sage Narad arrived after many days with news of Phalguni. Noticing my ascetic garb, he smiled to himself and said, "Daughter of Drupad, now you might as well leave the garden hut and return to the apartments! What is the need of all that any more?"

  Anxiously I enquired, "Divine sage! Is Phalguni well?"

  "What news can there be of Phalguni other than that he is well?" I was reassured. Sitting in the courtyard of the hut, Narad said, "Phalguni is a hero. Despite being dressed as an ascetic, wherever he sets foot he establishes his supremacy. In every kingdom he is receiving rare and varied gifts and honours."

  I was thinking, with those gifts our home would be decorated, its beauty would be enhanced. What might those gifts be?

  Narad understood. Laughing, he said, "Krishnaa! Man's desires never die. Even after decorating one's home with every good thing in the world, the mind remains empty. The more it gets, the desire to have more increases. Therefore, the greater the number of things Phalguni receives, your desires, attachment, illusion and along with that grief and want, will increase. Therefore, do not think about what Phalguni has received. Perhaps that might bring you grief."

  "Bring me grief!" In anxiety I grew pale.

  In a gentle voice the divine sage said, "As it is, you are no ordinary princess. You are special. You have noticed many wives in the private apartments of your father and your brother. Save Phalguni, your other husbands have more than one wife. This is a king's glory. Therefore, even while living in the forest should Phalguni, on account of his valour, acquire lovely princesses, you ought to consider that your glory. Though Phalguni should take a hundred wives, you are his first, his dearest. Now you will have the opportunity of establishing your pre-eminence among them and be able to become even dearer to Phalguni."

  I was silent, not showing any agitation. I might be Phalguni's first wife, but I will not be the first woman in his life to share with him the bliss of conjugal life, to share the experience of blissful union and separation, love and reproach. Then who is that fortunate princess for whose sake Phalguni has abandoned his stern vow of celibacy and asceticism?

  Laughing, the divine sage said, "In Phalguni there is an amazing power to attract. Whichever kingdom he passes through, their princesses voluntarily offer themselves to him. First of all, being thus attracted, Ulupi of the Naga kingdom expressed her desire to take him as her husband. As a man, how could Phalguni refuse?"

  "But he had entered the forest in order to observe twelve years of celibacy!", I blurted out.

  Laughing Narad said, "Phalguni had put forward this argument at first. But Ulupi, too, is no less intelligent. According to the condition of the vow, Phalguni will not be able to have intercourse only with Draupadi. There is no objection, no prohibition in the condition to taking other wives. Moreover, when Draupadi is leading a conjugal life with the other husbands, it is ridiculous if Arjun as a man should keep roaming celibate. Before this argument Phalguni admitted defeat and accepted Ulupi as his wife."

  I, too, was defeated by this logic. There was nothing left to be said. Narad, the divine sage, went on narrating the conquests of Phalguni. Dumb, I went on listening to everything.

  In the Naga kingdom some days went by in sweet conjugal happiness with Ulupi, daughter of the Naga king, Kauravya. Then, perhaps, he felt guilty or depressed. For winning back the purity and calm of the past, Phalguni set out to tour all the sacred teerthas of Ang and Kaling. In all Bharata, Kaling, being full of sacred spots, was regarded as a holy land. Many yogis, sages, hermits sought to plumb the mystery of life in its generous, calm, enchanting natural surroundings.

  Phalguni reached Kaling. He fell in love with its princess Arya. She was returning from the temple after worshipping the sun. He was standing at the doorway with both attractive hands outstretched, joined together, facing the deity. Placing some prasad and sacred water in the cupped palms, the princess pranam-ed the sannyasi. Every day after completing the worship of the sun, the freshly bathed princess distributed prasad among all those present.

  Even after accepting the prasad, the cupped palms of the sannyasi remained as they were. The pure, delicate face of the princess was gleaming in his unblinking eyes. In a soft, sweet voice she enquired, "What does the sannyasi desire?"

  "I am an ascetic from elsewhere. I wish to stay for some time in Kaling." Hearing Phalguni's musical voice, the princess was enchanted.

  Like the hum of the veena, the princess replied, "There is no lack of hospitality in Kaling, ascetic. You can stay as long as you wish as our guest."

  "But one request..."

  "Speak, sannyasi!"

  "Will prasad be available from the hands of the princess every day?"

  "That will be a matter of great good fortune for me."

  "What type of husband does the princess desire?"

  "Will the sannyasi not be knowing a virgin's heart's desire?"

  "A befitting husban
d?"

  “Sannyasis are omniscient."

  "But of what type? Like Kartikeya, Mahadev, the supreme lover Shri Krishna or like Duryodhan? What sort of husband does the princess desire?"

  "The finest of husbands, Phalguni, is desired by all princesses of Bharata."

  "If someone more suitable than what she imagines became available, would the princess have any objection?"

  "How can that be possible?"

  "Possible. If gods, yogis, sages are satisfied, everything is possible."

  The eyes of the princess were lowered, "But, sir, the only one equal to Phalguni is Phalguni himself. The good fortune of obtaining him as husband has been Yajnaseni's alone."

  "Do not worry, princess. You shall obtain Phalguni himself. My words are true thrice over."

  Then he entered the royal guest house. Phalguni's vast learning and valour could not remain hidden from the king very long. For ages Kaling had given birth to the brave. How could its king mistake in recognising a hero?

  In the meantime Kaling's culture, art, sculpture, vast natural beauty, tradition and heritage, noble humanitarianism and finally Kaling's princess Arya bound Phalguni in bonds of love. After finding out Phalguni's true identity, the king married Arya to him with great pomp. Having spent sweet days of conjugal life with Arya, Phalguni left. Arya wished to follow her husband, but Phalguni told her, "Devi! Stay on in Kaling That is how I shall be able to visit Kaling once a year. My intimacy with Kaling will increase. If I take you with me, it will be as though bidding farewell to Kalinga. The peace that Kalinga has given me — where else can it be found? The day grief, pain, anxiety, anguish become intolerable, I shall return again to your side in the lap of Kaling's earth."

  Arya bade farewell to her husband with a smile. Why would she become an obstacle in the path of his fulfilling his vow?

  Crossing the borders of Kaling, along the coast-line, drinking deep of the varied loveliness of nature, Phalguni reached the kingdom of Manipur. Infatuated with the youth and beauty of Chitrangada, daughter of Manipur's king Chitravahan, Arjun expressed the desire to marry her. But Chitrangada was Manipur's only heir. Who would be its ruler in future? Phalguni resolved this dilemma. He had no objection to Chitrangada's son becoming the king of Manipur. Peaceful co-existence, friendly relations between kingdoms, were what Phalguni desired. The goal of Shri Krishna's mission of dharma was also this. If the king of Manipur was Phalguni's son, that would contribute to the general welfare.